/co/ Storytime of Pain: Crash Bandicoot Retold

YES YES YES YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HYPE I AM FOR THIS

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For anyone paying attention at home, yes - This literally is ripping off the intro of Mortal Kombat 2011.

Thus is the cardinal sin of SuperSaiyanCrash: His complete inability to make an original plot.

I wonder if he's going to try to copy Injustice 2's plot.

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>>94071771
You know he will...eventually. Like he will for the re-releases.

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As a fun sidenote:
On the credits, they keep trying to make it a secret who Crash is, but meanwhile dump all these OCs of his own shitty little fanclub like people actually care.

Oh, and someone better rev up the OC counter. You'll need it.

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Why yes, random stranger I just met ten minutes ago! I can totally tell that you're a trustworthy person who will help us vanquish evil and totally not betray us in any way!

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>Red, evil and violence looking
Get used to the shitty grammar, folks. It's here for the long haul.

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>New
>Improved
>Mature
>Powerful

Oh, how wrong he was...

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To be honest, that stick doesn't look too dangerous...

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>It's like we're in a Dragonball Z episode

...these words are truer than you know.

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Now for a warning: CBR will have several scene with...what I can only presume are breasts exposed.

They will almost always be furry.

You have been warned.

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Yes, Ripper Roo's asshole is exposed in that panel.

No, there is no reason as to why.

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Why, yes.
These two are clearly dangerous assassins.

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I think you can tell by now, but the art here is fucking horrible. It's especially relevant in the art scenes.

>>94072291
>they may be female
nice sexist undertones, really in the spirit of crash.

Doesn't the fedora one die?

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>>94072378
>Implying the heroes can ever actually die

>>94072408
All I'm seeing on the cheetah are back nipples

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>>94072424
...you bastard

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FATALITY

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Cortex
dood
Cortex, what the fuck are you doing to Tiny?

>>94072613
https://twitter.com/krytenrd/status/336438611761328128?lang=en

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Oh look, you just murdered someone right in front of their daughter's eyes.

Ladies and gentlemen, your heroes

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>Note: This OC died on her way back home

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That's right. You're seeing Coco Bandicoot naked.

SSC, you fuck

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Coco is still naked.
Everyone finds this fine.

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Oh no...not...
Is this Goku? I can't keep track of these OCs

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Here's another fun fact about Crash Retold:
Like any other Shonen Anime, the main character will keep gathering all sorts of superpowers from anywhere. In this case, he just took the Devil Gene.

Oh good, someone else decided to run this, so I don't have to. Fantastic.

I was considering doing this because Crash is suddenly relevant again, but thanks for saving me the trouble.

>>94072083
I got hit with a three day ban for that shit. Word of advice: black bars.

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>>94073001
It's weird how the mods react to this stuff. I recall a storytime that was uncensored and shit was still fine.

>>94072495
OW THE EDGE.

>>94072748
With N. Sane Trilogy making Coco into the cutest motherfucker ever, the bullshit heaped onto her in this comic has only gotten worse.

>>94073101
It was absolutely none of that shit that saved the day. It was typical shonen bullshit where the protagonist pulled a new superpower out of his ass.

>>94073074
Search me, dude. It was never a problem before.

And really, what have we come to where this trash is considered smut? Who is so desperate as to actually jerk off to THIS?

>>94073287
>needing 8 people to get some batteries

>>94073185
>Derukui
Oh look, one of the few characters in this heap people actually kinda gave a crap about.

Speaking of, it's really fucking obnoxious how none of the game characters act in character. The closest is Cortex, but he's still really off.

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>>94073347
You mean people actually liked her? Just this form or the furry one too? What about the Mikasa ripoff from the Injustice comic? Is it just because she fucks Megamix?

>>94073287
>>94073325
It's almost cute how it tries to adapt the game plots. It even does fucking Crash Bash eventually. No Crash Team Racing though, oddly enough.

>>94073377
She has a similar appeal to Megamix. Both former bad guys who just want to protect their family and aren't as fucking stupid as the rest of the cast.

Last time, folks ended up getting attached to Cora as well, mostly because her story isn't complete crap.

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>>94073550
Which one's Cora? The lesbian who ended up pregnant out of a dare?

But that aside, I get it. Everyone else has absolutely no personality, so people would naturally try to attach to those with even fragments of one.

>>94073429
>Look at my boobs!
Yes, look at how poorly drawn they are!

Steph is perhaps the most ridiculous character in this entire series. Like, holy shit, just look at her.

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Another Murder.
Yay

>>94071954
The juxtaposition of this art is really messing with me.

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OOOH! Backstab!

>>94073617
>Which one's Cora? The lesbian who ended up pregnant out of a dare?
Yep. Notice how you remember that. Despite the sheer amount of insane whoreshit that happens in this comic, you tend to forget all of it until you give it a re-read.

