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Embarrassing story's thread? I'll...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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Embarrassing story's thread? I'll start greentext of course. This happened a long time ago so bare with me on the details.

>be 11 have a stroke and have to have brain surgery
> in recovery for 4 months and do another 3 doing different kinds of therapy
> eventually leave and go home and back to school which I failed miserably because I missed seven months but they still pass me through
> fast forward a few years I am now 15 and have seizures regularly.
> be constipated one day, sitting on the toilet all day long pushing as hard as I can still nothing
> push so hard I end up going into a blur
> pass out on the floor and begin doing the funky chicken
> eventually after a few minutes my mom hears and comes into the bathroom to see me on the floor pissing myself having a seizure
> she calls the ambulance and they take me too the hospital where I wake up a few hours later with a massive headache and an empty stomach
> ask what's going on and what happened and the doctor explains, I ask why my stomach feels so empty
> turns out I shit my pants in the ambulance and the paramedic puked through the window while they were driving but couldn't stop and had to deal with the smell
> eventually I saw the paramedic that essentially saved my life but didn't have proper cognitive function to say thank you
> so I say something along the lines of "sorry for shitting on you officer, it won't happen again"
> paramedic is speechless and leaves while I pass out again
> have more seizures over the years but never see the same paramedic
>apparently he quit his job after that day and moved out of state
> mfw when I found out I made a man quit his job because of my violent asshole
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Shameful self bump
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nice one OP
too good to 404
I wish I had more stories but this was the only time I ever actually shit myself
I dont give a fuck about that paramed. But how can you get a stroke at the age of 11? Birthdefect?
not your fucking fault. He knew what he signed up for. If he was going to quit because someone with no conscious control of his body shit himself, he would have quit sooner or later. definitely not cut out for it.
Yeah had something called an avm (don't actually know what it stands for) but it's when your veins don't connect and eventually build up and explode
>doing the funky chicken

Fucks sake anon my sides
I wish i had an ass hole like yours
I'm crying
Friendly bump for this thread
This thread sucks
you shitted so hard you had a seizure, dude, thats all im taking away from this
You should feel bad, OP.
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Happened to me too lazy to greentext again , can provide same timestamp , still on my hand
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Nice fucking job, OP.
Fuck off, OP
Here's one for you op

> Be in 9th grade of highschool have this Indian tard named ardy
> grade eights call him anchovy because he smells like old fish all the time
>eventually he gets introduced into some normal classes and just by some luck he's in all my main classes
> principle thinks it's a good idea for him to hang out with me at lunch because I have alot of classes with him
> have no friends so I don't really mind
> me and ardy eventually became the tard Bros as we were always seen together
> one day ardy shows up at school and reeks like absolute shit
> I ask him what happened and he simply replies in tard speak which I obviously don't understand but nod my head and go along with it
> then ardy starts screaming pointing at the school bully
> in the blink of an eye ardy charged at the bully and begins to viciously attack him
> bully knocks ardy off and begins to pummel him
> as a good friend I try to help and tell the bully to pick on someone his own size
> promptly agrees and rushes over to me and proceeds to kick my ass
> after about five minutes of unrelenting beatings he gives up, spits in my face and walks away
>lay on the floor crying for a solid thirty minutes until my parents are called and shortly after that I transfer
> never saw ardy again I can only assume he's dead as I didn't see him get up off the floor either.
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>Be 15
>Switch the first letters of two words whenever I can because family members think it's funny (For example, Anon Faggot would be Fanon Aggot)
>Have uncle named Ron
>Not too close to him but rest of family is
>He gets shot
>Family is messed up about it
>We all go to a movie to cope with it
>Movie is the original Red Dawn
>Get into theater
>Brother says something good about the movie
>Witty self tries to make a joke out of it
>"Yeah, I can't wait to see dead ron!"
>Everyone is quiet
>Takes me a second before I realize what I said
"W-Wait, I didn't mean-"
>Absolute look of horror and disgust on my dad's face
>Movie starts
>Entire thing is uncomfortable
>No one talks to me for the rest of the day
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> be me (I had secretly bought a fleshlight)
> wake up and enter bathroom
> I see it on the sink counter
> realize I had left it out from fap sesh day before
> realize my mom and little bro noticed
> mom asks what it is
> come up with autistic excuse: "i'm making latex props"
> She "believes" it
> little bro probably scarred
> still feel the shock flow through me to this day
Not me
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> be me
> jacking off on sofa
> (don't judge it's comfy)
>about to drop my load
> walk to bathroom to cum in the toilet
> by the time I get there not hard, can't cum
> can't get hard in the bathroom, nowhere to lie down or anything
> go back to sofa
> keep jacking off really hard
> my ass is sweating like crazy
> ass sweat seeping into couch
> run to bathroom, jizz in the toilet
> "finally.jpg"
> clean up, walk back out
> sisters watching tv on sofa
> sitting right in my ass sweat puddle
> mfw
Lol nice
Its an arteriovenous malformation>>664351253
. It can either fuck the bloodflow in your brain up, or it can build up little blood clots, which can flow in your brains arteries.
> be young
> be watching porn for my 4th time
> I said I was young
> later that day, sister walks in room
> asks me to show her something on phone
> I open phone
> leftoverporn.wmv
> panic.jpeg
> quickly close it
> she asks what it was
> "nothingdontworryaboutit"
That poor soul
You're smarter than me and I had the surgery. That's what it was though eventually it clotted and started to build up over years and eventually blew.
someone cap this pls
dont let op's sacrifice be in vein
Mine's not as shitty, but still not one of my finer moments:

