Autistic gay robot here. I pretty much only have two friends in my life, one straight girl and one straight guy. I came out to the girl about three years ago, and our relationship changed almost immediately. We became a lot closer, she became a lot more comfortable with me, etc. I'm worried that if I come out to the guy friend, the opposite will happen.
The closer he and I get, the more awkward the prospect of coming out to him is and I feel more and more guilty about not being completely honest.
>We talk almost every other day
>Go wine drinking, eating, and watching movies one on one pretty regularly
>I spent the night at his place, he gave me a backrub at one point, he changes his clothes in front of me
>at this point I pretty much know every detail of his life
I'm worried that he'll freak out when I come out, think that my silence was malicious, and that his perception of our friendship up to that point will change. He's pretty liberal, but you can never know how people will react or feel. Making friends is extremely difficult for me and I really like this guy, I don't want to lose him over this.
TL;DR How do I come out to a straight friend and not change his perception of our relationship?
I expect you'll get more sugarcoated "be yourself" answers here but unfortunately the truth is there isn't a way to do it. It will change the relationship and there's no getting around it.
Are you attracted to him in a romantic way? I'm guessing you are. This is just another tough truth is that if he's straight he'll never love you back.
>Are you attracted to him in a romantic way?
Not really. My libido is pretty low truth be told. I don't think I was ever in love. Which is why I didn't come out. It just wasn't that relevant. But now that we're close, I feel like he deserves to know. Plus I'd like to introduce him to my female friend some day, and I can't ask her to walk on egg shells.
And thanks for being honest. I already gathered that from how my female friend changed. I was just hoping there might be a way to go about it that would soften his reaction. If I try to explain that I only see him as a friend, I expect that I'll get "doth protests too much". It's a lose-lose situation.
The best way to break something to a typical straight guy is during another activity where he can quickly change what he's doing, thinking, and talking about. Make it an offhand remark and then move on to whatever else you are doing together, like playing videogames and talking about the game. Don't make it a big emotional ordeal and don't make it an event of its own like "come over for coffee we need to talk about something." Give him the information and let him deal with it on his own, don't force him to talk to you about it or talk about his emotions about it.
Thank you. That's what I was thinking too. Though, knowing him, I expect that he'll make it into an emotional ordeal. He loves talking about feelings and shit, analyzing, questioning, talking it through, listening carefully... I normally enjoy that about him, but in this situation, I expect that this tendency will lead him astray. Plus, he is a huge narcissist, I don't think that he thinks that it's possible to not be in love with him.