Hi /lit/, old /g/ and new /fit/ here.
I've recently done some things I'm not proud of. Without getting into too much detail, I did something really bad to a friend, and I felt so awful about it, I set out to change myself. I did some community service, and exercised a lot, and for the most part I thought I had become a better person. But this weekend I found that I hadn't really learned anything, and that I was still the same. I have real trouble learning from myself, so I decided to try something different and learn from others, through literature.
I'm not much of a reader, but I'm a programmer by professional so my reading skill is very high. I browsed through the wiki, looking for a category about self reflection, transcendentalism, and life, but I couldn't really find anything that screamed 'existentially shattering'.
So if you had to pick, for someone who wants to learn, who wants to change, and who wants to become a better person, friend, and stranger, what book or author would you recommend?
>So if you had to pick, for someone who wants to learn, who wants to change, and who wants to become a better person, friend, and stranger, what book or author would you recommend?
Aurelius' Meditations is exactly what you want and need
>Want to be a better person
>Does community service
First off, stop lifting weights. It only fuels your inflated ego. Second, you are already a bad person and there is no cure. Third, read Karl Marx.
I broke her trust. And I made her scared of me. I'd never felt such strong emotions for a girl before, everything she did made me smile. Some days I couldn't even get her out of my head. I'd sit in lecture thinking about the next time I'd get to see her. When we'd talk, we'd talk for hours. I couldn't even talk to my best friend for that long. And the best part too, was that she recognized it too. We came from the same type family, we thought the same things, with minor disagreements that made us even more tightly knit. We had all the same friends, it's amazing we had never connected before. I saw horrible flaws in her, but I was willing to overlook them just to spend time with her.
And now she hates my guts. And rightfully so. I briefly considered killing myself if thing got out of hand, but as it looks I think time is just going to take over.
Can a bad person not change? Does he not deserve to try?
Lifting weights is a part of my life, and that's not going to change. At first it was for aesthetics, for vain. But it's not about that anymore. It's about being the best version of yourself. Why limit yourself to a life of mediocrity when you can succeed in all fields of your life? Lifting weights is the easy field to conquer. It's just you, and iron.
To improve oneself you must first understand oneself and understand what things need improvement. This can only be done through meditation and empathetic reflection in understanding yourself.
Basically you sound like someone who wants a quick fix. We don't know you but only you can solve what it is about yourself that sucks. That means sitting down and changing the things you want to change immedietely..
We can all always improve on an infinite amount of things, but it sounds like you want to not be an ass hole anymore so the first step is acceptance of what it is about you that makes you an ass hole, forgiving yourself and then making amends on who ever you hurt. You learn that is not how to live and you grow by moving forward and giving back to the world to make it a better place.
I never said it lifts you above anyone. It lifts you above yourself. There's a reason why Greeks used to place such importance in physical labor. None of this edm/steroid shit, but pure exercise. You seem to have a jaded idea of what lifting is. Far be it from me to give any advice, as I'm damaged in other ways.
But lifting teaches dedication, it teaches self will, and it teaches patience. You can learn these traits in other ways, but lifting provides a gateway through which to channel these things into all aspects of your life. It's not my place to suggest anything. But lifting weights is what you make it out to be.
Understood. How can I reflect on myself? Can I get a sense of what self reflection is through reading, or is it something I have to find for myself?
>Understood. How can I reflect on myself? Can I get a sense of what self reflection is through reading, or is it something I have to find for myself?
Honestly in your situation it sounds like reading will only distract from the present situation of what you wish. Reading literature lets you reflect on typically broader ideas and see yourself, but you posted that something happened and you want to do deep reflection into your own life. That only comes through mindful introspection on what happened and what you felt was right or wrong. What has helped for me is meditation and believe it or not, prayer. Not prayer as in "Oh God forgive me lala" but asking God (if you believe in a higher power) to give you insight into what is going on with yourself and ask to see more objectively your own faults. Believe it or not, I would at times get suddenly almost crystal clear thoughts into what was wrong with me or the situation I was thinking about.
Either way, it takes a lot of self reflection and self-will on your own part. You need to force yourself to see what is wrong. You've made a huge first step, acknowledging something is wrong with yourself, now the next step is allowing yourself to accept the grace to truly see what it is. No need to be too hard on yourself, but see your true reflection, accept it, learn from it, change what you can and grow from it..
