please help k

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>>30253761

>after todays events
>insert my rem 870 barrel in my ass
>in my ass

what cunt?

Only option is to load a shell and pull the trigger. Next time you can use 20mm grenade launcher for your faggot needs

>>30253761
Poppers always do the trick for me.

I really dont want to call an emt and ecplain this. I have kept trying to twist the barrel slightly to get leverage with no avail. Ill try and take a picture but its going tobbe really fuckimg hard right now im having to balence the barrel on my sink to help releve some of the pain

Is there anything i can do to avoid calling emt?

We aren't going to be able to help without pictures.

>>30254142
this

>>30253761
Pic or it didn't happen.

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I cant really get a good angle but this is the situation

>>30254131

If you aren't trolling then you need to call a fucking EMT right now if you don't want to cause serious damage to your insides.
EMT's see a lot of shit in their line of work....guns in assholes might be new though

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>>30254208
Un blurry shot when?

>>30254208
Wat

>>30254208
Oh god. You absolute madman, you. Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, drink any prune juice you might have and hope for a bowel movement to loosen that up. If you can reach, try removing the barrel from the stock. maybe you can get some lube down the barrel or something,

Is this a green text? I refuse to believe this is real

someone please screencap this

>>30254208
Bitch that be a newspaper

You need to call an EMT and probably go to the hospital. You could cause serious damage to your insides. Also, this is probably one of the most /k/ things I have ever seen.

>>30254256
pretty sure it's camo.

I wanna be in the screen cap
RandPaul2020

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>>30254208
I am looking for an adequate reaction face to this and I don't have one.

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Ok im offically in panic mode my ass started feeling wet after trying to take that pic so i thought i was all the lube so i wiped around the barrel thats jammed in my ass with my lavender rag and it came out red.

Im calling emt pray for me k

goddamnit /k/
call an emt, they have seen much worse

THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

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>>30254208

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>>30254208

>mfw you were being serious

OP call an ambulance please. Enough homoesexuals have died today

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>>30254272
Godspeed, and good luck

>>30254287
Kek

>>30254272
you should seriously consider calling 911. A little shame is much better than permanently fucking up your insides.

use more lube

Let this be nature's lesson to you.

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>>30254208
>>30254272

>>30254272
>Literally more blood for the blood gods.

So how does a procotologist go about fixing this?

My best idea is to push lube up through the barrel so it comes out at the other end and starts to lubricate.

I think the moral of the story here is that you should always remove sights before using your weapons to pleasure yourself.

If it's bad for your zero, it's probably bad for your butt.

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>Enough homosexuals have died today

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>mfw this whole fucking thread
God damnit OP, despite how serious the situation is, I am laughing my ass off. Call an EMT or drive to the hospital quick man, looks like you scratched some anal tissue.

Somebody screencap this. Why did you feel like taking sharpie in pooper to a whole new level

Emt is on the way. I wish the ground would swallow me i had to explain to the ooerator 3 times that this isnt a joke and that im bleeding heavily
Swear i heard that bitch snigger

im scared /k/ im just glad i removed the barrel from the gun before this

>>30254319
Would remoil work? I hear it doesn't prevent rust, but my asshole isn't made of iron apparently.

>>30254339
I don't think driving is a viable option at this point anon

This will be thrown around in humour threads for years to come.

>>30254349
Godspeed anon. Godspeed

and to think I almost didn't visit /k/ today.

>>30254349
God damn it OP. We were this close to convincing liberals that guns aren't inherently harmful to gays.

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>>30254353

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>>30254208
>>30254272
>>30254349
>OP tries to comfort himself from today's events
>lubes a shotgun barrel and shoves it up his asshole
>realizes that there wasn't enough lube and has a shotgun barrel stuck in his asshole
>pulls it out and bleeds a little too much while reporting it to the EMT
/k/- A Magical Place

This is the moment I realized that somewhere, sometimes, OP really did it.

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>>30254349
Im imagining their reaction to seeing a man balancing an 870 on a sink with the barrel up his ass and blood coming out. Im thinking its something along the lines of pic related

This is fake as hell.

