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2016-01-22 19:05:48 Post No. 590977
Post No. 590977
I remember hearing the amazing stories from my anthropology profs about how Milton Friedman flew over Chile in a jet bought for him by Ronald Reagan, parachuted into the capital, and raged hard throughout the city, indiscriminately snapping the necks of every Chilean woman and child to cross his path of mayhem. Friedman's evil rampage prevented the nascent communist grassroots movement, which was almost as popular with the Chilean people as it was with American humanities professors, from reaching fruition. This was a tragedy of epic proportions because the command and control economy was about to usher in a new golden age of economic and sociopolitical utopia. While Friedman was finishing ripping the beating hearts out of the chests of old women and eating them as he quoted passages from Free to Choose, the Chilean people learned to never question the capitalist overlords from Chicago. Legends of the shock doctrine, the massacre of the innocents at the hands of Friedman, spread throughout Latin America to American campuses. When news of the story broke among sociology and gender studies departments there was a collective wail of morning and gnashing of teeth. The critical literary theorists had been unrelenting in their support of the burgeoning Soviet Union at the turn of the century, and they saw what wonders it had worked firsthand for the people of Russia. They felt that they had failed their Chilean brothers. Friedman eventually returned to Chicago from Chile, to return to his Hyde Park throne which was a living chair made from the bodies of welfare recipients, whom were forced to bear their weight of the Libertarian death machine day and night lest their families face the libertarian wrath that had been unleashed in Chile. Now Friedman is lionized by a coalition of Neo nazis, Jewish industrialists, and the religious right, to continue to keep our poor brothers and sisters downtrodden and controlled. Friedman can never die. He is always watching.