feels thread cont....
continue sharing your stories anons....
the last thread gave me a lot
>be me now, 21
>nov2015 gf broke up with me after 4,5y relationship
>i love her so fucking much, more than anybody, i would still die for her
>i used to spend way too much time with her, never had time for friends (actually i always had only like 3 real friends)
>i start losing touch with all of them, preoccupied with gf
>she says she loves me
>living my dream, we bought car, wanted to rent a flat just to start living together, had all the plans and dreams young couple could have
>decide to take loan (25k)
>want to go abroad, get better jobs and live better life, meet people, go places, do stuff
>in august we head to italy, just for week but its okay, have wonderful time
>after vacation i have to get back to work (shitty job at DIY/hardware store), roughly make 500€/month
>we have a lot of work so im working overtimes, dont see each other very often
>after 5days of 12hours at work i can have one day off
>tell her to make some plans for that day in advance (trip or something...)
>shes does not seem to be very happy but at the moment i cant tell
>day before my day off she comes to see me to work, tells me shes gonna sleepover at friend
>im bit confused but say okay
>next day shes really pissed off, so i just head to work, another 12hours
>her best friend calls me, she never called me before
>im curious so i go to staff room, basically she tells me that my gf cheated on me
>comes home, dont know what to do so i just asked her if its true
>she says "yes" and nothing else
>i leave, get drunk, sleep at parents house
>next day flat is empty
>after two weeks her friend calls me again and tells me she is dating with some asshole
>im not angry or disapointed, just sad, pure definition of being sad
>not sad about her behaviour but im sad because of me
>now i have no friends to contact, no money, gotta payout the loan, had to sold car, live with parents again
>a week ago i broke my arm
>now sitting in empty room on painkillers and wine, thinking what have i done wrong
Bumpin with sad songs
>be me 21yrs old
>broke up with the best girl ever
>wanted to marry, she did too
> was mean to her for a long time. She took it because she love me
>she finally had enough. and she broke up. no 2nd chances.
> realize what I did. try to show her change.
>practically stalk her whereabouts. she wont talk to me.
>couple weeks later go by her house in middle of night.
>some guy truck in her driveway.
> they must be fucking.
>confirmed. old boyfriend rekindled on FB after breakup
>worst feels of life. my fault. infinite guilt
>sick for weeks. lost weight.
>real suicide thoughts for 1st time
>time pass. 6 months later
> feeling like Im getting over it
pt 2 coming
I cannot explain how women work, no one can. You fuck up one little thing with them and they look at it as your biggest mistake in the world.
You don't do one thing they expect from you and it's like the whole world collapsed.
>feeling like I getting over it
>meet a great girl.
>still compare everyone to ex but she is best so far next to ex. and new girl has perfect body.
>go on dates, all go well.
>1st date. to second base. huge perfect tits.
>2nd date. more of the same. great time still
> third date, she insinuates we will sex.
>drive my truck to her house. rich girl has own place.
>dinner waiting for me. then drinks. awesome time. now for sex.
>we strip all clothes down the hall to her bed. >its so fucking on.
>best pussy and ass ever seen in my life, even compared to top porn models.
>epic feels tight best pussy ever. going to cum buckets
>before I finish after a long great night
>banging on front door,.
>she says shhhhh. thats my ex boyfriend
>I told him its over by is stalking me.
>he must see your truck in the driveway
> cannot believe it.
>we stay silent. inserted in her and motionless. he leaves finally.
>well lets get back to it, she says.
> I feel so alpha. best pussy. his pussy. now mine.
>feels turn quickly.
>I see myself outside house of my ex
> i think of her.
>diamonds turn into wet rope.
>most awkward ever rest of evening.
> she says its not working. goodbye
>dont feel too upset over it, still thinking of my ex.
More of my random ex
also tonic is goner
>mfw i have to drink other shit now
>Baltimore 410 here
>Friend and I are passin a bong and gettin high af
>Dont give a shit cuz its christmas
>Today Was a Good Day by Ice Cube is playing
>Friend decides to go home
>Took a shortcut
>Got shot in a driveby for wearing wrong colors
>Shot three times, pancreas, right shoulder, and right arm
>He doesn't make it
>Dies in hospital two days later
>We play Life Goes On by 2pac at his funeral
Rest in Peace, Kev, you were always a big brotha to me. There's a heaven for a G my nigga, I'll see you there one day :'(
I can relate to this.