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OP, here's what you do
reconnect the barrel to the shotgun
insert and chamber a blank
pull the trigger, the pressure of the blank should be enough to dislodge the barrel from your anal cavity

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Op is gonna get his guns taken from him, I can feel it

>>30254382
He didnt remove it yet
>>30254392
Only better thing would be a timestamp, but he has priorities

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>>30254208

>>30254390
>that muslim dude was right all along

>>30254392
Don't care, needed the laugh.

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>>30254396

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>mfw this thread
I'm honestly in awe. godspeed you glorious bastard.

>>30254396
Would that sudden pressure change not totally fuck up his insides, killing him in the process/

>>30254406
>I shoved a metal barrel up my ass and now it's stuck, I'm also bleeding!

>Better post on /k/

Nah m8 it's fake.

>>30254427
Nah, his ass be so ravaged, the Japanese imperial army took to adding additional steel when gunning for him.

Are you for real
OP call the emt I want more pics while they get there though.

>>30254336
Hah

>Some poor EMT has to bear witness to a shotgun stuck in a man's asshole.

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>>30254373

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>>30254433
Not sure its fake considering pic related happened

You are literally the most ass blasted man on k

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>>30254529

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>>30254529

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Trying to keep myself from passing out with this barrel balenced on the sink until emt arrives.i dont like blood and im shaking. Xan feel my asshole pulsating but not sure wtf is hapoening They may have to break down my door as im not fucking moving from here it hurts to much

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>>30254529

>>30254595
Hold on man you'll be alright. It's just some blood you're not gonna die from this.

At least not physically.

>>30254595
Shine a bore light through the barrel and take a picture.

>>30254529
ASS BLAST USA
ASS BLAST USA

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>>30254208
Posting in what will be a legendary thread

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>>30254595
I´m here to hold you hand mr
but please, use a smaller barrel next time

>>30254595
Op, if you have ever had a stash of painkillers, now would be the time to down them all

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>>30254208

>>30253761
non-medical hospital staff, plenty of things in butts come in regularly. It's usually however less than a dozen peeps that are semi-regulars for the issue. Light bulbs, Barbie doll, dildo, shampoo bottle, hotwheels car, small vibrator. Would be something new to see a guy come in with a bedsheet wrapped around some 3' protruding object. Really hope they take an x-ray before removal. Cause of the time of day if unable to remove tonight might need to saw the barrel down so only a small portion sticks out then have your procedure tomorrow.

Is it loaded??

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Include me in the screencap pls

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No amount of war could ever lead to such horrors as this.

>>30254672
he removed the barrel from the gun

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>>30254672
>might need to saw the barrel down so only a small portion sticks out

OP THIS IS IMPORTANT
If they have to saw it, make sure what's remaining of the barrel is over 18" so your shotgun is still legal.

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>>30254672
>Light bulbs
Oh god I thought that was just something they made up for Scrubs. How do you even manage that without breaking it?

>>30254701
I can't fucking breath. I am seriously shaking. Fuck. My sides. MY SIDES

>>30254684
bruh r u kidding?

>>30254728
you don't

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>>30254701
> I´ve got an illegal shotgun up my ass!

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Just when you thought you had enough gays and guns for one day...

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>>30253761
Goddamnit, it's the ".22 in my urethra" thread all over again.

>>30254728
think they had to make some cuts to the anus & rectum, open that ass up like a awesome blossom to remove it safely. Was similar to your pic

Anon, you have your phone? Please video the EMTs reaction.
This is important.

Guys emt is trying to get into my home but all my doors are locked i told them to either kick the door in or climb through the garage door catflap i cant fucking take this pain no more
And worse is the fact i have such a strong urge to shit now but im to scared to shit through my barrel

I just want this to end

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>>30253761

I browse a lot of other boards and websites.

But THIS, is why I always come back to /k/

>Reamington 870

>>30254595
>>30254208

There is literally nothing on an 870 barrel that could get stuck

Insert fingers around barrel, slide out

Done

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Epic bread thread while OP shits red

So how many Inches or barrel did you get in their op?

>Op goes to hospital
>Meets pro gun lawyer
>he petitions SCOTUS to repeal NFA laws because a short barreled shotgun could never cause colon damage
>op becomes the hero we don't deserve

Do it for the cube Op

>>30254781
OP please
>>30254779

First time visiting /k/ and this looks a lot like /b/

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He is did more than fondle
>pic related

>>30254806
It's usually a lot more autistic, I promise.

