Has anyone here successfully detransitioned? Is it really ever doable?
I'm years into HRT but still living as a guy because I look nothing like a girl. I probably will never be happy with myself even if I get FFS. I'm over 6 feet tall with a very male frame, there's no surgery for that shit. I'll never have kids or probably even have a good long term relationship. I'll have to take medication all my life. etc.
So i've been thinking about just stopping HRT and trying to be a normal guy, start lifting and shit so I actually look presentable as SOMETHING instead of a giant androgynous mess with manboobs that's scared of being seen by people. But i'm worried that i'll just start having bad dysphoria again, and then my HRT progress will be lost. After all, estrogen supposedly alleviates dysphoria, so maybe i'm just feeling that and if I go back then i'll feel like shit. Right now i'm feeling like this is just a mental illness that I can potentially transcend by fulfilling a more masculine role. I'm not even feeling bad about visualizing myself as a man, in fact it seems a lot better than what I am now.
What do you think, would this be a mistake? Anyone have experience with this?
Asking on 4chan was a mistake. Those who de-transition are likely just living their life, and aren't gonna be sitting on LGBT boards. They do exist though and some are successful. Most people here are either questioning or new transitioners, so of course they're going to think this is going to be their identity forever.
Drugs alleviate symptoms of dysphoria. All HRT will do is make you a lesser man, not a woman. You'll still hate your body for being masculine, possibly even moreso when you look at transgirls who end up feminine and live happy lives.
Unfortunately, you got convinced by the community that you'd end up happier if you went along with transitioning, but you forget that the majority of them don't even pass (and plenty delude themselves into thinking that not passing is okay).
I'm slowing accepting it too
Life is so much easier being cis, and I'm certain I'll be able to get further w work and love
I hope this becomes a permanent gen
so that it gives this place more balance
oh boy anon, this is not the right place to ask for help with that. Ask like anywhere else.
I agree with >>5608353
here, you'll get overly enthusiastic young people, self-flagellating mtfs and manipulative, transphobic trolls. Not really a balanced diet.
I would like to see this topic more as well. Not that my choice wasn't my fault, but in retrospect I feel like constant encouragement to transition throughout my more influential years was part of my mistake. Even though I was over 18, I was still too young. Hard not to feel a bit bitter about that.
Some camaraderie would be nice.
Is there a good place for it?
>you got convinced by the community that you'd end up happier if you went along with transitioning
I think i'm happier than I was in a lot of ways. But I can't really move forward in life because of anxiety about how I look and whatnot.
If detransitioning would just give me terrible dysphoria again and there's no way around it then I would rather stick with transition. But idk. I want it to be possible.
Are you going to detransition?
what do you expect from detransitioning?
>But I can't really move forward in life because of anxiety about how I look and whatnot.
did you have anxieties before you transitioned? what did you expect from transitioning?
>I think i'm happier than I was in a lot of ways.
so transitioning was a success? after all transitioning is to alleviate gender dysphoria and from what i gather your problem with GD is gone?
>what do you expect from detransitioning?
Well to be honest I expect to attempt to be normal and then for it to fail and to feel awful, but that's why I made this thread.
>did you have anxieties before you transitioned? what did you expect from transitioning?
Yeah, I was socially anxious and self conscious about my appearance. I always tried to look somewhat feminine since I was young but I just looked like crap, obvious male features, my long hair would never look right, and it stressed me out. I expected that i'd be able to transition and pass as a girl and then i'd feel better. I was coming up to 18 at the time and i'd seen a lot of timelines and stuff, hormones seemed like magic.
>so transitioning was a success? after all transitioning is to alleviate gender dysphoria and from what i gather your problem with GD is gone?
Well I haven't left my house in months, I have no job, no friends, no skills, i'm on disability benefits due to my anxiety and not being able to go outside (i've technically gotten worse in these aspects since transitioning, though I probably feel better in regards to GD). I don't think that's much of a success story. I have felt GD and I continue to in regards to looking like a woman (i don't look like one and I never will, and that feels shitty).
The idea is that maybe the inbetween is the worst place to be. I'll never look like a woman, but I don't fully look like a man either. I just look like a mess. Like a soft looking 6 foot tall man with tits poking through his shirt. And that sucks ass.
>Well to be honest I expect to attempt to be normal and then for it to fail and to feel awful
so you don't expect detransitioning to cahnge anything besides making dysphoria worse?
