My mother just got diagnosed with uterine cancer and has one year to live. During this time I need to act as a beacon of optimism, show no weakness around her and also get a gf so she can die knowing her son is heterosexual and not a virgin. I also need to keep up with college because if I get kicked out she'll no doubt blame her illness and by extension herself.
What are some books that will help me cope with this? Literature, poetry, philosophy. I need anything I can to help me transform into the man I now so desperately need to be.
I dont think that what you need to do right now in order to achieve those goals is to read the recommendations from dumbfucks on the internet.
>Kicked from college
Go read your college notes and study whatever the fuck you are studying
>getting a gf
Well go out there with friends or some shit like that
>beacon of optimism
Care for your mother, make her life enjoyable.
The less she needs is some dumb autist of a son. So just behave and care for her.
No way! Op, today I lied about my mother having cancer in order to get out of something. I was worried karma would make her sick for reals, but it seems your mum took the bullet instead- cheers!
>also get a gf so she can die knowing her son is heterosexual and not a virgin
Lel, I failed on this one when my mother got ill. Before she died she told me she had faith that I'd choose a good woman when the time came, but twelve years on I think I'll take what I can get.
Eh I dont know OP.
I dont think nothing can ''train'' you or whatever the fuck that means to cope with the loss of a parent.
I mean one sure can pretend he'll be strong, but that usually just depends if you are some kind of self centered cold motherfucker or not.
Really, anon, nothing wrong with living and exploring those emotions you feel right now. Spend less time reading, more time with her.
The issue is I can't show those emotions in front of her. They caught the cancer late stage, and she's blaming herself for it. She doesn't even care that she's dying, she cares that she's leaving me and my brother and she feels awful for it. If I allow her to see how devastated I am, it's going to make her feel even worse. I need to protect her from that at all costs.
Maybe some books deal with that, if they do I dont know their names desu.
But its still silly to wanting to find and read ''The 101 to not Cry because of X thing happening in your life''
I more meant literature with themes of stoicism, masculinity, coping with death and comforting the dying. Didn't seem like an unreasonable question to ask a literature board. Reading and art in general can be a great coping mechanism.
>do you think I'll have to start all the way with presocratic thought to understand the stuff you've posted though?
Nah, if you read them attentively you are sure to get *something* out of them. You can always reread them at a later date after you've read more background stuff and see how it enriches your experience of the texts.
If you don't have time to read the whole Book of Zhuangzi right now then my favourite chapter is Season of Autumn Floods.
It's been shit. It's terrible watching the life and enthusiasm ebb out of a joyful person.
She's doing the same you want to, though, remaining stoic and pretending life is like it's always been, making an effort to not show any fear, dread or weariness when I come to visit. I do the same, but I know I'll soon break down by her side when death's getting closer.
All the suffering is unspoken in my family but it's palpable even when we're together and laughing. A sad but beautiful melancholy in a way.
I am more fearful for the rest of my family members after she has passed on. My mom has been the traditional housewife and mother who has gone out of her way to take care if all of us. My dad and brother are and have been sick too, and they're struggling a lot because she was by their side all along their travails, and still is.
I have the same manning up to do like you. I need to keep the family together afterwards, because the rest are so reliant on her and have such a strong bond that I am genuinely fearful for their mental constitution.
I just want it to be over at this stage. She's desperately clinging on though, but without hope. I want to tell her that I'll take care of everything and everybody after she passes, because she's undoubtedly worried about that too.
You should tell her anon, even if you're not confident you can now, you'll be able to in time. Say it with conviction and it will calm her. I don't suppose you want to exchange contact info or anything do you? It would be probably be nice for both of us to have someone who understands exactly what we're going through.
Yeah, I suppose you were right. I've got to laugh at the timing of the whole thing. I recently got over glandular fever which had caused me to miss two exams and fail one. You've got to laugh.
Sorry to hear that.
There are many ways to be strong and acknowledging your sadness and anxiety in my opinion is more positive than holding it all in and just act optimistic. Let her know that she matters and you (by extension and assumption the rest of your family) will make the best out of her remaining days so there is no regret. Also, most mothers worry about their children even if not on the clock, so the single most important point you need to get across is that you can take care of yourself after she's gone.
Also, put less enthesis on superficial stuff like getting a GF. If things doesn't work out with the girl you'll end up doing more damage on your own emotions, not worth the risk in this particular time (not to suggest you block love out, if / when it happens it happens, just don't force it like you're on a mission). School wise if you can't handle then take a year off. Do some part time job in the mean time to gather social experience; you can always go back to school later, and a year is not a BFD when it comes to family.
If you want to be more socially mature you need to grow by dealing with more people, not just by reading books
I was wanting to get a gf before turning 20 anyways. It's just one of those things a mother really wants to see and I feel like it would make her worry less about me, you know? It doesn't matter if it ends after a few months really, I just want her to be reassured that I'm romantically capable.
I'm not OP but
when the holidays end I plan on telling my friends I had to mourn my grandad during all of the winter so I couldn't answer my phone for grief. I've really just been shitposting for two weeks with another two weeks to go.
I'm training myself do to the "sad puppy" and the "don't want to talk about it" in the mirror every morning after I ejaculate.
Books to help me?
I don't know actually, it's not like she wants to have more children. The doctors are "doing tests" to decide if chemo or surgery is the best route, but from what they're saying it will only extend life, not save it.
what would you say is a good ereader? Does kindle only work with kindle bought books or can you import epubs and PDFs? Thanks for your kind words.
>I don't know actually, it's not like she wants to have more children. The doctors are "doing tests" to decide if chemo or surgery is the best route, but from what they're saying it will only extend life, not save it.
