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>>667780111 yea I'm only 21. not much to do besides drive along the coast or go for a swim at the beach. All my friends are in the trades industry and work full time. definitely got some $$ saved though
>>667778669 How I can't talk to girls for shit, how my mind goes blank and I can even think of things to say to even guys around me and it just worsens my anxiety to the point were I tear myself down inside every moment of my life.
27 year old, handsome enough that women talk about me behind my back. But my self confidence is that of a doormat. My parents abused and raised me like a dog, blamed me for all their problems and made me panic for made up fake stories. So i get anxiety attack from the simplest of shit.
I get bad gas around people due to anxiety and when i sit near someone I get headaches. Failed classes in college which required group work and would go months not leaving my room. Now I am studying to get my ass out of my parents home. I also realized i had a brother who was ditched by my parents as a child because he was retarded and they did not want to care for him. Also realized my father is a sociopathic liar who lies to make me feel bad and then laughs about it to my mother.
Up to high school i had good friends but then yeah it just went downhill. Also I had several cats and a dog that my mother threw away and then told me they just "ran off".
I feel lonely as fuck but I am deathly afraid of people. So when I am at college i am always quiet / looking for empty spots to sit and relax in. And yeah i am 27 yr old, so one day i will lose my handsome face and become total shit. Blog.end . Too bad i had social workers assigned to me in high school but i could not tell them i was being abused because i never knew what abuse was. Oh also i get so depressed sometimes i have tears fallin out my face with no emotion, literally standing in class i get tears out my face lol. Shit sucks how bad my condition is, but no one except me truly knows because i try to hide it well.
>>667778669 I can't talk to people I can't sleep I can't wake up I don't try anymore People seem to drift away from me after a while I ruin the things I care about I seem to fall in love with any girl who shows any sort if interest in me I don't go out without "good reason" I can never stick with something useful long enough to be good at it I've wasted my whole life so far I didn't even get to love her right
>>667782098 I do that shit too, I know for a fact that people have been attracted to me, but I never followed up and made them think that I wasn't interested. Sucks having social anxiety and borderline asperger's.
>>667778669 I hate that I was gullible enough to let the church convince me to waste the first 26 years of my life hiding from reality behind a mountain of what has been well-understood to be garbage for about 1700 years.
I'll never get my youth and those missed experiences back.
>>667778669 I don't like anything except getting high and jerking off. I don't give a shit about other people, but I expect them to solve all of my problems for me. I base my entire sense of self-worth off of girls being attracted to me.
>>667782653 When I was in my 20's I used to get all suicidal because of loneliness, came close a few times. Eventually I just became numb, at least I got off the pills and started being more health conscious, but what's the point in living a long life if nothing ever happens.
I cant seem to get motivated to do anything. It's like I've hit a wall. I'm unemployed, not going to school, no GF, still living with parents (21btw) and it feels like the only way i can get any sort of a feeling close to motivation is if a girl is involved. Unfortunately there is no girl and it sucks i cant feel complete without one. (Never had a GF). >oh so you lack willpower >you know what fixes that? willpower! Ohwait
>>667778669 I'm 35 and make well over the national median income, and I can confirm that life still fucking sucks ass. I've had a lot of sex, I drink a lot, I used to do a lot of drugs, none of that does it. At the end of the day life just fucking sucks.
>>667784269 One time it was basically three dudes, including myself, eating out one chick. One of them pulled their dick out and I turned 360 degrees and left the room The other time, I came home to one of my roommates really drunk. I shut my door and told her I had homework to do. She litterally wouldnt leave me alone. I unlocked the door and she fucking pounced on me. I ended up getting all her clothes off. Ate her out for a good 30 mins. Eventually pulled my dick out and tried to begin fucking. Got really nervous and everything went soft.... >>667784324 I worry about this regularly. I plan on faking it until I actually have a legit gf.
We men are tortured by our hearts for not having someone special to hold in our arms. Our maximum potential inhibited by the loneliness we feel. And sometimes a GF can even make things worse. Maybe the gays are onto something with this no women stuff...
