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ITT: The most Kafkaesque thing that ever...
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ITT: The most Kafkaesque thing that ever happened to you.
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THIS LOL
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>>5811930
Fucking your mom.
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>>5811929

Captch: spirit...
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>>5811930
I woke one morning after troubled dreams to find myself transformed into a gigantic NEET...
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I knew a kid who dropped acid one time with some other people. After a while they suddenly all started seeing fire-ants crawling all over my friend's leg, so they all desperately tried to get them off but the more they did the more kept coming. Suddenly my friend stomped his foot and all the ants just vanished in their collective subconsci, they all freaked the fuck out.

Him telling me that story is probably my moment.
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>>5811982

Literally nothing about that story is Kafkaesque
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>>5811988
Literally nothing about you is polite.
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>>5811954
This.
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>>5811982
Do you even know what Kafkaesque means?
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Came across pair of sketchy folk once whose stereo broke as they were sitting around it and they were at first angry and began yelling at it but quickly became worked into a frenzy screaming, pounding the ground and howling while one picked up the radio and began smashing it onto the pavement. It was as if they regressed into a primal form.
I found it so bizarre I thought I was hallucinating.
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>>5811930
My dreams.
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>>5812045
Forgot to mention: this happened in the span of about 30 seconds.
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>>5812061
Why didn't you stop it?
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>>5812041
It has something to do with bugs, right?
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Fucking Christ. Metamorphosis is a standard foray into magical realism, and unique only because plebs respond to its sheen of pretension.

Gogol produced far better examples of early magical realism.

Fucking Kafka. There's no discernible talent there. The work does not justify the fame, period. Stop talking about Kafkaesque as if that means something.

It means nothing.
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>>5811994
What the fuck?
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>>5812090
Fucking Christ. Shitposting on /lit/ is a standard form of pointless internet moaning and it's only commonly repeated due to being so easy.

Real life trolls did it way better.

Fucking anons. There is no reason to post. The ability to write does not equal the need to do so. Stop posting like it was worth something.

It's worth nothing.
>>
Kafka is fucking glorious.
>>
>disconnect phone line
>or so I think
>get bill months later
>we have been calling you on phone line
>we will have to disconnect phone line if you neither answer bill or phone calls
>call them to disconnect phone line
>eventually they do
>still send me a bill again the next month threatening to disconnect
>get letter months later
>says I need to register a phone line in case they can't reach me by billing address
>reminds me I still can be disconnected if I don't pay for the phone line I don't have because I didn't get bills
>advises I give them my email also just in case so they can bill me better for the phone line I don't have than reaching me at the address the phone line runs into


I think I'm going to have to move and change my name before they stop insisting I am phone.
>>
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My entire life is a kafkaesque story about a woman imprisoned in a mans body
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>>5812152
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>>5812152
This 'story' is incoherent.
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>go to a psychologist
>she gives me a bunch of shitty tests
>eventually she says I should become a NEET to get more of a 'comfy lifestyle' then fix my life later on
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>>5812166
When I was 15 my psych suggested I retire and become a neet and was willing to give me depressionbux to live comfortably for the rest of my life.
Best offer I never took
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>>5812174
>Best offer I never took
Do you regret that?
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>>5812158
No, you're a fucking human trapped in a man's body. Gender essentialism is bullshit. Everything you love about 'women' are spooks, while the fact that life in a woman's body is made far more troublesume due to her sex is not.
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>>5812185
Yeah. I could have gone the autodidact Road and never had to worry about finances. And honestly I am pretty mentally broken.
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>>5812164
So, it's Kafkaesque?
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This was for that near death thread, which got deleted as I was typing it, but it might all fit here:

I have owned ten cars over like 4 years, crashed the most part of them, driven the others into the ground. I once took out 9 meters of castle wall, hitting it at about 100mph with a buddy in the car with me (it's okay, he flipped a car me and him robbed into a river years beforehand, we're even now).

I once fought a whole stag party, or at least stared down their supposed 'hardman'.

I once took on this absolutely massive dude, like real David and Goliath shit, because he grabbed my buddy by the throat one time when we were kids (same dude with the car), nearly choking him to death. Dude's like 10 years older than me, I almost smashed his nose into his face, hitting him about 10 times, after he'd hit me this light tap thinking he was a hardman going to scare me away.

I once took on, like, a whole town full of scumbags after they'd put another one of my friend's in hospital a while beforehand, dancing on his head. I didn't even hit any of them, just roared 'my grandmother would hit me harder than that'. I am now pretty much a legend in that town, and pretty much every town where I'm from lol. I swear I'm not lying.

One time this dude cheated on my girlfriend so I caught him by the throat in a bathroom, but he was too small so I just left him go. Next week he brought this supposed tough guy back to the same bar (and he is tough, I know him), but he recognised me when they pointed me out to him (he'd been there that time with my yelling 'my grandmother...') and he basically just sat back into the car saying not a hope am I fighting that guy lol......

