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Has anyone here actually de-transitioned?
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You are currently reading a thread in /lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender

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I always hear stories about how transition makes everyone happier, but these are from people who have only transitioned over the past year, or are just starting. Any stories about long term transitioning? 5 years+? Anyone de-transition into androgyny?
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>>5534137
>Any stories about long term transitioning? 5 years+?
I've been on hormones almost 8 years. What do you want to know?
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>>5534137
I've been on hormones/transitioning for 3 years. Not quite 5 but you know, getting up there. Detransition is definitely not happening lol.
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>>5534144
here
>>5534147
> Detransition is definitely not happening lol.
I feel the same way. Also very satisfied with life after transitioning.
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>>5534137
>Anyone de-transition into androgyny?
I kinda did. Was on hormones for almost 2 years but never did any legal stuff.

Ask me anything
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>>5535210
Why'd you de-transition? Did you have any regrets? Was society too judgmental upon you and you decided you'd be more comfortable in an androgynous role? Did you live as a man/woman full time?
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>>5535210
Why did you stopped?

Did you had breast breast growth?
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>>5535219
>Why'd you de-transition?
>>5535256
>Why did you stopped?

To put it simply, it didn't work out for me. I did see myself as androgynous, but more womanish. I kept having doubts and other then that i missed some masculine things I had lost.

>Did you had breast breast growth?
An A cup. Now it's pretty much flat like before.

>Did you have any regrets?
I regret taking too much hormones. I really should have taken less then the standard dose, but i was so scared of becoming more masculine, etc.

>Was society too judgmental upon you and you decided you'd be more comfortable in an androgynous role?

Not really, I am in a pretty liberal area. Being in that role fit me better and help me pass.

>Did you live as a man/woman full time?
Socially, not legally. There were times I seemed more masculine cause I dressed unisex sometimes
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>>5535402
Textbook example of someone doing it for the wrong reasons.

No offense meant or anything.
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>>5535550
textbook example where it's okay to be offensive and not care because the person is a scum transtrender
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>>5535550
What are the right reasons, if I may ask?
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>>5534137
If I ever consider detransitioning, ill kill myself.
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>>5536043
Crippling dysphoria.

Looking in the mirror and going "ughhhhh fuuuuuckkk whyyy????" Feeling like shit all the time because you've always wanted to be a girl (in the case of MtFs) but you're not, and your physical body disgusts you - you find it repulsive, and it fills you with hate, regret, sadness. In puberty you see girls and feel intensely jealous at the changes they're having, while at the same time horrified and disgusted at the ones you're having. And it all just gets worse and worse as time goes on. You don't even know why you're feeling this shit, and you don't want to, but you do anyway.

Basically stuff along those lines.

An analogy that might work: imagine you have a job that you're really good at, but you hate it. You hate the shit out of it. Yet your boss comes into your office every day and tells you how good of a job you do, and reminds you that they really like you working there and want to keep you around. But you hate it. You loathe it. The job makes your life a living hell. Every moment, even not at work, is spent feeling dread and hatred at the fact that you have to work that stupid job. As time goes on, it keeps getting worse, until one day, you say fuck it, quit your job, and get a new job that you actually enjoy, so that you're finally able to just feel normal and have a chance at a good life.
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>>5536096
>that analogy
Is that what dysphoria feels like? Shit.

I'm so miserable in myself but I'm scared to try and transition. In case it ruins my life and I become a social pariah, then I realise I was wrong and it was a huge mistake. Then the way myself and others percieve me would be in tatters.
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>>5536147
>Is that what dysphoria feels like? Shit.
Basically yeah. To varying degrees.

>
I'm so miserable in myself but I'm scared to try and transition. In case it ruins my life and I become a social pariah, then I realise I was wrong and it was a huge mistake. Then the way myself and others percieve me would be in tatters.
Don't let your fear hold you back, because that's just going to make it worse and turn it into regret in the future, for you. There is no reason why you'd become a social pariah, unless you go around as a man in a dress.

It's very easy to hide a transition for a while. If you wind up passing, that's very good, and you won't be a social pariah for going girlmode when you pass. If you don't wind up passing without FFS or other things, then don't worry about it. You will feel much better than you would without the hormones, even if you don't end up passing.

The changes are gradual. People who see you day-to-day should be fine, because they'll be used to it as it happens. It's like the whole "boiling a frog by slowly raising the temperature" thing where the frog jumps out of boiling water, but sits and gets boiled when placed in cold water that is slowly heated to boiling.

