>>7556754 I have an extreme gift for language, was a recruited athlete, and am from old money, but have severe social adjustment issues from growing up in the middle of nowhere.
My weirdness seems like a minor flaw in an extremely privileged life, so I don't get all wound up over it anymore, but it's hard to say I embrace it since it costs me friends and lovers so frequently. Maybe one day I'll figure it out and be Batman.
I'm pretty weird. Lived a pretty violent life so its really hard to emotionally care about how bad my friends feel when they get cheated on. To me, it always just seems like, just break up and move on. No point in crying. But I guess they weren't clubbed with a baseball bat in pre school.
I embrace it about as much as I can. If I shared what goes through my head with the average person I would be institutionalized probably, at minimum I'd lose all esteem and be unable to interact with others in any capacity. On 4chan though it's totally ok for me to constantly shitpost about my psychosis though. Well, not ok, it's just that nobody can stop me from inflicting myself on them.
>>7556754 i reckon that, on /r9k/ terms, im a normie. I have a weird, nofriends gf and we both read ferociously. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of underground music from 1955 onward, and majored in mathematics in college(currently econ phd). i have 3 close friends and they know my dark humor came before I started browsing 4chan. 4chan only provided a natural outlet for it, so I can behave more normally in public. im not an aspie, but i do have OCD-like symptoms(havent been diagnosed OCD though, im perfectly neurotypical). my fear in life is that my interests lead me to only becoming a dilettante, rather than an erudite. i love underground music and people that know their shit are amazed when they talk to me, but you know how its always hard at first glance to judge when somebody is being a tryhard or knows their shit.
i know my shit in surrealist and pomo, and delved into the classics(but not the greeks yet), so im scared i might be obliterated by a true lit connoisseur. i never took any lit in college, so i read for fun and for the challenge(when a work is "difficult", i devote more energy to it to understand whats going on. the classics for the sake of being classics honestly dont get me excited for reading, though once i pick up a copy of, say, 3 musketeers, i understand why its a classic.
>>7558463 well, im currently on my phd. natural outlets for me are either academia(University, Federal Reserve, central banks) or industry(Wall St, economist at major firms, world bank, etc). the nice thing about having a phd is that more prestigious places will have a research division so I can do theoretical work, as long as it fits with what other people(say in the Fed) are doing. The Fed is highly academic, and they relegate regressions and data clean up to data analysts. In private firms, economists might do more applied work, but have data scientists that help them clean up data.
im specializing on theoretical econometrics, which is pretty much finding useful estimators for different kinds of data. i know how to do data work(data cleanup, regressions) if need arises, but im not getting my doctorate for that shit.
what have you liked so far in classes? actuary is a natural outlet for applied math, youd only have to take those tests. the pure math market is in shambles, and will stay that way for a while... data scientist is a cozy thing to do and the pay is good, if you dont mind the menial work. if you're interested in bio data work, its a field thats exploding right now. also, LEARN HOW TO CODE. this cannot be emphasized enough. knowing how to code and having a math degree is a signal to any employer with an "analysis" position that you're smart and know your shit. most of the skills you'll use you'll learn on the job.
consider the analysis side of business, also, businesses need a guy that understands numbers and what they mean in money terms.
I have an opinion that might rile a lot of you here.
Are any of us truly "weird" ? Why believe that we're unique and different and weird but I can bet that for every trait that you claim to be "quirky", there'll be a million others who have the same trait.
What is "quirkiness" anyway? Something that deviates from the "average"/"mean"? How is that a thing that must be embraced or rejected? It just is. Sure we're all unique snowflakes but in my opinion this is completely inconsequential, unimportant and insignificant.
