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Last thread >>5707745
I'm an expert, I've once dated both of them.
>been 6 months since anyone in your life or any strangers have called you male
>still burning in hell on the inside with these feels that it's never going to happen
It doesn't get better
>tfw your true love just wants you to go away.
Love brain eater though
Yes. But he doesn't get along well with smith (we call her rebecca), my white foster child. I believe it is latent racism, and his more passive behavior have made me start him up on hrt as it seems to fit her temper better
>never been gendered female
>look extremely manly because fuck my genes
>not brave enough to kill myself
I fell asleep after sex last night and slept in. My ride for school got here and I only had time to get dressed.
I'm covered in dry cum and had to wipe it off my face in his car.
this is where im at too.
im literally waiting for something to kill me at this point.
Well just be careful about being here too much anon ^^. This place can really drag people down, it almost got me for a while but a break helped me clear my head.
It's not even hard to be nice, it's just having empathy and realizing we're all in shit same shitty situation, why not try to make it a little better for everyone involved instead of worse. I just wish more people bothered to put that little bit of effort in.
30 minutes still counts!
Time to be a fatty yay
Oh, hey Cheska
>go to pick up medicine
>call my number
>busy fun posting
>other patient shouts "don't worry she's coming"
I guess this is what passes for female to people in a hospital
Some fashion/passing advice from friendly neighborhood manga tranny.
The entire manga is really good. The three main characters are unrepentant butch (that might be FtM though it's highly unlikely), a definite MtF that crossdresses regularly and messed up sadistic girl that has sex with old men for money and doesn't ever want to age beyond 15 years.
feeling super! I switched from Estrofem to Prognova and been feeling a lot better, the stomach pains arnt as bad and they dont wake me up in the middle of the night anymore, plus its overall cheaper!
How about you Korra-chan? :3
>be happy with and in love with someone
>want them to MURDER YOU AND DESTROY YOUR PHYSICAL BODY so you can't experience the world with them
jesus christ some of you are hopeless
i got depressed and deleted some people who didnt gave a single shit about me
i dont even know why i keep using skype, i talk to like one person a month who asks me who i am
Fuck that, time to own it and make your dad butthurt.
>How do I wear pants like a girl q-q
You need hips (or illusion or hips). Here you need a combination of luck, hormones and either fat to make up the hips or complete lack of fat to show the natural curves guys do also have
2) female pants. Which are actually differently tailored than male pants.
I will never pass.
I never have a bf.
I will never get laid.
I will never like myself.
I will never be happy.
I will never not be sad.
I will never have the strength to end it.
[spoiler]and I can't take another day of this.[/spoiler]
i used to think that exact same thing because i was suicidal every day
i used to fantasize about elaborate "romantic" deaths with whatever partner i had but this was all before i had actual relationships with people in real life where I lived with them and shared a life with them
when i thought like that i was still going after people long-distance and wasn't an adult
hopefully ya'll grow out of it
physical body is already very much destroyed
the mind deteriorates yet lingers on in its corpse
god left me unfinished
>tfw getting prescribed hormones today after months of selfmed
Well Im just gonna keep eating this sandwich and pray it goes to the right plaes. I guess I should get some womens jeans soon too, Ill have to remember that when I order clothes tonight!
If I ever run into you Ill treat you to a really nice meal
My old coworkers would always give me some shit because Id get a pikle every tiem I ate at work but theyre so juicy~
That looks real good
>tfw guy who knocked on my door and I was rude to didn't kill me for being a degenerate man with boobs
I mean, pretty much everyone here is boring in their own ways, we're all hanging out on 4chan. Doesn't matter though cause talking to people is how you stop that :P so do itttt! Or just add people off the zeemaps I think my info should be updated onto there now unless it still hasn't gotten approved.
then if you're not afraid of death because you believe that consciousness lives on despite the release of a physical body through whatever means, and then you want to die, then just do it
dont just whine about it all day on the internet. in the back of your head you know it will get better though and you're afraid of nothing happening after you die, that's why you haven't done it yet.