Just take the hormones - nobody needs to know you're transitioning though. Take your time with telling anyone. In fact, you never need to tell anyone. Just let the physical changes come and help you decide what you want to do when you want to do it. There is nothing forcing you to become a social pariah.
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>>5536080
>if I ever wanted to not kill myself and detransition, I'd kill myself

stunning logic there friendo, now why don't you let the adults talk?
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>>5536198
not that anon, but your logic is the one that is flawed because that anon didn't give any indication for reasons why they would kill themselves if they consider detransing.
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>>5536198
>Crippling dysphoria makes life not worth living
>Transition doesn't turn out good and lifes still not worth living
>commit sudoku
How does this not make absolute perfect sense?
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>>5536096
So what you're saying is that because I don't experience much bodily dysphoria, I shouldn't transition? I look in the mirror and see a fucking cute guy. I love myself, except for the fact that I'm a little overweight, which is my main source of dysphoria. At the same time though, I have a hard time having sex while being a man... I'd love for a man to love me as a woman, but I also like dominating women during sex. I don't know if it's dysphoria I feel, or the fact that I can't come to terms with my sexuality... I'm like deeply embarrased with myself and I keep telling myself that I'm going to try a man, find one, lead him on and then bail last minute. Tldr; I'm a faggot
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>>5536427
>overweight, which is my main source of dysphoria
This doesn't sound trutrans to me, but I can't stop you anyways can I?
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>>5536427
Have you considered seeing a therapist about this? Perhaps they could help you out a lot. You do seem more like a fetishist rather than actual tranny to me. No offense meant by fetishist, I know you've got some confusing shit going on.
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>>5536190
I'd be going boymode rather than girlmode. When you say it like that, it sounds really tempting. But being undercover trans sounds difficult if it gets to the "anon, did your voice change?" or "anon, is that stubble?" And that shit wouldn't go away if it did turn out I would have to detransition. I imagine transitioning and it all going well but then I figure that's over idealising it so I have to think of the things can could go wrong to balance it out. I am not an optimistic person.
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>>5536450
I wanna see a therapist, but I'm kinda skeptical of psychology in general, as I feel like they'll tell me the same generic shit they always do, or just downplay the extent of my mental issues. Yes though, I'm a fetishist, but the fetish is extremely powerful. I get rock hard when I think about having tits and wearing a bra. I feel so humiliated when wearing women's clothing and having to get fucked like a woman, etc. I have like so many degenerate fetishes but this one seemed to swallow all of the other ones up. I was once heavily into diapers, femdom, cucking, etc. This happened to be an extension of my cuckold fetish and I think I actually brought some dysphoria onto myself, being that humiliation is the only way I can get off.
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>>5536467
Ohhhhhh.

That changes things.

Yeah you're fucked if you want to hide it. But on the plus side you're pretty much guaranteed to pass and time is more on your side.

At the same time, this also makes the notion of detransition VERY much worse for you. It's easy to become/look like a guy/go back to looking like a guy. But once you do look like a guy, it's much harder to look like a girl again. You'd pretty much be dealing with a bunch of shit MTFs put up with, while being a cis girl, which would make it even worse I'd think, because you would be a real girl, but everyone would think you're some tranny hon or something.

If you really feel you are trans though, you have all sorts of reasons to be optimistic. As far as passing goes, you've got it so much better than MtFs. I don't think I've ever heard of a FtM on hormones not eventually passing flawlessly.
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>>5536505
You don't have to listen to the therapist, but I'd say it's worth a shot going to one. You don't want to transition and end up regretting it. Then again, could you see yourself regretting it, potentially? Is wanting to be a girl purely a sexual thing for you? How would you feel having to have the girl personal 24/7? such things
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>>5536603
Okay, I'll just say this. I'm extremely AGP. I get a boner when I think of doing anything remotely "girly", including sex as a girl. When I'm aroused I tell myself I'm transexual and should probably transition, then I jerk off and everything becomes clear for a little while, then the feelings come back stronger. Hell, I've even fapped to a picture of my own ass before. My AGP is so bad that it's become a part of my emotions. I can't imagine living a male sexual life. I crave the attention that I see women get and it makes me so jealous. I think to myself, "that should be me"... so yeah, it would probably be for the wrong reasons and I know that, but my sexuality is such a big part of me that I can't function properly. I know people will haye me for mentioning AGP, but it freaks me out and I feel like the therapist will just laugh at me.
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>>5536644
Here's the thing - ALL trannies have AGP. They see themselves as women, right? They get off on imagining themselves having sex, right? They imagine themselves as WOMEN when they imagine themselves having sex, because they identify as women, right?

