Okay so I have an interesting thing that I hope you all could help me with.
Essentially I have been trans all my life and came out when I was 16, went to specialists n shit and then got to the point of being able to start HRT, and then chickened the fuck out.
I told everyone I was fine, desire was gone, I like being a man, and such. I felt pretty disgusting for wanting to be a woman when I clearly was not, and I did not think I had the courage / ability to actually transition.
Since then I have made an normal life as a man, but still feel the same way. I have mostly self-medicated to just never think about it, but the dysphoria is strong and I am at a breaking point.
Heres the problem(s) though;
I work a very blue collar job to semi-support myself
I have a girlfriend I have been with for two years.
And I still live in the home I grew up in until I get money to move out.
I have been dealing with this shit since I was like 14-15 and I had my 20th birthday a week ago. I really am at the breaking point and dont know how to handle anymore. I am scared as fuck.
>i apologize if this is too long / in the wrong place
It does require a male unfortunately. Its a construction related trade.
Well I am really past the point imo of HRT being effective. Its just killing me to live life as someone I dont feel I am. Idk, I will figure it out eventually, thank-you.
the rest of the mtf's on this board will say otherwise because they like being catty cunts, but 20 is not too late. at all. i can't help you with the rest, because there isn't much i can say, but i hope at least that this helps relieve a little anxiety over the age thing.
You'll almost certainly still get breast growth, softer skin, lessened body hair, less random erections, etc; 20 isn't too old at all as far as HRT effects are concerned, although obviously some things like bone growth won't be reversed.
well i am not even mildly androgynous looking to begin with, but thank-you for the reassurance lol.
the more I think about this the more I think transitioning is a pipe dream. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk
What's weird about the dysphoria? I am new here so I don't know the common symptoms of the experience. I could google them but I'm interested in your specific interaction with them.
How fucking much could you have changed in 4 fucking years OP. God damn.
Just fucking do it who gives a shit about 4 years. That's like, 8 6-months's. FFS.
18 is too late, few will pass without invasive surgery, then you still have the body, the voice, male socialization, etc. It's either you can pass now or don't transition. Be a femboy without fully transitioning.
this is bullshit. I don't even recognize myself anymore and I have seen plenty of really passable mtfs who didn't pass before hrt. they were androgynous before though. it's not magic but it does work for some people
it's mostly genetics but age does play a factor and 18 isn't too late. it really depends on what they look like before hrt rather than straight age. socialization is relearned as you live as a woman though passing is an important part of living as a woman.
Not OP, but when I was in 9th grade, I had a goatee. By the end of high school graduation, I had an almost complete beard, just the part connecting the mustache to the hair on the jaw was missing. Not to mention my chin was wide as fuck and my jaw looked thick. I had a "happy" trail from my chest to my crotch, a man's voice, and all the rest.
I'm not going to post my face from my high school yearbook photo because I was so fucking ugly and disgusting (plus I looked like my name was fucking Mohammed), but this photo was from when I was 14 years and 4 months old at my first communion. From seeing the beginning of my youngest brother's puberty, I notice puberty had recently started in me at the time of this photo (eyebrows are thickened). You can also tell my tie's a clip-on, lol. 4 years is a huge difference.
Plus, a 14-15 year old's hips would still grow on estrogen, a 20 year old's might not.