Hey /b/ I'm currently try to fap to females that aren't

bumpity bump

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>>667827433

I know it's hard but just keep trying, even when your forskin starts to bleed you just keep pushing through all the pain and frustration. Believe me, it gets easier...

Do it for man kind.

>>667827609
great meme brother
but have you any suggestions?

>>667827433
How to fap to Amy Schumer
1. Don't fap to Amy Schumer

>>667827433
Amy isn't awful looking necessarily.... its her personality that is the deal breaker. She pretends that she is a monster to win the sympathy vote for her shitty comedy.

watch her standup. Might turn you on. you seem twisted like that.
>lots of sexual jokes for ur pecker

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>>667827433

>>667827433
Amy Schumer is a rough start. You overshot "not conventionally attractive" and landed deep in "I would rather hump a splintery board" territory.

The best way at this point would be to imagine raping her. There's no way you're going to be able to keep a stiffy fantasizing about consensual sex with that festering retarded pile of shit. So go for something really violent like cutting out her eyes and tongue and raping her while she tries to scream.

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>>667827716
i don't typically but I've decided for today only to fap to ugly/unconventional girls
it is pretty fucking difficult, they're seemingly ugly for a reason.
I mean just look at her

Off with ye head

>>667827433
This sounds like the title of her next film
How to fap to Amy Schumer
>there's no happy ending

>>667827821
I would rather fuck that than Amy Schumer herself

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>>667827433

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>>667827831
That's a great idea actually.
Regular fapping to her is actually impossible, something which I've never encountered in all my years fapping. Her face is just grotesque.
I'm going to have to incorporate some violent shit. I'm considering trapping her in a dungeon, giving her hope that she'll live, raping her, and then killing her anyway.

There's no other way I'm getting aroused to this face

>>667828186
I didn't realise she's so moley.
> terrible skin cause she drinks too much wine maknig her look way older than she is
> half-jewy or so she likes to boast about for attention
> spud face
> kinda lame humour. drags a 20s joke out to 5 mins.
> i bet she would fuck for her country though.

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This is the only picture which I have remotely been able to fap to.
I think this one is the one that will get me through this

>>667828540
she's nothing but a blonde sarah silverman, except without the cute smile and big tits

>>667828711
sarah silverman has big tits?

>>667828711
Sarah Silverman is WAY more fuckable.

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/sarah-silverman/images/144389/title/sarah-silverman-maxim-shoot-photo

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Can Sarah Silverman really be considered "unconventional" though?
She's pretty hot

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i cum buckets within about 5 seconds of begginng my fap to schumer

>>667829419
average tits at best

>>667829472
fuck. is she married? to that jimmy kimmel idiot? sarah seems like a tiger in bed. would hit repeatedly with my dick

Enough shooms

>>667829520
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

And a big no no to the silver

>>667829614
JUDE

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>>667829604
nah they broke up
she's with Michael sheen now
She is better than Schumer though, by a mile

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>>667829419
>Can Sarah Silverman really be considered "unconventional" though?

She's a 5.5
Not bad for a Jewess. They're usually ugly. Especially after 30 when they start to get camel-face.

She can be considered unconventional because she has typical Semitic features -- you know that she's Jewish after less than a second of looking at her.

Before the JDF shows up with pics of attractive Jew broads, let's stipulate that posting pics of Jews who don't look like Jews isn't helping your case.

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JESUS CHRIST THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE
I AM TRYING SO HARD TO FAP TO HER BUT SHE IS JUST UGLY
EVEN WHEN I IMAGINE VIOLENTLY RAPING HER NOTHING HAPPENS

>>667829472
never wanted to motorboat someone so hard.

Close your eyes, and use a back up real.

>>667827433
Focus on her elbow crease, when her arm.is bent it looks like a cunt

>>667830013
i would love to 'dad' her. so clearly needs someone to stop her drinking so much, and i'd even clean her face with my spit on a hankee.

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>>667829520
you must have disgustingly low standards
i'm not getting a drop from the ol' benis
look me in the eye and tell me this is hot

>>667830013
play some porn in the background and listen to the sounds

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I love this bitch.

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>>667830234
are you gay?

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While she does look like she's applying to a circus here, Silverman still does look bangable
Schumer on the other hand has very little redeeming features

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>>667830360
>that fucking face
she looks like a pig

>>667830360
to be fair, she does have a great figure there. probably would bend her over and grab those meaty hips. but she seems to be up and down on the chubby scale (mostly up and up) more than down.

>>667830234
>you must have disgustingly low standards

It's the obtainability factor that's getting him off.

