Am I a closet faggot /pol/?
>not a virgin, prostitution legal where I live
>I lift and play football
>fucked more than 40 different prostitutes
>still empty, feel uneasy around girls
>talk easily to other bros
>be at football practice today (I play amateur football)
>one teammate brought his friend
>friend was looking from the bench
>I kept staring at him nervously like when I stare at a cute chick
>thought he genuinely looked cute
>I still don't want to suck dick or get fucked in the ass
>Maybe you like pounding pussy but you want to hold hands with the qt friend.
This is hard to explain, but yes, kinda.
>Do you want the qt friend to suck your dick
>and take it in the ass?
One of the worst things to come out of the 16th century was this idea of sexual essentialism. Like people are one some sort of numerical line between gay and straight and that this was some kind of unmoving deterministic aspect of the self that can be diagnosed like a fucking mental illness. Most people can fall in love with most people. Most people can be attracted to beauty in anyone. Most people will have crushes on the same and opposite sex. Your attractions and repulsions will change throughout your life like fetishes and tastes in food.
The only thing you have to do is stop thinking about the label. The map isn't the territory and words only exist to communicate things to other people. Do what you want and what feels right. If people call it gay then just don't change yourself or the way you conceptualize yourself. Stop thinking about this "closeted gay" thing. Just be the normal complex human that you are.
"Gay" and "straight" are fucking memes the only thing that's real is you.
"genders" aren't real. Or if they are "real" then they're just in your head and therefor worthless to talk about. The only thing that matters is your sex.
It's not fucking polysexual. It's just sexual. Before the bullshit of Christianity and scientific psychology it was just called "sexuality". People started pathologizing this shit when it's really fucking simple. Some people gets your dick hard and some people get your knees weak. Who fucking gives a shit about anything else? Why do you give a shit about the label you attach to it?
It's because being "gay" means a lot more to people than just liking other dudes even though that's all it means. There's stereotypes and and experiences people have and boxes people put you in just because you get hard to dudes. Even though being gay or straight really just changes one thing about a person even in the best of liberals (especially in liberals) it changes everything about how they perceive you even though it's usually wildly inaccurate. So just don't give a shit about labels. The process of attaching the label to yourself should not change you in any way so why do it in the first place? Just do what you feel is right outside of society's pressure and about their shitty titles.
What helped me was focusing more on what I was gonna do rather than "what am I?"
The first step is to admit that you are curious about sex with men, which is cool, cause its not like you're not obligated to do anything about it atm, just look at it as a possible venture to explore one day, or never, rather than some label death sentence. You'll just go crazy obsessing over what to label yourself without any experience.