I've struggled with depression for years. Don't usually bring that up anywhere since nobody cares anyway. It will be funny when everybody will be like "that's totally out of character for him" after I finally kill myself.
Nothing will happen. She loves him, not you. You don't reply to her for days, and she still texts you. She asks you why you're ignoring her. You're ignoring her because you cannot move on from her. You love her, she loves her ex. Leave her, she is not worth it. She is not worth you shattering inside every time you talk to her. Leave her.
>tell myself that every day
>fail every day
lol same with me but with gin every one is drinking jack daniels n coke or bacardi and coke or vodka orange the basic shit
so whats your favorit brand?
my favorits so far are bushmills 16 and 21 years even tho they are irish
I wonder sometimes how can people be so fucking dense. In this case the parents.
well.. i like jack daniels. right now im drinking red label. haven't really drink irish ones. gonna try it someday for sure.in my country there isn't much of a choice. just the usual stuff.
i actually wouldn't mind that.
the internet is your friend with that problem also if you want to try irish and there are the usuals arround
>Bushmils 12 yrs
>Jameson (especially with cranberry juice and some ice)
here for a quick startup thats a nice site even if you may not be able to by (dunno where u live) you can atleast inform yourself whats available
well what can i say you just experienced yourself in a situation you may be in and that sucks but you have to let loose thats all you can do or you will drown in sorrow and in the end you got to ask yourself was it worth it?
I'm just tired of feeling everything and nothing all at once all the motherfucking time. I feel completely defective and all I want to do is get the fuck away. Put life on pause indefinitely until I feel like I can rejoin society.
>vidya doesn't help anymore
>only have two or three real friends that all live in other states
>she left me after almost six years because she felt it was better for us to work on our respective hang ups alone rather than fight our way through like a real couple
>i have a strong love/hate relationship with my current job (wanna stay because the environment is so lax, wanna leave because it's frustrating and has no strong future prospect)
>terrible anxiety and depression keep me going in circles in my own mind and I never get anywhere
>only escape periodically after working out but then everything comes rushing back
>no solace even in sleep because 9/10 times I dreaming about being in a loving relationship and/or being back with her
I wouldn't kill myself because it would completely devastate my family, especially my father who lost a brother to suicide when he was younger. That doesn't stop me from taking the gun out of my closet and staring at it many a night.
>there has to be something better than this
i dont know if its cringeworthy or just sad.
since my gf left me i have so much space in my bed so i just leave my laptops there
i really wish i could help more than say its gon be gud and carry on but thats really all you can do maybe get some distraction till you are over it
I'll bite on the drunk talk.
I drink to get drunk, not for the social aspect of it.
this usually consists of rum and coke because
I hate tequila and I hate vodka.
I always by cheaper rum/whiskey (any brown,really) like Bacardi
I typically need to drink 750ml to get my drunk where I want it.
anyways, I recently switched to straight liqour from these mixed drinks. I typically didnt buy more expensive sippin stuff, because of the cost, obviously. but fuck I have made a mistake.
on the rocks straight offers so many more advantages than mixed drinks.
right now, I bought a crown royal select 1.75 liter . It runs about 80.00 USD but worth it.
no morning shits. no extra sugar
no parched lips fro m that salty cola.
>Be 17, meet friends younger sister at a party.
>ex girlfriend was my first, like first everything kiss sex whatever right.
>anyway fast forward a year
>we are dating but fight alot, and all we really end up doing is sex and tv shows or movies
>we break up for like 2 weeks but i just want her back
>coincidence that valentines day, i asked to hang with her
>started seeing each other again
>only like we used to, videos and sex
>food dates occasionally
>6 months later
>I'm bad at communicating and shes starting to feel distant
>constantly think shes cheating on me cause she did to her previous bf for me
>get angry one night were she was on her phone and wouldn't even look up to talk to me
>Both don't talk to eachother, and know me i left and slept on the couch or some stupid shit
>she had left before i woke up, walked like an hour or more home
>relationship faded from that, until she finally broke up with me
cont if anyone cares..