hey at least i dont want to kill myself bro
>never really had acne in high school
>now 21 and acne is hitting me like a fucking brick
pretty shitty tbdesu, what cream/soap/whatever do people use for this
also how do I come up with programming projects? I keep meaning to do shit with Node or C++ to not get completely rusty but I never have a decent idea so I do nothing instead
>no one will ever break into my room and attack me
>therapist wants me to try to "live as a girl" in my apartment since I'm terrified of ever presenting in real world
>haven't started HRT so girl's clothes would look horrible
>can barely look at myself just wearing women's underwear without getting disgusted
ive seen entire tables of all girly girls with no trannies get called "guys"
this is normal american vernacular
as long as u can understand that and dont let it get to you
nobody is rational 24/7
>tfw you'll never hug Dreamy Girl
>tfw Noun will never love you
>tfw no drugs to od on
>tfw people would care if you killed yourself
DONT FUCKING MISGENDER ME!!!!!!!!11
i'm seriously losing my shit with broccoli atm.
who cares if kale is more pretentious? kale has never ruined one of my health juicings like broccoli has rn.
An Open Letter to Broccoli:
>caring about others means you're not suicidal at all
It wouldn't stop me given the chance. It just sucks I'll hurt people. But please don't stick your retard logic anywhere near me thank you.
i showed you that one picture when my hair was wet. i will take another after i shower later OK?
Someone sounds a bit salty
They just don't know what lighting is because they've never taken a picture out of their dark room.
DAILY REMINDER THAT TRANS IS A MENTAL DISORDER
No, it's true that it's a mental illness it's the same as being retarded
SAME OLD SAME OLD, STILL BREATHING AND THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH DRUGS TO STOP THAT. What's up with you?
I don't have money for surgery you retard, I'm fucking broke
You got a cure there pham
Please, you gotta end this nightmare
Yea thats right
Thought you wouldn't~
I won't fite you, but you'll end up doing this desu senpai.
You honestly asking me? Because the cure is to love yourself. Don't let other people tell you who you should be or who you are. Just love yourself, and the people around you will start loving you as well.
thats some real fuggin bs rite thur
cis lesbian go reee
nothing actually, just wanna shitpost, you know?
>cis lesbian go reee
what? I'm having fun here not being a lesbian, but girls are hot I guess
normies, pls go so i can be miserable in peace.
What are you laughing at?
At a group of people who realizes that transitioning is fucking stupid and they rather not be freaks and never be able to get a good job, and instead they deal with it and have a normal decent life?
but i have nothing to be upset about, i am an attractive cis female here for the keks
Well, I'll just chill here for a bit
does anyone still have the cock hat vector that elanna made?
You're not a traitor though, they're probably happy you've made changes to your life to be a happier person. So don't make yourself feel bad about it I doubt that's what they'd want.
I enjoy the show. I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys owned it.
trans community is the place where i have been more discriminated and made fun of, of all places i have being.
people calling me ugly
nobody ever willing to help in anything
just selfish people
friends who turned their back because they didnt like my situation
i wish i would had stay in closet and never tried to be friend with trans people
someone get this normie out of here reeeee
s-she probably looks worse than most trannies to be doing this for her self esteem anyways
bexe said that? the delusion is real, jormy is actually qt
That's what this is all about. Loving yourself and realizing that you don't need to follow the definitions others have created for you. It's kinda roundabout but it's also that for many of us it was hard to express ourselves at all previously.
I mean, it's just if there's a better way to fix the problems between how we feel and how we're forced to act normally as male, I'd be interested to hear the idea.
the only retard logic is wanting to kill yourself desu
if u have nothing to live for fucking do it, who cares what anyone else thinks?
people who actually kill themselves have literally nothing to live for in their own heads, they dont think about their families or anything else
stop being an attention whore retard
>I love to pretend I know everything
Here's your (You)
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!
