Can someone read my short story and tell me if i should even continue writing. Is this interesting to read at all? pastebin/vkJrxyqN
its like 400 words
genuinely interested. Please update regularly.
>do you have a blog or something?
You write like you want to be writing a screenplay - have you considered reworking it into a script style? The current style isn't doing it any favours - anything that isn't description or dialogue sounds like stage directions.
I like it, I'm a reader, not an editor or a scholar.
I was waiting for the part where someone would say "Where are ze Jews"
I'm from /pol/ btw, just visiting
whats with the obsession with numbers? Seemed like a lot of unnecessary detail when the point of the story is the situation with y (also you need to name people properly). Unless the guy in the bathroom is relevant for later, you could cut most of that section to "I sent to the bathroom and came back a few minutes later."
It sounds like you're trying to be DFW by throwing in all these pointless details, trying to make your narrator seem neuronic, but really it just sounds boring and pointless. Have a story, dammit.