Is it weird to tell an older friend / coworker (my mentor) that he's my role model? How do I best communicate that?
I'm 23 and he's 40. We've only known each other for six months but we're incredibly close. He's a clear father figure for me.
I've never really had a positive male role model like him before, so I'd like him to know how much I appreciate his help/advice.
It would be uncomfortable for him, which would make it uncomfortable for you, which would make it uncomfortable for me when you come back here and complain about how uncomfortable it was.
Haha. It's a shame it would probably be uncomfortable for him -- I wish people could say stuff like that to each other. Showing (nonromantic) affection/appreciation to other dudes is hard.
For the most part pretty good. I had a TBI since then so I don't remember the most. I ended up with my mentors because they volunteered or were asked to help teach me. So they knew the situation from the start.
Please do not and allow me to explain.
Everything men feel between men is unexpressed and needs to say unexpressed.
You never talk at the person, you talk next to them. You never say exactly what you mean. You say everything you need to from the mutual feeling of interaction beyond words.
Explicitly saying something like that goes against everything in the soul of the straight man. He will cringe you will cringe it will be bad. I've had male role models in the past and trust me it is best not to say anything. Men don't say things like that. You don't drink wine and talk about your feelings. You show respect and that's it.
If you want to understand this relationship read The Old Man and the Sea. Everything that is meant is never said. All of the meaning and message is between the words and actions. Once you get that you're on the way to understanding men.
Please, please don't do something so stupid and ruin a great relationship.
>Can you explain this more?
It's extremely difficult to explain. It comes naturally when you have a strong male presence in your life and live in a masculine atmosphere. The only thing I can do is to say try and show respect and deference for your older male role model through action and deeds (even words but not explicitly). You don't show it by saying "HEY SENPAI I RESPECT YOU!"
I'll give you an example of this interaction beyond words. An older male friend was having an incredibly difficult time in his life and he really needed to get shit off his chest. We sat on a bench side by side in a park and he started talking. It was about shit and it was all passed off like it was nothing but I knew exactly what he was saying even though he wasn't saying it. Not even in a metaphorical or allegorical sense either. And I knew how to talk to him to comfort him without being a women about it or even really talking about it at all. at the end of it we hadn't really said anything or even looked at each other but he just eventually said "good talk" and we walked off. It's a different language that you really just have to be born into.
Any good shows/movies/podcasts/etc I can check out to learn more about this or get good examples I can follow for myself?
Like I said, no real male role model before, and I've already learned a ton just by having that now. I'd like to learn more about navigating mentorship / close male (role model) relationships in general, as strange as that may sound
Thanks for the example -- that's helpful
Read Hemmingway. His entire style is based on this masculine communication. Other than that I don't know. Make more masculine male friendships and observer how they act. Look at classically masculine characters in movies. Maybe sons of anarchy would have an example but I've never seen that show. The key is just to hold in your emotions and interact with them by proxy. Other than that I don't know what to tell you. Act normally and not like a fag or women. Observe men, be a man.
Excel at what they were teaching me. I gave all of them gifts. Usually original art that I made.
A couple of them managed to teach me how to not worry about making mistakes, and how to learn from those mistakes. That was very early on and quite important for my explorations with new styles and techniques.
I think what made them good was the give and take I had with all of my mentors. All recognized that I was really gifted in both visual and spatial abilities, that I could learn new techniques fast, and was willing to experiment with them.