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Fuck man,
this is my first visit to /k/

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>>30254820
Yo ehm, welcome, this is /k/

>>30254781
can't you hold the barrel straight with one hand and waddle your way to the door? just be carreful not to hit furniture and stuff.

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>>30254798

More like
> OP is sent to the hospital
> Him putting a barrel up his ass is diagnosed as his sexual indentity
> He diesnt' feel comfortable inserting too big barrels up his ass
> Who are we to judge?
> NFA repealled
> LGBT870 is now a thing

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>>30254701
>be faget OP
>decide to shove shotgun barrel up ass
>EMTs have to saw barrel off
>it's only 15 inches long now
>ATF comes because there's obviously nothing better to do even though there was a major terrorist attack today
>they rip out the remaining bit of barrel out of OPs ass
>EMTs face when they were not gentle
>Government arms dealers cuff OP for breaking NFA law
>nuffin personal kid but you're not a Mexican Cartel
>they drag him out by his ankles leaving a trail of anal blood and the corpse of OPs dog
>such is life in the People's Republic of America

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Hope you got Obamacare OP

>>30254349
give her a break. From an outside perspective its pretty funny
source: I'm lol rn

>>30254763
>.22 in urethra
/k/, how do you do these things to yourself?

>>30254853
Ammosexual to a whole new level

Im in tears as soon as i saw emt while i cried for help 2 very fit looking men too of all things

Guys walked in then out 2 times to do a double take

If i ever wanted to take my life now would be it

>>30253761
op swallow a bunch of jawbreakers and shoot them out your pooper you could be the newest generation of blunderbuss

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>>30254820

>>30254857
The shotgun belongs to OP but the EMT would do the sawing off, so how would that work with the ATF? Imagining OP was sedated and not able to tell the EMT to which lenght they have to cut it off, of course.

Should the ATF raid OP or the hostpital?

>>30254884
Post pics of EMTs

>>30254884
OP can I please be your friend
We can exchange contact info later though
You seem


Busy

>>30254884
>emts got me
>still postan tho

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Include my fat dogger please

>>30254208
pics or it did'nt hap...
>guess it did

>>30254287
I think he's more inanimate object sexual than homosexual.

OP

Perhaps a sharp peeling knife ?

>>30254912
Wait till the thread's done. Might get to see a pic of OP's ravaged asshole later.

What type of front sight you got on that barrel that is up your ass?

>>30254912
NO YOU DIDN'T PUT ME IN THE SCREENCAP I EXPLICITLY ASKED TO BE IN THE SCREENCAP

>>30254912
Do a better job, we need the "you are the most ass blasted person on k" and all the laughing faces.

>>30254884
well how convenient you have a shotty up your ass

also i'm having serious doubts about this being real
>Hey mister, I need you to put down the phone so we can take you out on a stretcher
>Hold on just one more shitpost
>Sir!
>Maybe then I will have friends.

>>30254939
Beaded for his pelasure.

>>30253761
>After today's events
>A mass shooting of a gay club
>I did the responsible thing and jammed a gun up my ass

Well, can't help ya there pal. I'd say go to a doctor but you'd get stopped at the door.

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>>30254953
I'm done

How long were you waiting to say that?

>>30254208
Josiah?

>>30254884
How are you still posting?

>extremely blurry pictures of a dude with a barrel touching his butt
>OP trying hard to be featured in a le epic thread screencap

at least put it in your ass instead of faking it.

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/k/ with all the shit posting I was ready for, this was a treat.

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>>30254529

This could only get better if the EMTs call LEO or even better SWAT 'cos there is a firearm involved

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>Two guys enter the room
>Just told a guy had gotten something shoved in his ass and needs help
>see a man with a shotgun barrel being balanced on the sink with blood on the floor
>walk out
>"did i just see that"
>walk back in
>walk back out
>"i did"
>proceed to help OP, whilst he is posting on some website
>get OP sitiuated on a stretcher
>wheel him into a hospital
>a family is in the waiting room, with their son who has a broken wrist
>they just see a crying man with a bloody rag on some 18" long object sticking out of his ass

I love this thread

Barrel breach

>>30254953
Gold
Include in new screen cap

Stovepiping

It's almost 4am here, but priorities.

