>want to blow my brains out
>grandparents are still alive
>can't because I don't want to make them sad
>would kill myself
>but I believe in reincarnation so it's not worth the risk of being reborn into some starving niglet or a plant somewhere
>Stared at the abyss
>The abyss stares back
>It doesn't wave back
>It was looking at someone behind me
>Awkwardly look at my phone and cry in shame
>every day I sleep for at least 10 hours, and then just lay there for hours after waking up, staring at the wall and wondering how things got this bad
>haven't seen daylight in weeks because I don't get up until it's already dark
>social anxiety has evolved to such an extent that my mind automatically associates the outside world with pain
>my hands shake while holding the spoon while eating with my mother with whom I still live at 23
>there is no stop to this shit, it extends to my whole body - leg muscles tighten from the bare thought of someone looking at me and the way I walk, causing severe pain and a lot of missteps which only amplify it
>pulse is constantly over 90 bpm, even at rest. The only case where it drops down below 85 is when there's no human being around me
>no job, no friends, never a gf, handless kissless, no driver's license, no future
>think about an heroing every day but I'll never have the balls
>can't even have a simple 10-second conversation with a cashier anymore without wanting to punch myself and wondering what I did wrong
>stay up for 30-36 hours at a time because falling asleep when I'm really tired gives me vivid dreams
>this is my only pleasure, aside from drinking
>LITERALLY spending the best years of my life on a laotian pottery forum
>10-second conversation with a cashier
who the fug talks with the cashier. you just say "thank you" after you have bought your things and that's it.
>I spent most of my life playing video games alone in the dark
>My family is all dead or don't talk to my mom
>she only has myself, a 22yo retard and uni dropout
>haven't been outside my home in 2016
>spend 22-23 hours in my bed every day
>haven't talked to a human being in two weeks
LIFE IS GOOD
>>stay up for 30-36 hours at a time because falling asleep when I'm really tired gives me vivid dreams
I'm not alone as it seems.
I just don't get small-talk. It's unnecessary, you don't know them.
>can't make eye contact with anyone
>often forget my point while expressing something to people
>having conversations is such a rare thing that when someone talks to me my voice doesn't come out
>plan phone conversations in paper hours before making them and then fuck it up anyway, and feel like shit the rest of the week
>haven't had a job in nearly a year
>no friends at all
>DWP work coach was a bit nice to me and now I have a massive crush on her and can't stop fantasising about her
I'm half-spanish myself and i know how fucking annoyingly social you guys are usually. You should go to talk with someone :^)
>want to leave this country and go live as a noone in New Zealand or become a shitty underpaid stand-up comedian
>instead I'm studying in college for something I'm mentally not suited for to please my parents
Humans in this century spend all their day on the internet, whatever the culture, race, social class or country.
Social humans go to Facebook 24/7, those of us who aren't social spend it here.
>implying I'd want to be family with a leaf
>it's 2:08am on a Monday morning
>i'm reading an article about "the evolution of the anime nose"
Does anybody else ever just have those moments where they wonder where everything went so wrong?
I was just wondering that if this kind of crippling social anxiety is something caused by the internet age. Shame I didn't go to school for psychology so I could get a research grant and get paid to browse 4chan finding an answer.
>I'm a no one in New Zealand
>I hate myself
It's not really that interesting. The articles on the website are quite short though, which is good if you're a NEET who can't hold his attention on anything.
>live a mediocre life
>not happy with it but not unhappy either
if my life was an ice cream flavor it would literally be vanilla
ITT: We make no changes to our worthless lives while still complaining about them, myself included.
>tfw no gf
>I've never been to a party
>I've never had sex
>I've never even made good grades
>it'll come to you even if you don't want it.
You guys should enjoy the neet life desu
>be me 2 years ago
>for some really strange reason I somehow get a 7/10 girl to hang out with me
>one week later we fug
>no condoms, she is not on birth control
>be so horny that Idgaf, fuck her really hard
>pull out before I cum
>2 days later, happy as fuck, finally lost the V-card
>Suddenly it hits me
>She isn't on birth control
>what if she is pregnant
>literally spend the entire week in panic, if she is prego my whole life is ruined
>cry like a bitch the entire time
>I just want to return to the neet life
>Completely devasted, get random panic attacks when thinking of her being pregnant
>2 weeks later I ask her to do a prego test
>cut all ties with her, return to being a neet
Yes I'm a loser, but I wouldn't want to be anything else
Oh of course, what a reasonable and realistic solution, how did I miss it.
>go to an IOP group for people with crippling mental illness
>still the most autistic one there
>Live with Parents
>They ignore 50% of everything I say to them
>Developing a stutter because of the constant humiliation
>Don't confront them about it because I'm such a burden to them