13 years ago I told my mom that I was I liked men. I told her in confidence because I trusted my mom and figured she would support me since I was her son. She didn't and told my father, they disowned me after a long session of them insulting me. My dad said he refused to have a son who was a faggot and kicked me out. I was 16, I ended up moving in with my best friend who is now my husband.
I hadn't spoken to my parents since until recently. I've gotten married since then and have had very good success career wise and have been having a great life with my husband. My mom contacts me recently saying she would like to reconnect with me.
I asked her why because she and her husband made it clear that I wasn't their son anymore. She said she was sorry and said they've had a change of heart about this sort of thing and they were wrong and they want to see me again.
Do I give my parents a chance? She says they've had a change of heart but to me that doesn't matter. They didn't support me when it counted, when I actually needed it the most. At this point in my life I'm a grown man, I couldn't give a shit if they support me or not. I was just a kid back then and threw me in the streets.
My husband thinks I shouldn't forgive them but he doesn't really mind either way. I'm conflicted, I don't know if they deserve another chance with me. The amount of hate and bad things they said about me that day is still burned into my memory, I have a hard time believing that's all gone.
What do you think, do I give them a chance?
>do I give them a chance?
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
Nice two same numbers, faggot. No, they were selfish then and they are being selfish now. It's like you said, you're happy, career, married-you don't need them. They have just realized the error of their ways and want to tie up loose ends before they die. They don't really care about you, they just want to feel better about themselves. Likely, they have been dealing with years of deserved fallout from their community for abandoning you and now they need you back in their lives to be more accepted. I'm sure that they have some support on their decision, but most rational people would be horrified upon hearing that parents disowned a child. This kills the social life.
I was thrown out when I was 17. Caused me to be homeless and addicted for three years. Got my shit together and tried reconciling with my parents.
It's been 25 years since I've talked to them. It was only recently that I decided I'd stop hoping we could reconnect (yeah, a lot of time wasted on a pipe dream).
Just think about what YOU want. You can remain no contact, some limited contact or reunite the family, but whatever you do make sure it's what YOU want, not them.
Fuck them anon who the fuck do they think they are? They only care about themselves because they feel bad about what they done and so they should.
If you are over them being your parents then I would disregard them and tell them never to contact you again.
I mean if you got back with them and then you adopt a kid, you think this shit wouldn't happen again?
so what? part of growing up is getting over things
especially for your fucking parents, you only get one family
this board has done a good job convincing be that most gays are bitter, immature, unforgiving people
When the singulairty comes and you're immortal and 750 years old, you might regret not giving those last, mortal creatures who brought you into this world a chance.
An eternity of immortality is a long time to have to let regrets fester, m8.
Oh please, could you people be any more dramatic? Yeah it sucks that happened to OP but they didn't rape his child or murder his boyfriend or some shit. They just didn't like their kid being gay in a time where being gay was still not fully okay yet. 2002/2003 wasn't 2016, being gay was still very much seen as a mental illness. Yeah people were started to come around to it but we had a long way to go. It was a different fucking time.
Holy shit. You guys are all a bunch of bitter faggots. Make up with your family OP. I used to be so angry that my father walked out on my mother, brother and I. I would fantasize about nailing him with so many insults and punching him in the face when I ginally got to meet him. One day he called me and bursted into tears, begging me to forgive him for what he did. Well, I forgave him and 5 years later we're super close. YOU should forgive OP.
Honestly, OP? Take the middle route. If you're conflicted, at the very least talk to them, just to satisfy your curiosity, and stave off potential regret. One of my biggest regrets was not reconnecting with my dad before he died.
wow tranny. slow down your pipe. No surprise they threw you out as you are such a faggit.
Your parents are irrational stupid casual obeyed for social approvement people. You can pity them. But there is nothing to accept, forgive or being sorry about. This was their decision to make. And how said this kind gentleman(lady?) >>5509327 you could reconnect with them only for your benefits. Nothing more.
Your actual family are those who accepting you and helping you no matter how shitty you are and what you do. They trying to get you "normal" at first if any and then just accepting you or stop being a family.
Yours just stopped being a family from the start. Thy thought that refusing their child is easier way to deal with social expectations. Right now where all around PUSHING gay-shit all over the world and being intolerant is just being mainstream and no-no, they "changed" their mind. But as said THIS kind fellow >>5509389 they are not changed at all. They still those shitty people inside. And when there will be sale "bring your faggot - take new car" they will sell you immediately.
Not being humiliated, not being kicked out of home, NOT being abandoned.
Blood doesn't mean anything, it's what people do for you and you for than that creates the bound of a family. His family now is his husband, not the two fuckers that shitted him on the world and then decided that they didn't want him because he wasn't the puppet they expected.
They're probably just worried that you won't look after them while they're dying and old.
It sounds nice that they're trying to reconcile but guaranteed it's for selfish reasons. They just don't want all their other family and friends to see them for who they really are. Plus they might start requesting your assistance if they have health problems. So just fuck em.
If it was for anything other than selfish reasons they would have attempted to reconnect after a year or two tops.
