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How the fuck do I get a job?
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How the fuck do I get a job?

My dad told me I have two weeks to get a job or he's kicking me out. I've put in 10-15 applications online.

I'm desperate as fuck I will shovel shit for 5 dollars an hour.
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>>1073788
Don't sleep until you've handed in 100 applications, made some connections with drug dealers and sucked a cock or two.
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>>1073791
id listen to this guy op
>>
>I will shovel shit for 5 dollars an hour
Just use that line.
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>>1073788
>Anonymous (ID: 21RaRPi9) 02/02/16(Tue)18:55:03 No.1073

Show us your resume and cover letter with all ID removed / blanked out.
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>>1073788
Spend 8 hours a day looking for a job you useless cunt, treat it like a job.

>spend 20 minutes filling out 15 applications
>NO JOBS GAISE

seriously
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>>1073788
Seriously, don't settle less than 15-20 an hour. Go apply for positions like as a janitor, construction, sales etc. you hand out 100 resumes, you're bound to get a job.
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>>1073788
Also, a lot of places that do sales, selling things like credit cards or insurance, they hire everyone that applies because 90% of people quit within first month. If you get good and stick it out, you can usually become a manager within 6 months and work your way up the company.
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>buy kneepads
>find alley
>???
>profit
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>>1074408

How many jobs have you applied for since the posting of this thread? How many did you turn in in-person? Is your resume polished?
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>>1073788
Sales jobs are incredibly easy to get. They're awful but easy to get.
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>>1073788
That's weird. My old man is strict on me and threatens to kick me out but only if I'm not actually looking for work.

Why would he kick you out of you're actually making effort, I have friends who have given up on finding jobs and straight up mooch off of their folks. Even have their loser gfs living with them too.

Your dad should count himself lucky you are at least making effort. It took me a while to find work too but I eventually did. Just keep putting in apps man. You could be one of those people who aspires to be neet like you see on r9k.
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>>1074415
I don't have a resume because I've only had one job for a few months.

I've put in 5 job applications. Gonna go into town tomorrow and ask around as well.

>>1074428
It's because I'm running out of savings to pay my phone bill and car/health insurance with. I got back from military training 2 months ago and I've burned through my savings buying a car and paying bills.
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>>1074437

There's more to a resume than just work history. You need to revise your resume for every business you give it to. Now get to it.
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I don't fucking know anymore man.

My parents have been planning on kicking me out for years now, they always ended up feeling bad and letting me stay.

I can't find a job because I'm retarded.

I don't even know how to interview properly for shit-tier jobs. Should I just end it all or just spam-apply to every single place that has even a fraction of a chance of hiring rn?

My dad got injured so he probably can't work for much longer so money will be tight and I will need to be living on my own but I don't have a job.
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>>1074437
So what does he expect you to do? Live on the streets? This isn't the 50s where you can leave home with 50 dollars and become donald trump tier.

I bet he doesn't kick you out, he's just trying to motivate you into trying harder.
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>>1074443
Here is some advice. Search jobs in alaska. Lots of jobs up here that will give you room and board, pay you extremely well (I worked as a fish processor and make 800 a week) and flu you up and back down.

It's not easy work but it's good work because you get to work with other people who came up, you end thr season with a fuck ton of cash and you get a job to put on an application. They will hire anyone as long as you don't flake out. I came up here for work a few years back and never left because how much money is up here. Only downside is tons of mentally ill people up here.
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>>1074450
I'm in Canada(real shitty economy so even engineers are having trouble with jobs so tons of competition for shit-tier work)
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>mfw we teach people to spend money but not to make any
Your job was to be someone else's ticket to an easy life. If you can't maintain that, die in a ditch.
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>>1074453
>>1073788

Fast food. McDonald's in particular. They hire a lot and it looks good as a first job on a resume because of their corporate training program.
You can apply online and send as many applications as you want. Apply to every one in the city. I applied to the same store 4 times before they hired me, worked there for 3 years, it's honestly not a terrible job. And I landed my current job as a shipper/receiver because it was on my resume.
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>>1074460
I'm gonna go to town tomorrow and get an application for every fast food place I can find.
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>>1074460
>>1074473
Don't bother they never fucking hire because they get 30 applications an hour

fuick this life man i can see why people sell drugs and shit now
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>>1074450
Canadians work here too bro. My neighbor is 22 year old Canadian pothead who's here for work. If you're in Canada you should look into jobs in the Yukon, I know lots of people here who work in the Yukon.
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>>1074484
How am I suppose to get a visa to work as a retarded highschool dropout degenerate?