>But that aside, I get it. Everyone else has absolutely no personality, so people would naturally try to attach to those with even fragments of one.
And this is why. Almost all the characters are bland as fuck.

>>94073617
>poison cannot affect bandicoots
... Bullshit!

>>94073651
Seriously, our "heroes" are a bunch of murderous psychopaths. Crash killed Ripper Roo pretty much solely because he was kind of annoying.

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dat tiny face

>>94073958
>I'll make you wish you regret doing that

I'm pretty tired but is it just me or does this make no sense?

>>94073074
>they only just decide to mention how she's naked
>>94073208
That's a damn nice render... where did he steal it?
>>94073429
Oh god, I forgot how hilarious Steph's design was... it's like a checklist of Mary Sue stereotypes
>>94073580
Ripper Roo Butthole Count: 2

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>>94074010
Nope, the author just cannot into english

Is this the one where everybody goes super saiyin?

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>>94074056
Yes

>>94074082
Waiting warmly.

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>Oh look, she's naked, isn't that WEIRD?
>Oh btw you're related

>>94074010
Oh child, you ain't seen grammar mistakes yet. That's tame for this comic.

>>94074046
Right? Steph's design is completely absurd. She even has that pretentious Crisis Core single wing thing going on.

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Evil doppelganger, check

>>94074207
good lord it's jecht

>>94074052
Which makes no sense, since he's from the UK.

>>94074056
You get a super form! You get a super form!

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This crystal lies.
It doesn't want anyone to fulfill this test, it's just going to give it to Crash because he's the designated protagonist.

>>94074266
There's a guy dressed like Cloud, but Goku is using the Buster Sword. And later, there's a different guy who's actually named Cloud. Oof.

>>94074207
I haven't played the post-NG games, but isn't Evil Crash like borderline retarded?

>>94074419
>isn't Evil Crash like borderline retarded
So's Crash to be fair

You know this isn't quite as good as Sonichu, for the simple reason that few things can match that monstrosity of ego, incompetence, and poor taste, but this is still interesting for just how creatively void it is. Absolutely nothing in this is not taken from a video game or anime. It's the cheap sausage of webcomics.

>>94074391
>Kaio-Ken!
>Kaio-what?

>>94074365
>Blasted mammal!
... Cortex. Dude. You're a mammal. What the fuck.

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>>94074503
I consider it more like tasting a hundred different flavors of ice cream at once and realizing that the end result is actually horrible.

>>94074503
Not just that, but next to no one is original- You have the CB characters of course, but then you got the other characters. Almost none of them made by Ritchie himself, but by his friends/people who wanted their characters featured in the comic.

Not once has Crash used any of his actual moves

>>94074462
Fucking hell, it's like the art somehow gets worse during the "fanservice" scenes. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if SSC was drawing with one hand here, but still.

>>94074503
It's like a distillation of every shonen anime and fighting game you've ever heard of filtered through Crash Bandicoot.

>>94074591
>Crash Bandicoot
>no spinning
That's like Mario without jumping. The fuck.

>>94074590
If memory serves, I believe the final OC counter for the first volume is somewhere around 24.

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Oh, is commin'

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Guess what time it is!
That's right, it's a Trunks Arc!

>>94074777
>The Legendary Super Bandicoot
That never stops being the dumbest thing ever.

I forget, did Rich ever make a Broly knockoff? I'd be shocked if he didn't.

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>>94075033
Read the Smash Bros comic. There's your Broly.

>>94074810
Technically, there at least TWO Trunks arcs.

>>94075168
And there's our boy, Megamix.

Also, is it just me, or does Derukui dressed like she works for the Eggman Empire?

>>94075082
The Smash Bros one gives me a fucking headache.

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Behold: WATER FIRE

I don't think I could ever understand the type of person who would make something like this.

>>94075243
That last panel is just pathetic.

>>94075301
And that fourth panel is nigh-incomprehensible. Holy shit!

>>94075438
Water Fire is the best worst thing.

>>94075450
We cannot understand madness, only observe it.

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Okay, what the fuck.
Why?

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Fuck, even Senran Kagura does this sort of fighting better.

>>94075578
>Merging dimensions, of course.
Ripping off Mortal Kombat, of course!

>>94075632
Because SSC doesn't understand the concepts of restraint or decency.

Not gonna lie, I might've respected this comic if Cora's titty flash literally killed Dingodile. That would've been funny.

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SSC: Fine with showing tits on every page, but the moment a vag is visible, it must be censored...sometimes...

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>>94075793
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33G2hXhtCxY

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ITS A SHOWDOWN NOW

>>94075793
Y'know, considering the way the women are portrayed in this comic, the vaginal censoring just seems like further evidence of SSC having some issues.

>>94076192

https://youtu.be/jG-bJctQy9U

>>94076220
I can't be the only one who sees that Julia is strapped to a giant penis.

>>94073185
Where did Cortex get that sweet cape?

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>>94076303
Why the evil villain convenience store!