Think the Jennifer Anniston hysteria: men love her not because she's objectively the most beautiful -- clearly she isn't -- but because she looks like the hottest wife they could actually land.

It feeds the fantasy.

When men get off to Amy Schu or Sarah Sil it's because they know that that's about as hot a MILF they can land.

Id rather fuck my own mother than either of them.

I am so sorry! That must be how it would feel for me to rub one out to David Schwimmer ... Bummer yo! Stay strong, you'll get there!

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Anyone here /SarahJessicaParker/?
Ugly as fuck

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>>667827433
does this help?

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>>667831277
I think I can get past Schumer
Not too sure about Sarah Jessica Parker though

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>>667831441
This could be key.
Her Star Wars cover shoots are also helpful.

>>667831614
god speed anon, you're doing the lords work.

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What a surprise that the only pictures of her I'm making some breakthrough with, is the ones which are heavily airbrushed. I feel like I'm cheating by fapping to those though

>>667827433
try Chelsea handler. she's got a new butthole pic (she took it as a joke), that's pretty hot.

>>667829604
I'd hit it with a shovel or something

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>>667831863
Thanks for the suggestion.
While she isn't that attractive, and has a slight case of man face, she is just enough attractive that I think I could get through her.

>>667830013
Imagine her violently raping you

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BINGO
FINALLY WE HAVE A WINNER
THIS PIC OF HER IS THE WAY PAST HER PIG FACE

SHE LOOKS ACCEPTABLE HERE

Was actually attracted to this fuckin toad when she first had her show on Comedy Central and now looking back I wanna dickpunch past me. Was she always as fat or did I just take off the beergoggles?

>>667832179
I think the fact that she's a raging cunt/alcoholic makes me wanna hate fuck her which works for me. I feel like she'd backtalk me and I'd have to like punch her in the forehead

not trying to be edgy just bein honest

>>667827802
this kills the boner

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>>667832427

>>667827433
Funny thing is that OP prolly would have a hard time landing 5/10 sloots like Amy Shumer but pretends he is so disgusted by her average body and face. Get over urself, faggot

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She looks good in this picture.

>>667833271
I would if she looked like this always.

Have slayed worse dragons, but you gotta slay alot of dragons to get to the princess so I can live with that.

>>667832665
Fatasfuck/10
Benis didn't even flinch

>>667831441
i initially got excited because i thought the figure on the left was an original blue pants action man worth loads of £££. but it isn't.

she has a really nice figure but her excessive wine drinking pushes her over the edge, i just think it's a case of a big paper bag is needed!

>>667831784
that's really well shot because her hand hides her big chinny chin chin.

at the end of season 3 i think, she wore a catsuit showing some cleavage. i think i was stirred. just a little though.

>>667832494
no, she got fat and comedy central didn't like it

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>>667827433
I win.

>>667835059
She's so ugly hot.
Want to bone her so bad

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She's not that bad

>>667835059
I'm sorry but I cannot fap to her.
I got through Schumer, but this woman is abhorrent. Her face is like God made a man and then accidentally forgot the penis

>>667835059
isn't she some crazy feminist who puts on a show with some other women around la?

>>667835281
that isn't amy?

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>>667835345
Yep.
She's a great comedian and actor though

>>667835685
>expecting me to fap to that body
holy fuck I feel like throwing up

>>667835685
i had a big thing for one of the other women - erin whitehead @girlwithatail. some shy jewess who's i think is as fuckable as s silverman

>>667830360
fat cunt

I'd fuck maggie gyllenhall...she's pretty gross but makes the worm grow somehow

also
>tfw at friends watching superbowl
>amy schumer and seth rogan bud light commercial
>typical amy schumer big penis jokes
>all friends laugh hysterically
>"it would be cool to hang with them"
>you fucking people wonder why I never come around
>contemplate leaving but decide free fucking pizza is worth their retard antics
>post about it on /b/

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>>667835502

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>>667831277

I can't get over her character type in "the sex and the city" and her looks, combined. Yeah, I know SATC was supposed to be somewhat weird/mean and that it's just a show but still.

"I'm a horse face who rides on a men's success and YOU are the weird guy for whatever reason".

>>667835969
>has spoken to another human being in the last 4 years
get the fuck out of /b/ you normie

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>>667835969
Maggie Gyllenhall in "The Dark Knight" was surprisingly sexy.
But she has declined SO MUCH since then. She really is disgusting.
Compare this to.....

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>>667835969
THIS

>>667836130
>thinking this is r9k
back to your containment board

BUT WHY? What's the end game?