I totally would if I could find this desu.

Do I just look on indeed and monster or someshit?
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>>1074450
This guy knows. Family friend works on an off shore oil rig. Makes bank. Can't spend it on anything. Plus he is actually retarded.
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>>1074445
He is 100% serious. He expects me to have a job by this time next week or he's kicking me out. He called me a lazy leech and said he got his first job at 15 and its not hard to find work.

I'm pretty scared because if I don't find a job I won't be able to make payments and I'll be fucked.
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>>1073788
Go to craiglistthen hit entry level jobs. Sort out the transportation on Google maps. I believe its much easier to get a job when you can speak to a human being in charge so try that. Always be polite when u get to interview site especially "gatekeepers". After u get work consider college or a trade, and always secure a new opportunity b4 u quit.
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>>1074450
Please elaborate on this, I'm from California with class a license for all 50 states but I'm a new grad, 800 weekly is good for my situation. Also how cold does it get up there?
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>>1074450
Does anyone know of someplace warmer where they have lots of similar jobs?

I wouldn't mind shipping out somewhere to do hard work, but I can't deal with the cold and dark winters up that far north.
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>>1074622
"why back in my day fuckety blah blah blah"

Well jobs now aren't as common to find back then. You're submitting shitloads of applications, your father doesn't seem to have any understanding or sympathy for that? It sounds like you pay for your shit, so getting kicked out isn't going to help.
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>>1073788
Caregiving. Houses or apartments for elderly, or more lucrative, developmentally disabled adults. There are also day or work programs they go to that are hiring. Developmentally disabled adults are everywhere, turnover is huge, and the companies are always hiring.

Otherwise look into a cleaning service or go bother a temp agency.
>>
Write your resume in Comic Sans, works every time.
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>>1074622
Your dad should realize we aren't living in the piss easy economy his parents left him because he left you a failing economy controller by idiots.

Tell him to go fight some nazis and then get back to you.
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>>1074437
>Gonna go into town tomorrow
OP lives out in the country? He might be fucked. I'm surprised he even found 10 places to apply to.
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>>1075305
This is not a bad option considering most home health aides are small black girls dealing with old racist people.

Construction is good if you can work in the heat lifting all day long. Small outfits are more willing to hire people with no experience.

The best option would be to have your dad put you in touch with his company and his friends. It is all about who you know.
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>>1074437
>Have little savings
>I know, I'll buy a fucking car
I can understand if you needed the car for a job, but you clearly don't have one of those.
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>>1073788

go door to door.

Also walk up to construction sites.

"Hi I'm looking for work"
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>>1073843

> hard sales jobs

they are miserable though. I worked in Payroll sales for 6 months and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I learned a lot though.
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>>1074445
>So what does he expect you to do? Live on the streets?
It happens all the time. Do you think every homeless person has dead parents?
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>>1073788
Go to restaurants and apply for dishwasher
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>>1074450
Is it true that some companies up there hire illegals and don't pay them and just kill them once they've become expendable?
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>>1076822
>being a cuckold dishwasher

Protip: NEVER become a dishwasher

fuck that job man
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>>1078452

It's fine. And it pays the bills. Better than sucking cock on the street like OP will be in a couple of days.
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>>1078456
I'd honestly rather be homeless than work as a dishwasher. Is there a more de-humanizing job possible?

>Everyone treats you like shit
>You're constantly dirty
>People who aren't any better than you treat you like shit because its their only power they have
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>>1078461
That seems like just shitty coworkers anon. Any job can be shitty like that if you think that way
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>>1073788
How about you stop shitposting on /biz/ and go apply yourself Op
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>>1078492
>That seems like just shitty coworkers anon. Any job can be shitty like that if you think that way

It is man.