And.....the list goes on. That last one wasn't really near death, but it was funny as fuck.
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>>5812200
seek help

captcha: insinuate icumshod
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>>5812200
>cheated on my girlfriend
....my cousin, I mean. Freud no pls
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>>5812190
I don't even know what you're saying. The fuck does it mean that everything I love about women is spooks? I don't particularly love women.
This isn't philosophy, it's neurology, and mine is female. It causes a bodily disconnect which leads to distress.
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>>5812203
For what?
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>>5812211
Well, I guess the crashing cars part was definitely part of my wild days. I don't do that anymore.
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>>5812200
None of this is Kafkaesque.
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>>5812219
Ya, it's cool though Bj
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You lot hardly get Kafka anyway. Kafka is the use of metaphor, not weirdness. He writes dreams.
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I've bought that huge Goliath-like motherfucker a drink since. He repented kinda, so...
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>>5812225
Kafkaesque basically means mysterious eerie strangeness in modern use
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>>5812235
Ya ik
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4 years of uber bureaucratic college
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Being fucking born
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>>5812446
lol
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somebody post that black & decker manufacturing plant greentext
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Trying to get cleared for registration at an American public university after missing a tuition payment. Spent hours walking back and forth across campus in the snow trying to get the bureaucrats to help me but they'd just hand me a confusing form to fill out and direct me to another office. I missed that semester because by the time I finally sorted it out all of the classes I needed were already full.
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>>5812045
That's hilarious
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>>5812938
>>5812941
what a
kafkaesque
coincidence
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Where ever I am, there are moist sluts ready to throw themselves at me.
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>>5812938
>>5812941
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So I call up my dealer and he says to come on over. I bus the hour to his place and walk in, head to the hallway and knock on this door. He says, "Hold on, not now. I'll come get you" Okay, probably doing a shot right now or arguing with with his wife, whatever. So I sit down in the living room and wait. I wait and I wait and I wait. It's been about an hour at this point. Someone else comes into the apartment and does the same thing I did, knocks on his door and whatnot, I think "This guy is gonna get rejected too." He doesn't emerge from the hallway for like ten minutes. When he finally comes out he asks for a cigarette -- I give him one -- and he leaves. Clearly I should have knocked earlier, my guy is ready, he forgot about me as I got progressively sicker and sicker. So I knock on the door, he tells me to come on in, and I ask for my 40 bag.
He says, "Sorry, I just sold my last amount, you're gonna have to wait for me to go re-up."

>>5812460
Better.

>>5812938
>>5812941
nice
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>>5811930

Ich fand mich in einem schmalen Treppenhaus, die Luft war streng und ich versuchte, vorwands zu gehen aber ich schleppte und ich fuhlte, dass alles auf mich sturzen wuerde. Es dauerte eine Ewigkeit, ich wusste, dass ich spaet fur meinen Termin wurde, es war jetzt acht Uhr und ich musste ins Buro am funf Uhr. Aber ich hatte schwierigkeiten, die schwere Luft zu atmen und die Schreien von den Kindern und Tieren wurden zu laut, dass ich mich nicht bewegen konnte. Es war jetzt elf Uhr, und ich blieb stehen, ich wusste nicht, was ich tun konnte. Die Welt ist tief und ich sass im Treppenhaus wie ein kleiner Hund.
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Every day i commute a total of 4 hours to my job, where i write the advice copy for a "copywriter's monthly" magazine.
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>>5812041
Story with bugs in it. Like the time he became a caterpillar
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>>5812090
you make it sound like a fantasy novel aka you missed the point entirely lol
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>>5812988
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what does kafkaesque mean pls tell me ive never read him
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Being born
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a butcher at my local deli told me not to touch the meat
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>>5811930
grade school
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probably getting arrested for rioting.

we got kettled for like 4 hours, then loaded onto buses and taken to the other side of the city. we then sat and waited in the buses because the police station could only process 2 people at once. once i got taken inside i had to fill out a load of forms and answer a tonne of questions, then take fingerprint and DNA samples. then i was put in a cell for 12 hours, finally being released at 2 in the morning with no idea where i was and only a form telling me to go to a hearing in 5 months. two months later all charges were dropped, making the entire experience completely pointless.
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>>5812460
I was going to post my story, but yours very closely matches mine, except mine involved a financial aid form and constant emailing/walking back and forth between dreary offices of apathetic and disgruntled city university workers
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>>5812200
Any chance you are a gypsy?
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i realized i hadn't fulfilled my desire to jerk off to more dfw

http://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/HarpersMagazine-1998-07-0059612.pdf
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>>5814243
Not far off one, but no.
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>>5812045
Kafka, not Clarke/Kubrick
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>>5814212
>spirit fingers
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>>5812460
Yeah, The Castle is probably Kafka's most realistic work.
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>>5812200
What about the time you spent several minutes of your life boasting about "interesting" personal stories that had no relation to the topic at hand.
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>>5814552
It's only 'boasting' if you take it as a slight against yourself, anon. I enjoy reminiscing (sometimes :,)
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that time i was arrested for resisting arrest
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>>5812090

i wouldn't suggest that gogol was in any way some example of proto-magical realism. he was folkloric.
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>>5814569
I was getting arrested one time and I was being really polite kinda (experience has taught me it gets you out quicker), and next thing my buddy was up fighting with the cops about arresting me for no reason, getting aggressive, so they arrested him instead and let me go lol
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>>5814573

your friend experienced a real kafkan experience
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>>5814578
I don't know what he experienced, but it was hilarious
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>>5811930
I started browsing 4chan
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>>5811930
not kafkaesque but unsettling and recent. my friends and i were hanging out in someone's building (can't remember the name for the type, but there is a name for it) and everyone except myself had passed out. i was on stims, so i couldn't sleep, but i had that weird muscle achey pain that comes from being awake for too long and figured, god knows why, that laying down was the thing to do.