Which spice grill are/were you mtf g's?
solar was actually a really smart way to get Soji back into liking the Twintails again. It was pretty unique
you know im right, thats why you're deflecting m8. people don't WANT to kill themselves, they just do it
if you start thinking things like
"id kill myself but id hurt those who care about me"
"id kill myself but its too much work id rather lay in bed and THINK about killing myself all day"
no matter how you rationalise it in your own little head there you're not actually suicidal you just have suicidal ideation and major depression
some people just cant learn to take life for what it is and love it as it is, most of the people here who complain about wanting to kill themsevles all day are teenagers so it's not really surprising i suppose, even i'm still a teenager for a few more months.
the ones that are in their late 20s and still are suicidal are the ones that have the legitimate issues and need serious psychiatric help, before you get to that point you really can turn your life around you just have to want to
I just got the call for my intake appointment for surgery. The appointment is in 1 month, and from there they said it will be about a year to the surgery date.
Help me I'm scared. I'm starting to have second thoughts. Like, I'm happily out as a girl and living fine but just the surgery bit, I don't know. I'm happy, do I really need this?
Hey, back the fuck away from Mado you fucking self adsorbed prick.
>waa you don't know the pain
>waa you don't really wanna comit suicide
>muh suicidal thoughts
>no matter how you rationalise it in your own little head there you're not actually suicidal you just have suicidal ideation and major depression
what if I attempt to take my life when I was a kid and I enjoy trying to overdose on antidepressants? Also I have been cutting myself for the last 6 years.
Does that make me suicidal or just depressive?
In the last few years the only time I was having second thoughts was before an orchi. It seemed to irreversible. Why was I transitioning? Was this really my life?
Went through with it. No regrets since. Stupid brain just wanted something to freak out over.
depressive and you probably have a serious psychological disorder. at the end of the day people can rationalise it as wanting to die all they want, but there are tons of ways to easily make sure you will 100% kill yourself.
>mfw auto-correct corrected absorbed to adsorbed. You aren't the film left from gasses
>tfw actually want to feel like I can identify with some sort of transgender movement
>all "transgender" people are just AGP fetishists or old hons.
I envy the old gay movement, when LGBT actually had some decency rather than being the extreme tipping-point of late capitalist porn culture.
>im pretty sure if anybody else had my life they would had killed themselves long time ago
then see it as a strength of character that you have managed to keep going. don't sell yourself short.
desu you don't need anywhere near that much desu desu.
although we could all do with a little forehead reconstruction ayy
do you know all of your options?
-leaving it as is and having to deal with tape and gaffs all the time.
-orchiectomy and nothing else
-partial/cosmetic srs without vaginal canal (no need to dilate, don't have to worry about your flora, surgery is far less invasive etc)
The voice pitch applications work decently, as well as you need to record yourself and listen to it back again, as it will never sound the same to others as it does to you when you're speaking it.
>then see it as a strength of character that you have managed to keep going. don't sell yourself short.
Not because Im strong or I have any interest in keep living. Its because I have been doing some business and I need some people to pay me. I wont gift my money to drug dealers.
I manage to make around 6k dollars in the last years. I wish it was enough to be happy.
>you can't kill yourself and care about others
Welp that's medically wrong, it only takes one moment to kill yourself, and when your brain is constantly telling you to do it, that can be any moment when you're alone, no mental illness however has a diagnosis that says you can't have unselfish or positive thoughts at times.
>tfw first day off in almost 2 weeks
>tfw going on date tonight for sushi
who here /feeling normal/?
My burdens are mine and will die with me. I'd say I matter the least. Wish everyone else would see it too so I could kill myself with no regret already.
go into a game of CS:GO or any other game where lots of people talk
this is what the following results means
"wow is that a tranny" - you sound like you're transgender but if you pass in real life people irl aren't going to think twice. if u dont pass then ur voice doesnt pass
"wow isnt it way past ur bedtime kid" - you probably sound like a young boy which also doesnt matter if you're passable irl. people will just think you are a tomboy. if u dont pass then your voice doesnt pass
"TITS OR GTFO etc." - your voice passes congrats
if everyone acts completely normal then your voice doesnt pass probably. i say CS:GO because in casual lounges ive never seen a person with a non-normal boy voice not get harassed even a tiny bit
i think most people are at one point in their lives, for me its been the majority of my life honestly, it's only really in the past year that I've made any strides to get better, and about the past 3-4 months that i've gotten exponentially better. suicidal ideation never really goes away if you have a personality disorder though, people can say they have overcome things like Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality or Histrionic Personality or any other Cluster-B's but it takes YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS of intensive therapy to get rid of that core feeling in your bones. I still have quite frequent suicidal ideation at times but thats all it is, it's invasive thoughts because I'm Borderline and there's nothing I can really do about that without years of therapy, so far though I've managed to overcome most of it.