>Tfw overheard coworkers making fun of me
>Tfw people got mad because I didn't know how to do something I was never shown how to do
>Tfw was humiliated in front of everyone and almost cried
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>>1078492
Sounds like anyone in fast food, really.
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>>1073788
Have you called the places you applied? Shows that extra bit of initiative. Just ask them if they have had a chance to look at your app.
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>>1078461
I worked as a dishwasher and made friends with the prep staff. you work there enough you can move up to prep.

later i ended up boning the girl who was a line cook. she was really cool, dated for a year until she realized i'm a lazy faggot with no aspirations except the ability to talk to girls
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>>1078596
not when >>1078536
happens to you man.
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>>1078597
here's some facts for you. I'm stupid as fuck and fuck up every job I work at. The trick is to ask lots of questions and if you don't know how to do something, say something. If the person asks, then say you just want to make sure you're doing it right.
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>>1078599
I didn't even fuck anything up. They were just bullying me.
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>>1078600

stop caring what other people think. Everyone else in the world is a retard, they just have more confidence than you, but that doesn't mean their lifestyle choices are right. That doesn't mean you should respect their retarded opinion. Let me explain why society is full of retards

Most people shitty jobs, until they're 60, get cancer and die. When they die, they don't go to heaven, they just stop existing. Even successful people get cancer at like 40-50 from the stress and die and leave their trophy wives with their money while their kids turn to fuck ups.

nobody knows what this world is about, however it's certainly not working a dead end job, and 99% of people work a dead end job, just so they can buy shit they don't need. So therefore, most people are stupid as fuck.

if you work in a kitchen, the people will bully you if you're being incompetent. therefore, stop caring what others think and start caring about what you gotta do and help out others. they will come to respect you
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>>1078600
also what couldn't you do, that you had never done before, that they made fun of you for?
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>>1078605
Thanks senpai.

I know I am smarter than them it just hurts a lot more to hear people making fun of you than you'd think...
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>>1078451
Yes.
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>>1078608
Clean some retarded shit

Whatever tho, fuck working as a dishwasher

Better to be a mcdonalds cuck or something
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>>1078609
dude, lets explain the (ir)rationality of people, ok?

1) seeing a girl for 8 months, everythings going great but her ex comes back to town. they broke up because he had moved away, but was seeing him for more than a year before they broke up, so she left me for him

2) when i was 17, my 18 old girlfriend, 3 months after she moved away, got pregnant. now she has 3 kids. she didn't have a job, nor currently has one and lives in a trailer park. she used to live in the suburbs.

3) a month ago, i got the number of some girl i met at mcdonalds when drunk. a few weeks ago she came over, drank some gin then gave me a blowjob and left. i texted her a few times after and she never responded. So why'd she give me the blowjob?

4) my girlfriend wont sleep with me if i say lets have sex. but she will if i start massaging her leg or back, or playing with her nipples. is that rational? no, because every other thing in the fucking world, like eating, or taking a shit, she will ask to do, but for some reason asking for sex turns off (most) women and makes you look desperate.

anyways, my suggestion is like, get a diploma in something computer related, or become an electrician or something. there's no good jobs outside of trades or computers, or banks
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>>1078617
in the first situation, the irrationality is "hey, I'm going to date someone seriously for 8 months, then dump him on a dime for another guy. this is a guy i supposedly care enough about that i call him my boyfriend"

I guess it's late and I'm rambling, but people are really irrational and motivated by spur of the moment decisions and feelings. Mostly, people don't care.
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>>1078617
>anyways, my suggestion is like, get a diploma in something computer related, or become an electrician or something. there's no good jobs outside of trades or computers, or banks

I want to study finance.

>>1078619
I guess it makes sense senpai. I guess I was more just illustrating how shit dishwashing is. My social skills aren't too bad I'm not an autist or anything but some social situations I get pretty stuck in desu.
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>>1078625
yeah dishwashing blows, but because it sucks so much, it should motivate you to do better in life. I was working a shit end job until like a week ago, but I stuck it out for 6 months. Now i'm earning dem unemployment bucks while i figure out what I want to do next
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>>1078605
>>1078617
it's nice that you're trying to cheer up the dish washing slavecuck, but fucking damn dude. you come off as an unaware retard
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>>1078636
explain the justification behind your name calling ples
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>>1073788
>>1076822
Just go in person and apply to be a dishwasher OP, they always hire and it's easy money
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>>1078649
>easy money
>demeaning, terrible work

Lol
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>>1078650
Come on now
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>>1078656
More like
>Chef threw a pot at me
>Chef yelled that they need some retarded cookware cleaned as soon as possible because they're busy with orders
>Chef called me a stupid faggot and pinned me against the wall and pinched my nipples
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>>1078636
as a side note, I focused on peoples irrationality towards me in the stories I told, and I don't care about telling stories where I got cucked or look like the loser in the situation.