>hormones seemed like magic.
well hormones can do quite some things but there's also lots of work you have to put into transitioning. like voice training, mannerism, eating healthy and being clean. knowing make up and stuff like that. it may not be magic either but transitioning alone is usually not sufficient. what are you doing to improve your appearance?
also are you getting your hormone levels checked regularly?
>Well I haven't left my house in months, I have no job, no friends, no skills, i'm on disability benefits due to my anxiety and not being able to go outside (i've technically gotten worse in these aspects since transitioning, though I probably feel better in regards to GD).
well i'm not gonna talk about success if you don't feel like it is one. transitioning is the treatment for GD. not social anxiety, depression or anything else. the other stuff may only go away or improve while transitioning if their cause is the GD. if you can i'd recommend for you to see a therapist to talk through this stuff because i don't think GD is your problem. not trying to be offensive or anything.
>so you don't expect detransitioning to cahnge anything besides making dysphoria worse?
That's what I have been led to believe by the trans community and doctors and etc.
I really hope it can work, but I doubt that it can.
>there's also lots of work you have to put into transitioning
of course, and I have put lots of effort in etc. but even if I do everything possible i'm still clearly not going to be happy with myself. Makeup and a female voice won't make my shoulders any smaller. I do get my hormones checked and stuff yeah.
>transitioning is the treatment for GD.
Well it hasn't treated my GD. Somewhat improved it at best. I do have other problems but they are mostly closely linked with GD.
Also therapists have proved pretty useless.
>see general therapist
>"I can't help you because it seems like the gender stuff is integral, see a gender specialist"
>see gender specialist
"I can't help you"
Fair enough, I feel differently though. If I could be a normal guy I would like to.
>That's what I have been led to believe by the trans community and doctors and etc.
do you mean the general consensus about trans stuff or do you mean people who you've actually met and know you? in the end you're the only one who knows what's the best for you but people who know you and are fairly empathetic could be of help. if you are talking about 4chan people or similar ones forget what they are saying.
>Makeup and a female voice won't make my shoulders any smaller.
i'm sorry. no there is no surgery but you may feel a little bit better knowing that there are plenty of cis women with broad shoulders too, attractive celebrities too. also you can dress appropriately:
not every therapist is competent. there are three different ways to become a therapist here in germany and only one is actually being looked up to. don't know how it is in your country but you may want to look for a few more therapists and see how it goes.
i get the impression you have given up after the first two which is understandable because it is frustrating but it won't get you out of your current situation. sorry if i assume wrong.
>do you mean the general consensus about trans stuff or
I mean, all i've ever heard about detransition in the online trans community is that it doesn't work. I've never heard of success stories other than that tranny who "found god" and changed back.
The shoulders were just an example. My entire body and bone structure is male and that's not gonna change. 99.9% of cis women don't have that and if they do they probably feel like shit about themselves too.
I have seen 1 therapist and 2 gender therapists but regardless I dunno if they can even help that much. In the end they can only go off what you tell them when it comes to gender stuff. Maybe I can try find someone else, idk
For some of the posters in this thread who are disatisfied and rethinking their decisions, is it because you don't pass physically or socially as female in the ways you want to or is that deep down inside you just don't feel like a woman and its creating disconnect. Or both.
If you looked cis would you still be bothered by the things bothering you?
I am just curious. This is not to pyschanalyze you or tell you what you are.
Thats just reddit pre-everythings parroting stuff they read on reddit. Most trans communities are literally cycles of falsely encouraging lies because of all the anxiety and worry about the future. Its a collective "it will be ok guys just wait and see!"
OP here. Don't know if you wanted my answer but if I had a cis girl body I think i'd be totally fine. I don't really know what I "feel" like. I never really got the "I feel like a girl" thing per se, I just felt like I should be/wanted to be one, and hated being male. Now I kinda feel like I would like to be a man too if I could, but I doubt that I can do so comfortably.
If that's not true then where are all the success stories and stuff by detransitioners, though? There doesn't seem to be too much out there
>instead of a giant androgynous mess with manboobs that's scared of being seen by people
funny that's exactly me but i still don't want to go back. i would take this over letting that cancerous liquid flowing through me any time
are you sure you are even trans? cuz you don't sound trans /trollface
Yes because 1. The detransition probably isn't going to be this big announcment. The person will simply present as their birth gender again and that'll be that. 2. I don't think a de-transitioner is going to have a place to write about their de-transition, without receiving hatred or "in denial" statements about why they de-transitioned. What, they're going to announce their de-transition on Susan's? /asktransgender? /LGBT? Emptyclosets? Nah, they likely know better than that. I'm sure they just go on with life.
i'd rather not write it down. i don't want to make you more depressed with my armchair psychology. i'll just say that if you transition because you can't live life as a man in the first place it is very unlikely for you to be happy if you'd go back to being a man.
