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How to stop being homophobic?
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You are currently reading a thread in /lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender

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Ok, I know this is probably a stupid question but whatever.

I'm a gay male, and I'm really homophobic. I don't feel like I hate myself, but I've basically been taught all my life to hate gays (well, anyone who's not straight, but particulary gays). You know, brought up by a religious family, small town guy, etc.

Now, since I'm gay, I've tried to get rid of those feelings, but they just won't go away. I don't go about my life bashing gay guys but I immediatly consider them lesser people when they tell me they're not straight, and I just can't help it.

It really doesn't help that all the gay guys I've ever met have been walking stereotypes. I mean, I KNOW not all of them are like that, but I've never found any of the 'chill' ones, and that just makes me want to distance myself from all of them.

Now, why does this bother me so much? Well, because as I said, I AM gay, and I'm not even in the closet anymore, so it really feels stupid to hate on other gay guys -but again, I can't help it!

The worst part is that I'd like to have a boyfriend. I had one once and it was just a disaster. I liked him a lot, but everytime he talked all I could think off was how much of a faggot he was, and I was really embarrassed to be seen in public with him and such. To make it even worse, he was super insecure and clingy, so he accepted all my bullshit, which in the end only made me angrier because, again, I kept thinking he was a huge faggot. Now, I know I'm an asshole, but I still have some decency left, so I broke up with him, and I'm pretty sure he managed to move on. But I'm still stuck with all these hatred feelings and I don't know how to make them go away.

TL;DR any advice on how to get over your homophobia?
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>>5650446
Just bee yourself
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>>5650446
iktf bruv all the fags I know ikr are fucking caricatures.
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>>5650446
Sounds like you hate faggots more than gays.
I generally hate faggots (am a gay male) there are a few exceptions but just find some not faggot gay guys. Republican/conservative leaning gays could be a tag to help you find someone.
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>>5650593
Faggots are basically woman with dicks you want MEN with dicks that like dicks.
Not really that homophobic
Degeneracy is degeneracy
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i mean i dont really like femme/stereotypical gays either, but luckily i used to lived in Chicago and moved down to Austin for college so i had a wide range of people in big cities.
What is it about other gays that you hate? is it actual stereotypes or just people who are open about their sexuality? because there is a big difference between the two.
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>>5650593
Or body building gay men
Testosterone is a must
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So you don't want faggy, femme, tranny, gay guys. Instead you want the gay men who get off on looking at themselves, but aren't necessarily faggy acting. Yeah, most of them are closeted.
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>>5650665
This

Most gay men who are masculine refuse to believe they are gay because they are too Manley and gays are feminine faggots. Sounds like op before out of closet. You are fishing in shallow waters my friend. But don't give up and don't go after a faggot. You know what you want. You will grow to respect faggots more as you find someone that is more yoyr type.
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>>5650446
You can start by spreading your boipucci.
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>>5650446
>how to get over internalized homophobia
>suck a lot of cock
>a -lot-
>like... more than you normally might.

meet more different kinds of guys/gays
there isn't any monolithic gay type

suck enough cock until you find a gay guy you don't hate attached to the cock in your mouth.
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One thing I thought of is if you look at the queer community you can compare it to going to go see a local sports team. Some people dress up and look a little fancy to go see the game, some people wear a few clothing items or accessories related to the team their cheering for, some people go all the way and do a full on body paint. Yet you still recognize all these types of people from the same group.
Sure some guys will dress pretty regular, some will wear a handkerchief or a pin, or some will even bleach their hair, wear god awful amount of make up and tight clothes... but they are still apart of the community.
You don't have to be everyone's friend, but recognize that we are on the same team.
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>>5650593
>Republican/conservative leaning gays could be a tag to help you find someone
I'm not from the States, so I don't know what a Republican is exactly like. I don't think I've ever met a non straight person that wasn't a leftie, though.

>>5650620
>is it actual stereotypes or just people who are open about their sexuality?

It's hard to say because I haven't met anyone who was open about their sexuality and wasn't at the same time a spot on walking stereotype.

>>5650665
>>5650885
Well, this sucks.

>>5651267
I'm a bit worried about my odds of getting AIDS being higher than of finding the right guy.