You don't just leave your child to go to their death as a homeless youth then completely forget for decades only to suddenly decide to apologize once they see they didn't actually die and they're doing quite well.
The root of the parent's emotion is selfish because they seek to make themselves feel better. It is evident because OP doesn't need anything from them, so the only reason for them to reach out is to make themselves feel like better people.
If someone shot and stabbed you to the point you were nearly dead, they genuinely thought they murdered you, but you survived. Then years later they called and said sorry. Would you go visit them and have a nice brunch and chat about how it's so funny about that one time they almost killed you? Then they would also expect you to visit them in the hospital, go to their funeral, hangout with them all the time, etc.
Yeah it doesn't exactly sound like a good time.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. They cast you aside when you were a struggling child, they destroyed any bond they may have had with you then. It is your choice weather or not to forgive them, they don't deserve it but some people wouldn't care. Just try to keep in mind that they weren't there when you actually needee them and they're only around now because they're not afraid of how your sexuality effects themselves, and because you are a sucess yourself.
Fuck them. They sound like the kind that only do things to gain approval from society. So now that gay hating is no longer trendy here they want to look good again and reconcile. It took them a full 13 years to have a "change of heart" and only after they see you're doing good for yourself.
Like other anons said, family isn't decided by blood. Your new family is your husband and your husband's family (assuming they were accepting).
Also congrats on having a good job and a great husband whose been there for you the whole time. Stories like yours are always saddening but hearing that you found happiness afterwards makes me feel comfy.
Hey man, think about it like this...
No matter what homie, they are still your parents. You don't have to like them, or even love them. But if you hate them to the grave, they'll die knowing that their son did not give a shit about them. I do not think that it's healthy to cut them off completely, I would definitely reconnect if my shit was straight in this situation.
Except what ops parents did is comparable to murder. They willingly let their child become homeless and the majority of homeless people do not live very long lives.
They're indirectly related. They didn't physically see their kid die but they most likely knew there would be a very high chance of it occurring. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to do something like that and it's nothing like just saying mean things. His parents are among the tiers of various sociopaths for their careless disregard of human life.
Its tough. I don't agree that you should entirely forgive them, but I also don't agree with all the very vindictive people saying FUCK EM. I think its a decision you should make with your closest friends and husband, and most of all come to the conclusion yourself. If I was you I think I would reconnect but in a very controlled way, and make it clear big gushy family connections aren't going to be happening.
You have every right to hate them, but there is value in forgiveness, even on a small scale.
OP, your situation sounds very tough and I don't envy that choice one bit.
Just consider the fact that one day they'll be gone, and the opportunity to reconnect will be gone forever. Maybe you'll regret it, maybe you won't. If you think you still care about them, I'd say think about it.
Tons of people dying out there. You could connect them. Make them your friends. Help them become better self.
Instead you wasting this time here. Posting smart messages on anonymous image board. This is your decision to not make the steps of getting them in your life. THis is OP's decision to NOT making THAT step in his.
>b-but I don't know these people... they are not my family from the start!
Those so-called "parents" of the OP are not his family either. They are strange people "that he used to know".
Obviously OP has some desire to get back in touch or else he wouldn't have asked.
Whether or not he reconnects/forgives them is his own choice. I don't really care what the parents feel, I'm just saying that HE might have regrets about his OWN decisions later on.
If they are extending the olive branch I don't see why you shouldn't give them at least a chance.
That's not to say to just take it lightly and be like "lol k you are forgiven"
You are gonna need to have a serious conversation with them about what they did.
But don't be like these anons and carry this hate around with you for the rest of your life
I would say, reconnect, and accept an apology, but let it be clear that doesn't mean you've forgiven them, you're just accepting that they know what they did was wrong.
Parents can be a good source of support if you ever need it, so it'd be best not to burn the bridge. At the same time though it's also important that they understand what they did wasn't a small thing, and won't be forgiven so easily.
>so it'd be best not to burn the bridge
They already showed how helpful they can be, and kicking a teenager out of home is exactly what I'd call "burning the bridge". He won't get anything from it.
They're trying to reconnect, meaning he might from their guilt.
The bridge was burnt once they're trying to reconnect through, so metaphorically there's a new bridge.
I do think however that if they try to do/say shit to go ahead and just cut ties completely.
>My dad said he refused to have a son who was a faggot and kicked me out. I was 16, I ended up moving in with my best friend who is now my husband.
fuck off you attention whore, I have no sympathy for you
I FUCKING WISH MY PARENTS KICKED ME OUT SO THAT I COULD GO LIVE WITH SOME OTHER FAGGOT WHEN I WAS SIX-TEEN(16)
WHAT THE FUCK?
I'M A 21 YEAR OLD HANDHOLDLESS VIRGIN
>I would say, reconnect, and accept an apology, but let it be clear that doesn't mean you've forgiven them, you're just accepting that they know what they did was wrong.
I don't think it should be excused either. but you can accept someone understands what they did was wrong, and try to be civil without excusing it.