>>667778669 There is not enough time in the fucking day or week. Between school and work when do i get to be with friends. Like getting a girl for myself would be cool but like the two times im free a week are for myself not others. Also looking ahead im not even at the peak of my workload in college i will have even less free time which kinda blows me away
Well I'm 21 and have been in a relationship for almost 6 years. The woman I'm dating is pretty unattractive, and she is not sexual at all so at this point we barely have sex. When we do it's missionary and lame. I feel like i'm missing out on life and getting bitches but i have too strong of an emotional connection with her to break up. We literally have never gotten in a fight, she games and would be the perfect woman besides her lack of sexuality and growing unattractiveness.
>>667787580 It's about how you talk man, you gotta throw it out there, not be all shy and not be a fuck boi girls see thru that shii. Your figure comes up when you have sex obviously but you're fuckin her already fuck it
The fact that I am too scared to do anything seriously needed like get my ids and shit. I can't go to the hospital because I can't build enough courage to do so. I feel like I need someone I know well enough to help me do shit. I can't fucking take how shitty I am. I want to kill myself but I can't because I know it'll make my parents sad. My dad was in the residential schools so I know he'll be devastated knowing his junior killed himself because he couldn't do anything right. I fucking started tearing up writing this for fuck sake I fucking hate it
>>667789356 Man the fuck up then. A lot of people are stuck in the same rut as you. I mean 6 years and you haven't proposed? That right there is a sign to me that you are just not that interested in that woman.
Emotional connection? Dude, people have emotional connections to cars. For it to matter, you also have to have a sexual connection with this lady. These things have to line up for you to be happy. If the sex sucks, talk about it. If it still sucks, oh well. But if you aren't even willing to try and up your communication game then move on.
Everyone tries 100% for the people that matter to them in this life.
>>667788047 Same here! For me tho I fell in love w a beautiful mexican girl. I dated her for a few months then she moved back to mexico. ever since then I couldnt give two fucks about her or any other girl because I did everything I wanted to do with a woman with her.
Anti social. I haven't had a new friend in over a decade and most of the people I was friends with stopped talking to me a couple years ago. I like hanging out with others now and then but I don't know how to go talk to people or how to connect with them.
>>667789845 Emotional connection means caring about something/someone.. And really? Marriage? Is that the way to 'man up'? The only reason to do that is to get a financial benefit for the poor one in a divorce
35 & no future. im a handsome white male in the usa. educated. decent health... i'm totally fucked. i don't drink, don't like sports and was born into poverty so I have no peers whatsoever. I havent gotten laid in seven years because I refuse to pay for it and these whores don't give a shit about how well adjusted you are and living a fun life, they just want spoils and now and don't give a damn about you. naked i look like crap cuz my parents didnt want me and fed me garbage until i was 250lbs @ 10 years old. i took the weight of mid-teens but my skin is fucked beyond repair. my last gf i was amazing to gave me some weird std and my dick doesnt work to well. she fucked all my friends and when i went to jail got money from them for my bail and didnt bail me out. both my parents tried to kill me because they are drunk junkies. i have no iblings. i have no desire to live as a bully and asshole so i can have my own place and people to serve me. .. to just be alive for the sake of not killing myself.
life is meaningless. there is no value here. I see people worse than me and i dont feel compassion for them so much. I see people worse than me that are better than me because at least they have something to occupy themselves with. and the people who are simply better off make me realize how i never have fit into this world and never will. the best i could hope for is to find a way to settle. find a shitty job, an ugly broad that i know still cheats on me and hates me, and wait for something to kill me.
is that i am working 26+ days each month and getting nowhere at all just the usual , weed,snacks, and vidya,movies and shows. why even bother in a fucked up country like mine? poor stays poor rich getting richer
>>667789800 No. But before I got falsely diagnosed with schizophrenia, I found out I was borderline. It's great because before 21, I was a quiet borderline, but now that my emotional outbursts are tolerated, I can pretty much say whatever I want as long as I put a schizo spin on it.