>i don't want to make you more depressed with my armchair psychology.
I don't mind it, i'm open to any and all ideas
>i'll just say that if you transition because you can't live life as a man in the first place it is very unlikely for you to be happy if you'd go back to being a man.
Makes sense, but maybe people can change in that regard
It's very plausible that someone could transition because of a "grass is greener" type of thing and didn't actually have hatred for their birth gender, but still experienced dysphoria and transitioned anyway. People such as these(they are everywhere) might come to realize "wow, I don't really enjoy how I'm perceived as much as I did when I presented male/female" and just decide to retreat into androgyny, or present as their original gender.
i've seen a couple on here and i don't browse others. booger, a trip from /mtfg/ made it pretty big. no success stories though. more about rambling how nobody else is trans either.
so you don't think that a person that made this big announcement and life style changes is gonna get strange looks after some years if they suddenly decide to go back?
why does a person transition in the first place?
usually because they have gender dysphoria that causes them to be unable to live a successful and happy life.
why does a person seek transitioning?
because they want to alleviate gender dysphoria by living as the target gender. by alleviating gender dysphoria the person will be able to live a happy and successful life.
why would a person want to detransition?
because they are still not able to live a happy and successful life. assuming that the person really does have GD (there hasn't been any misdiagnosis) there are basically only two options to why the treatment has failed. either the person is deeply unsatisfied with the physical results, wether that is justified or not, or because the GD was only a part of the problem.
in both cases i don't see a reason why detransitioning would be of help. it would only disregard the efforts and little successes already made (i recall OP saying she does feel a little better now compared to before).
in both cases detransitioning would worsen the case.
i'm sure there are cases in which detransitioning is the right thing to do but i think only in cases such as the one this anon talks about >>5609575. also there may be cases in which continuing transitioning is harmful for the individual because of a hostile environment.
>two options to why the treatment has failed. either the person is deeply unsatisfied with the physical results, wether that is justified or not, or because the GD was only a part of the problem.
I think I have a little of both.
>in both cases i don't see a reason why detransitioning would be of help. it would only disregard the efforts and little successes already made (i recall OP saying she does feel a little better now compared to before).
That makes sense but in some regards I have actually gotten worse than when I started. I used to have friends and I went outside and stuff. Now i'm quite a lot worse in those aspects, I think largely because of how I feel about the physical results of transitioning, and failing to appear as female. So it seems like there would be a case for detransition being beneficial on some level.
>So it seems like there would be a case for detransition being beneficial on some level.
idk. maybe. can you elaborate how it would be beneficial please? i don't want to be mean but i don't see your friends suddenly coming back to you?
do you want to quit transitioning all together or do you only want to present as male?
if the latter: how do you feel about your boobs? ever considered to get a mastectomy? i think the main thing that outs you are your boobs, right? that way you wouldn't have to worry about becoming any more masculine and neither have to worry about being forced to out yourself, no?
i know little about your situation but hrt works over several years so there might still be hope for you though. you may not see it right now but there may be. have you compared pics from before transitioning and today? if you do how does that make you feel?
>can you elaborate how it would be beneficial please? i don't want to be mean but i don't see your friends suddenly coming back to you?
Well I don't know. I managed to keep friends and leave my house back then, but got worse on the social anxiety front after transition. So perhaps that would reverse.
I guess the idea is like, if I look like a normal dude then I can just be confident in myself and not have to worry about looking like a weird tranny. So I may be able to improve in terms of mental health/anxiety/life prospects.
>do you want to quit transitioning all together or do you only want to present as male?
I already present male. My idea is to stop hormones as well, since I look pretty weird/feminine even presenting as a male due to HRT. Boobs are one thing but also my face. Not that they really out me, I just look weird.
Mastectomy is too permanent, if detransition didn't work out then i'd want to at least not lose too much progress. I mean... if being a normal male didn't work out then I could at least return to how i am now. If I got a mastectomy then I couldn't. Though if I was to truly detransition i'd need one eventually anyway. idk.