>>5651332
This is a good analogy I guess. But aren't those extreme fans the ones that get drunk and destroy everything when their team loses, and everyone else just generally hate them?
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>>5650446
You have been conditioned to be homophobic, you just have to recondition yourself. Spend times with gay people or on gay forums. Try to be understanding and don't dissmis someone because you don't like them, because it might just be part of your conditioning. Get used to the thinks you were taught to fear and hate. And if you truly encouter a shitty person, realize and remember that they are a shitty person and don't let it reflect badly on the rest of the group they are a part of.
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Are you me?

I feel the same way. like I'm ok being gay in private.

But if I was on a date and a boy tried to kiss me in public its quite possible I might punch him just through some homophobic reflex.
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Thanks for the thread op. Now I know why keep finding excuses for not associating with other gays.

>>5652873
yeah, cuddling in private and doing gay shit sure. But out in public? nah.
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There are two easy steps to this:

First, listen to Mahatma Gandhi.
>"You must be the change you wish to see in this world."
Only fags really like fags, and fags seem to dominate all that is gay. Show people that you're just not like that and set an example. Eventually, when they realise that they don't have to be fags, all of the "normal" gays will show themselves.
By doing this, you'll start to see that you have plenty of quality bf options, and that gay means nothing more than liking the same gender.
You're out of the closet, which is great. Now all you need to do is make sure that EVERYBODY knows. May also help if you're quirky and interesting, so that people will like you more.

Second, challenge stereotypes.
If you get asked out by a gay guy (as a friend or as a date), suggest normal stuff. If they can be cool about watching a horror movie or going to a not-gay bar, then you'll suddenly see that they're a lot less faggy than you initially thought.
If, however, they get faggy and start assuming that you want to go shopping and watch a musical just because you're gay, call them out for THEIR internalised homophobia.
Example:
>Hey, gurl. You wanna go see that new musical, hon?
>Not particularly. Why would you even suggest that? You know I hate musicals, right?
>Oh my gosh! But aren't you supposed to be gay? Tee hee.
>Dude, why would being gay mean I enjoy that crap? How about you stop stereotyping me based on my sexual orientation, senpai.
Soon, you'll learn that disliking campfags (or people you would assume to be campfags) is not internalised homophobia; it's just disliking shit-tier music and hobbies.

Through these, you'll reveal all the gay people who blended into the crowd, and you'll strip away all of your assumptions about the gay people you already knew. Once you have a better picture of reality, it will be easier to get rid of your old perceptions.

Sorry for overly long comment.
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>>5650446
Kill yuorself
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>>5650446
I feel you OP. There's gaymen, and then there's faggots. I fucking hate faggots, too, because they give the rest of us a bad rep. That doesn't mean km homophobic or anything, and I don't go around bullying them or what have you, but camp behavior from gay men's extremely off-putting to me.

If I wanted to date a woman then I'd date a woman, just not a woman with a dick.
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>>5654318
>There's gaymen, and then there's faggots

Calm down, every guy who has sex with men or is attracted to men is a faggot.
Don't look down to other people
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>>5654391
Kek no
Being a faggot is a choice
Being gay...not so much.
Open Lgbt supporters are faggots.
Guy that smokes with you and likes dick is not.
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OP, are you me? I couldn't come out for at least ten years in fear of being associated with the LGBT community. Fuck them and their stereotypes.
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>>5654447
Faggot is just an insulting synonym for "gay man" as well as words like "nigger" or "cunt". It would be very ridiculous to hear a black person referring to other black people he/she doesn't like as "niggers" or a woman referring to other women as "cunts". You need a therapist
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>>5654532
nah it's not a synonym for gay man
it's a synonym for an annoying gay man
big difference tbqh

much like how when whites use nig it's a synonym for retarded black dudes, but when blacks use it amongst themselves it's a synonym for brother

words are flexible, and you're inflexible, get with the program instead of telling others to seek therapists, seeing as you're the only one here who needs help.
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>>5654563
You're being annoying now, which means you're a faggot
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>>5650446
Just kill yourself.
Saves time, effort and the troubles and disappointment of having failed every therapy ever.
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>>5654447
4chan, the only place where literal homosexuals have to belittle more feminine gays to make themselves feel better.
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>>5654901
I don't like showy people
Not all gays are the gay stereotype (i.e. a faggot)
That word has lost its insulting property every since this site was created. If I get called one I will brush it off like a rational person.
*bans the word bossy*
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>>5654901
Fag vs FAGGOT
Nigah vs NIGGER
All about Context
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>>5650609
>Faggots are basically woman with dicks