>>7558490 to give a specific example, i dont consider "weird" to be a good thing that makes you superior to others. the /r9k/ mentality of normies vs frogs is ridiculous. there are some traits, however, mental disorders aside, that confine people to their basements and to post on 4chan 24/7, while others are enjoying life, fucking girls and having a "normal" life.
everything is different in their own way, but being "weird" makes sense when you compare yourself to the majority of the population(i.e snapchatting their whole life, using IG for friends, facebook for social capital)
>>7558496 That last point hit me hard. I often feel like I'm missing out on so much when I don't have any social networks or whatever the fuck kids use nowadays. It feels like all relationships have shifted from real life to the net, and all the things that come with networking are a part of "normal" life. Even people I thought I knew well are basically dumb messaging each other and then *maybe* getting something meaningful out of it.
I honestly don't think social networks would bring anything to my life, so I haven't started using them, but its a part of life most other people consider normal and somehow interesting when its basically just sharing attention and decreasing you drive to actually DO something meaningful.
>>7558523 The second meaningful is supposed to be of a higher caliber than the first. I meant that others maybe even get to see each other in real life when they text, and that's between people who are close enough to meet irl, not like LD relationships. The second is what people here say they fear rhey will never do.
>>7558515 Honestly, coming from a prestigious college helps. The admissions process is extremely random bc so many students have similar backgrounds/achievements. So it boils down to who you know in LoRs. I came from a top 40, not ivy by any means. You should always bust your ass though, even in an ivy.
Are you me? I feel like I wrote that text but forgot about it.
People look at me with a look of disbelief when I tell them that I'm not on facebook, snapchat and a million other things. They find it difficult to comprehend how I can survive or exist without a major online presence or a smartphone.
But I've seen people on Facebook and even tried it myself for a brief while and I just didn't find it appealing. The time I see people spend on their phones and on Facebook feels like time stolen from the self, from my life. Which is why I see these things as slightly parasitic.
But others enjoy it and more power to them I guess.
I also feel like a hypocrite because I myself have wasted countless hours in TF2 (a casual video game) but I don't regret a single second of it because I've enjoyed so much during that time. I still wouldn't look at someone in shock and disbelief if they told me they don't play TF2.
You know what's funny? As a child when I wasn't too active on the internet, I saw all these socially well adjusted peers around me and felt so alone. I thought I was a misfit and didn't belong.
But it's funny how I've come to realize that there are so many others (on the net) like me who feel the exact same way. Or maybe, boards on 4chan are where lonely people gather which is why I see more of them here.
>>7558823 darwin weirdness is something not found in others. if you can find a usefulness for it then you're in a good place, or even if you *can convince others it is useful*, even if it isn't. anomolies are the evolution, even if it is the rare case where it is an improvement, it's based in a change. exploiting your weirdness is about finding the a use for it and then marketing it as an advantage. You may think it's misery to whitewash this fence, but it's actually pretty great. And I'll let you do it for that half eaten apple you're holding. Work the system.
Interesting. I've never really thought about it this way. Maybe because I never really gave any serious thought to the prospect of "weirdness" being something that could be exploited.
But I see your point. I guess I need to think more about how I can do something like that. Hopefully I won't end up finding that I'm a totally ordinary and average individual without any particularly exploitable weirdness.
>>7558490 I evaluate weirdness based on how much it estranges you from average people. Plenty of normies have a weird tick or two, like really enjoying heavy metal, or knowing a lot about tea. But what I think makes them quirky rather than weird is that their weirdness doesn't prevent them from experiencing something along the lines of an average social life, with friends, romantic relationships, etc.
Obviously everyone has their ups and downs, but I'd bet a lot of us here are weird to the point that it's in some way proved debilitating to our social lives and personal experiences.
I really hope that my own weirdness is something which I can cherish for myself, because I don't really have anything, or anyone, else.
>some way proved debilitating to our social lives and personal experiences.
It has for me. There is a slur/cussWord in my language that my peers have used over the years to describe/refer to me. This slur is used by almost everyone I know to describe someone who they think is "mentally off" or "weird" or "creepy" or "loser" or isn't "normal".
At first it felt annoying to be labelled with that slur but I soon became indifferent as they often used it to joke and I thought that if they're laughing and if by using that slur, it brings them some sort of happiness then perhaps there's nothing wrong with it.