For example if I'm pissed at my sister, I'll call her a bitch for killing my dog (never had a dog) but it just feels good.
Clearly I'm a huge asshole. But I pay the price so it's cool.
>>667789845 I'm 21 we're both in college I feel like marriage is out of the equation right now. I've tried talking to her about being more sexual and trying out new things but it always just ends up with her feeling bad and no results. Your right though i should just man up and break up with her but i just can't bring myself to do it.
Realized i was abused when i was 7 about two months ago (same time i started geinig massive weight). Fucked up my body by being morbidly obese till inwas 18, droppen 83 kg then and bulkend up another 15kg muscle but was left with awful loose skin. I look good af with clothes on, 7,5/10 face. But all the zelf esteem issues i had didn't leave. Started saving up for the surgery by moonlighting as a waiter during weekends. (Needed 6 grand). My brother is a heroin addict and lived at my place since my parents couldnt be bothered with a junkie and a self-loathing fatty and basically kicked is out at the age of 18. I love my brother and he does all kinds of criminal shit but never steals anything from me, but the retard took out a loan and didnt pay back without me knowing. The bank took my tv, pc, stereo, etc... 2 weeks ago and i can only get my shit back by coughing up 2.5k just when i was only short 400 for the surgeries and already started making appointments to get it done. Setting me back atleet another 4 fucking months. All this shit in a few months time took away the confidence i gained the last 4 years and i started to have zevere panic attacks again. Even with all the hard work you do and all the sacrifices you make to become a better person physically and mentally you Will never truly change Or be able to escape your destiny
>>667781853 This is me. I'm 33 and still struggle with it daily. Fucking sucks. Growing up it was always "he's shy, he will grow out of it" never happened. I'm to the point now where Ive accepted the way I am and deal with it.
I've been fortunate enough to have good jobs/independent since 18 and good looking enough to pretty much always have a steady gf. So that's nice.
>>667778669 I am self aware to see my own habits and how they hold me back from being happy and productive, but I find it incredibly difficult to take the first steps in eliminating these habits. I want to live and dream big, but my body seems to gravitate towards mediocrity and short term pleasures. I fuck up in school because I allow myself too much room to waste time with my friends even though I know I can enjoy studying if I just push myself to do it. I am pretty thin and would like to change my diet/lift weights but again, I end up never getting started or maintaining the habits I need. I also think I have HPV which has stifled me from going after girls whether it is for simply hooking up or for something long term. I seriously just want a slap to the face that will move me to turn everything around. What I need most is a daily routine that I can stick to, but I don't get to step 1.
Tl;dr - I'm a faggot that knows I'm a faggot, but just won't stop being a faggot because I have a bad habit of being a faggot.
>>667791224 Find something you're into now and go for it. Forgive ppls bullshit and let them think they are better than you and dont see revenge. Expect women to betray you. if you can find a ay to get paid for something you enjoy or would do even if it didnt pay and can afford your own place... ego for it. eat healthy so you dont end up shitbrained and fucked up sick in a few years.. healthy food is still good just eat like a bird raw fruits and veggies mostly, some fish... otherwise your whole body and mind and spirit will go to shit digesting the crap you eat. whatever you like doing.. video games, arts, sport.. do it as much as you want.. get paid for it if you can. be kind to women and enjoy their beauty.. even the old and ugly ones just be good to women and all their fucking cunty bullshit, youll find the best relationships you have with women are the brief pleasant ones and that energy exchange is better than trying to convince them to fuck you
I don't think it will stop until you change several habits and adopt new ones in their place. I've been using my awareness to my advantage and I definitely have gained a lot of ground considering I was an anxious, stressed and depressed wreck a year ago, but I still haven't reached a level where I feel I have a strong enough foundation to rely on daily in order to do everything I want to. I need to exercise discipline regularly or else I will definitely lose my opportunities to perform and excel. Living every day going up and down between unreasonable insecurities and proper awareness and understanding is getting annoying tbh
>>667797359 Yeah, I totally get you. I can definitely say I have improved in being able to recognize my habits and how detrimental they are, but I have years of doing them under my belt and not enough years getting rid of them. And with so many different things, it makes the first step seem even more blurry because I don't know what kind of daily routine can tackle them all at once. Maybe it's something that I should take care of one at a time instead.