>29 y.o., blackish guy
>in relationship with girl, 27
>she calls every night
>when she requires affection
>I leave the city (I travel for work)
>she starts going out more, unlike her, she used to be a good girl
>she starts dressing in increasingly skimpy outfits
>one night we have a fight, big one, she says
>"You can't even dance"
>direct hit in the feels
>and I can't help but feel
>ever since I left the city...
yep good spirits are woth the money and while you have the crown royal try to make a sazarac best cocktail in history just alcohol 1 bitter and a lemon peel thats all tastes like heaven and will knock you out no time and you aint alone im 23 and drank so much by now i need about 1 1/2 bottles of gin to get to the point where i cant do jackshit
i spend the last 4 months drinking daily just to get drunk.
my day was like this:
go to uni in the morning
after a few hours go to mart
buy a cheap bottle of wine
potato salad and bread every other day
after a few hours eat potato salad and bread as dinner
my day costs like 5€
its cheap and i spend the time somehow happy
I'm starting to contemplate whether or not I should kill myself. I hate the way I treat other people. I like to joke around with my friends most of the time but lately they've been doing annoying things that really piss me off. And even though I try to stay calm I can't help but confront them about the problems they're causing. Oh, and I also cry myself to sleep every night by thinking about all the reasons why I'll never be able to be together with my crush
Ah, fuck it, I'll just get the bleach.
one wine bottle would not get me where I need to be.
Besides I need 40% content or higher for proper drunk.
I dont hate wine, but when I get drunk on it, I find it really easy to want to hurl.
Bad experience with merlot.
>Had gfs in highschool, but gave no shits about them in a love way
>We parted ways and stayed friends after because it wasn't any more love than that
>Beta as fuck
>I'll never attract a woman who isn't a fucking harpy looking for someone to slap around, or fucking nasty fat slobs
>Refuse to pass on my defective genes
>When parents are dead and their wills are in order, I'm gonna off myself
>Life can't get better
>I'll be mocked and teased my whole life, and nothing in the realm of possibility is going to fix it ;-;
Only relief from depression is hatred and rage. When I would get violent I now get depressed instead to keep myself in line and out of trouble
Yeah, same here anon. Booze helps a lot. Beer would make me sick before I got more than a buzz off of it. Mixing vodka or rum with peppermint or cream flavored mix takes the alcohol taste away so you can drink fast and mix heavy.
>Oh, and I also cry myself to sleep every night by thinking about all the reasons why I'll never be able to be together with my crush
This is my main reason why I'm thinking about suicide.
I know that I may get over it at some extend in the future, but the plain void it leaves behind is so much more scarier.
Don't kill yourselves over your boyfriends or girlfriends. It's hard, but life goes on. Me, love is never an option. I won't ever attract the type of woman I want to be with. I won't settle, either. Waste of time and money on a farce of a relationship. Instead I live by myself, play vidja, and occasionally see a few of my friends. I'm a little scared of death, maybe very afraid. But one day, my heart stopped beating (I have some kind of defective heart valve, can't no for sure, I never went to my appointment to diagnose it because my life is worth nothing to me. I'm only assuming it's the valve defect my paternal grandfather has) and I stood there, calm, waiting for it to start again like is usually does. I think it's like hiccups. You skip beats and stuff to get the rhythm back. Next thing I know I'm face down on the bathroom floor. Remove pube from my mouth, brushed my teeth, and went back to vidja. It wasn't scary at all, really, dying that way would be painless. Here's hoping I don't wake up next time.
Got my heart and mind twisted to the extent, that I am fairly devoit of any feelings, part from anger and spite, but luckily those are rare feelings. I feel, that burning down all emotion and empathy is just minds own countermeasure of not going insane by torturing with thoughts.
I simply don't have anything to relate to anymore. It all started when I was 19, fresh out of the army, high school behind me, university and best years of my youth in front of me.
I lived the years to my fullest, had many girlfriends, loved each of them to my fullest, stood with integrity, had proper morals and wanted people to be treated as I wanted to be treated myself.
It turns out, that people do the worst and most selfish things when in love. And the world is not the same anymore. you can't expect people to have the same morals as you have, or the same integrity you have.
Each of the relationship I have had were based on genuine love and plans for future. Each of them ended, by jaelosity, vengeance and bitterness.
