Dysphoria is legit but at a certain point you have to get over your defects (eg "muh height") and improve what you actually can. That way, you can be a qt 3.14 grill who has defects like any other instead of a depressed dude who always thinks about how ugly his shoulders are.
Tranny nihilism is the worst.
I think its less about ability to accept oneself, and more about selt hatred due to a lack of empathy from society at large. Why love yourself if you feel like no one else does?
Thats why it is so important for those suffering from dysphoria to ACCEPT others who accept them, even if they aren't "trutrans", even if they're "chaser scum". I mean honestly, how much longer do you want to be alone, and how much longer do you want to listen to the bitter ones who chased all of their support away by saying it wasn't the "right kind" of support?
guys also get depressed about their looks. have you read the misc, sluthate? Have you been to a bar? Guys won't say it but they are also fucking vain. Being good looking is a gift some of us just don't have
>I think its less about ability to accept oneself, and more about selt hatred due to a lack of empathy from society at large. Why love yourself if you feel like no one else does?
This is more accurate than people realize. A lot of trans people have internalized transphobia due to how prevalent it is in society. The obsession with passing and going stealth is partially indicative to how hostile society is to trans people.
Now I'm not saying trans people would magically stop having dysphoria if transphobia was eradicated, but it certainly would be reduced significantly and we wouldn't see the disproportionately high rate of mental illness, substance abuse and suicidality that's prevalent within the community.
Nah lots of ciswomen feel that they aren't feminine enough or that some features of their are too "manish". I suspect this must be much harder and much more of an intense feeling when you are trans, but the annon here >>5547477 is right: it's kind of part of being a woman. (And yeah cisdudes worry about not being masculine enough, too.)
I thought your point was that one could (and should) pass from the latter, which is serious and exclusive to transpeople, to the former, which is just part of the general human condition and not as bad?
But the stereotypical chaser does not accept the transwoman; that's the whole point. They fetishise and objectify her, or specifically the very parts of her she is most likely to feel dysphoria about, which can worsen the feeling of dysphoria. Clearly not all people willing to date transpeople are like that and not all transwomen will have their dysphoria worsened (and may even like chasers) but the problem is prevalent and serious for some.
> Clearly not all people willing to date transpeople are like that
But that's my point. It's really easy to generalize others and say that they're a chaser simply because they show an interest in someone who happens to be trans. If the "no I won't date that guy, he's a chaser" is a common thing, and I've seen how common it is on this board, then how many people are actually like that, and how many are simply being handwaved away when that's not the case? It goes both ways, this generalization. No one will give you a chance if you don't give them one. That's the truth whether you're cis or not.
Well, that's my point, really. A lot of people who are trans have really caustic attitudes towards each other. I've seen some nasty fights, and I'd argue that the so-called trans "community" is its own worst enemy. But, just because that's how it is now, that doesn't mean it has to stay the case. My grandmother always taught me that if you want friends, you've got to show some common courtesy, even to people who say they're your enemies. Of course, that doesn't mean bending over backwards to let your enemies fuck you.
>That's exactly my point.
Then I agree completely. Playing with the hand you're dealt as well as you can, amor fati and so forth.
Agreed, too many people get dissed AS IF they where chasers but might maybe have been someone who wouldn've been supporters. We fuck ourselves over by alienating possible friends because we can't believe we deserve to be loved - that's not a trans thing, that's a human thing. But that fact does not mean that actual "can-you-please-top-me-pretty-please" chasers aren't creepy fucks.
Well, I get that too. But, one has to realize that as they aren't experiencing dysphoria, they don't understand the harm they're doing, like a toddler playing with a knife. And, like children, education is the only remedy. Not that that has to be YOUR duty, of course. I wouldn't ask that of anyone suffering through dysphoria. That's what friends are supposed to be for, acting as wingmen/women/persons to help deal with assholes and creepy fucks.
You don't have to necessarily LIKE other people to be friends with them, you just have to be civil. If you spend your life only talking to people whom you want to talk to, that's called a hugbox. Meeting and talking with people who don't share your beliefs is how one grows as a person and learns new things. I mean, do you think Donald Trump got to be the mogul he did by only talking to and manipulating people he liked, or did he expand his business by being charismatic and manipulating the people who had traits and resources he could respect, even if he hated them?
It sounds like trannies will call anyone who shows interest in them a chaser unless they're initially reluctant/uninterested upon learning they're trans and eventually come around.
It's like they want to have to prove they're just as good as real women. And I say women because FtMs don't seem to complain about chasers at all.
I spent two years of my life meeting trannies who were hateful toward me out of jealousy, incomprehensibly stupid, and obnoxiously miserable. Not sure I want to get back into being friends with them at all. Good point about trump tho. I'm not averse to meeting a variety of types of people, just averse to one I've already come to despise.
