>watching a straight pornographic feature
>get to part where woman gets penetrated in her vagina
>start to feel sad that I don't have a vagina
>switch off feature and don't even masturbate, just go to sleep and cry
This cannot be normal behavior.
Generally it happens most of the time I try to watch porn.
So I usually avoid it, so I'll go maybe 3 or 4 weeks without masturbating. I find it to painful to watch straight porn, and whenever I watch it I picture myself as the woman, but as I said I never really cum when I watch it I usually just switch it off.
Sexual fetishes can be very serious. I'm sorry your life has been afflicted with autogynephilia. Good luck in the next life, if there is one. Seems like you have a bad case of the fetish, as do I. I ordered a gun and will probably put a bullet in my skull soon. Not gonna leave a note, my parents think I'm happy, blah blah blah. Fun to vent on a message board though.
I'm sure I could, but it seems like a strange thing to bring up to a counselor.
>Hey seeing vaginas upsets me also I don't like people touching me especially on the penis
But I guess it is a problem, I can't have relationships because of it even though I want one.
Idk what is wrong with me.
I thought AGP was the being aroused at the thought of being a woman and having woman parts? It sounds like the OP isn't even aroused at the thought more upset, plus has had sexual encounters with men, not women.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding the term AGP.
Call it whatever you like, but for me it started out as a fun fetish, everything in my life was going okay, I'd masturbate everyday out of boredome to sissy stuff, twice a day or so. Then, one day I was stricken with this extreme anxiety when I realized I really wanted to love out my fetish in real life. I wanted to feel that buzz of emasculation at every point in my life. I've never really hated my body or life as a male, but I want to emasculate myself so badly by growing tits and wearing skirts. When I see a pretty girl now, she's almost like a walking fantasy to me. I want to have her soft, weak body and wear her clothes. Lots of people say they've felt dysphoria from a young age, hated their puberty, etc, but for me, I yearned to grow facial hair and still wish everyday that I could be taller. I used to be able to get off with girls, but now, ever since I indulged in cuckoldry, diapers and sissy fetishism, I can't get off without thinking of myself in the female body and having the masculinity fucked out of me Yep, truly a shitty, sick, degenerate fetish. Yes, I can't get off without shitty emasculation. This is why I want to kill myself and try again.
cant you live it out? you could find bi guys or girls (rare but they exist too) who would love to fuck a submissive sissy
also I know one agp who went full hrt without actually changing sex/gender and hes pretty happy about it
>I know one agp who went full hrt without actually changing sex/gender and hes pretty happy about it
I've considered doing this for the slight feminization and mental benefits but I'm concerned about breast growth. You can't avoid/hide that forever still living as a guy, can you?
I mean I can and I've tried. I'm just bitter that my whole sexuality is based around being someone's bitch. I'm in no way attracted to the male body, but I love to imagine myself in the female place during sex and in life because of how embarrasing my mind perceives it to be, and fully aware of my attraction to women, I can get off on topping women, but it isn't the ultimate fantasy to me. I am ashamed of my cuckoldry-esque sexuality, so much so that I really don't think it's worth living. I'm 32 now, I look good, people suspect nothing of me, my parents would be devastated, etc. I just feel like I've been really fucked over in this life and always fantasize about maybe getting another try as someone who can actually be happy with themselves.
It's not strange to come to a person who specializes in helping people understand and deal with strange modes of thought in order to accomplish those things.
You can probably live without your sexuality, but it isn't likely to be a very fulfilling life, since you're clearly a sexual person. Try not to let embarrassment keep you silent. When you see a therapist, most of what they do is try to help you talk though what your experiencing, and suggest looking at it from other angles. You're the driving force.
Eh, right now I'm work slaving. I escape my AGP/whatever you wanna call it by doing everything I possibly can to make cash. Idk, just the thought of one day having so much money that I'll be able to live a life of introversion is so comforting to me. I know I'll likely never find a partner who is okay with me as I am now and I don't want to live a lie and have kids with a woman. I'm a sissy, AGP, cuck.
depending on genetics you'll get some gyno for sure, there is no problem hiding if its small
the guy Im talking about looks said he gets mistaken for a woman sometimes, he looks androgynous
So you have agp and whatever disorder caused by it, pretty sure with professional help you could overcome it, since its acquired.
My agp just makes me frustrated and regretful that I'm not 18 anymore and cant change much about my looks and be more fem, but I can live with it, even if my personal life is a wreck.
Never heard anyone becoming so obsessed and ashamed to become suicidal from it, thats pretty severe and you really need to see a therapist. I'm not gonna pretend I have an idea how to deal with it. Hope you'll be alright.
Hey to the sissy fetish guy!
If this fetish is causing you substantial distress, there's quite a lot of precedent for therapy helping to mitigate the fetish's influence on your life, while helping you to find healthy(er) ways to satisfy it.
If you're seriously considering HRT and continuing to live as your current gender, look into binders if you start getting too large to flatten out with a sports bra and undershirt. At your age, it's likely your chest is large enough to let you hide away a lot of breast without as much discomfort.
> ever managing to find a way to be ok with having a fucking dick and balls
> being this agp
No. They generally get in the way more, and are the reason you need to take AAs, all of which sort of suck for your body. If you're not absolutely sure about SRS/GCS or whatever we're calling it these days, being sure about an orchiectomy pretty much follows.
My favorite way is to place my dick between two strong vibrators. The two vibrators are different ages, and vibrate at different speeds so it make a nice beat frequency between the. Another way is to use the vibrator directly on the spot on the underside of the dick below the head. Use lots of lube for that.
Do you use one of those Hitachi magic wands? I'm thinking about getting one of these. Do you have your penis exposed or do you do it through a fabric? I guess I'm asking because I don't like seeing it so will it vibrate through jeans?
I have two Shibari Halos so I'm not tied to a wall outlet. They aren't as strong as the Hitachi, but likely would work through heavy jeans, and do work through Levis stretch denim women's jeans.