Are you misogynist or what

>>5655829
>my native language isn't English, but let me tell you about English words
Seriously, you're the biggest fag on this board
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>>5654901
>the only place
uh no, literally no one likes feminine gays more than 4chan does, everyone else ~in the real world~ hates them
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>>5655919
Everyone in the real world hates all gays, not only feminine ones
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>>5655921
Even better senpai, but the flamers are the only ones who can't blend in.
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>>5655921
Except the underrated closet gays who fuck on the side... I tell you what if in Saudi Arabia wasn't illegal to be fucking dudes, it would be outrageous over there.
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>>5656044
In fact, gays are hated for this lecherous behaviour and spreading AIDS all over the world, not because of effeminacy
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OP here

>>5652873
>But if I was on a date and a boy tried to kiss me in public its quite possible I might punch him just through some homophobic reflex
Yeah, I feel the same. Then again, I don't like PDAs in general. Even the ones between two straight people, so that's probably part of it.

>>5653061
This sounds interesting, but if someone called me homophobic for simply suggesting an activity (assuming he didn't know I don't like musicals, because why should he?), Id honestly thing not only that he's even a bigger faggot than me but also one of the annoying sjws

>>5654318
I guess this is a bit similar to how I feel. I can't really say since I've never met a gay guy who wasn't a flamer (which makes sense, since you can't spot as easily the ones who aren't)

>>5655921
This is something I'm concerned about. Luckilly, I'm not living in my small hometown anymore (gays are really hated there), and the city I'm living in is a lot more tolerant, but most straight people I know have a poor opinion of gays.

Now I'm thinking that my homophobia might not be homophobia per se, but a strong dislike to the stereotypical gay culture... which in the end is pretty much the same since I don't know any non stereotypical gay guys.

Maybe I just need to find a couple of chill ones and see how I react to them. Really, just knowing they are gay already makes me feel uncomfortable, which is why I assume I'm homophobic, but maybe if I like them enough I can get over that feeling.
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>>5656146
You need a psychologist or even psychiatrist, you obviously have some disorder.
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>>5656163
Oh, I used to see a psychologist. Do you think accepting I was gay myself was easy? It took me a long while to come to terms with it. Really, it helped me a lot.

I had to stop going because I was using my parent's insurance, which only covered me up to a certain age. As of now, I can't afford one. And honestly, I don't feel like going, and I've found out that therapy doesn't work when I feel like that.
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>>5655880
Don't want to fuck woman
Misogyny
What
Back to tumblr
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>>5650446
>tfw the only people more homophobic than me are an evangical christian and a paki immigrant
>tfw just want a man to hold me
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>>5655880
This is my native language.
What suggested otherwise?
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Yo OP dunno if you're still there,
I was in much the same place as you. I've yet to be truly "out". I am, however, at peace with myself.

For me, the biggest factor was time. I hate myself for saying, but just time made me more used to the idea of me being gay.

I'm surrounded by too many flamboyant gay people. Actually, they're the only ones I know. What I've come to realize though is that I'm not them, not related to them. The only similarity is the love for penis (amen). Otherwise, you just gotta do you. Anyone who automatically assumes you're a campy person doesn't need to be in your life, and if they do, then their behavior will change.
Sometimes it takes reminding them that not all gay people are stereotypes.

C'est la vie, though. You were dealt a hand with the gay card, you're gonna have to live with it.
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>>5656199
Maybe because you have a weak personality and are easily prone to Christian brainwashing? It wasn't really difficult for me to accept my sexuality and my native country isn't the most progressive one.

>>5656248
You imply that being a woman or being like a woman is a bad thing, don't you? In fact, you confuse gay men with traps.
I don't want to fuck bisexuals because of most of them probably have AIDS, but I don't say they give gay men a bad name.
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I've always wanted a christian blue collar top boyfriend/husband whom shares my same moral values and whom we can live in a small town where everything is in walking distance with while I work in a white collar job.

I doubt it'll ever happen, though, considering how my perfect gay partner basically isn't a faggot and I'm not a faggot either so they would never know me.
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>>5656298
I think people who believe being gay means love for penis are even more disgusting than flamboyant gays.
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>>5656322
You take it up the ass, you're definitely a faggot.
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>>5656342
So what if I take it up the ass, faggot? Is it so wrong that I enjoy things in my life without being a complete degenerate loser?