I don't care what I "come off as", because people who care about others at face value on the internet, are generally stupid people.

Truth be told, I live a dope life and do dope shit, and I don't even care that I don't have a job right now, because I got cool friends and I've fucked 3 different girls in the last month, all of different ethnicities to my own, one being a really hot girl who makes youtube money from trying on dresses and putting on makeup. She gets sent free things from companies and even creepy people ask her if they can buy her smelly worn socks, etc.

I live with a roommate and I'm pretty fucking aware. I have a university degree too, it's just useless, although difficult to get. Ill be getting a different degree soon.

>>1078658
the chef i used to work for would throw the tops of plastic lids at the sink i'd be working in, so often times I'd get hit in the back from fucking lids.
>>
As James Franco put it:
"McDonald’s was there for me when no one else was"
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>>1078662
Know feel.

>TFW you'd ALWAYS get the worst shifts and everyone would treat you like shit and just make your job harder

Fuck dishwashing man

I'd rather suck dick for money
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>>1073843
I work in sales. Def not for everyone, but i fucking love it. I'm 20 and I make shitloads of money.

If you're good at it, it's literally the best job ever
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>>1078696
I worked in 2 different restaurants as a bartender, the dishwashers were treated like anyone else, like a member of the team. then again i live in sweden

do you live in america?
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>>1078704
I'm probably just autistic desu.

Feels bad man the only upside was free food and if it wasn't busy I'd shitpost on 4chan lol
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>>1074421
How? Where?
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>>1073788

>My dad told me I have two weeks to get a job

Let me put this into perspective for you.

Every job gets about 200 applicants.

Of those 200 applicants, 100 actually follow the directions and finish the process.

Of those 100 applicants, 25 make it through the resume review system.

Of those 25, 6 clear the screening process and have their information sent to the hiring manager.

Of those 6, 1 is chosen for the job.

The odds aren't in your favor, and they never have been, but your old man is stuck in boomer mode and thinks getting a job is as easy as applying for one.

It isn't.

Good luck.
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>>1078969
Let's put it this way. Only a handful of people are lazy enough not to find or create a job for themselves. If OP had any balls there would never be a hiring manager of application between him and the guy he wants to work for.
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>>1078701
wat u do? where? howd u get da job?
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>>1078988

>Only a handful of people are lazy enough not to find or create a job for themselves.

This isn't the Reagan era, kid.

One third of folks are out of the labor force.

If what you say is true, then everyone would have a job.
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>>1079105
>one third of folks are out of the workforce

Is that what /r9k/ told you?

Do you honestly think 1/3rd of adults are unemployed? Do you realize how ridiculous that would be?
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>>1079137
>Do you realize how ridiculous that would be?
Welcome to the 21st century.
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>>1079146
I highly doubt this is true and would love to see a source.

5% unemployment in the US and EVERYONE works, even highschool kids tend to have a job.

In fact not working I felt in the minority and especially as a NEET because everyone has a job senpai.
>So anon, do you work or what?
>n-no
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>>1079137
It pretty much is true. I'm 26 and 1/3 of my friends can't get work. McDonalds/Walmart are in hiring freezes and they apply weekly to dozens of places. Sucks to be them.
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>>1079157
Maybe you and your friends are losers.

I am currently a NEET and everyone I know has a job/working during summer if still in college.

I mean come on man, I'm a NEET myself but I know that simply isn't true.
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>>1073841
>you hand out 100 resumes, you're bound to get a job.
Eurofag here. I have a university education. 200+ jobs applied for, no bites.
>>
What do you do if you're not a STEMfag? Like, I respect what they do and see the value in it but I have no interest in doing it as a career. A career should be something you're passionate about, but what if what if you just genuinely love philosophy/history/some humanities bullshit? How are you expected to even exist on the world?
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>>1079188
You can practice philosophy, history etc on your own time.