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>>30254912
>First reply
>Not in Screenshot

>>30254972
more than I'll care to admit

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>>30255017
>not in the screenshot
check again faggot
>>30254943
on it m8

OP is the first real ammosexual

What you have there son is a Jam Ejection Extraction

>>30255019
Of all the punchy one liners in this thread I think yours is the best

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>>30254208
wow

>>30255037
The first reply to the actual shotgun in the booty.

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oh my fuck this thread

>>30254884
Luckily, you do have a gun near by...

>>30254627
Maximum kek

>>30255054
Stfu you didn't ask to be in the screenshot before there was even a screenshot

remington 870 ejection problems

remington 870 failure to extract

remington 870 loading problems

Happens all the time.

Do you pump?

>>30255037
Thanks soldier, what a thread
Also get "beaded for his pleasure" that and the "most ass blasted man on k" were the best of the thread

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>>30254595

>>30255070
>Implying I wasn't asking for a nice photo so it wasn't BS.
OP was quick to prove wrong though.

>>30254871
Not how, but why?

>>30254884
Fit would kill to be in your shoes bro

>>30254949
I'm a first responder and can confirm people are stupid with their phones during emergencies.

Something stuck in his chamber

>>30254949
Brother's an EMT.
Yes its that bad.
He is actually to let you die if you don't say yes to everything and are conscious.

Soon as you are unconscious, he gets to access everything on the fire engine.

He really hopes for weak constitution bleeders so he doesn't have to actually save them, but gets to wreck shit making an effort.

>>30255095
>Failure to extract
>Failure to eject
>Disassembly is required

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ekznF5YL3o

>>30255094

YUP. Dumbshits trying to take selfies while in the ED while staff treat the GSW

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>>30255093

I hope you are okay OP, get well soon.

>op makes it to emergency room
>they decide they have to saw off part of the barrel
>vibration of barrel in his asshole give op an erection
>all the vibration makes op gun
>op laying on table covered in blood and gun
>ATF bursts in and confiscated his gun
>kicking a man while he is down
>I

>>30255127
Nice stroke

>>30253761
Do you have oraljell ? If so use that in and around your ass hole

Opie discovered just about the only thing you can do with a gun that's NOT legal in Texas.

>>30254208
Just when you thought you've seen it all... props to you OP.

>be op
>be a massive faggot
>look at news
>see a mass shooting at a gay club
>feel the need
>the need for a bead (the front sight of an 18" barrel)
>proceed to support my fellow homosexuals by shoving it up my ass
>ohyeathatsthespot.png
>BUT THEN MY ANUS CLENCHES
>pain stronger than a million full homo love bites
>ohgoditsbleeding.jpg
>i should call an ambulance
>fuck it /k/ is a priority
>post on /k/
>it starts to hurt more
>sweep with a tissue
>ohfuckitsreallybleeding.jpg
>call an EMT
>shitpost some more
>they show up
>mfw they are 2 fit men
>penisnotnow.jpeg
>they walk out and come back in for a double take
>tfw he really does have an 18" barrel up his ass

I might update it later as op tells us more

>>30255110
He's riding shotgun

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>>30255127

>>30255117
I was part of a team doing chest compressions on a four year old drowning victim while the mother recorded us and posted it to social media. Sometimes I hate my front row seat to the end of humanity.

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>>30255144
I'm running out of kek macros

Never change /k/

We can't have special interests sitting shotgun. We gotta have middle class families up in front. We don't mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but they gotta sit in back.
-Barack Obama

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>>30255153

>>30255154

I love this magic /k/ingdom

>>30255154
Fuck me, that was good.

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>>30255154

Fire in the hole!

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>>30255154

Saturday Night Special

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>>30255154

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>>30254208

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>>30255226

>>30255175
>Inb4 OP's only insurance is Obamacare

OP

Don't go off half cocked

OP theme song

https://youtu.be/mHUofC27NwY

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>>30253761
THIS IS MY FIRST FUCKING TIME ON THIS BOARD WTF

>>30254208
Jesus, dude. Include me in the screencap.

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>>30255154

screencapping this for reddit, don't mind me, just getting some sweet karma

Oh my fuck my sides....

This thread is just too much

I hope someones screencapping all these gold replies

It's a

Stick 'em up!