sucked on my teeth and fidgeted for i think 5 minutes (who knows, time dilation) when i heard a sound across the room that i couldn't identify. "couldn't identify" quickly turned into "could definitely identify, oh god" and it dawned on me that someone was jacking off about 10 feet from me. my eyes had adjusted to the light, but i was faced away from the noise and i was filled with that same dread that you got when you were a little kid and you were certain there was a monster right behind you, so i didn't look to see who it was.

don't know how long the festivities took place (again, time dilation) but it didn't feel very long at all before i heard a new sound, and then spent the next what-felt-like-hours listening to a close friend quietly crying against that nauseating, sweaty metronome. the sniffles stopped when the guy did, or at least it had petered out by then.

didn't dawn on me how fucking strange it was until i'd woken up from my noonish crash and thought it over during breakfast.
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My second semester of freshman year was The Trial. I got in trouble with my university for harassing a girl on my dorm floor. The disciplinary system was a big and elaborate bureaucratic system that boiled down to absolute power for one clearly unhinged woman. Whoever I told about my problems was absolutely willing to help but with absolutely no power to do so, and were either motivated by their own personal complexes or by a complete misunderstanding of the situation. I felt completely alienated and paranoid all the time. I wound up doing a bunch of things I'd never done before, many of them scary, because the whole issue had thrown my entire perception of myself and the world completely out of whack. The only difference is that I didn't end up murdered on the outskirts of town in the end.
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>>5812948
Now that's Kafkaesque!
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The Castle is a bit long-winded, innit?
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When I was in high school, there was this little retarded fella who was about four feet tall at the most. This face and head sunk into his head - his features were all flat. He was sweet though. Anyway, his only job was to hold this 10-foot-tall wooden plank up against this wall. I have no fucking clue why. When my friend and I figured this out it was eye-opening, because we had made up all this stuff about how they harvested the retarded kids' powers, and that they were all ancient deities.


There are dozens of anecdotes I could tell to continue the same antics.


But the mythos of my high school extended to more than just the kids in special education. There was this guy, 'Ninja Samurai', with messed up legs who wore those cheesy ass shirts with dragons and asain characters. His messed up legs were just a result of his mastered food work - they could be ready to execute his 360 degree attack at any time.

There was also this gross, really mean, super popular, and generally malign girl who everyone thought was hot. The weirdest part of that is she wasn't hot at all, she had the skin of a scaby Drake and the complexion of a fish's underbelly. We'd always throw shit at her and call her a reptilian (for justice). There was also this pack of ghouls (plus one dark-elf [Native American] girl) that followed her around.

Also, about the same time, that same friend and I were getting into the "portals". Basically we'd go into the bathroom with chalk and draw portals to the 4D and 5D. We'd draw diagrams on the unit circles and all that too. My trigonametry teacher thought I was a basketcase.

The back of the lunchroom was what we refereed to as hell because the annoying kids with bad taste sat back there. We'd walk through it and see one good kid in there, he was Virgil and he was put there to save my friend Dante (one of the friends who was into the myth and portals and so forth).


There were a lot of eccentrics in my class, I could go on and on. I just now realized none of this is Kafka-esque but too late now lmao.
>>
I got into a lot of trouble in Boy Scouts because I watched my friend throw a piece of cake at someone. What happened was after a meeting where they were serving cake, my friend was offered the remaining slice to take home. We left and stood around chatting for a while on the corner next to the church we meet in. A few minutes later, two kids rode by on bikes, one of whom used to be in Boy Scouts with us and was a complete failure at everything. "Hey Jimmy!" my friend Jared (who was also the kid's neighbor) yelled at him. Jimmy stopped and walked over to us. "Why do you have a big slice of cake?" he asked. "Because I'm going to throw it in your face!" Jared said in an obviously joking tone. Jimmy laughed and we talked for a while without incident. But as he was leaving, he reached for the slice while saying, "Before I go, I'm going to cake YOU in the face!" There was no doubt he was grabbing for the piece. It was too big to move away in time, so Jared did the only thing he could do: throw the cake in Jimmy's face. As soon as it hit him, we ran away laughing. You can't watch something like that with a straight face, after all.

Here's where it gets Kafkaesque. Jimmy told his mom about what happened, and she showed up at Jared's house furious, demanding an apology. While she was there, she learned that we got the cake from a scout meeting, so she went and called our scout troop to tell them what happened. The adult leaders completely flipped out. They went and called our parents, assuring them that disciplinary action would be taken to deal with our "bullying." So the next week at the meeting, Jared, my brother (who was also present), and I had to go before a tribunal and explain the incident. As if we were in court, we had to go through exactly every detail of the caking in total seriousness: how big the slice was, how Jared obtained it, the circumstances leading up to the exchange of confectionery, etc. The thing was, I couldn't tell them what really happened: it was a preemptive caking! If Jared had let Jimmy take the slice, Jared would have ended up with it in his face. Throwing it at Jimmy instead was the only logical thing to do. But you couldn't tell a panel of adults this--it's patently ridiculous. It sounds like the worst lie you could come up with, but it was the truth. So Jared had to lie and say he simply decided at one point to chuck the cake in Jimmy's face (which, of course, was also the story Jimmy told). The adults told us that they were very disappointed and dismissed us to the regular meeting.