Now I am devoit of all emotion. I thought this was something temporary after loosing something important to me, but it has stuck for me for years and I cannot and will not simply trust anyone, no matter how much I love or affectionate I am towards the person.
I simply lack all empathy.
My pain is sharp and constant, I do not wish a better world for anyone, in fact, I wish my pain to be inflicted on others.
Don't do it anon, it won't work. There's no trust, no mutual respect, and more than likely, she's already got someone in mind or has been fucking someone and wants to validate it.
I am a comedian because of this. So are most.
It's like that old joke
A man goes to see a pshyacrist. He says "Dr, I can't find happiness in life. I am sad all the time", and the dr says "Go see Yakko the clown. After seeing him, everyone can't help but be happy". The man replies "But dr, I AM Yakko".
I feel so alone. I have many friends. I have family. And yet, I still am alone.
Yeah too bad a lot of anons don't make it to the second part, but instead just skip to the last part.
Cam any of you help me? I have bulimia and have been throwing up daily for about three years. About two weeks ago I started seeing blood clots mixed in with the vomit. I know that I'll die if I don't stop, but I can't help but feel like that's an easy way to die without having to kill myself directly. I want to die, but I don't want to want to die. Help me, /b/. What do I do?
Let that piece of shit cunt die without anything patched up between you guys. Let him know what he's done and let him know how much you don't give a shit about him or your step mother. Tell him once he's dead you're gonna go over to your step mothers house and punch her in the face again. Tell him he's a piece of shit who deserves cancer. Make that bastard cry
Figure what, out of all possible things, you want to do most before you die and make that your absolute goal. It doesn't matter if you can't achieve it for 0 years but just have that goal, live life like it's already a planned event. You'll do more things that help you towards your goal, you'll gradually start meeting people with similar goals, one day you'll realise you have true friends that you have interests in common with, you'll be doing what you always wanted to do and she'll still be with assholes. Do you, Anon, you're amazing
ITT weak minded people who have never worked a day in their life
mfw when reality hits you and you cringe thinking back at yourself
Pretty easy for me. I've been able to throw up at will since I was a little kid. According to what I've found online, if I keep it up at 2 - 3 times a day, I'll be dead in six months, and all I have to do is not change.
But even in the text, it's "that cutiepie talked about blah blah". Ugly people often ask hot chicks about mundane shit like school or work or whatever to try and get to bang them
So /b/, since i have no one to talk about shit like this, i find myself in one of these threads again
I'm a 21 year old virginfag, not too bad looking, distinct style, and neet. Anyways, i recently met this girl online that lives a few countrys away from me. She's absolutely gorgeous, objectively 8/10, but 9/10 imo. We're into the same things and shes extremely into me for some fucking reason, i honestly don't know how but she finds me super attractive. Now i don't know how to feel, i hate investing emotions into things like these long distance relationships, but she's absolutely stunning and i don't know for how longer i'll be the virginfag i am today. I wish to have someone to love and care for so much, but always end up unlucky.
Honestly don't' know how to feel or what to really do.
I realized that when I stoped trying. Stoped texting first. Stoped initiating conversation first.
I realized that no matter what they say, they don´t care.
Spent Christmas alone, no one remembered me. Spent New Year alone, no one remembered me.
Its 1:19 AM. I have been alone whole day. No one texted me. No one told me fucking "hi".
Hello anon... I know how you feel
That's exactly what catfishers want you to say.
And where do you live where "a few countries away" isn't a problem? I dumped a girl who lived a 30 minute drive, in town, from me...just because it was too far.
You're not alone, Anon.
I'm here with you too.
You can never care enough. Hope you feel better soon anon.
CBT? Cognitive behavioural therapy. It's used on a range of issues, like anxiety and depression and shit like that.
Also can anyone tell me what it's like to be attractive? Like, genuinely what it feels like knowing you're good looking and girls find you attractive?
How are one to improve from this?
Your place in the group are set by others, not yourself. You can have an impact, but people are still going to think other things about you than yourself.
So what do you do then? Switch friends? Easy for some, sure, but you're still going to be "that" friend. You can't escape your past. This is a never ending circle, and tends to happen to those who cares most for others. Those who would really take two bullets for their close ones.
I've seen people hurt this way, and the only exit I've seen is either suicide or serious drug-issues.
Don't do this to yourself, Anon.