>>30254272
Load and fire it

>>30254208
Rooty tooty shooty in the booty.

This is my rifle this is my gun, this is for fighting this is for fun...

>>30254806
>>30254820
>>30255250
So what brought you guys here?

Say hello to my little friend.....

Do you think fags gauge their Assholes like they do their ears? Like they start with .22 then move up using pistol carbines, then rifle calibers until finally you're using 12ga to get off to Calvin Klein models

>>30255297
Noice

Aim small, miss small

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Holy fucking shit, I passed this thread over and over again thinking it was bait. It isn't. The absolute fucking madman.

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>>30254208

Witnessed

>>30255301
Screencapper, please stay just in case more juicy post show up.

June 12th....

Day of the gays

OP

Don't run, you'll only die tired.

>>30255301
Yesss my story is in

>>30255301
Nice

>>30255313
Apparently this one didn't.

>>30253761
>we've just received word that the casualty count from today's shooting now stands at 51

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>>30254529

>>30255301
Needs more of the reaction faces. You disregarded the first half of the thread

screencapper here, should I throw in today's headline about the faggots just for keks?

>>30255301
Thank you screencapper

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>>30254337
underrated post

>>30255384
YES, is relevant to added kikes. The day /k/ got booty blasted

>OP gets barrel removed at hospital
>asks for it back
>hospital staff can't get rid of it fast enough
>while wearing gloves
>OP can't look at the shotgun without remembering the horrors of this day
>decides to post on Armslist for cheap
>potential buyer and OP meet up
>potential buyer notices the finish on the several inches near the muzzle is off
>points it out and asks OP why he's selling
>"It's Remshit"

>>30255301
Horray!

>>30255384
Yeah, make sure to throw in >>30255365 as well.

>>30253761

Photoshop, guess where.

>>30255301
I screencapper, you got two of the same posted reaction images there, fyi. The one with the mongolians

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>>30254999
IM DYING

>>30255384
PLEASE YES

Add +1 to casualty count

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>>30255409

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Looks like that's 51 fatalities

>53 gays are killed in Orlando
>they look upon their fellow gays to see what they are doing as a reaction
>see OP with a shotgun barrel in his ass


Jesus Christ OP, this is comedy gold

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>>30255409
>It's Remshit

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>>30254529

I'm glad all this shit happened on my dad's bday

Needs a full cylinder choke.

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>>30254208

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>mfw best thread on /k/ is a faggot who shoved a shotgun up his ass

OP what were you trying to accomplish by this?

>no you couldn't fit that barrel up your ass if you are as big a faggot as you claim.

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>>30255438
jesus christ lmao

>>30254701
KEK

>>30254208
That isn't in your asshole it's the top of ur crack u lying faggot

>>30254644
>more like Mr. Hands

>>30255384
Find ">Reamington 870" above "hope you got obamacare"

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>>30254208
>>30253761

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>>30255462
Sauce?

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Christ OP, why is everybody so butthurt?

>>30255569

Bible Black New Testament.

It turns into futa real quick.

Just up /k/'s (back) alley.

>>30255569
Bible Black

>>30254208
I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I shoved a shotgun up my ass too.

>>30254208
toasting in an epic bread

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>>30255542
Holy shit, I kekked harder than expected

>>30255612
see
>>30255569

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>>30254208

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>>30255154

>>30253761
How you doing #51?

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>>30254337

>>30253761
Warm water faggot. If that doesn't work, call the ambulance. Maybe after being embarrassed publically you will stop showing things up your arse which shouldn't be in there.

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final revised'd

>>30254208
hehe xd

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With these upgrades, your ass never stood a chance

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>>30254208
I don't know what to think after today

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>>30254208
Try harder faggot

>Sitting inna toilet
>Trying to take a shit, ass won't comply cuz ate an MRE
>See this thread
>My sides literally laughed my shit off
Thanks /k/

yeah, yeah cut the bullshit op and blow it out your ass

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>this thread

>>30255802
kek

>>30254208
so I see you're using some kind of modified choke

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So uh.
Any bets on how OP is doing? Last I heard some /fit/ EMTs saw him riding shotgun and cleared the room before coming in again.

IS OP BEING DETAINED?