At least the mom seems like she wants to honestly reconnect with her son, and 13 years is a long time. heck 13 years ago it was a lot harder to be a gay man than it is today(at least in the US). If it were more recent I'd think it was just the mom trying to say B.S. because she wanted to keep tabs on OPanon, but with it being quite a while in the past I personally would like to think she might of realized she was in the wrong.
(again, not saying she should be forgiven, especially right off the bat. but she should be allowed to try to make up for her closed mind. Heck OPanon might be able to use this to teach his parents and get them to help out in the LGBT community to prove they've actually changed their way of thinking)
And, even if they changed it doesn't mean he should accept seeing them. He will gain nothing from it, only his parents might come out feeling better about themselves.
Best thing he can do is tell them to fuck off, if they suffer from it, good, it's my personal opinion that they should even be arrested for throwing a 16 year old on the street.
It is illegal in a lot of places to evict anyone under the age of 18 without their consent actually. It's just often forgotten about when it comes to lgbt people since the police don't care usually.
in the UK you can leave at 16 which I would guess includes being kicked out.
In the US 16(14 if you show maturity) is the legal age you can get emancipated. Though if they just kick you out, it's your own responsibility to go to the police for child abandonment. So it isn't that it's often forgetten about when it comes to lgbt people, it's more likely they don't try to take it to the police/court systems. Police do care about kids, more than they give a fuck about what your orientation you are.
Convince them that you want to make up, then if they are really apologetic make them beg down on their knees for your forgiveness
Instead of giving it to them ream them the fuck out, disown them as your parents. Revenge feels fantastic and you deserve to enjoy a taste for making it without them
>My dad said he refused to have a son who was a faggot and kicked me out. I was 16, I ended up moving in with my best friend who is now my husband.
Aww, how sweet.
I mean, the parents thing is fucked, though.
>What do you think, do I give them a chance?
Forgive them, but don't visit them. Fuck em.
>But if you hate them to the grave, they'll die knowing that their son did not give a shit about them.
Except OP's parents kicked him out of the house, not caring giving a shit about HIM until it became trendy to accept the gays
Fuck man, that's really rough. I personally wouldn't forgive my parents if they ever bothered to contact me again, but it's up to you. If you know in your heart that this isn't you experiencing some fear-of-missing-out, them being guilted into talking to you again by friends/family, them just wanting to die knowing they patched shit up or whatever... If you know that they're sincere then why not? Go ahead. Try to fix things. I don't see the point personally, I guess you really missed them all these years or something, huh.
Tell them you forgive them if you want to do the right thing.
However, getting back in touch is ambiguous. If you think it would hurt you, don't do it. You owe them nothing at this point, and they owe you everything.
No, because op would be allowing homophobia to control him. If op forgives them, he's showing that he will not allow the damage of homophobia to prevent him from reuniting with his family.
Give 'em the chance. They are trying to reconcile and make it up to you.
Despite what some people say, people and opinions do change. it's been a long time for them to thing things through.
You can always cut them out again if it does not go well.
ITT: Salty faggots
Just talk with them and see if they are being genuinely sorry. If they are, then I see no reason to not reconnect with them. They saw the error of their ways. I bet they feel really shitty about it now. Give them a chance.
A chance to what, treat you like shit again?
They clearly don't know what love is and therefore you should stay clear, you will only end up hurt again ffs :c
I would say it's worth the effort burying the hatchet, but reconciliation would take a loooong time and be very emotionally exhausting. I think simply walking away from this would cause pain in the long run (or if you're feeling particularly psychopathic, deliberately ignore them for a while so they feel rejected then get back in touch) and there would be feelings of regret if you don't. If nothing else, you can ask them some cruicial questions of why they did what they did BEFORE you decide to let them back into your life.
Give them one chance. THey are human
What they did to you was shitty, but you should give them at least one chance. Maybe they really have seen the error of their ways.
The way I see it, if you go and they havne't changed, at least you can shut that door forever.
But if you don't go, you may regret it sometime down the line.
Righteous anger might feel good now, but you may very well wish you had at least tried sometime down the line. It may be years even, but its always possible.
So yeah, I say give them a chance. If they aren't sincere then fuck em, but if they are then I think you should try to make up. If for no other reason than closure.
It might not be easy, but I think its the best choice.
I'd say that you should consider your options and decide what feels best to you.
The one thing I would say is think carefully before you listen to the people in here who are saying "Get revenge, show them how it feels"
Id say since they don't really have any real connection to this particular situation, they are just having a revenge fantasy.
I'm not saying that you should throw yourself into their arms and accept their apology. Id just say make sure that if you do choose to cut off ties (which I can understand) or even get payback (I personally really advise against that), make sure you are doing it for reasons you will be able to live with down the line. And I'm talking years down the line. It can be nearly impossible to rebuild a burnt bridge.
If you care at all about having a relationship with them, then it might be worth a shot to hear what they have to say.
That being said, don't put up with any of their shit. You'd be doing them a favor by just acknowledging their existence. And don't go in thinking you're going to use them for money, like some of these anons have been saying, either. I tried that with my shitty dad and it made me hate myself.