>mfw I am named after him and people always think I'm "Adrian" or ask "Named after the wall?"
A barbarian pagan sausage-eating illiterate Ostrogoth was teaching a class on Arminius, commander of the battle of Teutoburg Forrest.
"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Arminus and accept that he was the greatest military commander the world has ever known, even greater than Julius Caesar!“
At this moment, a brave, patriotic, Praetorian Guardsman who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decisions made by the Roman Senate stood up and held up a pair of pants.
"Why do you wear these, stulte?”
The arrogant professor smirked quite barbarously and replied “to mount cavalry you stupid Latin”
"Wrong. the Roman cavalry. If it was it was so advantageous to wear, as you say, pants… then we should be invaded by barbarians now"
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his string tied trousers. He stormed out of the room crying those gothic crocodile tears. The same tears senators cry for the “foederati” (who today live in such luxury that most on the right bank of the Rhine) when they jealously try to claw justly earned land from the realm of the emperor. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Theodemir Amali, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist Arian clergyman. He wished so much that he had a gladius to stab himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!
The students saluted and all joined the Exercitus Romanorum that day and accepted Valentinian as Augustus. An aquila named “Senatus Populusque Romanus” flew into the room and perched atop the Roman Standard and shed a tear on the chalk. The sacramentum militare was read several times, and Jupiter himself showed up and built a road network across the empire.
The barbarian lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague of Cyprian and was tossed into the river Danube for all eternity.
>tfw half-german half-persian
>tfw im Romes worst nightmare
>After completing the campaign in Germania, Theodosius disappeared from public view for 6 months to complete a project he called his "life's calling". In August of 394, Theodosius gained notoriety for hijacking a Pagan carriage in Thessaloniki and leading Pagans on a 10 hour chase, ending in tragedy. Theodosius, who appeared religiously disturbed and sporting a full beard, reportedly spent 6 months planning the hijacking. Due to the nature of the hijacking, Legionaries assumed it preparation for a sequel to the German campaign, and didn't respond until Theodosius drove through a crowded marketplace, killing 16 and injuring over 100. Despite their best efforts, the Legions were not able to stop Theodosius, who drove the carriage full of 44 Pagan academy children off the Tarpeian Rock. All the children died, and autopsies showed that all 44 had been molested by Theodosius during the chase.
>tfw full latin
>tfw i'm germania and persia's worst nightmare
you've better not tell the rest of the barabrians how to get past it