Im sensing its one of those cases where they say she has a year to live but she aint going to really die. if you are a shit son,wait till you know for sure that she is dying, also don't overplay it. she will know you are faking it if you are too perfect.
Stoicism is for cowards afraid to show how pathetic they (like all people) are. Embrace your emotions, show your mother your feelings and how much her death is going to mean to you. The grief or blame she'll feel will pass, mutual honesty is going to be so much more fulfilling for both of you. Do you honestly think she isn't going to be blaming herself anyway? Even if everyone around her is calm, she's a young woman with young children, there's no possible way she's going to gladly accept death and this isn't something you can remedy. Seeing her son's passion and anger at her sickness is far more invigorating then watching him pretend everything is going to be fine.
Rather than reading stoic garbage seek out emotional literature and realize how valuable pathetic sentimentality really is.
-The Dead, Ulysses (Molly especially), Anna Livia's ending monologue, Whitman, Ingmar Bergman generally, etc. I know this a shit list, but anything dedicated to human emotion is worth reading now
>Stoicism is for cowards afraid to show how pathetic they (like all people) are.
That's sort of the point though. I want to trick my mum into thinking I'm super brave and will be okay after her death until she passes away, at which point I can indulge in being an emotional wreck for a short while.
That having been said, you've made some interesting points. I suppose it's just about finding the balance. I don't want her to worry about me too much. I want her to die happy.
This basically. I don't know what the guy was expecting though, I've probably been browsing 4chan longer than that underage little faggot has, it's going to take more than some cancer jokes to set me off. I hope he enjoys his ban :^)
Maybe it's spread? I'm not sure. I didn't want to press her for details. I'll wait until they've decided whether they're going for chemo or surgery and then maybe try and speak to the doctor about it.
>I don't want her to worry about me too much. I want her to die happy.
Honestly retarded. You're not going to convince her you'll be fine unless you can also convince her you don't give a fuck about her at all, do you really think she wants this.
Curious, have you ever been to a psychologist? If you (or your parents) have health insurance, you can go to one for about $20 per visit. It's worth seeing a therapist generally, especially for someone expecting to lose their parent. I'd recommend you and your mother both see someone, separately, and also convince your other family members to try it. Lying to each other/yourself about your feelings is incredibly stupid; you could easily grow up, reach your 50s, 60s etc still being this same cowardice person afraid to at least be honest with your dying mother.
I can 100% guarantee you'll regret not being open with her, spending your life knowing you blew the closest shot at real human intimacy and empathy you'll likely ever have, and the purpose for which you made this choice was misguided from the start: people don't reach peace on their deathbeds by lying to themselves (and she knows you're a lying cuck), the only chance she feels any resolve in her death is if she can tell someone all the things she's been feelings the past few years, knowing her death was coming. Don't you think she wonders and worries about it all day and has been since her initial diagnosis? A person can't bear holding those fears all to themselves, you and your mother presumably share some of these feelings and you should explore them together. The only thing you should be asking and researching now is the best way to do this, the best way to explore your emotions and explore her emotions w/o either having to relent on their feelings out of some fear of worrying the other
>Maybe it's spread? I'm not sure. I didn't want to press her for details. I'll wait until they've decided whether they're going for chemo or surgery and then maybe try and speak to the doctor about it.
kek, its life or death if you are not going to grow some balls and be proactive, what will you be active for?spread where, like I said its life and death and some people would give up they whole lower body (legs included) just to live.
You've changed my mind anon. I honestly think you're right. I was thinking I would need to be a rock for her to lean on, but all my life she's been telling me to be more emotionally open. She's dying. It's inevitable she's going to feel awful. I should tell her how I really feel. Thank you.
I live in the UK, so I can see a therapist for free. I'm not sure if I will, but I'll definitely broach the topic with my mother.
You're welcome senpai.
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months and it's really relaxing, I look forward to seeing her knowing she's pretty objective and won't let me off easy - though I'm not going through anything like what you are. Liv Ullmann says, in Scenes From a Marriage, her therapist "if nothing else, at least I'm learning how to talk". I'd recommend that movie, great for anyone wishing they could express their emotions while feeling like they can't (just don't watch it with anyone planning to get married)
Occasional depression, anxiety. I dropped out of school 3/4 through a semester, 5 courses or so from finishing my degree. /Lit/ may have helped me rationalize my apathy in school and lack of ambition, ie anything I'd want to achieve through school is just vanity or ideology. I'm probably going back this spring, but I still worry a lot about what I'll end up doing with my life or what I'd actually want to do if I had the choice.
Reminder that I'm depressed, these ideas are probably irrational. I'm very emotional though, I visit an animal shelter several times a week and in those and some other moments I forget my anxiety and am pretty fulfilled
for a depressive who lets /lit/ memes govern his life you seem like an intelligent and switched on guy to be honest. i hope things work out for you in the end man. if not, you can channel your anguish into writing or something.
Yeah, I'm generally pretty happy with life and have lots of things I enjoy. I'm just a bit shy (I've had acne problems since puberty, mostly cleared up now but I still have scarring to deal with), and have a hard time getting past my senseless anxieties
The OP makes it sound as if you're gonna be blamining her in 3 or 4 years. My dad had a similiar diagnosis with prostate cancer and he lived a decade after being anounced a year, he was stage four and whatnot. It's a tough way, but try to think of a way you can be happy yourself while also helping them care about life. Doing what they expect of you is not necessarily what's best for them not you, don't make a mistake like that.
I've only had Kindles so I don't know about the other ones. I think Kobo, Kindle and Nook are all good.
As for importing books, you can read .mobi, .azw and .pdf files on Kindle, but the .pdf files don't display well. Kindle doesn't support .epub (I think Kobo does), but you can use an application called Calibre to convert .epub to .mobi.