Who here is on the spectrum? has this intersected with being mtf in any way?
Hah, implying anyone is actually genuinely trans and it's not all just fetishes and autistic horseplay. Implying yall niggas ain't all BPD having motherfuckers.
Being a mtf autist trumps being a BPD mtf because people with borderline personality disorder can be really petty and mean spirited. Autistic people generally don't go out of their way to old grudges and hurt people. Or maybe I'm being too unfair towards people BPD?
I passed an examination for the autism spectrum last week and will get the results at the end of the month
I'm pretty confident I'm aspie though.
So with that in mind, I never related to masculinity in any way. I don't have any of the aspirations that males typically have, down to the desire to fuck someone with my penis. I want to get rid of my body hair, I want long hair, I want to stay skinny and to have smoother skin. But I don't care about having tits or a vagina or being called miss. I'm really lost and confused because I don't know if I have gender issues because of asexuality or if I have asexuality because of gender issues. The fact of the matter is that I feel depressed and uneasy about both. I can't stand the idea of staying alone, and I can't stand the idea of aging like a man.
And in turn I wonder how much of this is simply all due to gender/sexual nonconformity that comes with being on the autism spectrum. Shit really sucks.
Did you see a therapist about that, me?
These days I feel like I don't like being masculine because I don't want sexual partners and masculinity is typically what gives males the self-confidence they need when seeking partners, since they are evolutionarily meant to be dominant and assertive.
I don't understand how one can find aesthetic comfort in their masculinity if they lack that basic drive.
I've always thought i was a high functioning autistic person or whatever. But i have i don't want to take the exam because you get marked down as autistic for the rest of your life and it get's more difficult trying to get a job (at least that's what they do in the UK). Like good luck trying to get hired as an autistic tranny.
I guess thats fine but dating neets is hard because going on nice dates costs money and neets dont have a ton.
I just want a nice bf/gf who I can go on romantic outings with and isnt adhamed of me.
How to deal w/ nobody to talk to about trans stuff? I mean, my friends and family are fairly supportive, but I don't feel like I can really talk to them about gradual changes and stuff as much as I want to talk about them. I ask here sometimes and I seem to just get ignored a lot of the time. Everyone here seems so chummy, I feel like I missed some sort of sign up, or that I just give off some creepy vibe.
I think I'm related to you guys.
I didn't like much of the shit I got form puberty. The facial hair, the beard shadow, the Adam's apple, the acne, the bump on my nose, the body hair, etc. I died a little every time I noticed something new.
To the point where I grew numb to it all and never cared to take care of "that body". I didn't want to shower, I didn't want to look at it.
I'm also not exactly the most masculine guy people know.
The thought of taking hormone pills took over my mind again this year. I had been trying to improve myself, lose weight, bath and shave regularly, etc. But looking in the mirror I just got angry and emotional; as soon as I started caring about the way I looked I realized how little I liked about it.
I'm older so some ffs would probably eventually be needed, but there's more youth left in your 20's than I gave thought in my teens.
Everybody still feeling down? Still wanting to be little girls? Don't worry you'll snap out of it.
Biggest "but" like you guys is I don't care if others see me as a female and I don't mind my penis. In fact, the biggest hurdle could be my disgust for most of the females I know. I don't want them to think I want to "be like them". I want to just like what I look like. But it's been nearly a decade and I no longer hate who I am, just what I look like. I don't desire for the male aesthetic. When left to my own devices I shave everything and want to be as slim and feminine as possible.
Maybe it's not gender dysphoria, but I'm fucked in the head and have some kind of self-image problem. I accept I'm mentally ill and if I go through with it I don't expect people to "respect my pronouns" or some shit. I'm also not going to act like something I'm not.
Oh. I meant to get to the point. I chickened out of therapy at 17. Told my parents and everything, which is why they sent me. Backed out of it and told them "don't worry about it". Going to see a specialist Thursday. So I might have some names for my special brand of crazy. I'll report back the results.
How the tide turns.