IT CONTINUES (1/2)
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>>5814906

At this point, I still thought the incident was funny, especially considering that the more serious the meeting became, the funnier it was that we were describing what was essentially a vaudeville gag. But the next week we get called in to another meeting. This time our local troop had called in "bullying experts" from council (meaning that these guys oversaw several of the surrounding towns.) Again we had to explain in scrupulous, stone-faced detail how and why the cake left Jared's hands and ended up in Jimmy's face. Again no one broke a smile, defying the ridiculousness of the incident described. Once we were done with the story, the bullying experts explained why they were called. Apparently, "this sort of thing," had been happening all the time in our troop. "What do you mean by 'this sort of thing'?" I asked and one of the experts glared at me. "I think you know," he said. I had to assume he was under the impression that our troop had a cake-throwing epidemic. Continuing, the experts explained how "serious" our actions were. Unbeknownst to us, Jimmy had been a target for bullying at school, and it had gotten so bad that he tried to hang himself "with his bootlaces." Now, not to be mean, Jimmy was a fat child, and, logically speaking, there was no way a boot lace could hold his weight. It took all the force of my throat and lips to hold in my chuckle at knowing that Jimmy's extreme incompetence extended even to the face of death. They reported that he even considered suicide again after the caking incident, and I still don't know how I held in my laughter.

Things got less funny after that, though. They were considering banning me from scouts for six months, meaning that I would be unable to get my Eagle Scout award (to anyone unfamiliar with scouting, Eagle is a HUGE deal). They dismissed us, saying that they would "have executives review the case." Now someone in a paid position was going to sit in an office and read the story of how three boys threw cake in someone's face after a scout meeting. It was out of our hands.

A few weeks later, we got a phone call from the council offices. "You've been cleared of all wrongdoing," the caller said, though she didn't know enough about the case personally to tell us why exactly. I can only imagine that at some point in Milton, Massachusetts, some good humored scouting executive read our story, laughed hysterically, and muttered something like "Boy will be boys."

Later that year I earned Eagle and now I still get shitty stares from everyone who was on that prosecuting council whenever I run into them around town.
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>>5811988
you know, cuz it has bugs in it XD
>>
Had a very vivid dream that I fucked my mother when I was about 15. I strongly remember sticking my dick in her whilst groping her nude breasts and a wave of pleasure over came me. But at the same time the experience was immensely painful yet I don't remember actually feeling any pain at all in the dream. And while the entire ordeal seemed very dense in lust, when I awoke I recalled it all being entirely dull and uneventful. Like being a fly on the wall watching two boring normal people hump each other for a few minutes.
>>
Got diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness with very few visible symptoms to outsiders at 19 and basically spent that summer in my bed. My parents just thought I was a lazy sack of shit, legitimately came to resent me and threatened to kick me out multiple times.
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>>5812100
He's right.
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I ended up in an intermediate drawing class when I couldn't really draw at all.
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>>5813794
Why the fuck are you posting here then? His works are freely available online, just go read something of his. Of course based on your typing style you're probably one of those people who posts on /lit/ but doesn't actually read and just wants to seem intelligent despite having a single digit IQ.
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>>5815118
i type like this post-ironically and i just havent gotten around to him yet
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>>5815140
>>5813794
MNaybe you should ook the word up the dictionary
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>>5815153
any good definiton of 'kafkaesque' would simply point toward kafka's work
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>>5815153
already did
>Definition of KAFKAESQUE

>of, relating to, or suggestive of Franz Kafka or his writings; especially : having a nightmarishly complex, bizarre, or illogical quality
no help
>>
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Please, no meat touching ma'am!
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>>5815161
>Marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity.
>Marked by surreal distortion and often a sense of impending danger.

This should be enough info for yout o participate in the thread
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>>5812152
only Kafkaesque thing in this thread
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>>5815172
something can have those characteristics and still not be kafkaesque
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>>5815183
how woudl you know if you never read him
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>>5815191
so ur telling me that kafka wrote about every possible situation that can be described by
>Marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity.
>Marked by surreal distortion and often a sense of impending danger.
???
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>>5815199
no it's just that every possible sutation that cna be describe by
>Marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity.
>Marked by surreal distortion and often a sense of impending danger.
are compareable to him ins ome bmangnerfoa
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>>5815203
r i p anon she had stroke
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>>5815209
I'm not a girl, and also I'm perfectly fine.
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>>5815212
prove it
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>>5815214
You'd like that, wouldn't you? ;)
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>>5815217
yee
y r u typin like tomblr gril if u arent onr
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>>5815219
That typing style onesn't invented by tumblr girls but by the famous modernist poet e. e. cummings in the early 20th c.
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>>5815222
o
>>
before my high school graduation, I had considered reading the Metamorphosis (for the first time) while I was sitting on the field waiting for my name to be called, but I forgot it at home that morning.
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>>5815232
I am going to fuck the hole represented by the solitary o in your post with my rock hard dick, because I am a boy.
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>>5815234
wtf how large was you high school?
It only took about 10 - 15 minutes to go through all the names.
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>>5815236
l-l-lewd
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>>5815238
>It only took about 10 - 15 minutes to go through all the names
at mine*
I should probably go to bed.
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>>5815238
graduating class of 800 and my last name starts with an S.
>>
I was once at my friend's house. We had arrived late, and his mother was in bed. His father had killed himself, so there was less oedipal tension remaining between them - not that they were incestuous - but he got on the bed, hugged her, and then sat on the edge - and they started talking in the dark. I lingered at the top of the stairs while all this happened, confused and a little uncomfortable, unable to make out anything but their silhouettes.
They were discussing something banal, like an art gallery she was curating, when she let out an almost bestial sob. It was the purest expression of pain I'd ever heard come from a human being.

