Just write what is on your chest lit. Just fucking do it, don't re read, don't spell check. Just fucking write, let out that scream that has been building inside- getting stronger after every word you've read. We don't have to critique, we can if you want, just fucking shout.
I cant stand it; I cant stand any of it. People are so willing to be ignorant, rather than educating themselves or being open to life they shut themselves in boxes to make thing easy; to make life simple. People go around just looking to gobble up the next tasty treat like some sort of mad dog: television, advertisements, Coca-Cola, drugs, fast-food, liquor, fashion, tunes, celebrities- saturated sensationalism to sponsored by cynical beings that understand the populace more than the populace would ever want to admit. There are no good corners left to hide in- youth, western refuge, is a lifestyle created by The Man in order to give life in a capitalist world the appearance of freedom. The freedom to fail, the freedom to discover, to fuck, to travel the world- but hold it kids- pack it up when you turn 30, you had your fun and now its time to contribute. And contribute to what? Societal well-being? Man kinds advancement? Advancement into what, humanity, sooner or later, will return to the void, as all things do. Or are we still breaking ourselves over the protestant work ethic? Are we still just gods good little soldiers? I am tired. I am getting older, I am getting sadder. I miss my childhood. I miss falling in love. I think i'm okay with this.
Also: Happy New Year everyone. Nothing has to dictate who we are, who we want to be. Love yourself, I love you. I care about your pain. We dont always have to suffer, remember sometimes instead of looking at the pavement to look at the clouds. Something completely out of our control, completely beautiful, and always calming is right above our heads.
Okay anon op senpai I'll write bite
This is kinda fun I think I like it but it isn't new like I was just pretending it was
I learned about this free writing thing a few years ago in a college English class I was taking
We actually had to fill a 30 page free writing journal and I did it all in the night before it was do
God why did I always procrastinate back then?
The teacher was nice and told me to never stop writing after she read my journal
I stopped writing I gave up
And just like that I feel void on creativity again
Thanks for this brief experience op
I had fun
I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm studying something I hate, being taught by professors I don't like, and keep getting told that if I go in for another 2-3 years, get my graduate degree, that'll be the "edge" I need. It's the same marketing tool they used four years ago, and I have to do it because if I don't, I'm fucked for finding a job.
On top of that, our fucking department decided that reorganizing the entire course calendar a year ago would be a great help. Instead we've got a clusterfuck as everybody is trying to figure out what classes are able to count for others, is this class covering a certain elective? Do I need another elective? Does this class not get counted because it never happened, or do we need an elective to compensate for it? My adviser knows, but he's never around, and I've met the guy once over the past two years. My research is going to tank, the project won't get approved, and the graduate committee is going to fucking know it. To add another level to this whole damn mess, my research advisers either didn't understand the complexity of what they gave me to do, or they seriously overestimated the information I can get my hands on.
I don't want to kill myself anymore. I just want to walk out the door, walk down the street, and keep walking until I disappear.
Here we are awaiting the yellow train because it's rainy here at the roofless station
Which is weird considering this is THE rainiest city in the world
That's right world record for its rain
And no roof
But that's what umbrellas are for I suppose
Gotta keep umbrella salesmen in business which is a good thing
Here comes the train!
Woo I love this moment
Now we'll penguin walk into it
Inside, the train has a warm glow from the candle-like lighting and a coffee aroma fills my caboose
The train begins to move
I sit back and relax
This moment won't last too long
Soon I become restless as if in need of something again
At first it was the train, then getting inside, then getting to a seat
And now what?...
Coffee? A book?
It's quiet enough to read.
So I begin reading and vividly imagining red dandelions growing out of an ancient, broken down statue. As the rain keeps falling, color seeps out of the flowers and onto the statue, making it look like it was crying blood.
Is that the creative flow?
I enjoy creativity and cleverness and funniness. It's fun.
This reminds me of the time I was in Seattle near the Union Station. Only I never saw the trains, just heard them. Very evocative, anon.
It's not even that. I haven't complained at all up till now, I just accepted that this is how the process goes. Now its come time, and I've gotten jack-and-shit for support. The people who can help me are never around, and the people who can't help me are always there. I'm tired of being dicked around because the pencil-pushers can't get their shit together. All the resources are going to somebody, somewhere, but who that somebody is, and where, I've got no idea.