But it sucked. The feeling of hurt and sadness festered and I passionately hated when people dismissed me with that slur.
I tried being normal and tried to limit my behavior/demeanor/speech that could be abnormal. Every time I failed in that pursuit I hated myself even more. It's really exasperating to attempt such a change.
I'd cherish my own weirdness if it didn't invite such mockery from others. It's easy to ask someone not to give a fuck but when you see a group of people laughing at you, when you see people joke about you in groups, when you see girls snickering about you, I feel like a failure at being normal. I hate the outdoors and would rather lurk here.
Sorry for the ramble. My point is I've found it really hard to cherish my weirdness and don't know how I will be able to do so if it inhibits me from living a socially well adjusted life and having friends and girlfriends.
I have a handful of friends I've known since childhood I feel completely comfortable around. We all have a black sense of humor, we're all fairly introverted (though it applies to me more than any of them), and I can ramble on about whatever subject I please without feeling alienated. They aren't necessarily interested in subjects like literature or history, but they're all intelligent and educated so I can have substantive conversations with them on any subject that arises. Unfortunately we all ended up going to different colleges after high school, and I've never been good at socializing, so for he next few years I was depressed and friendless except during summer and winter breaks.
Once I realized I couldn't stand browsing 4chan 10+ hours a day anymore I made an effort to find more friends. I started hanging out with some local people I'd met but I've come to realize I water down my personality for them. My humor isn't as acerbic because they don't react as well to that, I can't really have sophisticated conversations with them because they're completely uninterested in that, and all try want to do is get drunk or high, plus they're generally extroverted and want to hang out constantly. In my loneliness I embraced all of that at first, but now I'm fucked bored with it. They're nice people and they mean well I feel like I'm a fundamentally different person than any of them are.
The thing that gets me is one of them lately had been talking about how we're such close friends and whatnot, but honestly I don't feel that close to him. On top of not feeling like I'm fully "me" around him, it's not like we even have personal conversations or anything. We just kind of hang out, drink a few beers, and crack a few jokes at local bars. I now feel like I'm ready to move beyond this chapter of my life, but at the same time I feel this sort of obligation to spend time with these people, even if personally I'd rather be home reading.
>>7559332 Nice to hear that someone else has experienced this. Too bad about your high school friends though. I'd say the most positive thing to arise from my situation is it's given me a renewed appreciation for my old friends. True friendship is one of the most rewarding things I've experienced, honestly.
>>7559394 I don't care about being "weird xD" I just wanted an excuse to blogpost. I don't give a fuck about the normie-frog divide, I've been on this site for nearly a decade and no gay ass meme is gonna stop me from continuing.
>>7558459 I loved this interview with DFW. I've watched it a few times. The interviewer was wonderful and you could literally see DFW's anxiety eating him alive. He still seems to answer the questions despite this. DFW, you were brilliant and I see why you decided to become an hero. I struggle with the same symptoms. I just hope I'm not that bad off in my mid-40's.
I am about to turn 44. I am a computer science professor. I am a virgin. I do not have a girlfriend, nor have I ever. I do not have any female friends, nor any male friends, nor have I ever. All of my family has passed away, and I am distant from my colleagues. There is not a single person on the planet that calls me by my first name. I am totally content with this. It makes me happy when all of you describe your struggles with weirdness. No matter how weird you get, you are never going to hit my level, so enjoy the experience.
I dont consider myself weird. I dotn understand how anyone would label themself weird, since your own personality/activities/ social life is the most familiar thing in the world. Everything but myself is more weird and more difficult to understand than myself.
Socially, I have a lot of acquaintances, but few friends. I only have one good friend at college, and I met him in high school. In fact, all my really good friends are from high school. It gets a bit lonely at college, because my one real friend is also an extreme introvert with anxiety problems, so I see him at meals and that's pretty much it. I'd consider myself an extravert, but my idea of a good party involves zero drinking or dancing, lots of talking, and lots of people I already know, so maybe I'm more borderline.