Uh, Donald Trump inherited his money and mismanaged the shit out of it, and survived only by accidentally becoming the posterboy for idiotic inheritance kids like himself.
He's really not a positive example of being able to handle people.
Thinking that handling people is the same as friendship indicates you live a lonely and barren life.
I have a very broad chest and ribs, outside of normal female extremes. Strong jaw and chin, thick neck, male pelvis and a male leaning voice complete the picture
On the plus side i have a definable waistline and not horribly small hips
I can tell you, from personal experience, that you don't have to like someone to make them think they're your friend. You don't have to think it, just them. And once you have that, you can influence them and make them see things your way. Doesn't work with everyone, cause some people are pig-headed. But that is how one turns an enemy into an ally. Simple mother fuckin' courtesy. Do you know what I am saying?
Are you kidding me? Can you tell me honestly that he's not in the EXACT position right now that he's been preparing for all his life? He could become fucking PRESIDENT of the United States of America, all because he "mismanaged" his resources. And he didn't plan it?
Just because he says stupid things in order to appeal to stupid people does not mean that he himself is stupid. One does not just accidentally come to be where he is; he is 100% a highly intelligent manipulative sociopath.
>It sounds like trannies will call anyone who shows interest in them a chaser unless they're initially reluctant/uninterested upon learning they're trans and eventually come around.
Some people, regardless of gender or identity, will always dismiss anyone who shows any interest in them - this is a self-esteem issue, and yes transpeople are more likely to have those.
OP is right.
It took me maybe a year of HRT to realize that even cis girls have insecurities and it was time to quit whining about not passing and just hold my chin up high (not too high, then people would see my Adam's apple).
Confidence helped me pass more than anything would have. Even when another tranny clocked me one day I just looked at her, confused, and she quickly apologized and hurried off.
The longer you slend complaining that "I can't do x because I don't pass" or "I can't wear y because my shoulders are too wide" the longer you're prolonging your transition. There needs to be a point when you just force yourself to think you look okay and move on with your life, unless you want to be in androgynous femboy purgatory forever.
It's not an instant change, you can't wish insecurities away. But take those steps first and you'll find them fading with time.
but what if I do that and I just get beaten up or stabbed for being an obvious hon
not to mention the fact I've tried saying 'fuck it' before but I can't make myself honestly not care and as soon as I see my reflection or something I feel absolutely disgusted with myself and want to die again
it's not easy to force mental delusion
Do it in safe spaces first, get used to it. Maybe crossplay at a convention. You also won't get beat up/stabbed at the mall, regardless of how you look. I'm not telling you to go to clubs at 11pm.
I didn't say it was easy. And by convincing yourself that you're trying to dellude yourself you've already given up.
>just deal with it :^)
great advice, I forgot we have conscious control over our feelings, guess we'd better tell everyone with depression they just need to tell themselves to feel happier next
Way to miss the point.
It's not an instant fix. I'm not telling you to change how you feel. I'm telling you to summon up some courage and do something despite how you feel.
Do depressed people FEEL like going to a therapist? They sure as fuck don't, but they know it will help and push themselves to do it.
It's not easy. I said it wasn't, improvement is a long process, you'll still feel anxious and awful and like you're going to vomit and then pass out in said vomit. There were times I had to find somewhere private to cry about what an idiot I was for thinking I could be a normal girl. But I wiped up my tears and went back out, and it did get easier, in time.
But sure, pretend my advice is hollow bullshit ao you can keep justifying not moving forward.
The 'middle ground' is kind-of gone. Either you're a woman trapped in a man's body or you're a die-cis-scum het male.
Back in the 80's and 90's a lot of the people who identify as transgender or whatnot would have been perfectly happy as tomgirls / tomboys. Dysphoria is real, and devastating, and contributes to some serious problems including suicide, but it's also incredibly rare.
That's why I don't get the 'self-medication' stuff, or even worse the people who try to guilt-trip others into thinking they're trans by calling them 'self-loathers' or whatnot before they're properly diagnosed by a 'gatekeeper'.
Why such blatant disdain for the medical professionals who were providing a path to gender reassignment for decades, long before it was popularly condoned? It's hard to imagine that a gender specialist would be willing to forego a huge amount of money from therapy / etc. as well as personal validation for their life's work for bigoted or otherwise unobjective reasons.
And besides, if they really are 'gatekeepers', what's the harm in that? HRT and SRS is not exactly a walk in the park, and the feeling of being in the wrong-gendered body is extremely painful, so why would someone (especially someone who's been through it) want to risk putting others through the same crisis?