Therefor all trannies have AGP.

Prove me wrong.
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>>5536665
Well of course, but what if these fantasies go against one's personality traits and make no sense in the first place? That's why this shit is so weird. None of me is feminine in gesture, Hell, I couldn't fake being feminine if I tried, but in my sexual fantasies I'm a whole nother person entirely. It fucking blows.
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>>5536644
Well the jealousy, feels not going away, not being able to image living a male sex life, all are similar to what trannies feel.

You could just start taking hormones, give it 1-3 months or so, and you'll probably figure out much more about whether you'd want to go on or not. Maybe your sex drive going down will make it go away, and make you not want to be a grill. On the other hand, sex drive decreasing might result in you just feeling happy about becoming/being girlier.

Perhaps you really just want to be a girl, and your male sex drive is hijacking the desire to be a girl and turning it into a perversion?
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>>5536795

I think this comes from fighting who you are.

When you try and be feminine you're subconsciously enjoying yourself but you're conscious is telling you "no! I am a man". It's hard to get over this.

Wash away your conditioning. Relax and really think about what you want.
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>>5536427
GENDER Dysphoria is a literal requirement for being trans. If not wanting to be fat was all it took, then fucking 85% of Americans would be transgender.
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>>5536842
transshaped
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>>5536819
I guess that could be the case, but if that wer the case, I would think I'd have fet repressed before discovering my sexuality. Truth is, I had a pretty good male life up until my girlfriend left her panties at my house and I tried them on. I started to get into forced fem porn and eventually it led to thinking about getting fucked by men. Then I started to slowly notice that I was envying attractive women and wanted to be them, as I fapped more, the feelings became stronger and stronger. I realize I had these leanings in the first place, but this kind've just fucking blows and it's all within 1 1/2 years. This is why it's so confusing. It's like spur of the moment.
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>>5536644
>I get a boner when I think of doing anything remotely "girly"
is there anything else happening within you when you imagine doing something girly? try to look into it more detailed.
>then I jerk off and everything becomes clear for a little while
what do you mean with clear? feeling great about being male? fapping releases happy hormones and can make trans feelings go away for a bit. but you could also be porn/fap addicted and have a fetish. i think you would profit greatly from doing a no-fap month but it is your decision of course.
> then the feelings come back stronger.
together with the arousal? how often do you masturbate a day? what feelings exactly, try to give us some examples of what you think please.
>I can't imagine living a male sexual life.
but you can imagine a male daily life? btw sorry if i missed it but it is unclear to me what your sexuality is.
> left her panties at my house and I tried them on.
what did you feel when you tried them on?

and please don't take hormones to try it out like some suggest. i've read of enough examples on here complaining that they are still waiting on the results after 5 months. i haven't heard of someone that said the test worked out though.
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>>5534137
I put a lot less focus on transitioning when I realised it wouldn't really fix a lot of the things I feel bad about, sort of deciding to stay in an androgynous area, but I still take hormones because I'm not going to let testosterone ruin me more than it already has.
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>>5536524
A cis female hon? Savage. I feel like I'm holding up a rickety facade of femininity anyway so I don't know if that makes it a more or less frightening concept.

Now that I think about it, this poses other questions. What would it take to make me want to detransition? I hardly do girl things as it is, I'm not sure how going back to this female life would be much different from male life. I mean, living as a guy can't possibly be worse than it is being me right now. I guess I'd have to deal with the social impact of "yeah, I'm a girl... again" and the physical changes if it gets that far... Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud here. Or in type, as it were.
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>>5536888
Yes, I'm quite pornography addicted and my older therapist reccomended that I stop masturbating for a month or so to be able to function again. It's just, fapping feels so good and fills my loneliness hole all the way in. When I put on my gf's panties I felt emasculated. I knew for my whole life that I have had the propensity to be aroused by seriously emasculating acts. I was debating on wearing diapers and un-potty training myself full time to fulfill my diaper fetish but I stopped fapping to diaper shit for awhile and it went away. Idk this time though but again, with every time I masturbate the feelings just become more gripping and the fantasies become more powerful. It all started as a little joke fetish. Didn't have any impact on my life until I got fired from my job and fapped all day out of boredom. I was advised from someone before not to "just try" hormones as well, sound advice. I think first things first I need to somehow quit the fapping for a good while to see how I feel. I just get bored and have nothing better to do half the time. I'm also looking to see a therapist soon. Somehow someway I'm going to sort this shit out, whether it means I'm transexual or not.
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>>5536665
im an asexual mtf, i dont see anything sexual about my body
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>>5537010
>I think first things first I need to somehow quit the fapping for a good while to see how I feel.
have you tried a new job? that might be the most effective and productive thing to do? and it would guarantee that you aren't just escaping one addiction through another like video games could do. though i think even switching to video games would be beneficial to you?
>to be aroused by seriously emasculating acts
could you elaborate please? do you want to be stripped of your dignity or maleness? do you have suspicions for why you want to be stripped of either?
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>>5536888
>i've read of enough examples on here complaining that they are still waiting on the results after 5 months.