You're a bigger faggot than I am, considering the only alternative to having a brother who likes dick in his ass is having a boyfriend who will rub dicks with you or fuck your ass.
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>>5656329
Homosexual means love for the same sex.
I simplified love for dick to try and sound funny, twat.

There's more than just penis that I like. Far more. The body hair, the voice, the smell, the feel, all masculine attributes. Also why I don't like the hairless fem stereotype, cause they're not masculine (and homosexuality is, after all, attraction to men and the derived attributes).

>>5656322
How creepy… me too.
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>>5656370
I wouldn't call it creepy, people patrician tastes wouldn't be people, they'd be a person.
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>>5656370
>sound funny
whore humour, kek

>why I don't like the hairless fem stereotype, cause they're not masculine

It's weird how many girls love hairless guys or body hair isn't impornant to them, but fags think being hairless isn't "masc"

>>5656360
>does anal
>not degenerate
geeze, fags are so fabulous and insane
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>>5654563
All gay men are anoying imo, faggots.
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>>5656396
>It's weird how many girls love hairless guys or body hair isn't impornant to them
There has literally been hundreds of studies to figure out why women prefer men with more body hair during certain periods, and less during ovulation. To proclaim "girls love hairless guys or body hair isn't important" is pretty fucking ridiculous.

>>5656405
Cool.
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>>5656420
I've never seen a girl who'd prefer a hairy bear fag to the pic-related
You're trying to be a woman, but you don;t know anything about their psychology, while I have 3 sisters and 5 cousins, so I know better
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>>5656396
Shrug
you do you mang
I've just noticed that certain people I'm attracted to have certain characteristics, and for simplicity, they're usually referred to physically as "bears". Also tend to be attracted to people who are, for simplicity, "masculine".

>>5656388
Sorry my autism is being triggered I don't understand you.
I said creepy cause I envision almost the same thing for myself :)
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>>5656405
They're just fucked in the head, especially those who believe they're different somehow from "fags"
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>>5656438
Not to mention that women lusting after that particular body type tend to be younger, and then mature out of it.

Otherwise no babies would be made. Being men, we tend to build on more muscle, sometimes fat, more body hair, the usual "manly" stuff… cause we're men. And we have testosterone.
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>>5656438
>I've never seen a girl who'd prefer a hairy bear fag to the pic-related
So, because, anecdotally, you have never 'seen a girl who'd prefer a hairy bear fag to the pic', that suddenly all women follow this rule?

What the fuck, are you seriously this retarded?

>while I have 3 sisters and 5 cousins, so I know better
Oh, you're just shitposting. Phew famfam
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>>5656470
No, but you're trying to say that it's normal for all women and gay men to be attracted to hairy men just because it's your personal type. So who is retarded here?

>>5656454
Then why areall fags so crazy about twinks under 25?
I see why you're so mad. Everyone who you're attracted to want to get a twink, but ignore you because you're a total creep.
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>>5656489
>you're trying to say that it's normal for all women and gay men to be attracted to hairy men just because it's your personal type.
No, that's not at all what I'm trying to say. But you're shitposting anyways so it doesn't matter lmao
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>>5656498
>not being able to find any arguments
>feel that you're losing
>you're shitposting!!!

Good night. :3
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>>5650446
I am a straight male, but I agree 100% with -> >>5650609 Faggots are... well... annoying...
My best friend is gay, has a boyfriend, and we hang out all the time, no probs, because neither of them is a faggot. Find yourself a real man, OP.
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>>5650446
i'm a gay bottom
i love cocks
i adore cocks
i want to be bred
but when i look at a man my boner is just gone
i don't want to be a tranny chaser... guys pls
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Well theres a difference between being homophobic and disliking trans people in closet. Most of these flamboyant faggots end up transitioning. Real gay men dont act as lil girls. Just look up the day of the dog documentary. The protagonist looks as straight as you can get and he got laid at the army with one off his fellas in the middle of the vietnam war. Im sure there are a gazillion off stories like this
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>>5656870
It happens pretty often(it also happens with women) There are a lot of men that are attractive af tho
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>>5656310
Being like a woman is not my think
I don't want to be with a feminine person. Some do, I don't.
To me it is a bad thing, but that is an opinion. Person taste.
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Op, thank you for this thread. I have the exact same problem, and I slowly start to get over it. This thread helped in some ways.
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