I'm really having trouble figuring out what my sexuality/gender-role is. At least the name for it. Any help as to what the hell this would be called would be great.
I'm perfectly happy being a male. I am very comfortable with my gender as it is. (Unless there's something hidden away in my mind that I don't know about.) But I really love wearing womens clothing. All except a bra of course. I'd love even more to go on hormones, or at least a lesser supplement to gain a more effeminate body. Ie: Smoother skin, less body hair, more curves, ect.
I'd love to keep my boi parts. So full blown trap I guess. (Just not breasts)
I've always identified as bisexual. But I would get a real kick out of a girl into the whole trap thing. Or maybe even another trap. (I'm sorry if the term is derogatory, as you can tell, I'm not so well versed in these things)
So there it is. I have no idea what to call it. I'd appreciate any insight there is on the subject.
True, this sounds like paraphilic love. Some Pedophiles believe they are children. Some Ampotemnophiliacs desparately desire to have their limbs removed, as they fap to pictures of amputees all day and night. Some pedophiles seek lowkey surgery to look more childlike and the amputee paraphilics self-inflict severe wounds to make sure their limb will need amputation. This isn't to say paraphilias aren't just a normal part of human nature, they truly are a unique human experience, but as your love for your paraphilia grows, the desire to become your fantasy will also. Think of paraphilias as a husband or wife, you'll eventually want to spend your whole life with yours. Enjoy it!
But I don't want to become a woman. I like being male. Just not the role of what "normal" males should be. I want to be pretty. Be wanted. And I guess it's vanity. But I don't believe it's any more so than any other cis woman wanting to feel good about herself.
Would I still fall under AGP?
You don't have to believe you're a woman to be an AGP. That being said, your desire is probably only going to heighten the more you fap, may as well make yourself feel better with some hormones, like I did.
The advice is appreciated. Thank you.
I've recently tried staying away from fapping, and doing small things like exercises and spearmint tea, etc...
I don't know if I'm truly ready for hormones yet though. The whole process and mental state is kind of terrifying. Like looking down before you make a leap across a canyon. :S
Crap... I'm more screwed up than I thought lol
I've studied quite a bit on the subject of sex, lust and attachment, from what I've gathered, some fetishes do not contain any element of attachment, like a foot fetish, etc, but there are also fetishes based on ideas or fantasies that do contain some degree of attachment to the fantasy. Things like emasculation and sadistic fantasies.
Like a girlfriend/boyfriend or a husband/wife, fetishes like forced feminization can eclipse or be in competition with heterosexuality, so much so that it becomes confusing, and the only way one is able to get off. After some time, attachment to the fetish is born, and this is where gender confusion usually begins with someone, where they realize they are actually a gender. Some discover their fetish early in life, and are likely long past sexual with the fetish, instead, it becomes an emotional attachment.
Some find out they have the fetish later in life, I am one of such people. I've always had a thing for humiliation, mostly cuck stuff and diapers, so I could pretty easily see that my sexuality was mostly dictated by humiliation sadly.
So yeah, I'm on hormones because I figure the only thing I can get off to is myself, may as well become the most humiliating object I can possibly think to be, a woman. I'm growing boobs now, and it gets me rock hard thinking of men forcing themselves on me and me being unable to defend myself. Also, being seen as nothing more than a sexual object is super degrading. It's not actually such a bad deal.