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>Coco goes Kaioken

The fuck is this?! Some weaboo furry comic?

>>94075056
>your brother goku

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>>94076445
One about Crash Bandicoot...barely.

>>94076501
That evil furry is wearing Jecht's outfit.

>>94076290
And the evidence continues to pile up.

>>94076366
I thought this was her going almost Super Bandicoot or something. Like many things in Crash Retold, it's not terribly clear.

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Hi Kazuya Bandicoot!

and here i was just wasting my time waiting for a sex scene or something

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>>94076571
Good luck getting hard to this horrible art.

>>94076571
>Wanting furry porn in the comic
For shame.

You know the sad thing is, if this guy gave enough of a shit and got a better art program and worked at it a bit, I feel like he could make half decent art

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>It's an everyone fires at the bad guy cliche

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Oooo good one, Kazuya Bandicoot

>>94076522

Why does everyone have Cloud's sword

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's TIME...

>>94076738
Too much of a FF7 fanboy

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Behold.
SUPER BANDICOOT

>>94076798
Literally DeviantArt tier.

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>>94071844

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>>94076784
Wait, you mean there are people out there who DON'T endlessly fellate FF7?

Where the hell are these people and why does nobody listen to them?

>>94076695
well, it takes effort just to make a mediocre story

>>94076798
Yes. Drink it in, my friends. This is real, and it is glorious for all the wrong reasons.

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>>94072166
>Ripper Roo Rims his own ass

>>94076975

So is that a human chick with cat ears, or is it supposed to be an actual cat? I can't fucking tell.

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>>94076986
E-expand?

>>94077040
So wait, Crash Bandicoot takes place in the United Kingdom?

>>94074052
>Tiny's still alive
How?!

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>>94077077
Wouldn't be that odd.
The author's from there.

>>94077015
must be some school friend of the author, with the same level of autism

>>94077015
Cat with human-like hair on her head? I don't even remember that one's name, anon.

Fuck, there are SO MANY of these fuckin' OCs, I can't keep track of them all. There's well over 50 of these fucks by the time volume 4 ends.

>>94074114
This is like an extremely stupid soap opera.

>>94077089
I wonder if the artist thought he was making some really subtle symbolic statement with Good Crash's sword breaking Evil Crash's in the last panel.

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>It ends with poorly drawn furry porn

Well, that wraps up this issue. I'd like to do more, but I have to leave for work in a few, so if someone plans to storytime the next comic, they're welcome to do so.

>>94077176
>Dat ass
Fuck, man. He can't draw for shit.

>>94077176

Pretty sure I'm just a little bit dumber from having read this.

Thanks OP.

>>94077176
Thanks for posting, OP.

Just do the next volume tomorrow if you're so inclined or able. Hive folks a chance to absorb it and catch their breath.

I'm glad /co/ is aware of this comic now. Ever since I first read a story time on /v/, I knew others must know of this... amazing story.

>>94077238
Asses are really hard to draw, especially in elaborate poses

>>94074239
>goodie-goodie two shoes
That... that's not even remotely how that phrase works. Also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN15aZVneSg
>>94074750
>first panel
This whole thing is one big anime reference!
>>94075056
>Heihachi
First MK, now Tekken... And we still have the Brawl arc to go
>>94075730
>Gohan
Of fucking course
>>94075730
>Cortex-chan
>weredragoness
It's been a while since we had anything really stupid.
>>94075962
>going to jail
>>94075986
>a muck in my mud
>>94077176
It's over... FOR NOW.

How many issues of this are there?

>>94077468
>Crash Retold
>Crash Retold 2
>Crash Retold/SSBZ
>Injustice
>Legend of Crash: Advent Children
>Legend of CrashXCrash Retold

6, and then War of Fate.
Also a bunch of assorted other crap, but nothing really worth bothering with.

thanks OP, god that was entertainingly awful

>>94074727
I remember reading this with some pals of mine and I don't think we ever kept track during it. We were just stunned by the overall execution and concept.

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>>94078030
And for some added fun- here's some porn

>>94075404
I think Dingodile is the most in-character character in this whole thing

You better do the whole thing, damnit

Does anyone have the rip megamix image? I lost it.

Woah.....

>>94078064
Wwwwelp...

>>94079125
Woah.
woah.
WOAH! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWO

Thanks for the brain damage, OP. I really neede that.

First sonichu then AIDS hog now this?!

>>94080022
>AIDS hog
Shit, is anyone gonna finish that? Last thread archived.

>>94078940
Someone should

>>94074963
so..... Frieza is... Tiny
ok

>>94075730
>Ferudal Japan
kek

>>94075706
>Gohan
Why?

>>94071692
>CBR.
I love you anon.

>>94082481
Pretty much every villain is Frieza in this comic.

>>94072702
Did she just get into a Saiyan pod!?

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I'm sad we didn't get to the part were I'd finally have an excuse to post this

>>94084702
Nice

>>94071692
Forgot these even existed.