Blood clots with throwing up is a sure sign that you've got some degree of damage to your organs.
I know right now you can't think of what else to do, but we both know it isn't healthy.
I don't want you to hurt yourself, Anon.
Can't honestly say I know much about it, but there's clearly an issue going on here that you need to get sorted. You've identified that it's a problem, and that it'll only get worse if you allow it to carry on, so to me that suggests you want to do something about it and that you don't really want to do. Seek some sort of therapy as soon as you can, they'll be able to help you.
You, as a theory, because it is clear that there is to know it until the moment of conception, the spirit we belong to our own. Why do you think the presence of an organic direct symptoms, it does not mean anything just because of the existence of their own in a moment.
You have an overview of available information, the law of creation, because it gives status to invent to imitate a machine. Dust-galaxies, creating the nuclear fuel that has benefited from the radio reception of the image, how to switch.
This transformation process is not a moment your car, it can be immediately processed. You lie to your own people in the process of evolution and gain energy.
Give me what I think of your own people you are wrong, as the consciousness of the people you always. You spirit was high spiritual presence in their own thinking changed after the data, if you need to put change your mind / or less self becomes when you advice on your mood for your consideration.
You can ignore the information ... it anyway, you have to switch. You reset state, after conversion when it heals cooling in attacks that caused damaged conversion.
You get a real evil secret.
No money for therapy. No family that'll help. I talked about this with one of my friends yesterday, and she made me promise to stop. Today I made an effort to keep food down and couldn't. I didn't realize that it was an addiction until today.
Thank you, anon.. Btw, the blood is from Mallory-Weiss tears, as far as I can figure from online sources. The more you know, I guess.
Than the next oscar goes to her. Seriously though, she has nothing to gain from this. She told me i look like her ex, and since i'm slightly fit she thought i was hot.
Trust me, there's a big chance that i might earn these powers, anon.
"Heaven and Earth are not partial. They do not kill living things out of cruelty or give them birth out of kindness. We do the same when we make straw dogs to use in sacrifices. We dress them up and put them on the altar - but not because we love them. And when the ceremony is over, we throw them into the street - but not because we hate them."
-From the Tao Te Ching
I know bulimia can be addictive in an aspect.
I also know that you're strong enough to make your way.
As I figure, you should get out now before your vomit is completely blood.
Good luck, Anon.
I believe in you.
Sorry for the bad hand writing. It says:
Whoever you are,
Wherever you are
And whatever you're going through,
Keep fighting it.
Is there no free therapy/healthcare in your area? If you're in the UK then see your GP. Not sure about other countries but there must be some sort of free healthcare. Or maybe support groups online?
no. It means that the person took that one second to write it. It means that the person wanted to talk with me. It means that the person cared. It may mean a fucking shit in fact but it is still better than not getting any texts.
Not the guy you're replying to, but it means "I'm thinking about you and want to talk."
You've never been truly alone, have you, anon? You've never looked at your texts to someone and seen five texts from you with no response. It's a terrible feeling. Show a little empathy, please.
As I said. I used to be the guy who texted first. Every. Fucking. Time. But after the years. After realizing that there is no effor what so ever from the others, I just stoped.
Anytime. I was in a feels thread a long time and another anon did it. I thought it was such a nice gesture, and I wanted to one day repeat it. So if that guy is in here, or if anyone remembers him, that small gesture he did is still going and hopefully will continue to.
He had much better hand writing than me, lucky bastard
I'm USfag. And a big part of it is that I don't want to stop. I don't want to live. I want to want to be healthy, but I don't want help. I just don't want to feel so alone. I know that this all stems mostly from growing up fat and losing my parents at a young age. I understand the psychology behind my problems. Talking about it has never helped. I'm so lost... I posted here thinking it might make me feel better, but now I'm thinking about my problems instead of distracting myself and I feel worse. But thanks for replying anons.
I'd love one. But they aren't free anywhere near me. I've considered killing myself because either it'll work and that's great, or it won't and I'll be committed. Seems like a win-win.
> I understand the psychology behind my problems
Are you so sure of that? It seems you have an awareness of them, sure, but understanding and awareness are two different things.
You know what? I feel invisible all the time. Like I feel permanently alone, whether I'm surrounded by friends or not. It's just a feeling that is with me all the time; I feel so detached from everything and everyone, like they're there talking to each other and I don't even exist. It's an awful feeling, one maybe you can relate to?