They kept talking as if nothing had happened. It was the only time in my life I've seriously doubted my senses. To this day, I'm unable to tell whether it really happened or if I just imagined it.

He's become my closest friend, but I still feel as if, one day, while walking through one of his enormous houses, I'll stumble upon the still-hanging corpse, or into a room that contains a shrine to his father, which the penalty for viewing as one who has not truly suffered is death or something worse.
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>>5812152
This sounds like Brazil
>>
During my freshman year of HS I had weekly nonsensical wet dreams. Like, I would dream I was forced by people to be an EVA pilot but the EVA was an ant and then I had to fight inside my own body (cells and stuff) and when I woke up my underwear was smeared with my cum.
Another time I was walking in a forest that was full of dead slenderman trees and it wasn't actually scary and then large brown unfocused splotches that looked like what you see when you close your eyes in front of a bright light and then press your fingers against your eyelids told me that I looked lost.
My friend used to be unable to communicate with his parents for some reason. One time he spent 5 minutes talking with his mom through a closed door, trying to tell her that he gave the cat its insulin shots and then she disappeared for an hour and returned with two of those packaged single serving big pickles you buy at the convenience store and said that she got what we asked for. That was confusing.
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>>5812163
Oh, I wonder what food they serve.
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>>5811954
Alas, this!
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>>5812194
I feel regret by only reading this. I'm so sorry, anon. I would have taken the offer the instant she asked.
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>>5812174
Surely you can still take him up on his offer?
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>>5814621
>i was filled with that same dread that you got when you were a little kid and you were certain there was a monster right behind you
>>
>“Modern party-dance is simply writhing to suggestive music. It is ridiculous, silly to watch and excruciatingly embarrassing to perform. It is ridiculous, and yet absolutely everyone does it, so that it is the person who does not want to do the ridiculous thing who feels out of place and uncomfortable and self-conscious . . . in a word, ridiculous. Right out of Kafka: the person who does not want to do the ridiculous thing is the person who is ridiculous. [...] Modern party-dance is an evil thing.”

DFW, Broom of the System
>>
>>5812973
Hey, I rewrote your text, corrected and added some stuff to make it seem more natural, wasn't bad actually. Hope this is helpful.

Ich fand mich in einem schmalen Treppenhaus, die Luft war streng und ich versuchte vorwärts zu gehen, schwächelte jedoch schon nach kurzer Zeit und hatte das Gefühl, dass alles auf mich runterstürzen würde. Es dauerte eine Ewigkeit, ich wusste, daß ich zu spät zu meinem Termin erscheinen würde. Es war jetzt acht Uhr und ich musste um fünf Uhr im Büro sein.
Die schwere Luft zu atmen versetzte mich zunehmends in Schwierigkeiten und die Schreie der Kinder und Tiere (where do they come from?) wurden irgendwann so laut, dass ich mich nicht mehr bewegen konnte. Es war jetzt elf Uhr, mir war unklar, was ich tun sollte und blieb stehen. Ich saß wie ein kleiner Hund im Treppenhaus gefangen, als mir der Gedanke durch den Kopf ging, daß die Welt tief (you could specify that further) ist.
>>
>>5814906
>>5814920
this is propably the most suburban murica-soccermumparanoidalesque shit i have ever read/seen/or some shit.
Fucking america man
>bullying experts
i lost my shit at this point
>>
>>5815067
i had similliar thing but with my old english teacher.
We were in some sort of magazine. I was sitting at chair and out of nowwhere she sat between my legs. I groped her breasts and started messaging them. Note that i was sleeping and all of it was dream. She started grinding with upper part of her ass and lower part of her back on me cock.
The orgasm woke me up. I came int my underwear. I was shocked and so turned on that i have decided to jerk off again thinkng about same thing. At one point i was so fucking turned up that i put sock in my mouth and smeared semen from my undies on dick and balls.
It is still pretty hot now that i think about that.
Weirdest thing is that few days after this i had my english lesson and she was looking at me with this weird disgusted but curious look. Like she knew what i did and what i was thinking about now.
>>
>>5811930
One time I spent 15 minutes waiting in a line and it turned out to be the wrong line.
>>
>>5812200
I really want to believe this is one of those copypastas where he's talking about the main characters of a popular children's cartoon, but i'm just not seeing any parallels with spongebob right now
>>
>>5816342
They're actually just subplots from this dumb Finnish show.
>>
>>5816364
Wow what a letdown.
>>
I have a strong resemblance to Kafka
>>
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>>5811930
>be me study art at art university
>the first few months everybody including professor loves me and my work
>after a while i notice people starting to hate me without ANY reason
>everybody around me is loved
>more and more agression towards me
>asking everybody what the fuck is going on
>nobody knows anything
>suddenly everything i do is shit
>professor says i dont know what art is all about
>get insulted from classmates without reason
>still politely asking what the fuck is going on if i did anything wrong
>getting kicked out of class out of nowhere.
>>
>>5816678