My only problem is that I don't remember what I did exactly. I was drunk. I only remember the good part of the night, and the morning after. What I said or did to hurt my friend is unbeknownst to me. I would never do anything to hurt anyone, I'm not physical and I don't like to fight, but if liquor brought something out of me that I didn't think I was capable of, how can I reflect on that? I feel like finding out what truly happened is objectively the best move, but how can I do this without intruding on space that should be untouched? Should I suffer until enough time has passed that she is ready to forgive me? What if that day never comes?
I have no idea. I don't remember.
She doesn't want you to contact her. You're all hurrrrrr what should I do to be a good person - maybe do what she's literally fucking asking for. Don't overcomplicate it. You hurt her. She wants nothing to do with you. So have nothing to do with her. That's it. And limit your alcohol intake in future.
>I have no idea. I don't remember.
You likely sexually assaulted her. Don't contact her ever again. If she initiates contact then follow up on it but only under what she says.
If alcohol intake got you in the situation then logically you should work on that.
If you can't help but sexually assault women you like when you're drunk then you should quit getting drunk and temper your contact with women you obsess over.
Forget reading about being a better person, go out and try. Make friends, apologize for your mistakes, try to do better. Take up a cause. Get out of your comfort zone. Make some mistakes, and own them.
That said, you probably just want books on how to convince people you're a good person, so try Verbal Judo, Nonviolent Communication, and The Stars My Destination. Not only will you have a better understanding of how to make people like you, putting it into practice will actually make you a better person.
The Brothers Karamazov taught me the value of prayer and faith. I recommend it to all who are in need of guidance before I would even think to recommend the texts of my religion. Good luck brother.
You probably have not actually examined the works of Marx on your own. Your perception of leftism probably comes from bias far right websites as well as tumblr. My point is, fuck you for being so stupid, and educate yourself.
I know not to contact her ever, and I told her I would never contact her ever again. But last weekend, I had a party at my place, and she ended up coming, and then getting really upset when she saw me talking with girls and other people.
How am I supposed to handle that? It makes no sense.
/soc/ is horrible and you know it. For whatever reason, the answers I've gotten here are what I need. You guys aren't telling me to kill myself, or that I should run away; you're telling me to look inside and fix myself.
I'm sorry for cluttering up this board with my crap, but I respect this board and their opinions, which is why I'm asking for them.
I don't have one. My mother has a master's in Physics and my father has his bachelor's in Psychology. I've never set foot in a church before, not out of spite, but out of genuine disinterest. I appreciate the social aspects of churches, and what good they can bring, but I feel that religion can be dangerous. I don't ultimately deny the existence of a higher being, but I still don't believe that he or she or it, has any meaning effect on me or my life.
/lit/ isnt like /fit/ or any other board with goals. If you actually gave a shit, you'd realize that reading 'the stranger' doesn't magically make you go oh fuck man i was so like that dude and was so disconnected and that shit isn't good or whatever. there is no path on /lit/. the recommended reading meme start with the greeks is a meme because literally everything after the greeks is subject to the most debate. the greeks aren't even above it either.
my tip to you is to read the tenants of AA and take a deep fucking look into yourself, because being blackout drunk doesn't mean you're anything more than that shitbag who did what you did. read anything, but it doesn't just incrementally appear over time.
if I had to actually pick a book, I'd say read zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance .
Not sure why someone else responded to your question, but I am a Muslim and The Brothers Karamazov solidified me as one. I've read the Quran more than once and it did not affect me as that pinnacle of literature did and so I recommend it with the hope that others will learn of the beauty of brotherly love and prayer through the book as I did.
Just stop being a cunt, how difficult can it get?
You are at the wrong place if it is feels which guided you here. As far as I see it, you basically cockblocked yourself and now you think you drastically need to change your ways, seeing how you could not get you dick wet. What a half-assed motivation, I thought you legit fucked someone over hard and are in a deep moral struggle at first, but you are basically just a mumbling drunk who hurt some girls feelings.
You are brutally overextending the meaning of your momentary stupidity, everyone has those moments, reading a ton of philosophical scripture is not going to help you.
If there is anything I could give you as advice, it would be that you should stop drinking if you can not handle it.
I've lost count of the times I've offended people because of the sauce. Important thing is go up to her, say you know you have done something wrong and ask her what it is. This is what she wants. Then you do the whole making peace shit. If you feel like you can't be this honest and direct in person, write her a letter.
Keep drinking. It fucking things up is what creates the drama that the girls love anyway. It's true, ask my ex-wife... Erm...
The bible isn't about religion. It's the fundamental teachings of western culture encapsulated.
Between greek democracy and the bible's morals you will be a better person by reading the classics.