I know that's how I feel; I'm aware of it. But I don't understand it. I don't understand why I personally feel that way when all my friends and family don't. And I want to. That's why I'm trying to get therapy; to understand it and move past it. And I think it's the same for you; you think you understand it, but do you really?
And even IF you do, that doesn't excuse the fact that it's a horrible way to think, an unhealthy way to think that needs to be remedied. You say you don't want to live, but you want to want to be healthy - so if there's any possible way of getting help, then keep reminding yourself that you want to be healthy, and go find it.
I saw an automobile once when I was young. Now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry.
The parole board got me into this halfway house and a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work. I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much.
Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doing okay and making new friends.
I have trouble sleeping at night. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am.
Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway, so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. But I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense anymore. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay.
I doubt they'll kick up any fuss.
Not for an old crook like me.
Fair points. When I say understand, I mean that I understand basic psychology and (to a point) how the human mind works, and my actions fall in line with the actions of others in similar situations. I've tried to use psychology textbooks as a therapist, and it has definitely not worked. I know I need therapy and I would love to get it. It's not an option for me at this point.
>Fall in love with girl I lived with last year
>Friends with benefits type thing, but with emotions too (she liked me, but wouldn't date me. Said I was "too young" - she was a year older)
>Ends eventually when my depression gets really bad again, and I spend all day every day drunk.
>Later found out she had a boyfriend for part of the time we were fucking around.
>Just used me to make herself feel better about her failing relationship.
>She pretty much just ditched me in this time, and left me to wallow in self-pity.
>Started trying to get my shit together
>Moved into a different house, with different people (strangers - none of my friends wanted to live with a depressed alcoholic loser).
>All this time, girl still used me for emotional support (only spoke to me when she needed something/had an issue).
>Eventually realise what's happening, manage to cut contact almost completely.
>See her every so often, as we run a society at uni together (another guy and I do all the work, she's just a name on a piece of paper)
>Pulled me out the room today, to talk about her issues.
>Did the same a few weeks ago, when she last came.
>Letting her use me as an emotional sponge again, because apparently I still think that lowly of myself.
Sorry about the long, low-tier feels, just had to vent. Hoped typing it out would help me remember how shitty she treated me.
>I know I need therapy and I would love to get it. It's not an option for me at this point.
Well if you want it, then keep on holding to that, and one day it will become available to you. At least, I hope it will. It'd be sad to know you've thrown your life away for nothing, so you'd bloody well better get help when you can anon, you hear me?
Tbh, there is no real cure. You just have to go do the stuff you want to. If you are lucky, you might find someone or something. If not, you will allways rot inside until the very day you die
>be me, 17
>have a crush on this girl, Carina
>everyone had, everyone fell in love with her
>she wasn't, but seemed asexual
>run into her at a 4/20-party, she brought friends
>pretty fun night, all in all
>one of her friends, asleep, her first time smoking
>didn't care much about it, had too much fun
>talked to her a bit, sorta fun, but totally out
>fast forward a month
>made contact with her, trying to reach carina
>talked more and more
>she was really fucking cool
>some issues, but I had some too
>starts fucking, keeping it casual for now
>got drunk on her birthday, told her I really liked her
>a bit later in the night, she said it wasn't gonna work
>cried, was alone for a week, I really regretted it and wanted to redeem myself
>keep slightly in touch
>start fucking again
>summer-vacation comes around
>her mother and grandparents had a bit of money, so she was gone 5/8 weeks
>one week she's home, we're on her cabin
>ask her to be my girlfriend "I assumed we already were"
>fast forward 2 weeks, she's home again
>been skyping every night and day since we parted
>sex was cash, best fucking shit ever
>in the middle of it, I yelled out "I fucking love you"
>I love you too
>I love you too, Anon
>I just said it as a sex-thing, played along for now
>said it back a couple of weeks later
>fast forward to 2nd of january
>was kicked out of home, friend drove me to her at 2am on a wednesday
>sat up all night, didn't even have sex
>talked about moving in together, having children, getting married, those kind of things
>didn't go to school the day after, just went home to sleep, happy as fuck
>when I wake up, tell her I booked a therapy-session to fix myself, asked if we could spend the day together after it was over
>january 6th, therapy session goes fine, schedule next one
>meet up with her, she and her mother are moving back to their apartment (they had been staying with her grandparents for a while)
>kinda bummed we couldn't spend the day together
You'll never truly conquer your problems until you face them.