you're missing the point. i'm completely aware of that but you're not going to kill yourself if you have to sit there and think BUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO XYZ WHAT WILL THEY THINK? in that moment that you pull the trigger, jump off the bridge, or whatever, you care about nothing but ending your own suffering and despair. suicide is not something you can regret
it's not the options I have that bothers me. It's that I'd like to get it done, but worry about something going wrong. It feels like taking a risk and if I'm content now do I really need to take the risk? I'm just drifting between getting orchiectomy or full SRS. I'm sexually active with my partner and wouldn't want to mess anything up with SRS...
I've been at this for a long time now. One thing I've noticed is that the more I shied away from people and secluded myself in my room, the more depressed I got. Even if I'm feeling a little down, sometimes surrounding yourself with good people can make all the difference. Also, filling your days with things, whether it be work/school/family/whatever also helps you treasure your time off to just hang out or tend to hobbies. Also, putting yourself out there and just meeting new people can open up doors as well.
Sorry, I was on the post cooldown and forgot.
But yeah, OTNN is one of my big favorites!
man i want some sushi right now so fucking badly, i kinda feel like going downtown and getting some but it seems kinda pointless without a daito and everyone just left fug :--D
i wanna cook a nice dinner tonight desu, does anyone know the name of that site where you can put in all the shit thats in ur kitchen and it'll tell you stuff that you can make with the ingredients there?
mm yeah i mean i dont think people who go down that route can ever escape. a lot of people i've known in my life and shared a human connection with have committed suicide, and I'm only alive because of a random fluke that shouldn't have happened right now. I just stay painfully optimistic, don't let stressful or toxic people stay in my life, try and see the good in everything, and go day by day.
Yeah. That's really the whole truth to it, speaking with experience, it's to find someone and love them and love yourself through them
>tfw use voice in cs:go and everyone starts hitting on me and offering to buy me skins
i guess i don't have to worry about that, but computer mics are different from real life, right?
>does anyone know the name of that site where you can put in all the shit thats in ur kitchen and it'll tell you stuff that you can make with the ingredients there?
w-wat? That sounds really useful. Yes someone pls share.
It's all pretty meaningless if none of it makes me really happy or if all of it just comes back around to more disappointment it would be nice to just shut it off.
But you are the toxic manipulative leech in everyone's life
the more you get done and the more invasive the surgery, the more can go wrong, that's kinda the bottom line. i worry about it too, like the idea of having most of the sensory stuff centred around a small clit scares me too it's like, would that feel right for me?
i don't know if the full, invasive vaginal construction is the best for me. i don't mind just getting bummed and i just, looking at the future i can't bear the idea of being reminded that my bits aren't natural every time i have to dilate, or every time i need to get checked up.
but at the same time there is no way i will ever feel comfortable in public toilets with my natural tackle, or with having to tuck every day, and i don't want to use it to penetrate anyone so it's useless anyway, and i want my balls off regardless.
to me i think partial srs maintaining as much sensate material on the inside is the most ideal option for me.
i'm still tight down there the first one i got was a little on the big side so i got a smaller one to ease me in.