hate people like that, community bullies where art is whatever they say and not what it really is, even Adolf Hitler did nice art
>>
>>5816678
I know this feel.
>>
>>5811954
This
>>
I read Kafka
>>
>>5812152
Stealing this
>>
>>5811930
I'm living just like Gregor Samsa:
working as something i don't care just because i need to help my family. Maybe someday i'll wake up in the morning as a giant insect.
>>
>>5816678
Do you still have no idea why it happened? That's so odd man.
>>
I once broke both my arms in a snowboarding accident and when I went to the hospital the nurse told me to fill out a form before I could get any treatment.
>>
>>5816869
>I went to the hospital the nurse told me to fill out a form before I could get any treatment.
What happened next?
>>
>>5816875

I asked help from a friendly old man.
>>
>>5816364
name?
>>
>>5816840
the "chemistry" wasnt working. they said.

thats what i got out of it. i retrospect i was an introvert in a class composed mostly of extroverts. on the other hand there where well accepted introverts too.
there were times where i slept extremly bad and wasnt too talkative. perhaps they
thought i had no interest in them. i never knew. people who were sticking to me said they
had no idea what all this was all about because my work was "completely fine for a new guy
at an art university"

i guess that was why it was so kafkaesque. suddenly your world is hostile, you have
no idea why, and no way out than walking into doom
>>
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>>5817159
btw iam reading amerika right now and get all the time flashbacks to this time because of it.

goosebumps all the time
>>
One day I woke up as a human.
>>
>>5816678
You probably smelled extremely bad or something.
>>
>>5811930

>>woke up in the middle of the night.
>>can't handle my body.
>> thinking im having an CVA
>>lossing more and more body control
>> get completely paralized
>> try to scream
>>share bedroom with alzheimer grandmom's
>>she's sleeping, dont hear me
>>im really confusid, all is spining around me
>> im gonna die
>>goodbye world
>>suddenly recover all mi faculties
>>enter in a stupefact mode
>>see a really rare black stain in the window(its besides mi bed)
>>touch it
>>OH SHIT, its a fucking big cockroache
>>kill him
>>go to the badroom, see my reflex in the mirror and ask me what the fuck just happend
>>
>>5817476

Later i realized that i suffer of parcial-Dream Paralisys. The first of a bunch. The cockroache just was a coincidence.
>>
>>5815842

The panther's favourite food
>>
>>5811930
Didn't happen to me but my ex told me
The kid went to the hospital that my ex's mother worked at claiming to have been raped by him mother or something and none of the nurses on duty would believe that he was raped

Sorta Kafkaesque in a hopeless sorta way
>>
>>5816678
My father and his family did this to me as a teenager.

My childhood friend did this to me later.

Neither gave a reason and all parties refuse to acknowledge my existence after I was cast aside.

Looking back on it, I should probably take this apple out of my side.
>>
>>5811954
hahaha
>>
When I was a really little kid I started having occasional weird dreams that were all sort of connected. As I got older they got more surreal & dissociated; till I wasn't sure if they were really dreams, scenes from a movie, or something I made up. One of these dream sequences was really hot to me and was something my 7-yr old self fantasized about, eventually developing into a fetish.

When I was 17 we watched this movie in my high school film club. Every scene felt like deja-vu. My mom said she'd never heard of it so I must have caught snippets of it on TV when I was like 5, and it stalked my subconscious for the rest of my life
>>
>>5811930
Was having drinking problems, was fucking tired after 2 nights of no sleep once. I got a train to my work, I fell asleep on train. I arrived at a strange destination annd it was dark. noone would look me straight in the eye and I didn't have money, now I'm not a poor guy... I went around asking for money and people treated me like a homeless arsehole, I tried to tell them that I was just trying to et home and it was like the couldn't hear me, and I mean loads of fucking people... Anyway, I scrounged enugh cash for a ticket to the statioon I get off at for work and bought a ticket there. I had about 10p left over. So I got on the train and sllept like a fucking baby, I woke up just before my stop. It was morning. I got off and went to work. It was tuesday though... I had just missed a day of my life. The entire episode I would have thought a dream were it not for the mney let over. I haven't binge drank since. It was fucking scary but I can't write well so I can't exactly convey that.
>>
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>>5811930
>go to library
>Check out Kafkas short stories [hardcover library ed]
>gets stamped
>head home
> when I check when the book was due it said 16 December 2004
>mfw my due date was 16 December 2014
>>
>>5817863
I mean that it was last due
>>
>>5811954
yup, this
>>
>>5815891
dude i was high/drunk off my ass, i wasn't working with much more than base emotions
>>
>>5817863
>>5817869
Amusing, but not kafkaesque. Now if you returned the book and, even after seeing it back on the shelf, they claimed you never did and booked you with fees until you returned that exact copy -- a new copy is no good, library policy -- then you'd be onto something.
>>
>>5812090
>Stop talking about Kafkaesque as if that means something.
You know that it's mostly just a buzzword used by plebs who have heard the name, or saw the titular Breaking Bad episode, right? This thread is supposed to be humorous.