It's a hard truth.
You may not want to live, but I want you to live.
I know losing your parents young hurt a lot, but I'm going to be honest.
You can't blame this on them.
You need to be strong enough to take control of your own life.
I recommend seeing a doctor about your tears, and maybe speaking with a therapist about finding a safe control.
I know you can change, Anon.
You just have to face yourself, and force it.
Not really a material for a feels thread but whatever.
Wanted to see how long can I go without fapping and see if it actually can "improve" life. Failed in the morning and have fapped two times since then.
Gotta start over tommorow.
I am actually waiting for the day I will kill myself. It will be the day my mother dies. I've done some horrible thing to her and feel like suicide is the only punishment that is harsh enough. Suicide is not enough though, it has to be really painful. I've been thinking of chaining myself and jumping to an ocean. For now I am focusing on school, trying to make everything better for her.
I'm glad I could help make people feel better.
Now this is something interesting, every september i do a new NotFapMonthChallenge, wanna have a talk about it? i can tell you some gr8 things about nofapping and about how to not fap
> be me
> be beta as fuck
> have this girl thats a 10/10
> she says im her bestfriend
> she flirts with me a lot
> i think she likes me
> i buy concert tickets because me and her like the same band
> thinking that she likes me stupidly invites her to the concert
> guess i came off creepily
> she thinks im weird
i want to end myself
Yes, texts are meaningless but you don´t at least feel so alone when other person texts you. I can feel it (when texting or talking with someone IRL). I can feel how they don´t really wanna hold the conversation.
Don't do this to yourself.
It's honestly not worth it.
Grab a buddy, hit that concert and have a good time.
You deserve it, Anon.
>help finish them moving, took all day
>too late to go home, spend the night
>try to engage talk while we had gone to bed
>says she's tired, wants to watch netflix
>tries to engage in sex
>"I said no, I'm tired"
>gets into argument
>"should we take break" she said
>start crying, breaks never work out
>we cry together for 2 hours
>Asks me "do you think we should break up"
>"NO" crying "do you?"
>cry for a bit more
>get up, get dressed
>try establishing contact to get back together
>she won't talk to me
>shortly leave her alone
>she starts dating a guy a month after she broke up with me
>they're still together for what seems like eternity
All friends are phonies, just waking up is enough of a struggle, family hates me
Tried killing myself a couple of months ago, failed and told 3 people, nobody recognized it
Seriously contemplating doing it again
First of all, after a month without fap, you can get easly one of the best cums in your life, also, you get a little more confident, so maybe you can talk to more girls and you sleep more, so you really feel rested after a night, etc, etc, etc,
As I said, I feel like I do not deserve to live. I honestly would love to just live normally but I did what I did and I need to be punished.
I would pay anything to fix everything.
My mother is single-mother and also schizophrenic.
I remember doing those thing only because I wanted her to act as an normal person.
That was the only thing I asked.
Fuck why couldnt I be born in to a normal family.
it's literally the most fun thing to do in the world (cum) even by yourself.
Asking a loser beta with no real life to deprive himself of that too is almost impossible. Its all betas have, /bro
That's a hell of a story, Anon.
You've had a wild ride.
I really don't want you to kill yourself.
It might seem like life is at it's lowest,
but that's the beauty.
This is the lowest.
Everything from here is going up.
I know you'll do great things, Anon.
And if you don't believe it yourself,
know that I'll always believe in you,
and believe in that.
You deserve your life, always.
You can't be held accountable for your mothers illness, that's beyond your control.
You can lead a normal life, Anon.
I know you can.
You've gotta let go off what is the past.
Start looking towards a brighter future.
Thank you, but I've been trying for 3, soon 4 years, to get over her
fucked countless girls, and none of them fill the empty pocket that is of her. Even been in a relationship after, but it just felt wrong and couldn't love her when I was away, so I broke it off.
Started high school over again, aspiring there, but not really much else going on for me.
