We fucked around for a few months. While hanging out. She kept joking we were dating but I knew it wasn't true. I wasn't surprised when she said she found a nice man and they were really hitting it off. I was more heartbroken than I expected when I told her we had to stop anything except friendship between us so that her real relationship could blossom. The end.
>>5503130 A really great bromance. I think he's trying to publicly assert how secure he is with his heterosexuality by being lovey-dovey with any of his male friends. lots long, full-body, hugs. Lots of saying, "I love you," not just, "I love you, man." Lots of playing "gay-chicken" with his straight friends (he's smart enough not to play with me).
I sometimes fantasize of ways that I can very slowly escalate things without him noticing. Like that old adage about boiling a frog.
>>5503130 >tfw closetmode ftm >age 12 >in love with best friend >we made these shitty ass fujoshibait tier ocs and self inserts all the time >never told her how i felt to this day >i'm waaaay over it now it was just a silly crush >came out as ftm a few years later and she made a joke about wanting to fuck me if i ever get a functioning dick upon my coming out
Once I had this one colleague. Who was straight as fuck. brutal and even not really appealing as a handsome. He just was so awesome at his work. At his life. He knew what he wanted from it he knew his place. I fell for him. Made confession. Get unpleasant "refuse" (he wasn't actually refusing or denying me, he just lock himself from our conversations and went far away from me even as a colleague). Then he left our company and started developing himself. Now working as an hightech artist, who making real robots for life.
few years past...
There was another person. Who was master of our capoiera class. Awesome. Handsome. Funny and VERY FUCKING KIND. So sweet. His attitude was soft as a pillow. I fell for him. He even broke up with his girlfriend and I thought. Maybe this is my chance? I made a confession. Empty space without denyle. He even didn't bother answering. Felt empty inside. Really sad. Start to question myself.
again after few years.
Third dude was a programmer. I fell for him. I never liked programmers thay are kind of creepy. Also I was always into muscle masculine guys. But he was just slim. Good looking though. I hated a mustaches all my life. But he had them and I really liked it. His personality was a fucking FIREWORKS. I cant get more of him. Always was thirsty always demand more of his presence. Once when we had a quarrel I felt myself so empty as never before. I needed him as a drug. He was my other half of the half. He almost was making me whole. I started to give him expensive gifts and make his life easier and less complicated. Was afraid of making any step forward even when we were alone or close as a friends (have we even were friends?). Then our company bankrupted. We get separated. I felt myself so shitty. Me 33 years dude cried a lot like a fagg queen when Life pushed me from his town to the other to look for work and when I realized that we can never meet each other again. Made a semiconfession.
>>5509315 Cause I was afraid of getting something as before. And still I got it. I got nothing as an answer. We talked a little. But he just skipped my semiconfession as it wasn't sent.
I got it now. It's just too hard to them to understand why one guy can fall for another guy. Why I'm doing this for them. What they need to answer on this?
I started to get deep into human psychology. I understood them. understood myself. Made myself clear before me. Become 80% rational. Lost definition of "love" "friendship" etc. Started think as a robot. All around me is just instincts, biology, and social approvement. All using all for their own good. Cause every human deep inside an egoist. Exceptions only for "sick" people. Statrt thinking that I don't need anyone. Maybe just for getting rid of instinct demandings like reproduce and having the best mating partner of all.
One year later. Right now.
This one guy. Me - 34 years old Art Director (looking like 25-27). He is good artists in out company - 25 years old. Homophobic intolerant. He is awesome. Simple. Good looking. Charisma over 9999. Battery of my feelings. Switched something in me. Made myself lose my way to oblivion. Scattered me over the place. Straight as he wanted all to know it. Always bragging about pussies and tits. Every time I'm trying to touch him he making this face like I'm a cockroach in his pasta and trying to get away from me as fast as possible. But yet again. We are friends. He understands that I'm gay, but afraid to ask me about it. He thinks that if he will do. He will lose me as a friend due to fear of social disapprovement. He trying so hard to look masculine and brutal. And the more we knowing each other. The more I falling for him. But now I overthinking every step. rationaly. Without any fast forwards. And still those 20% irrationality of mine making my life hell, when he meeting new people or worse - girls/
I made myself his little magical whore. When he wanted something. I'm trying to get it for him. Rationally of course. I will not buy him house or car (although if I had SO MUCH money... why not). But making expensive gifts is just one step that I do for him. As I know that all humans are "whores" inside. I know this sound unpleasant, and kind of crappy. But this is how humans work. He uses me for making his life simpler, maybe better, maybe funnier (cause we like hangout a lot and making complete random shit like crazy bastards). And I'm using him as a part of my comfort zone. I'm whole with him. I'm waiting to make a good true confession of my wantings and my true feeling to him in right moment. And no matter what I hope we at least will be good friends after this. But of course I'm hoping of making him my boyfriend if I will be rational enough to explain all this shit to him. And he smart enough to not snap off like a retard (cause he isn't one, he is very smart bastard).