You don't need a degree in it and you don't need a career in it to enjoy it.
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>>1078461
Was always nice to the dishwashers in the kitchen when I worked at this hotel. They were overworked and underpaid just like everyone else there.
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>>1073788
OP, it can take from weeks to a month for your application to even get a call back, let alone from the official hire/starting date. That would be IF your resume went right into the hands of the hiring manager or HR. Your dad is either an idiot, or purposefully trying to fuck you.

Either way,keep those resumes submitted and for the time being sign up for an online content mule site like textbroker, writer access, or zerys. That should count as a job for him until you get a physical one.
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>>1079495
Any advice for online applications?

I feel like I'm answering the "What would you do" scenario questions not that well.

Like it'll ask several options about what you should do if other coworkers leave for lunch early or do dangerous stuff and you need to select best and worst option. I can't decide between taking initiative or telling your manager/supervisor. Which is best desu?
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>>1079501
Is it one of those psychological profile tests that give you two answers and to pick the best one, or a test you can give a personal written answer to?
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>>1079501
>>1079509
Most employers are looking for some kind of integrity and accountability. You need to look for the answer that lets the company know you are both trustworthy and capable. The options you should choose should put the company first, and let you know that you will be accountable for your actions and the actions of your colleagues.
>>
Find a temporary employment agency, sign up with them. They'll send you somewhere. Fucking show up and don't be an assclown. Probably get hired full-time because even if the temp agency pays you $9 an hour, they charge $14-$15 an hour to the business. Since you already learned the job, you don't need much training at this point and they can start you at $12+ and it still saves them money.
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>>1079509
Multiple choice made by IBM I believe.

First part is asking whether or not you strongly agree, slightly or strongly disagree etc. Which is straightforward but some parts IM unsure if I did well. Like it asks "Are you afraid/worry about uncertainty" "do you work well/enjoy uncertain situations" idk if that's a plus or a minus desu.

Then if gives scenarios and 5 possible answers you need to select "best" one and "worst" one. I'm just unsure if I should be displaying imitative and getting things solved on my own or if I should be going to the manager instead.
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>>1079515
Like one question is "You are running late to your shift and you see some coworkers acting dangerously?" And the options are: "Tell them it's dangerous", "Find their supervisor and tell him", "ignore it and get to your shift, you're late!" And "notify your manager when you have free time". And you need to pick the best and worst option.
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>>1079515
HR managers aren't normal human beings. From my experience for these questions I pander as much to the company as possible like I said in >>1079511

They won't look at you going up to your colleague as taking initiative. They'll either see it as you going over your head or making a deal to be lazy with your "troublesome colleague". They want to see if you will hold other people accountable for their actions.
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>>1079520
In my experience, it's going up to the supervisor. To an HR manager, your job is to do X, and it's the supervisor's job to do Y and fill in the paperwork and it requires communication with them to get that done. When you take initiative, they see it as "now the supervisor won't know they are doing stupid shit and their dumb asses will make our company look bad."
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>>1079523
Well fuck.

There goes my application. If you score under a certain amount it just gets trashed right?

Fuck SENPAI finding a job is so hard nowadays. I'm stumped. Should I just walk around spamming resumes to every single business in a 90mi radius?
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>>1079137
>62.3% labor participation force
It's worse.

We do have a lot of niggers tho so, there's that.
>>
>>1079520
>>1079523
Let me give you an example from my company ellaborating this. I work as an analyst and occasionally I will help solve problems our clients are having. Instead of talking to clients face to face we have individual client managers talking to them.

Now, it would be a million times easier and faster if I just talked to the client and told him what he's doing wrong, but they hire the account manager because HR people aren't human and if you don't have "excellent speaking capacity" in a spreadsheet somewhere you might as well have a speaking disorder. So we aren't allowed to talk to the clients. I need to talk to an account manager so he can talk to the client (which isn't all bad, because that middle man gives someone a job anyway and makes us have to do less).

>>1079527
Online applications are a pain, and it can take a long time to get a response, so you'll just have to wait about a month and see.

What kind of job are you applying for? A mcjob? Entry level? Do you have college? Internships? Job Experience?
>>
>>1079531
Yes a mcjob to make some money before I got to college which I'll be two years late too... Actually three now that I think about it.
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>>1079535
If it's a mcjob I don't think you need to worry too much. I remember when I was around 15 I answered the questions with a mix of initiative and accountability in mind and still got the job because they are basically wage slavery and employee turnover is extremely high. If you literally walk in there and say "I don't plan on leaving" they will give you the job because they are tired of training someone new once a month just to have them leave.

