>blowjob tonight was good >tfw gotta walk her to the bus at 630am >tfw deadline for article coming up >tfw won't have proper coffee tomorrow morning >tfw gotta lose like 50lbs before I become morbidly obese like I was before e
I got off bart and I pretty much immediately see some guy I met in jail. I remember he was there for being involved in the mayday protest. I ask him if he has shrooms, he doesn't but some guy next to him says he might be able to get them. I wait therr for a while but I find out he can't get them either. I ask two more people, picking the kind that look like bummy hippies. One tries to rip me off and neither can get them. I go to People's Park and eventually get acid from some street kids. I do 3 doses that hit me as soon as I get back to bart. The ride is extremely uncomfortable and I browse lit while kind laughing to myself at the 4chans. The night before someone said my poetry was like a modern EAP and I feel connected to the board. I get off bart and take bus with an odd bus driver. I can't tell if he's acting weird because of my vibes or he's just odd but I know me standing next to him doesn't help the situation. I get off and make it to my friend's house. He's acting off because he's a schizophrenic and I think he's paranoid of me at this point. [not much happens during the next hour]. I'm tripping thoroughly and I think that, basically, I'm some kind of demi god who is in the process of Becoming. I feel like this is it, that my shitty life is about to end and my real one us about to begin. I tell my friend he should be a woman among other insults. I get naked, his dad sees me, I start breaking things, I hop the fence in his backyard and run toward my ex's house. I feel like the entire neighborhood is about to fill with ocean. I have thoughts of being some kind of pirate era sailor. I feel like I'm representative California, and manhood in general. I see an attractive girl and run up to her with a smile. She's with a guy (her dad?) who I had punched and knocked to the ground the previous Christmas eve when he came out because me and my ex were arguing in front if his house. The girl looks at me weird and I continue to my ex's house. I see cop cars and I start running. They tackle me on my ex's driveway (I don't know it but not only is she watching, but her mom has a camera on her doorbell. She later shows the video to people). The cops are bullying me because they're cops. I feel like it's my initiation - as if they're human robots, confused because there was a glitch in the matrix. I feel like they're ready to be a part of what I'm about to bring and they're confused. It feels like they're about to break my back. I feel like they might sodomize me. I'm not sure I want that initiation. [shit happens]. I'm handcuffed to a hospital bed and I'm under the impression that I'm just crazy. I tell the male asian nurse that I did acid. He keeps saying 'acid and meth'. He thinks I'm on meth. I spend the night in a psych ward and they let me go in the morning with clothes that aren't mine and a bus ticket
>>7611577 I will never fuck a girl like any of those on the OP Not for free
I was thinking about a dumb metaphore. When one plays an instrument and the melody on one's mind differs from the melody we play, but we don't realize because the melody in our mind is stronger, and we suck at playing guitar, so the real melody is thrash, even though the ideal melody is sublime. That is what happens I talk to you are mom
How I’d love to live in a world that isn’t dictated by dollars and alarm clocks, the routines of the day to day ─ the routines which come to define who I am, but are nothing but tedious ─ to live in a world wherein I’ve time to think: to sit down and be careless of the deadlines and tasks on the calendar, to be able to appreciate the glory of the earth; the sacred beauty of the atmosphere before me ─ gallant yet gentle hills, dusky orange of autumn rolling forever, a magpie’s song and calmly flowing river, filling my lungs inhaling nature’s purity; god is in the air, a celestial holy salmon sky above me, heaven angelically beckoning my name; restoring my soul ─ of course, my endearing heart soon turns to ashes in my mouth as I second-naturedly remind myself of the incessantly tormenting past dwelling in my skull, the involuntary, ceaseless stream of consciousness now pains me: being raised in the hellishly confining city vibrates a deep discomforting depression within me; the way I envision the untimely death of a perfect love might, I’m reminded this is my first and last try at life and that my youth is eternally gone, therein lies the hideous thought: there was supposed to be something else.
Have I fucked myself over by going to a rural engineering school? I will never have the traditional college experience. I am not great with women and there are not many great women here. I will not be able to party much. I will not be having sex much.
Should I have gone to a more prestigious college like I could have? My parents didn't want me to and I acquiesced to their wishes.
You know, general thoughts of crippling insecurity about myself and my future.
>>7611653 You can always kill yourself and restart
Or enjoy the university you're in/switch
From my knowledge as a neet, I doubt you're going to be an engineer. Though an engineering degree makes you hireable to tech/finance/management consulting, a better college probably would've been better
>>7611577 My life, and the way it lies, wether I leave anything to be remembered by, wether my actions throughout are deemed to be desirable and reputable, every slight aspect and variability confuses me.
Ass. That's what's on my mind. I hope I'm not a virgin when college rolls around in like 8 months.