Sour puss.
>>
>>5816678
I had this happen to me with two groups of friends.

In retrospect it might have been because I was annoying (at least with one of the groups) but they never complained about me or anything then one day they just decided they didn't like me.

Whenever I talked to them individually later on they had no problem with me but in groups they didn't like me.
>>
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Got robbed on the subway, then arrested by two undercover cops on my way to the precinct for an unpaid ticket.
>>
>>5812938
>>5812941
memefriend
>>
>>5817783
that's an amazing movie
>>
>>5812090
>magical realism
>>
>>5812118
You sound like someone who hasn't read him.
>>
>>5819926.
How so? I have read quite a bit of Kafka.
>>
>>5812090
how pleb can you get
>>
>>5819932
Granted, he's not completely metaphor like I said in this thread, and does go quite a bit for eeriness.....but he could be considered to be expounding upon something by said eeriness.
>>
>>5819939
Pfft. I'm tired as fuck and bluffing. I get Kafka, though. He was all fun and freaking people out, with a huge underlying awareness of people.
>>
I'm bad with women, despite being intelligent and attractive.
>>
>having trouble with local neighborhood kids egging house and whatnot.
>Go downtown to talk to law.
>Guard at the door, won't let me in.
>Asshole tells me I have to get permission first.
>mfw
>Tell him the door is open and I could just slip right in
>All the cockmongler says is "ya u cud"
>decide to wait for permission
>wait for a long time, start to grow beard
>years pass, I'm all old and shit kids I had a problem with are probably dead
>decide to ask why in all the years I've been here no one has tried to go in
>guy just says "cuz it was just for u lol"
>walks away and closes door
Still hate that guy.
>>
>>5819965
Dude are you Irish?
>>
>>5819977
Nope, I'm just fucking retarded right now lol Nm
>>
>>5819980
Wait, no I was right the first time, are you Irish?
>>
>>5819961
you're probably not very attractive then
>>
I got sent to the principal's office and he was mean to me.
>>
>>5815153
Maybe you should ook yourself in the dooker!
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p0chD8U8fA
>>
>>5820021

Oh shit, pasted the wrong thing...
>>
I lost my library card and it took me two weeks to get a new one
>>
i lived in the shadow of domineering father my whole life and never got over it. i worked a dead end job and never married and wrote spoopy short stories in my spare time to escape the fact that i am pathetic masochistic coward
>>
I'm the CEO of a large company.
My brother fell on some hard times. Apparently he lost his job because of some trumped up sexual harassment scandal.
I always looked up to him and tried to be like him. It hurt me to see him struggle to afford his groceries and rent.
I called him and offered him a job that opened up at a branch near his apartment.
He choked back some tears and said, "really, you could do that for me?"
I said, "sure, I know you can do the job. I'd hire you even if you weren't my brother." I was probably lying.
After he calmed down, he asked, "are you sure it's okay? I haven't even settled my legal fees with your business yet."
>>
>>5812200
This was fo' dat near dirtnap thread, which gots deleted as I was typin it yo, but it might all fit here:

I have owned ten rides over like 4 years, crashed da most thugged-out part of them, driven tha others tha fuck into tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I once took up 9 metaz of castle wall, hittin it at bout 100mph wit a funky-ass dawg up in tha hoopty wit me (itz all gravy, he flipped a cold-ass lil hoopty me n' his ass robbed tha fuck into a river muthafuckin years beforehand, we even now).

I once fought a whole stag party, or at least stared down they supposed 'hardman'.

I once took on dis straight-up massive dude, like real Dizzy n' Goliath shit, cuz he grabbed mah dawg by tha throat one time when we was lil playas (same dude wit tha car), nearly chokin his ass ta dirtnap. Dudez like 10 muthafuckin years olda than me, I almost smashed his nozzle tha fuck into his wild lil' face, hittin his ass bout 10 times, afta he'd hit me dis light tap thankin da thug was a hardman goin ta scare me away.

I once took on, like, a whole hood full of scumbags afta they'd put another one of mah playaz up in hospitizzle a while beforehand, ridin' dirty on his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I didn't even hit any of them, just roared 'my grandmutha would hit me harder than that'. I be now pretty much a legend up in dat town, n' pretty much every last muthafuckin hood where I be from lol. I swear I aint lying.

One time dis dude cheated on mah hoe so I caught his ass by tha throat up in a funky-ass bathroom yo, but da thug was too lil' small-ass so I just left his ass go. Next week his thugged-out lil' punk-ass brought dis supposed tough muthafucka back ta tha same bar (and he is tough, I know him) yo, but he recognised mah crazy ass when they pointed mah crazy ass up ta his ass (he'd been there dat time wit mah yellin 'my grandmother...') n' his thugged-out lil' punk-ass basically just sat back tha fuck into tha hoopty sayin not a hope is I fightin dat muthafucka lol......