Is it a Mcjob in fast food, pharmacy, or retail?
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>>1079538
Retail

I just want any job desu. I want any job that isn't demeaning for now. I wouldn't mind nearly anything desu.

I just had bad experience with online applications, I've never ever gotten a callback. I don't know if it's me or what. I don't think I'm any worse than the kinds of people I see working at these stores or know.
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>>1079546
Since there is still time, apply to different pharmacies in your area. Pharmacies and health in general have the most transferable job experiences. You can start in a pharmacy and end up getting a work at home job working with a health insurance company doing claims or something.

If you have no job, any skills are ones you need to establish, so do say yes to the first one that comes. You can also still transfer into higher positions in retail (I just have personally never done it, but you can probably transfer into a call center position which should pay more).

It depends on your resume. You need to establish something that tells them you have communication skills, integrity, accountability, good teamwork ethic, critical thinking skills, anything. Any extra-curricular activities from high-school or something or any past job you've ever had. A lack of these skills may be the reason you get skipped if you don't hear back (it does take a while sometimes though. Easily a month for any Mcjob).

Getting captcha errors so this may be my last response.
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>>1079553
Don't pharmacy jobs require a decent amount of credentials?(experience, degree etc)

Seems like it would carry more responsibility than some job slapping burgers together.

Thanks for the replies anyway
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>>1079557
Pharmacy doesn't require a degree if I remember. Definitely a highschool education is only required, degree might help you get employed though. Most pharmacies from bigger companies (CVS, walgreens, etc) have training programs that certify you to work for them specifically without needing a degree. In order to work as a pharmacy tech in hospitals, you do need a degree and credentials (and it's one of the worst decisions you could ever make IMO).

It does carry responsibility, but because of that it gives you a diverse skillset you can put on your resume which is the most important thing to stand out. More responsibility = more transferable skills = better chance of getting a better job.
>>
>>1079563
To add onto this, it normally pays more (not much more) than a regular Mcjob because of the special training and responsibility required. Most of the important law breaking decisions are made by the pharmacist, so you are not responsible for fuck-ups you make, they are.
>>
>>1079566
>>1079563
>>1079557
I am heading out. Have a good night.
>>
>>1079563
I see senpai.

I'll check it out. But in the mean I've been trying to think of some ways to make money. I got a while until college and I have $20k...

Do you think any of the alibaba Mumbo-Jumbo or hiring Indians to work for you stuff occasionally posted here works? I just don't want to be wasting my time waiting months just to get started and earning money with a mcjob memejob.
>>
>>1079569
You too anon thanks for taking the time.
>>
Just lie OP. That's how I got my current job.

Fake your references. Plenty of burner phone apps nowadays, plus google voice, plus a multiple phone if you really need it. Try a temp agency. They'll get you something.

How old are you? Find companise that went out of business. Find ones without a Linkedin presence.

maybe i should start offering my services, this shit ain't too hard, just gotta do your research. company went out of business, small one if the owner died, etc. plenty of ways to go about it.
>>
Here are some tips

Create a Resume that is about what you are looking for. Torrent resume creator or just resume in programs on thepiratebay.se

Add some experience, if you have it.

Get your social security card.

Make a list of the places you applied to and call them back in 2 business days from when you applied.

Tell them that you are wide open, schedule-wise, in the interview. If you are in high school, then be in high school and let them know.

Use craigslist and indeed.com

go to the mall to apply or a shopping center

try getting a job anywhere, even mc d's to appease your angry, cock sucking father.

good luck op
>>
>>1079578
>>1079596
Good tips thanks senpaitachi.

Do you still call them if you applied online BTW? Just a quick "Hey could I speak to the hiring manager? I was just wondering if you had s look at my application yet?" Would suffice?
>>
>>1073843
u need a license to sell insurance and that probably cost more money than he has
>>
>>1079600

Depends; some places will fund the insurance training/licensing.
>>
>>1074669
lol no. Why do you think they get paid so much?
>>
>>1079160
>I am currently a NEET
Then you don't know shit.
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