Also, i've been on HRT for 3 years. At this point i'm still getting boob growth but not much else.
>have you compared pics from before transitioning and today? if you do how does that make you feel?
I don't really feel much, I look a lot more feminine but still male and bad.
If you're actually legitimately trans, I doubt you can ever "successfully" detranistion. You're always gonna be trans, so going to have to find ways to deal with that in various ways, also you've been on HRT for years, so you probably don't remember what it's like to be filled with testosterone. If you're trans I don't know how you can be okay with letting test fuck your shit up for the rest of your life.HRT isn't just about physical effects, it's about the mental ones too.
You're in between a rock and a hard place, I kinda feel many people support others transitioning in the beginning but if it doesn't work out, they kinda scatter to the wind and you're left holding your bag of "failed transistion" wondering what to do after.
Honestly I kinda you should try it and get off HRT for like 3-6 months and see how you feel. The worst that will happen is that you might lose some progress but if it works out for you then great, you found another path to take.
if transition didnt work for you you might wanna check out transcultist or snowflakeespecial on tumblr. they both transitioned but theyre very anti-transition as a first line of treatment and maybe their blogs can be jumping off points for you. theyve helped a lot of people struggling with dysphoria.
It's physically and socially, but also there is an aspect of shame in myself. However, this isn't because I think "I'm not actually a women deep down" more that I feel like "I'm not actually a /real/ woman so is doing any of this stuff actually ok?"
If I had a cis body, all three things would go away.
threads like this scare me and make me think that even if I did try to transition i wouldn't be happy
I mean I'm not happy now at all, like 100% no hobbies no enjoyment of anything, no friends, my time is spent with escapism, I might as well have no soul. And what if there is no way to fix that?
transitioning has a high success rate and we know very little about OP. even about her appearance we only know very broad self descriptions so there is really nothing to be scared about for you. what you are listing are similarities but no context to why these similarities exist.
>If you're actually legitimately trans, I doubt you can ever "successfully" detranistion. You're always gonna be trans
can we stop with the stupid word games. stop being a smart-ass.
>transitioning has a high success rate
what fucking drugs are you on
you know its stuff like this that all the detransitioners blame, right? ive heard so many ex-MTFs complain that "the community made it seems so easy" and "the community made it look like success was basically guaranteed". basically people are being really unrealistic and waaaay too optimistic and pushing transition over self-acceptance, moving out of shit areas, and working on yourself.
around 70% is a high success rate, especially given that people who seek to transition usually are choosing between suicide and transitioning.
stop putting words in my mouth btw. if you can't have another argument but a strawman you should just stay quiet.
>hoosing between suicide and transitioning
that's another thing that sort of scares me
I really want to die but I don't know if I would ever actually kill myself. But just existing where I want to kill myself all the time but not actually doing it is terrible.
i don't want to be a disgusting tranny
>i don't want to be a disgusting tranny
Being ugly is preferable over being dead imo plenty of ugly people in the world.
Make up for it by having a personality people want to engage with
Sorry for being insensitive but how much of "passing" do you think is internal? Do you think it's comparable to other types of dysmorphia like skinny people thinking they're overweight?
why is it wrong to detransition if you feel it wasnt the right thing? doing it early just gives you higher chance of passing and consequently being happy with yourself.
this is probably bait anyway
>reading this thread
>i decided not to transition, but to continue self medding as 'normal' and be a feminine boy
>feel good about my appearance, happy when i look in the mirror
>get compliments a lot
>look somewhat androgynous and cute anyway
Feels super good man. Only problem is hiding my tits, but that's not an issue because i'm skinny and a sweater does fine. Worried future romantic endeavours could be awkward at first though.
Everybody wins, i have one that's really soft on the inside, some sort of wool, it's amazing, when it was super cold i'd just sleep in that, and it was long enough that i didnt have to put on pants to go to the bathroom
If it helps, it looks like trash, i dont wear it outside, but my roommate has probably gotten used to me in comfymode in a sweater and my underwear cooking eggs or something
>he probably just thinks i'm lazy trash
>it's actually because i have tits but im also lazy trash
Lol they do look comfy but they're too long, they look like they'd drag when you're walking.
Im telling you, go find some sweaters at a clothes store, find something that looks nice and is soft, and buy it a size or two up so the sleeves and stuff dont ride up and its not too tight. Looks decent as part of an outfit if you plan too, i have a nice oversized longline sweater i wear with skinny jeans and it looks good, comfy as fuck.