Yeah, it's the way I've tried to take things and move forward in all this. It does seem like a lot of people here tend to forget they should be transitioning for themselves, not for others.
i want to redye my hair black. my gf of last year dyed my hair before to black but the dye was like 10$ and its kinda faded a bit by now. should i buy an expensive hair dye so it stays in longer? or get a professional at like a salon to do it?
nah not really that much. i've noticed a lot of transgirls irl will use their girl voices in games and get hit on and every1 thinks they're a girl and then in real life they use their guy voices cus they think they dont pass.
also, how are you doing kiwi? i assume you didn't have to get institutionalized which is a good thing, you feeling better?
in about a week i'll have a job and then gem's gonna quit her job and be the neet
yeah i saw it a long time ago, dont know if its even still around
but you're completely mentally insane at that point, it sounded like you were saying that because they were conflicted they weren't going to do it. It's a pretty fast and sudden thing, that you can skirt just to have it suddenly flip on you, and at that point you're not the same person.
So yes you probably can't feel remorse when you've completely lost it, it doesn't mean that everyone can anticipate that moment they will no longer have control based on their current mood.
Not to say this is the only cause, the voices can tell you to do it, your other personality can tell you to do it, you can dissacociate and do it, you can be heavily narcissistic and plan on doing it well in advance to fullfill some fantasy of getting recognized for doing it, or getting back at people for doing it. All of them are pretty different feeling.
It really sounds like you're coming from someplace personal with this, and just saying how it might feel to you if you did it.
I get what you're saying and I don't disagree with any of it though, I'm just saying that when you've completely lose it and you're about to pull the trigger you don't sit around thinking about all the people that care about you or how good life could be in the future. In all those situations that fact is still pretty much the same. You can WANT to kill yourself but you wont really do it except in one of those situations that you've listed, and in all of those nobody is making excuses as to why they can't do it. You get what I'm saying?
>no friends so nobody to add
Why did I even do this
when i was about 8 i shot a squirrel with a bb gun to see what would happen
i think i may have been 9 our oldest dog was euthanized because of crippling arthritis
my maternal grandmother died at some point in time
a very close family friend choked to death while at college
my dog was euthanized at 13 because bone cancer
a high school friend drowned himself like a week before prom
my cousin died from a seizure
my maternal grandfather died of lung cancer
both my paternal grandparents are in exceedingly poor health right now
my brother's dog has heart cancer
and it's all just spaced out every few years, like i'm simply forbidden to forget that everyone and everything is mortal and there's no such thing as "forever"
i suppose i should thank my brother for beating and humiliating me, making me afraid to get close to people, incapable of trusting people
if i weren't a broken, unfeeling wreck with only a modicum of agency, i'd spend my entire life grieving
I try to get out and around people as much as I can, thing is, none of them seem to want to be my friends, like I only hang out around events and then go home alone again.
work doesn't really help me, it just feels like chores taking away more of my time.
>tend to hobbies
being depressed is what made me neglect most of my hobbies lately.
i'm going to shenanigans my way into spending it with my best friend somehow
ugh that shit is rough girl. the most death I've dealt with in my life is an attempted suicide which failed in such a way that kinda fucked me up mentally in a good way i suppose, and when i was 14 and 15 i dated two transgirls and both of them were very suicidal and depressed, they were all older than me by a few years i think they were both 17/18 respectively. they both killed themselves which uh probably didnt like, help my uh brain at all that was slowly developing BPD. i decided to say fuck it and date a boy and then after that didnt work i ended up falling in love with a transgirl who was pretty similar to the first transgirl i dated in a lot of ways. she was pretty awful to me but i still love her dearly, im glad i broke up with her eventually because it was a terrible relationship, but i stayed with her for 2 years because i knew that if i dated another person who killed themselves and i wasn't able to stop them or help them or make them get better then i was just a massive failure. probably shit people under the age of 18 shouldn't think about but yknow, what can you do i suppose. i like to think im a stronger person because of it but who knows. death sure fucks with people, doesnt it?
>thing is, none of them seem to want to be my friends
Then you need to surround yourself with some new people
>being depressed is what made me neglect most of my hobbies lately.
what depresses you lately?
>work doesn't really help me, it just feels like chores taking away more of my time.
Have you thought about getting a new job? or working towards one?
I'm not sure. I don't have much experience dying my hair sadly ( ._.) I was just gonna have my sister in law help me.