I've got a question for those of you that have started transitioning: Was it this big, exciting thing for you, or did it just feel normal - almost unremarkable?
I ask because I've started "experimenting" (don't really think that's exactly how I'd describe it, but w/e) recently. I bought a bra, a wig, makeup, etc. However, while acquiring each thing was exciting in its own way (and horribly nerve-wracking for the bra - thank goodness I had a girl friend of mine there for that!), actually making use of them has been, dare I say, boring.
Like, I put my bra on, pulled my shirt on over top, looked down, and just went, "Oh, okay. I'm wearing a bra now. Neat," when I felt like it should have been some huge epiphany, like, "OH MY GOSH THIS IS WONDERFUL THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!"
Same deal with the wig and makeup, with the exception of one night where I did my mascara, put on lip gloss, put on pantyhose, etc. before going out to the movies with someone - I took some pictures of myself and was happy with how pretty I felt. I was also amused at the fact that I felt like I was preparing for a date. But other than that, I haven't really had any similar experiences.
So now there's a part of me that feels like I'm doing something wrong, maybe this isn't for me, etc. just because I'm not having an intense, passionate (no comment) reaction to the whole thing. But I also feel like maybe I'm building it up too much - expecting something that isn't there.
For the record, I am seeing a counselor about this, and I'll probably bring this specific question up within the next session or two, but my next meeting isn't until Feb. 1, and this is really weighing on me. Plus, getting a variety of opinions can often be helpful.
Pic related. That's how you wear a bra, right? It's been causing some difficulties for me.
Sounds like you were so nervous about having to deal with other people to get access to that stuff in the first place that what you did in private without the anxiety of dealing with other people ended up being a lot less emotionally charged in comparison.
I don't have that experience with women's clothes specifically, but I am a shut-in who gets really worked up over having to interact with other people and feels completely relaxed and stress-free when alone, and what you describe kind of reminds me of that.
I was like, hey mom, I'm gonna try doing a lady thing. She was like, alright cool. Then I was like, hey-o Dr. Kimmel, get rid of these man-parts. And he was like, sure thing you little cherub! And poof! The stench of seeping death from my crotch, sitz baths for days. A real hoot.
Not very exciting. A relief, yes. Now when I look in the mirror, I'm only partially vexed, instead of wholly vexed. Which is kind of like falling on a cactus and pulling most of the needles out, but there's half a dozen you can't find.
>Implying feminization isn't a recreational drug
it wasnt fun, it wasnt exciting, it didnt make me feel normal.
it was terrifying because of how drastic the changes i was considering were. there's no going back, if you dont freeze it then no hope of kids. relationships change, family, friends, work, school, hell just finances / affording it all ... the list goes on and on.
for me it was kinda like, i have nothing else, might as well try. for the most part my anticipation was meet by reality. it was awful. i went through some pretty dark times in all facets of life.
transitioning wasnt something i took lightly. it hasnt been fun. it's an incredibly amount of work and upkeep if you want to integrage properly into society.
I started HRT about a month ago and have been growing my hair for a year and it hasn't really mattered much yet. I have very few girl's clothes and I rarely bother to wear any when I'm home mostly because it just isn't practical yet. Maybe if I could afford to get a good amount I'd have more fun with it but that has to wait for now.
Still living completely as a guy and dealing with a bunch of work/life issues that are mostly unrelated to being trans. I will probably be doing so for at least several more months.
Been gradually doing some new things like epilating but it'll be a good while before I can really make a significant shift towards womanhood. On the bright side each day I take my pills is a step forward no matter how long everything else takes.