>and I meant disgusting as in I'm disgusting by wanting to be a girl/being trans
iktf. my mood is much better since i started to accept it. have been suicidal until recently. why are you disgusted though?
I looked nothing like a girl. I wore dresses, did my hair and makeup girly but I still didn't pass so instead of getting constantly teased by people all day I decided to have my implants removed and to start dressing like a man.
I'm not gay, I want to be a normal man with a gf but now I am fucked.
If I passed I would be into men. But as it is I am just a freak now. I haven't taken E for 2 months already but with no balls all I am feeling is tired and I don't know if I want to start injecting T now, I really don't because I hate testosterone.
How could I please a woman with no penis?
Its strange but if I was with a man now I would just be some faggot and equally made fun of like I was before quitting transition. I need to appear one way in life and be with the matching sex as to avoid being treated like trash by the rest of the public.
>People shouldn't be allowed to transition until they're at least 35.
How the fuck am I supposed to find new masturbation material if you eliminate all the youthful trannies? Try not to be so selfish, anon.
The irony is that's hot as fuck in terms of humiliating emasculation but you couldn't fap to how arousing that situation is because no penis.
I detransitioned after living as a male for a year and 4 months on T. I always wanted to be male and I thought that would make me happy, but it didn't. I present female-ish again now, but I don't identify as either gender. I'm still unhappy.
how long were you on T? or did you have any surgeries?
and i'm dating a straight guy. my face is a little more angular, i'm a little hairier, my voice is somewhere between female and super gay man, but it's not that bad. i actually prefer how i am now to how i originally looked in girl mode. androgyny is best.
I don't understand people like this. How do you get to the point of dropping $20,000 on having your banana split if you don't pass much of the time? Why on Earth would you get your dick sliced up instead of getting FFS, VFS, breast augmentation, etc.?
I find it impossible that a male who gets facial feminization surgery, voice feminization surgery, breast implants, hip fat grafting, foot feminization surgery, and a Brazilian butt lift can never pass as a woman.
The top 3 ways people gender others is
Fortunately, all three of these are fixable with time, training and surgery. When you combine them with proper makeup, wardrobe, mannerisms, breast implants, etc... big hands, shoulders and rib cages are easily overlooked.
I feel very sorry for you, but omg how did you not pass? What was the issue? Didn't you have a therapist who was honest with you?
>I'm not gay, I want to be a normal man with a gf but now I am fucked.
Dear lord you poor confused person. I don't even know what to say to this. You transitioned and had surgery, but still homophobic? I just can't even. Want to be a normal man? Oh Jesus. Please just tell me you are trolling me. This just can't be real.
>If I passed I would be into men. But as it is I am just a freak now. I haven't taken E for 2 months already but with no balls all I am feeling is tired and I don't know if I want to start injecting T now, I really don't because I hate testosterone.
You poor sad closeted gay male. What have you done. I cry for you. You like men but are so self hating you did this and now won't even date men?
Stop hating yourself.
Get some hormones in you. Hormones aren't just for looks, they're conductors. Get some hormones in you. The lesser evil ones. The ones at hand. Whatever. You need them to live.
If you're hormoneless you are in freefall. Hormones sustain you and give you a ground and a place to reflect from. Even if they're not unbiased.
I think you should try a therapist again. I've had six therapists, of which three didn't work for me, one saved my life in my teens, one was good for me, the last one I'm seeing currently and I like him a lot. Therapists are just people; they can be both well-intentioned and bad at their jobs.
This is what I'm talking about. "Get some hormones, you need them to live." This clearly can't be healthy to put thoughts like this into a confused individuals head, if they haven't already indicated they were feeling suicidal. Then again, it may be their fault for even being on the internet in the first place.
Anon may be exaggerating the urgency here, but you're mistaking the intent. A deficiency of both testosterone and estrogen is unhealthy in the long run. Since the person responded to has already gone through SRS, that's the situation they're in. Some people do prefer to live that way, but it is medically inadvisable to be without major sex hormones for prolonged periods.
The troubled person in question does not appear to be one of those that is handling eunuch hormone levels well.
>hormones are conductors
>If you're hormoneless you are in freefall. Hormones sustain you and give you a ground and a place to reflect from.
wtf is this nonsense. please tell me youre trolling