wait what? What do the results of hormones have to do with whether you're trans or not?
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>>5537162
to try something out implies that you are expecting some kind of result to show up. if you are trying out hormones to see wether you are trans or not you aren't waiting for the physical effects to show up but to have an epiphany about your "trans-status". 5 months is about 2 months after the physical effects have started so trying out hormones to see if you're trans is a bad idea.
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>>5535550
>>5536015
>>5536096

I saw four psychologists before I did anything. The prime reason I got hormones is because I had a letter from one. My dysphoria was so bad I couldn't look in mirrors/reflections and had frequent anxiety attacks every week. It only stopped till I started to dress more feminine and start transitioning.
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>>5537273
what did the other 3 say if i may ask?
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>>5537303
They all said I had dysphoria came up to the conclusion that is was mostly gender issues I was dealing with.
Other then that low self esteem and social anxiety. I was admitted into a hospital and that's how I got to so many, other then one who was independent.
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>>5536096
your biological sex makes no sense as being compared to a job that one is forced to do
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>>5539816
for trans people it does i assume.
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>>5536867
why not just be a transvestite?
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>>5540415
It's a scary world out there...
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>>5534137
>Any stories about long term transitioning? 5 years+?

I transitioned in 1999 and had SRS in 2005. The reason you don't hear much from folks long-term is that support networks (not just in the "support group" sense, but also in terms of just being around other folks in your situation) tend to be populated with people that are either early on or those that never did manage to get on with their lives.
>in b4 "which are you lol"
I got on with my life, but I tend to keep an ear to the ground at places regarding trans issues.
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>>5538746
please dont
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>>5535402
Did your cum come back? And did you have any long lasting negative side effects
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>>5536015
What the fuck did you say to me you fucking misogynist? Friendly reminder: I graduated at the top of my gender studies class, and I've been involved in privilege checking with over 150 confirmed genders. I’m trained in patriarchal deconstruction and I was the most oppressed person in my entire upper middle class high school. You are nothing to me but another cultural appropriator. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen on this side of your safe space, mark my words. You think you can get away with disagreeing with me on 4chan? Think again, cis scum. As we speak I'm gathering a list of your triggers with my self-diagnosed squad of PTSD specialists, so you better be prepared to deal with some serious privilege checking. I AM LITERALLY AS TRIGGERED AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE RIGHT NOW. I can be anywhere, at any time, and I can give you over seven hundred reasons why you should fuck yourself with a cactus. Not only am I extensively trained in social justice, but I have access to an entire arsenal of sociological blog articles to prove my point and I will use them to wipe your deeply problematic face off the earth you little shit. If only you had known what oppressed retribution your offensiveness would unleash then maybe you would have held your fucking tongue and just killed yourself instead, but you didn't. Stay safe, shitlord.
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>>5536190
>The changes are gradual. People who see you day-to-day should be fine, because they'll be used to it as it happens. It's like the whole "boiling a frog by slowly raising the temperature" thing where the frog jumps out of boiling water, but sits and gets boiled when placed in cold water that is slowly heated to boiling.

I did this, transitioned socially, met new people as a girl etc, built a new life and career as a girl, all while not telling my parents.

They only found out 2 weeks ago when they found my Facebook with my girl name cos my phone number was tied to the account lol.
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>>5539816
I'm sorry you're too stupid to get it then, I guess? Analogies don't have to be perfectly equal. Biological sex is forced on you by birth though. Most people are just okay with what they get though.
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>>5540918
Yeah, my dad still doesn't know, 8 years later. Of course he's in another state, but still.
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>>5540874
>Did your cum come back?
It did within 2 months. Maybe it's because am still young and I wasn't taking hormones for that long.

>And did you have any long lasting negative side effects?

Except for the small breasts and erectile dysfunction which are continuing to go away, I haven't seen any yet. It will probably be a year or more till I see them.
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