I don't want anything more than what I'm fairly owed. But since nobody else there seems to acknowledge that fact, I guess I'm going to raise hell until I either get what I want, or get kicked out of the school.
Because that's just how the world feels like. For how small it's supposed to be, and for how interconnected it is, you can still just up and vanish. When the problems just keep coming and you feel like they're going to crush you: leave. It's probably a fight-or-flight response writ large, but I can't describe how I feel any other way.
I'm tired of life. I don't really like people anymore. I think that this species is doomed because of money and greed which is one of the biggest obstacles to the advancement of the human race. I'm not optimistic anymore. On the contrary I am somewhat of a pessimist. I've alienated most people I know, and prefer to be alone. I'm slowly becoming an alcoholic too. My only goal is to have a career I love which means finishing medical school.
The Catcher in the Rye is a good book. Schopenhauer is my favourite philosopher. If you mix alcohol, you're a pleb unless you're a woman. I hate feminists. I hate MRA's just as much. I'm trying to learn Spanish. I want to die before I'm 60.
I've fucked my life up. Never had direction, and never had to have any because I got pushed here and there by my parents. Those electives in highschool... I had a faint idea what I might like, but not the confidence, or willingness to defy my parents choices that they had made for me. Now I have a degree I don't care for, and people ask me why I don't have a job "in my field".
I'm going to give some very cliche above here, but if I could go back I'd probably get into linguistics or English lit... Do what you think is interesting, something you are or might become passionate about--if you must go on to post secondary education. You'll do better, and you'll hate yourself less. Believe me when I say those degrees aren't any less useful than a STEM degree.
2-3 year college diplomas will get you a lot more return than university degrees on average.
>Believe me when I say those degrees aren't any less useful than a STEM degree.
Thank you for this. I hear STEM majors so smug about getting their science/mathematics degrees and talking about how unhappy they are but that it will all be worth it once they graduate and find the perfect diamond-studded job as a scientist/mathematician, when what they don't realize is that that doesn't happen unless you're in the top, like, 5% of your field, and that everyone else is subject to the whims and demands of a job market that has NOT been tailored to meeting your personal needs. Might as well just pursue what you enjoy doing while in college because the world will still be the same once you get out.
This week sucked. Brian talked about closing down the shop after the tax season rush. I've been working every day for three years at this and I still fell so far behind the curve.
I worry about the future, but if I don't succeed I will die trying.
I've never been this stressed in my life and I don't know why to do other than to just keep on trying to get through. I have to prepare a presentation for school, write a 70-100 page report, write 5 essays for school, then another 7 for university applications. I have to do tasks for my family that they never ask my younger brother for some unknown reason. It's as if whenever I'm doing work I have to be distracted by someone. When I close or lock my door, my parents think I'm playing games or masturbating, when I'm just trying to get some peace and quiet to do work.
I don't understand why it has to be so hard and stressful. No one understands how stressed I am but that's almost definitely my fault since I never show how I feel. I box everything up except for happiness and playfulness. I don't know why, but sometimes I just randomly feel like crying for no reason. I get so annoyed with everyone, so angry.
I'm almost never allowed to do what I want. I'm an adult now. I'll be living in another city in a couple months, away from my parents and family. So why is it that I'm treated like a fragile child that would die if I try to leave for the gym early in the morning, just because it's dark. Even at 6 am.
I just don't understand how I'm expected to grow in a situation like this.
I can't stop breaking down and comparing my plot ideas into their basic trope. And then I feel it's not worth writing. So I've been focusing on character study esque shit and settings hut I'm left plot and storyless.
>When I close or lock my door, my parents think I'm playing games or masturbating,
I understand this all to well. I have a huge family and privacy was simply not an option.
>I just don't understand how I'm expected to grow in a situation like this.
I think you do know how to get out of this situation. You touched on it earlier. Start y telling your parents/familia what the deal is instead of being so meek.
This is it. And a lot of parents don't seem to understand that university is, indeed, made for the top 5% of students. The rest of the kids are just there to pay bills.