>>667827433
>successfully fapping to amy schumer
Impossible.

>>667836328
What's that fucking movie she's in with James Spader? or whatever that dweebs name is...

>>667836371
Fuuuucking yikes, would still be degenerate tho

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>>667835969
very cute pre-2008

>>667836371
>>667836328
She was hot as hell in donnie darko!

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>>667836515
fuckin this

>>667836678
Ugh I know my dad tried to tell me back then but was retard.

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>>667836328
>>667836371
>Well hello beau... hello you

>>667836515
The end game is grabbing something to eat when I'm finished.
Also fapping to hot girls is too easy, I needed a challenge.

>>667837118
first transgender popstar?

>>667827433
Now the first thing you're gonna want OP is a serrated knife, something that you know will get caught on the stuff you wanna cut.

The next thing you wanna do is stretch your ballsack out on a flat surface. Most tables are appropriate for this purpose, but I've found that desks and chairs with talls backs also work well.

Now that your sack is out, slam the serrated blade down as hard as you can on your ballsack. Give it a few whacks if the blade doesn't cut clean through and make sure to completely sever your testicles from your body.

Once your balls have been completely disconnected from your body, toss them into into the trash can or, preferably, a garbage disposal. Now go back to looking at pictures of the most genetically disadvantageous partner on the planet.

Cheers!

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>>667837118
>mfw I would fuck lady gaga senseless

>>667835685
>great
Sure if you have terrible humor and love an annoying 8 yo's voice

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>>667837439
I would wear her finely sculpted ass like a Halloween mask.

>>667837439
You couldn't please her and you know it.

>>667837118
>>667837260

Jokingly made remark about her being Tranny watching golden globes over at grandma's. She replies with "she does look kinda manly."

>even 84 year old women know the truth
>people will still argue she's cute

>>667829976
she's really easy to fap and cum to

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kate micucchi

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>>667837579
its even hotter when they have a dick, don't get our hopes up

>>667837784
Is that the little weirdo from that one movie about the adopted girl who tries to fuck the dad and ends up being an adult? The Orphan or whatever?

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>>667837439

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>>667837570
You seem to be an expert about me
What other things do I not know about myself

>>667837826
she has the name "lady" in her "name". they're practically telling us the truth

>>667837818
She's just about small enough to warrant "cute"
That's being generous though.
Good example of unconventional girl

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Don't judge me

>>667837899
Yes.

>>667837818
She ain't that bad, would fuck.

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How unconventional are we talking here?

>>667837818
>kate micucchi
ate mi cucchi

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>>667837900
I want to believe she is conventionally attractive but something about her tells me no

>>667838174
Nice, she's actually kinda cute in that pic. She in any other shit?

>>667838246
>posts picture of her in weird makeup and hair to counter pic of her with no makeup or styling done
>???

>>667838149
She's just straight up hot in my opinion
Not really that unconventional

>>667838204
They have to have at least one or two redeeming features that some may find attractive.
These two are just digusting

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>>667838318
A few.

>>667838346
Generally you get "looks like a boy" with her.

>>667838204
>>667838414

Skinny's hot if you're into androgynous girls or dykes, and at least fatty's got some big udders.

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size doesn't matter when you're as cute as this one

>>667838456
Guess she's just nailing down that role of being a little promiscuous dad fucker huh? Right on

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>>667827433
Just picture her as Glen Campbell and you'll be ok.

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>>667838522
fat girls having fat tits doesn't count as being sexy

>>667838607
Plus she's 17 there, hence no tits shown. She'll probably show them now that she's 18

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>>667838522
I'd rather a skinny girl with big tits.

>>667838911
Post more of this ugly girl

>>667838911
she has that "you can fuck me in any hole you want" look in her eyes.

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>>667838481
>>667838346
True, but I find her cute as hell.
And she actually has decent curves when not wearing male clothes.

>>667838204
>>667838962

In a perfect world the skinny one would wake up tomorrow screaming with the fat one's tits hanging from her chest...

>>667838848
I'll be waiting I guess.

I think i did it. I just fapped and came to Amy Schumer...

>>667838582
Fat girls give some pretty sweet head, don't know why but never a disappointment.

>>667828186
Nigga you'd need 2 buses and a train to get around that Ms.Piggy looking shit.

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What about this guy?

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>>667837302
I will not be doing that, friendo.
Is there any reason you are so riled up today?
Have some Schumer anyway

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>>667839548
this one lacked in skills but made up in enthusiasm. Plus she swallowed or took a load to the face every time

>>667839524
How long did it take you?
It took me on and off about 45 minutes. With this photo >>667832427

I'd definitely fuck Amy. Youre Lying if you say you wouldn't

>>667839791

Hot.