>be a gay guy >meet straight guy at previous job >hit it off real well >play golf together, share a lot of same likes >he's married, two kids >we're still close after we leave that job >now several years later >he calls me and tells me he's getting a divorce, looking for a place >tell him to crash at my place for as long as he wants >now I sleep in a bedroom 20 feet from the guy I've secretly wanted to be fucked by for years and years
>>5510575 There is no straight people, there is only people stuck with social expectations. There is no rational explanation except reproducing for not being with another man. Two men will always have BETTER lives than man+woman. Cause last two have nothing in common compared to two first.
>>5509604 Nothing you have said has sounded rational. It sounds like you become obsessed with guys who will never love you and create a perfect fantasy life with a made up version of them. Just let it go and look for people that will actually like you back.
>>5510964 I interacted with plenty. They all were uninteresting faggits. yeah they had nice bodies, they knew how to fuck and suck n stuff. We could talk about gay shit without embarrassment. But holy fuck were they BORING as hell. No. I prefered my straight crushes over gays my whole life. Cause being gay in my country making guys being complete SHIT. Straights have much less psychological problems and opened more than any gay will with locked personal crap inside his head.
>>5511051 Well no. Rationalism in here is thinking what makes you whole, what makes you happy and trying to get it a lot. All people trying to find their meaning of existence. I found mine in exploring reality into oblivion. And making as much possible information and experience as possible (only that I'm sure of as "good" experience of course). I am the one person - egoist if u want. And I want only good for myself (same as everyone around me). I want develop myself into something more than those people that living their "simple" lives. But. Rationally I need a lot of "help" to do so. That help I'm getting from such guys as those who I represented in text above. Cause when I will have what I want for my body/cell instincts and my psychological crap in my head - I will be focused more on evolving my energy and inner self. This is stupid by taking it from the text... but it's really rational shit in my head that I would explain in person and you would understand and agree with me. My friends all agreeing with this crap when we starting to arguing it and discuss it. They don't like it much. Cause all rational things are too harsh and tough to take as a fact. But that doesn't change that it's really a fact.
>>5511377 I'm sure. Maybe you think that rational thinking is something else than I think is rational. But almost always my thoughts prevail over anyone's else if we start arguing about stuff like this. So I presume those thoughts are rational enough to change people point of view.
1) Does he know your gay? >yes 2) Do you KNOW he's straight? >100% sure? no. he could be in the closet but he's never mentioned anything to me. 3) If he's straight respect that, don't be a creep. >I'd never make a move on him unless he approached me first. he's too good of a friend to fuck up our friendship.
He's great. >generous >warm >gregarious >open about his thoughts and feelings >intelligent >overall a good natured guy
He's not perfect mind you, but I'm still very lucky to have met him. That said, I never went through that awkward crush/love thing gays seem to do all the time. That's not to say that I never jerked off thinking about his hairy bodybuilder body, but I don't really feel the attraction while we're together. It's more of a thing that randomly comes up when I'm alone and horny, along with a bunch of other attractive guys who cross my mind. It has nothing to do with feelings.
We've been friends for five years or so, but we only became close last year. He doesn't know that I'm gay yet, and it's kind of getting awkward when we're talking about relationships and such. I'm just worried that he'll become more distant if he knows because of all the thirsty faggots who keep creeping on straight guys. He already has a shitload of those in his life. Plus his ego is insane, he pretty much assumes that every girl is into him. It's a shitty situation.
>>5503325 This happened to me exactly. Except she got pissed off I wouldn't have sex with her anymore because she wanted me to service her while she was thinking of a really stupid guy she has a crush on. And the guy is dense as hell, he's dating a girl whose a serious whore so she keeps saying she's going to wait until he's single to try and get with him. Meanwhile keeps saying how much she loves me and kisses me, tries to hold my hand as she's talking about how much she likes this gut a lot and gets pissed off I'm not doing anything back anymore. How fucking selfish is that? My heart hurts..
I used to think I loved him, and obsessed over him for quite some time. Then, however, I met my ex-bf, who was a much better person in every respect (actually attractive in the classical sense, intelligent, creative, interesting), and, I lost my interest in the straight 'friend'. I look back at the time with some awkwardness and feelings of shame, because that straight 'friend' was certainly not as handsome or funny or even compatible with me as I thought.
The memory of him pisses me off. He blocked me on FB after I called him an "idiot born of idiots" after I commented on his post where he detailed how hard his life was because of final exams (for his political science major). Nothing of value was lost.
My ex-bf, on the other hand... Now him, I loved. And you can tell: one year after he left, and I still can't get over him, whereas straight friend was forgotten fairly quickly and the sense of shame hit in quite early.
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