And.....the list goes on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. That last one wasn't straight-up near dirtnap yo, but dat shiznit was funky as fuck.
>>
>>5812090
>Fucking Kafka. There's no discernible talent there
Fucking Kafka. There's no discernible talent thereFucking Kafka. There's no discernible talent thereFucking Kafka. There's no discernible talent there

10/10 I replied, raged and am still dubious as to whether you're a troll or a massive retard 15 year old pretentious piece of shit whom I'd gladly punch in the face, breaking his nose on the process, if I were to meet him in real life.
>>
>>5815251
Fuck.
I've got a feeling the answer is patently going to be 'no', but did you ever try breaching the subject of what happened that night, or allude to the fact you were in earshot?
>>
There's been many times. This one is going to be purpousfully vague.
I was dealing with a woman who made a complaint of harassment against some guy she originally met on craigslist. Turned out they shared some kinks, but when it came to them meeting in person she wasn't dtf. Feeling unjustly scorned he then went all out to keep in contact with her.
I spoke to the guy in concerned and checked out his mobile phone without his knowledge. He had been exchanging messages with some other hot piece of ass. I took note of the mobile number, got hold of a unregistered pay as you SIM and texted her on the off chance to see if she fancied meeting up.
Her first text back to me was a single word, a message containing my first name, follwed by a question mark.
Naturally, I threw the SIM and ended up sweating myself to sleep that night...
>>
>>5819977
>>5819980
>>5819983
embarassing
>>
>>5820896
Alphas don't get embarrassed, lizard dude ;)
>>
It was also a troll. I spend all my time on here dissecting people's books/interpretations of books, and I have to make three attempts at a piece of greentext?
>>
>>5820903
>I was merely pretending
Man you sure are working hard to keep your title as idiot of lit
>>
>>5820916
I wasn't merely pretending, it was actually quite masterful. I am Keyser Soze ;)

How petty are you right now, though? Feel free to challenge my actual arguments on here, rather than just crying at me for how I carry myself. *cough* beta *cough*
>>
Am I the only one who laughed nonstop while reading The Trial? It's just Joseph K. enduring an absurd, elaborate troll through the entire story.
>>
>>5820927
Spoken like a true idiot
>>
>>5820803
What the fuck did you just say about me you little bitch?
>>
>>5820939
Thanks for being an outlet, anon. I appreciate it ;)
>>
>>5820946
Whatever you say, idiot
>>
>>5811982
This is Goosebumps-tier.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, if I'd read that when I was 8 I would have always remembered it.
>>
>>5819807
Ya I feel like it affected my personality really strongly, and more than I know; and idk if I like that
>>
>>5820893
He probably told her u went thru his phone. chill
>>
>At a party in Thebes with some friends.
>Having a great time, start talking about driving to Athens and sure enough, in a wave of group enthusiasm, hit the road.
>About 100 mile drive
>Chatting enjoying each others company
>Maybe 40 miles down the road start realizing how ludicrous my decision to drive to Athens was
>Remember that I left my mother in Thebes all alone
>Silence in the car now
>Realize every one is thinking the same thing
>Why the hell am I in Greece and who are these people I'm with?
That was the dream I had last night anyway. Later I got tackled by a dog in the middle of the street and a cop reached in my pocket and it was full of pot apparently.
>>
>>5812975
This is Joshua Ferris-esque.
>>
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>>5814658
Oh scheisse, that is a pickle.

What "bunch of things" had you never done before?
>>
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>>5815251
>>
>making an intelligent reply to post on 4chan
>take hour typing in out, and really proud of it
>type in the captcha
>"You seem to have mistyped the CAPTCHA"
>carefully begin to type in the new captcha
>it changes suddenly midway through the second word to a new captcha
>it's only the number 22
>"22"
>"You seem to have mistyped the CAPTCHA"
>new captcha, it's literally "captcha captcha"
>type it in
>"ERROR: You are banned"
>>
>>5811930
Getting a paper cut on the head of my penis.
>>
>>5820927
>Feel free to challenge my actual arguments on here
you don't make any arguments. you only post a vehement train of shit.
>>
>>5815077
>they didn't kill you

not kafkaesque enough
>>
>>5817783
This isn't really related to the thread but I constantly have dreams about people I know or have known in the past. Mostly in mundane settings, I remember talking to a woman that borrowed money from me in my dream, then talking to the woman in reality and realizing that I had dreamt the amount I thought she had owed me and she actually owed me much more.

I also have dreams where I will be in an ordinary situation with odd parameters, like I will be with people that I don't know that well, or in a setting I've never encountered before, or in a familiar setting with a different relationship to it. I also have moments where I get a VERY strong sense of deja-vu. I like to think that I dream of moments that will happen later in life and the deja-vu is from the old memory of my dream. Half because I remember a dream where I was laying next to a girl in front of a projector screen and we were both very happy; I would like for that dream to happen, even if I don't remember it when it does.
>>
I went to the social security institute of my third world country with a terrible sickness.
Hilarity ensues.
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