>>667839797
Her behavior is repulsive is alll.

>>667838911

I could stand to hear more about how you'd smash those cumdumpsters.

>>667828186
Also leave her for the niggers, women made like her are for that exact purpose. The nigger thinks he's sticking it to whitey and can post his sad "nig and a white bitch" threads while effectively cleansing the superior white gene pool by turning any of her babies into gross looking mix babies

>>667834068
More chubbies for me

>>667840053
She really is terrible. I'm from London so I'm not exposed to her personality much, but she is damn ugly.

>>667840086
I love a fat girl, honestly. I'd love to see the skinny one fist the fat one's pussy while i fucked the fatty's ass. then i'd want the skinny one to eat my load out of the fatty's ass

>>667839828
Enthusiasm is great tho, I'd rather have a hog be happy for a bone then some somewhat better looking girl act like it's some chore. Dating a bigger girl right now and it's the life man. Had my run of petites and shit.

>>667840136
This girl is conventionally attractive, brother

>>667835886
successfully indoctrinated

>>667840316
Any day of the week

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>>667840300
This is exactly my situation now. Totally wish i had the fatty back, for the sex at least.

>>667827433
If you were attractive, you wouldn't have to play a fap experiment. I wouldn't cast stones.

>>667827866
How many times a day do you fap? Jesus dude, do it like twice a week and you'll be fine.

>>667840260

Would this somehow be consensual, or would half the appeal be in seeing two friends forced to fucked each other for the pleasure of a stranger?

>>667840316
Would cousin fuck in the banana stand in heart beat, no questions asked.

>>667838582
the only one in this thread i would do

>>667840316
clown makeup/10
would still though

>>667840471
Nah, I'm about consent. Would love to see them acting slutty as fuck by their own volition

>>667840368
That's everyone in the thread basically

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Morning shit right here

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Would anyone do /fuckmyshitup/ stage Lohan?

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>>667827666
Why has nobody checked this yet
Sorry satan

>>667840310
Favourite bitch to fap to. 10/10. Certainly knows her way round a dick!

>>667838975
>>667839021
no requests?

>>667840316
Maybe.....

Na i definitely would. She looks like she likes to 69 on top, and take dick with her legs shut so its extra tight.

But i'd just tell her to roleplay as my cousin.

>>667840767
yess

>>667840316
Maeby's got huge cans.

>>667827433
Amy Schumer in't fappable
just like Angela Merkel

>>667840465
Am I not allowed to do things in my free time?
Do you think attractive people go out to closed-invitation parties 24/7?
Get real pal

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Would Luna.

>>667827831
i like you

>>667840929
Go out to the real world?

>>667840451
Upgraded from a 105lb girl and will prob never go back dude. I wouldn't go full hamplanet but a little extra ain't bad.

she's kinda a turd about going down sometimes but when she does it's more than worth the wait. Would take 1 good blow job a week over 7 shit ones.

>>667841073
I do that?
Brother have you never heard of doing things at different times?
I feel as though I'm talking to an alien who has no concept of humanity

>>667827433
Angela Merkel 15years ago

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>>667841155
got pics of either?

>>667841240
Wish, sorry brotha she kinda sheltered thus the having to talk into blowjobs sometimes. I saw a thread the other day that had a girl with EXACT body tho (had to double take) on soc maybe its still up ill go grab if so.

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>>667841345
YES
REBEL WILSON
SUCH A CUTE FACE THAT IS RUINED BY HER GROTESQUE BODY

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>>667827433
Maybe you'd like her better with her pre-surgery Jew nose?

>>667841218
I know that humanity comes in different forms! I hate the government yet it has some good things to offer.

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I think we can all agree this bitch is the epitome of unconventional attractive
Would fuck her violently but she is so fucking strange looking

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>>667841504
Found it so kinda like pic related but a little bigger in waist. Shit's king

>>667842022
I totally would

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>>667830529
>>667830420
>>667831441
>>667832427
>>667829834
>>667829614
>>667839797
Lets all just be thankful that the blonde cow and ugly, bony jew are no longer on tv.

>>667838204

Like any guy wasting his time here wouldn't fuck one of these chicks if they were naked and spreadeagle in the street

>>667843088
I agree with this statement.

>>667843088
they dykey one sure
no thanks to the land ham tho

>>667843088

Maybe if they're both weeping naked in public stocks with their heads, tits and asses exposed.

Not so sure if they're just laying in the middle of the sidewalk.