Dad says I'm out on my 21st birthday, which is in 2 months
No job, no place to live
Don't know what the fuck to do
maybe you should spend more time getting yourself set straight.
You should spend time, get a job, find a place to crash, and don't worry too much about finding a girl.
If you get yourself set up proper.
I think you'll be more happy in your life.
I know you'll do the right thing, Anon.
You're smart like that.
I felt like a child reading that. Yeah I've realized that I cant control her mental illness.
But I had not when I did some things.
I really apprecciate your effort but honestly I've been contemplating suicide for few years. It's coming and I have accepted it.
I am actually in a pretty good spot but I still feel like
need to kill myself as painfully as I can to make up.
I dont really know if you care but this is first time in 18 years I am telling about my suicide to anyone.
But Anon you are a good person.
This thread has almost hit it's limit, and will probably be pruned soon.
I'm glad to once again speak with everyone.
In an earlier thread, Anon posted this image, asking that if we never heard from him, that we should follow the pics advice.
I love you all.
I know you're stronger than anything you face.
I believe in you all.
Even getting a minimum wage job here in Norway is close to impossible without experience.
I don't sleep at night, and my teacher recommended not getting a job this year because of attendance
I'll try again to have you reconsider.
I'm not trying to be patronizing, I just really want you to be ok.
Just please think it over before you do something hasty.
so this startet 4 years ago.
>always playing wow with my 2 friends anon1 and anon 2
>anon 1 and me was experienting with weed at the age of 16
>get really into the lazy stoners rythm
>starting to bring laptop to school with anon 1 and anon 2 to play wow in schooltime during class
>teacher already gave up upon us in 5th grade
>one christmas night me and anon1 is out making getting high af while building a snowman
>we admire the snowman for 15 minutes
>anon 1 pulls a knife asking "wouldnt it be fun if there was blood on the snowman?"
>start freaking out but keeps calm
>anon 1 replies "you know, blood from a neck splatteret across the snowman"
>i start sprinting home on my bmx
>he didnt even follow me
>next day i wake up and instantly remember the episode from last night
anyone interestet in more?
You gotta make decisions for yourself, Anon.
You have to dictate whats best for your interests.
Nobody ever discovered anything great just by following the road, they had to go their own way.
First comment on /b ever.
Thought it could be a relief to tell somebody my story through the last couple of years.
It's probably not happening in any close years.
Even though my mom smokes and lives really unhealthy, she still has probably 10 years ahed of her, and so do I.
I have plenty time to reconsider.
And I have a strong feeling that I have no balls to actually do it.
Fuck I will hate myself if I wont do it.
Thanks for listening to my venting.
I need to hit the bed, my next day is pretty busy with finals inc.
Sleep tight, Anon.
Good luck on those exams.
Anytime you feel shitty, get a feels going.
I'll be there.
"Apathy is the glove in which evil shall slip it's hand."
Never stop fighting, Anon.
Never give up.
Never say you will.
We both know you're better than that.
We both know you're capable of accomplishing great things.
I'd never ask you to do something I didn't believe you were capable of.
Now, go into the world.
And be fucking great, Anon.
>no texts from anon 1, nothing
>take a long way to school to see if snowman is there
>its fucking there but no blood.
>stopped talking to anon 1 and game more lol with anon 2
>tells anon 2 im starting to get craycray
>telling him sympthoms and what not
>i got to a doctor, turns out i got a phycosis
>tells anon 2 i got a psychosis
> anon 2 spread the new to the whole school (18atm)
>tfw nearly getting stapped by your best friend
>tfw getting backstapped by cousin
Also pretty fucked up.
I get you like this girl, but she's just poison. Fuck her, anon. Obviously you deserve better, unless she can start making up her mind. Which I doubt she can
>stopped going to school, staying in allday playing wow with no friends for 1½ year
>start seeing things, hearing things, hearing voices
>parents called the authorities on me because they couldnt handle me
>tells authorities about my situation
>see docter again
>tfw smoking weed with the wrong persons can give you: Paranoid skitzofrenia, hallucinations without being high, tohughtstop, derealization, depersonalisation
lost my apartment, atm im living in a institution for homeless people with nothing more than a computer to accompany me
For the last 2 years Ive had nothing but happy feels overall because I've found someone who I think can be here forever I know Im probably wrong but im Im glad I am able to fool myself into believing it