I'm straight, physically attractive (or so I've been told by multiple people who aren't my mom), and not completely autistic. I even go to parties.
My problem is I don't really talk to girls when I'm not drunk. It's part social anxiety/fear of rejection, part apathy, and part disinterest in the vacuity of whatever they have to say.
I'm not sure if I'm too beta to try, or if I just don't really care enough about losing my virginity. I mean, I'd definitely like to, but I have other goals and passions that are far more important and time-consuming than pursuing girls. GOD that sounded fucking autistic, but it's the truth.
In college, are the girls less shallow? I'm a senior in high school, and most of the girls I know are basically mentally the same as they were in middle school.
Maybe I need to go out and try to meet cool girls. Where the fuck are they in a major metro area? I see some girls at bookstores, but they're usually old (considering I'm 18), ugly/SJW/another type of unattractive, or John Green readers. Should I just post up by the Pynchon shelf and wait till a girl walks over?
I've been to some music shows in the city, but it's usually a sausage fest, and besides, it's pretty fucking hard to talk to someone next to a giant amp in a thick crowd of sweaty people.
I've just found a bunch of shit I've written and I've got nowhere to post bits of it so here will fucking do okay this addresses some shit about Anarchism holy fuck I've got more of this but maybe this is enough okay here we go at least I saged : _____
Anti-Thesis as the practiced ideal of lived experience.
The contradictions of the literature of the Anti-Thesis are a qualitative sum of the material vocation of the author in which it finds expression; the project of the Anti-Thesis is independant insofar as it remains defined by the absence of a universalizing lexis.
This not to imply that lack reigns itself to the shaman who preaches it: for what the literature is not does not define what it is. Its sense of being what it is by its negation occurs through the contradiction of a need to espouse a universal as occupied by a singular subject: reference to this state attains nothing but self-defeat. For the Anarchist, attempting to detain the forces which conditions expression instead only entrenches them further.
These universalizations - of the I to the all - comes from the direction of those who denounce, in the same breath, all attempts to establish solidarity according to material conditions with peers a preordained failure.
This fault line, visible in the pamphlets produced by those who decry "civil anarchism", stands for the deeper contradiction subsumed between the project for defining a set of freedoms from hierarchy, and its expression in a register of social consciousness: the social form of knowledge.
Arbitration by critique
Though, how could the Anarchist project ever become conscious of this without participating within this contradiction.
How does one write pain? I mean I KNOW how to write a painful situation or something hard to get by, but how does one subject characters to those?
At this point I've written a fair amount into the story but it's pretty hard to put characters that I developed from scratch, and that by now feel like my children, to those adversities. I know where the plot has to go but I keep having difficulties with this.
>>7611736 I'm op. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22. I'd get blowjobs and mostly leave it at that. Even still there's some kind of discrepancy between me and how I express myself/connect with people
I'm 23. Since losing it I've fucked one other girl that I met by groping her on transit. The thing both of these have in common was I was going out often, having new experiences, (doing a lot of drugs/alcohol), staying out for weekends at a time and kind of pushing it to the limit
You're bored in social situations because 1. your friends are boring and especially 2. you're not talking to any girl who you're attracted to and makes you feel like a man. When you feel like a man and you're with a hot girl, life turns high def.
I'm in a down facing situation right now and I feel a lot of public anxiety, so I can't be much help. But getting some new clothes and hitting up more events would be a good idea. Finding a person similar to you that is a little more social and who is good at meeting new people is a good idea. Learning how to meet new people would be a good idea
>>7611577 This doesn't work as I imagine you intended for it to. With that picture, how can a man have anything on his mind but those girls and that a girl such as those in the picture--let us assume that they are fifteen--is the paragon of the aesthetic. With such a girl one may sate the bestial desires to be sure, but it extends beyond that for any man who does not dwell among savages in thought for such a girl offers a continual, replete source of beauty. The effect would be similar to what may be derived by living atop a mountain, that is by being continually exposed to the mountain, seeing it, feeling it, and exposing the soul to it daily, one considers the world from a perspective that is vivified by consciousness of the mountain's presence; in the same way is it with the girl. With such a girl, a man may do many things but to write of what is on his mind of something that is not the girl for in gaining the perspective that her presence provides, he loses all else that once could have or perhaps did occupy his mind which allowed him to write of something other than the girl.
>>7611736 you already know your own problem. Go to social gatherings, (work and classes works here too), find a woman you want to fuck at these gatherings. Have a conversation with her. Before you leave, ask for her phone number. Then, ask her out on a date. Then, you fuck her after however long it takes.
If she likes you, she'll comply with all these things. If she doesn't, she won't and you should move on to the next woman. It's basic. No it isn't easy to just ignore your anxiety and fears, but the steps themselves are not complicated.
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the post's information.