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Can I be an upcoming poet fag and dump my...
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You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature

Thread replies: 15
Thread images: 2
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Can I be an upcoming poet fag and dump my emo poems?
Just another star, just a flaming ball of light
The one that warms us all doesn’t interest me
Luna, you propel my soulless night
Your white light just sets me free

During the new moon I’ve lost my way
Seeing you brings me comfort, brings me glee
Sometimes you watch me in the day
But your smile’s not all I see

You’re my morphine, my cocaine
The gates to my soul, you’re the key
You’ll see me suffer, see my pain
But never will you pay my fee

How I long to be with the moon
I will forever ponder she
And while I won’t be there soon
My love I sure can guarantee
>>
Oh sweet sundrop, golden yellow
Tanned brown, and orange mellow
Beauty of light, but light of fire
Oh sweet sundrop, of my desire
Be you heaven, or Be you hell?
“That is something I won’t tell
Young boy fallen to my spell.”
Oh sweet sundrop, as you fall
ever graceful the the light cast from a height so tall
Oh sweet sundrop, your ringing plop
For your nectar, will I stop?
“For my sweetness just a drop?
When I splash, your tongue’s to mop
You’ll find my heart, shatter your spell
But never damned, that I fell.”
In my ecstasy a haze
Just my fever, I only phase
Oh sweet sundrop, to which I praise
Will these be our final days?
“Infinity young lad, is what you have
but I am not again to raise.”
Oh salty teardrops, the rhythm plays
Those of which obscure my gaze
>>
Work on ye rhymes
>>
>>7672110
10/10
>>
>>7672119
I would have said the meter needs more work
>>
>>7672112
10/10
>>
>>7672110
That poem gave me aids OP
>>
>>7672131
And?
>>
>>7672110
Terrible. Please actually read poetry before you write it.
>>
>>7672207
Brutally honest but helpful
>>
File: top smeck.png (711 KB, 611x569) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Oh god this is fucking terrible. I wrote better rhymes than you when I was 16 and THAT is saying something. Listen to >>7672207 and then fuck off
>>
Guys he's obviously new to this, cut him some slack.
>>
>>7672110
Not horrible for a first attempt. Meter definitely needs work, but the imagery was good.
3 or 4/10
>>
as a theme it's completely unoriginal, cliche' and silly. I don't know though for some reason I kept expecting it to get good, that's something.
>>
THIS IS MY POEM ABOUT THE MOON OR SPACE OR WHATEVER

Pretty old satellites
Winding round the world
An ever twilight yo-yo
I thank you up there
In your night saddle
A tip of my hat to your
Slight lunar paddles.
I’ve never heard you grumble
Or come a tumbling
Down on a barbeque
Which you would be entitled to
Once In a while.
It doesn’t seem fair
Weather watching friend of mine
My missile-watching stalactite
That you’re oh so up there.
Thread replies: 15
Thread images: 2
Thread DB ID: 495025



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