I guess I'd consider myself mildly charismatic. In the right crowd, it's easy for me to get laughs or sway opinions a bit. Plus I occasionally get people who start trusting me for no apparent reason, like the guy who came into my dorm and ranted to me about his past life for two hours, uninvited. Think he had a crush on me, though.
The place where I'm weirdest is definitely romantic relationships. I'm a half-faggot who was raised Catholic, and that's made my sexuality all kinds of fucked up. Even worse, my mild charisma means that some people are very easily attracted to me, and I always find a way to push them away. I'm actually not even sure if I do that on purpose—the second I realize somebody's into me, I instantly come up with a billion reasons why it would never work.
Worst part is, that reaction is probably due to a girlfriend I had in fucking freshman year of high school. After we broke up, she kind of became a drifter and dropped out. I blamed myself, even though it was probably more her fucking crazy parents than it was me. Still, I can't help but feel like I ruined her life, even if she is (according to other people) doing much better now. Maybe it's narcissism talking.
Of course, now that I'm writing this and reflecting on my past experiences, I can't really point out a single case where I can say that I definitely made up bullshit reasons. Most of them were pretty good, really. Maybe I only attract people I dislike? It's depressingly difficult to tell.
Ah well. I can't say I'm too unlucky. I may not have many friends, but the ones I do have are great ones, and I know I can talk to most of them about anything. Plus I have a solid future ahead of me, goals I'm working towards, and I feel happy most of the time. So maybe I should just be happy with what I have.
having red hair, blue eyes, and being left handed statistically puts me in the significant minority of the human population. thank god i wasn't born a couple hundred years ago or i would have been killed for a witch by now. secretly i know though a lot of normals think i am a witch, they just don't know the words for what they're feeling. they're koinophilliacs (sp?) though, and that's why they'll never like me.
i haven't figured out a way to sustain myself though by myself. if the fooking stock market would just tank already i could start buying up stocks, but no, instead we have to go through this protracted cycle will people are like 'no it's a bull market, this is just a pullback and a buying opportunity for when the market goes higher.' and now people are panicking about china b/c the gov't there is corrupt and the politicians blew all their fucking money on shitty infrastructure investments that won't make enough cash to cover the interest rates on the loans. But it's not going to matter probably anyways because China is not the US and the world economy is not as exposed to china. so i'll have to keep waiting...and waiting, until bear season rolls around again and everyone is in straight panic thinking the world is going to end. i wish i were born a little earlier so i could have taken advantage of 2008.
>>7556754 In a word, yes. What distinguishes one as weird is precisely what individuates and differentiates that one. To feel in the slightest ashamed or embarrassed of what establishes one as an individual is to commit an offense to the very self which grows and strengthens through the process of individuation.
With this in my mind, I consider myself nothing if not a Muslim, I gesticulate as I listen to music of the classical era, I go days without anything more than snacks, coffee, and cigarettes so to write until my wrist hurts, and I play the accordion without considering myself as weird but blessed to have tastes that extend beyond those received from external pressures. I speak as if I were reading a Kierkegaard book, I refuse to work unless I can conceive some benefit that extends beyond monetary gain, and I don't believe in maintaining friendships as I am convinced that everyone is my friend.
I am as I am and to consider myself weird would be fruitless as the individual must necessarily be weird if he is to be more than an aspect of an undifferentiated crowd. I've had relationships and have been adored in excess not for any reason, I believe, than that I simply go about every moment as myself without putting forth more effort than I require for myself. I'm not too sure how this will turn out in the future, I am only 23 now but I have always had a sort of feeling that I will either reach that pinnacle of greatness that so few strive for anymore, or I will end up a rambling man on the street collecting change in exchange for some accordion tunes.
Say what you will but I am content which is more than I can say of those who reject what individuates them. That alone suffices to justify all that I indulge in and the pride with which I indulge in it.
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