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>>30255807

thread THEME:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj_d8DlZ-Jo

>>30254701
>sir we're going to have to wait a few months for the atf to approve your SBS form to continue with your procedure

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>>30255835
>>30255858


KEK KEK KEK

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Op here....i finally got my phone back after emt took it from me.

Kinda upset about some of the things on this thread but i guess its expected considering the circumstances

Docs removed the barrel after xrays showed it was caught on a hemorrhoid that i didnt know i had. If roday wasnt bad enough they called my sister down as they wasnt sure exactly what happened (emt maybe did it). Rgey are keeping me overnight to make sure i didnt jiggle anything else and cause damage. Doctor seemed understanding and told me not to be so bold and stick to nature. but i sure did get looks being carted through er with an ovbious barrel pretruding from my anus.

Anyways im on painkillers and feeling ok so thanks for being with me through this guys. Ill now continue to lurk /k/ like i normally do whilst i tell myself to just stick to my buttplugs


Still cant look my sister in the eye.

Pic is what i asked sis to take of me (face cropped out as this thread doesnt need a face with my bloodied ass)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trR5ROuf1Uk

Somebody please put this on/r/4chan.

I would but I got banned for shitty crops way back.

>>30254208
This is why Muslims keep fucking killing you guys.

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> im gay and after todays events i decided to insert my rem 870 barrel in my ass
> I think the bead sight might be caught
> i wiped around the barrel thats jammed in my ass with my lavender rag and it came out red.

I always wondered, but until today I disregarded the possibility I'd see this thread. Should have known better

>>30255907
damn op. glad youre ok. but damn.

>>30255907
Glad things turned out OK I guess bud. Happy Gay Day

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>>30255907

So if you ever get into DP, will it be over-under or side by side?

OP never heard that advice about customizing your gun for bear defense.

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>>30255907
>hemorrhoids
Good luck OP, those things are gonna be a real pain in the ass.
Pun half-intended.

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>>30255946

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>>30255907
gays are now confirmed a supreme ally of western civilization. we will never let the terrorists get to you m8

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>>30255946

>>30255907
>>30255907
>>30255907
>>30255907
HEY OP

Real question are u gonna get ur gun back?

Also can u post another pic please obviously at the hospital with a timestamp?

Thanks bud, hope u have a speedy recovery, thanks for all the keks

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>>30254208
I feel so privileged to have witnessed this thread

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>>30255907
>20150114.jpg

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>>30254272
WHAT THE FUCK OP, GOD ONLY GAVE YOU ONE ASSHOLE AND THIS IS HOW TREAT IT?!

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>>30255907

>>30255907
Glad to hear you're okay OP. From this day forward you know you must post under a tripcode relating to today's events, right?

>>30255946
I don't know if he's going to be into "break open" actions after tonight

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>>30255907
You discovered you have hemroids, created epic bread on /k/, gave an entire hospital staff and some EMTs a story they'll tell for the rest of their lives, and have a sister who loves you.

Thread had a happy ending after all.

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>>30255907
Now what did we learn again OP?

>after today's events

What does this even mean? 50 gays getting gunned down face you the urge to shove a shotgun up your ass?

>>30255982
00 Buttshot
Remshit
Bead Sight

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>>30255997
dond pud shod gun in da anus

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>>30255946

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Holy fuck, >>30255946
and the reactions need to be in the legendary thread cap

>>30255998
Don't fight it

Neo-Remmington QC everyone. When will this company burn?

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>>30255946
#winning

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>>30255907
Thanks for the thread faggot, I enjoyed screencaping it

>>30255907
>Instead of sticking to his guns...

>stick to his buttplugs

Screen Cap Anon, please tell us you are updating?

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>>30254529

>>30256030
please include these

>>30255946
>>30255997

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDQ7hXMLxGc Thread's theme

>>30255839
do it right at least faggot

Ill post more pics when my sister leaves. Im struggling to tell her why i did it.

Im going to ask the doc if i can get my barrel back when i see him. I cant see them keeping it...i farted in the damn thing on the ambo ride here.

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>>30254208
Include me in the screengrab guys

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>>30255978

>>30256056
Postan in epic bread

>>30256062

>i farted in the damn thing on the ambo ride

how were the barrel harmonics?

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>>30256062
>Hey doc, can I get my ass blaster back?

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>>30256038
I just updated here >>30256030
>>30256046
Yeah, alright