>>667788970 >I've been taking the antipsychotics for years and they are just as bad as you hear. They completely zombify you. I can't do shit and my brain feels like it's mush because of these fucking meds.
>>667797914 I think you have the right idea about taking things one step at a time, but what steps you need to take and when is what you need to understanding, and at first it definitely is the most elusive considering you have to be able to look at your issues and simplify them in order to have a clear understanding and thus a clearer choice of action. What I've found personally is that starts with the way you react to a feeling or thought, your habit. As soon as you find yourself feeling or falling into an undesirable action or thought as a result of habit, you have to deliberately, focus your awareness on it, and seek to understand why you're doing it if necessary, and again, deliberately make a decision to feel or think in a way that counteracts it. It is a discipline, a control over your passive actions and at times, passions, through a contemplative reasoning. gotta flow, man.
>>667800393 Sounds reasonable. I have taken to writing to try making my thoughts a little easier to look over so I may as well keep track of how I fair in keeping off of those vices on a day-by-day basis. It might take me years to truly get where I want to be, but I'll just have to keep trying and not let my failures get to me so much.
>>667800393 >>667797359 I've also found that I'm almost always more resistant to exercising discipline at first than I am once I've gained momentum. I think it's just the subconscious beginning to understand what your conscious mind is wanting to do. that's how it works, the conscious mind reasons and communicates thought unto the subconscious mind for deeper understanding. pretty much anyway
>>667801270 Getting started is always the hardest part, especially considering I'm too indulgent to want change. I've recently grown a bigger admiration for people who showcase discipline and have mastered their craft. I can see my own potential in becoming something like that, so at least I've got that going for me. My head just gets too fuzzy most of the time, though. Probably means I ought to lay off the pot for a good while too, at least until I have my shit together.
>>667778669 I hate that even though I'm barely 21 I already have the most intense receeding hairline. I already balding and it hinders me whenever I go out, Affects my self-esteem and makes me percieve myself as a unnattractive person, Even though I've had plenty of relationships and sexual partners. I'm just sad.
>>667802029 I actually used to have that problem too. Just another bad habit. Gotta stimulate yourself. You probably rarely get the chance if you're in high school, considering it's full of shit. I'd bet most people you know don't challenge you enough, especially if you guys are smoking pot and just fuckin' around. It's not easy when your environment has molded you into something without you having the capacity to fully realize it and the consequences that accompany. fuckin sucks. just gotta work on it though. I've spent the last year doing it. gets frustrating at times but as long as you know the work is paying off and will continue to, is enough to make it.
meditation, discipline, practice, study, people(philosophers, great men), music, art, science, history, whatever stimulates you and feels right. that's what has helped me personally. just exposing myself to things. concepts, thought. we've been deprived. seeking understanding will set things in motion. internet helps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1Mh5RhTQ_4 I'll just leave this here because someone showed me this recently and it makes sense. it's not just some dumb bullshit make for marketing. it's a cognitive understanding of the human mind, the subconscious, and how your perspective develops your surroundings. just another something that we've never been exposed to or taught of. because we're fucked. lol
>>667804421 Yeah I've actually been in college for a few years and am close to finishing but want to finish strong since my early years were pretty mediocre. It seems like every time school starts, I have a hard time making adjustments with things to tend to. I think my biggest problem was that I had been in public schools where your schedule is laid out for you and you are pretty much having your hand held even if you are the most apathetic turd in school. For 7 hours a day for 12 years. And now I'm left to manage my own time and it just doesn't seem like I've had/taken a good opportunity to shed my old skin first.
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