>be 17 y/o me
>sitting in english class
>canuck elections coming up, so my libretard socialist philosopher english teacher started talking about politics
>no specific topic, just random chatting about politics in general
>most people in class left-of-center sheeple
>somehow get to talking about autism/retardation
>put up my hand to make a point
>realize that I'm about to show my power level
>put hand down
>too late
>"yes anon?"
"oh, nvm"
>"no, what were you gonna say?"
"something that might offend people"
>first mistake
>"oh, don't feel like your views should be stifled by other's. In this class, everyone should be free to express any view point."
"no, this will REALLY offend people"
>"It doesn't matter, just say it"
>goes back and forth before I finally give in
"Why don't we just kill off all retards and people with incapacitating deformities? They are genetic mistakes that shouldn't be allowed to reproduce"
>teacher realizes what he made happen
>tries saving it
>"or... or we could euthanize them"
>fuck that, you made me say it, I'm not holding back
"no, cause that would still let them eat our food and drink our water."
>the only kid in my class who's more hard right than me starts laughing his ass off
>the rest of the class silent
>teacher immediately starts talking about how fun it is to be in university and take part in actual debates, commenting on how civil the class is compared to uni classes

fun fact, the fascist kid who lol'd shares my name and my taste in women
>Be me in like 7th grade I had a huge crush on a girl, and was terrified to tell her.
>Eventually I worked up the courage and decide I'll tell her.
>Get the idea to give her a gift to help break the ice.
>Have a little sister a few years younger than me, and she has like a million necklaces so I took one to give to the girl I liked as a gift.
>Eventually have the chance to give it to her and painfully awkwardly give it to her.
Amazingly she accepts.
>Fast forward about a week.
>She comes up to me to talk.
>Feel on top of the world, amazed that my plan won her over.
>She says she can't accept the necklace and returns it.
>Heartbroken, shit can't get any worse.
>Her friends start making fun of me for it, and constantly try to get me to do shit for the girl I liked.
>tfw even worse anxiety issues ever since.
Holy shit this is amazing
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Just as good as OPs
Bumping for interest
It turned out that you were so involved with your fapping that she came in and sat next to you mid-session and turned on the tv and you didnt even notice her....
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>"Sorry for shitting on you officer, it won't happen again"

Kek, my sides anon.
First time emt maybe. Paramedic. Hell no.
Paramedics would have been through a lot worse shit than a 12 year olds poop
It was all in a haze so I couldn't remember exactly what his uniform looked like.
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Alright /b/astards, time to tell you faggots a TRUE story.

>be me
>6 to 7 year old beta-fag
>usually pissing off fat classmate
>let's call her asshat
>one day, me and my autistic mind are sitting down and listening to teacher give a lecture
>asshat is sitting in front of me
>teacher's lecture is over
>teacher tells us to fuck off (not in a literal context)
>tries to get up
>the autistic army manages to invade the hand coordination federation of my mind
>my hand slips into asshat's pants
>mfw I traumatized a little girl while being a little faggot
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9/10 made me kek
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>Let's call her asshat
This fuckin thread
>be 12
>last year of elemetary school on my country's educating system
>new kid comes to class
>become really good friends
>come to know he moves to another country next year
>sleepover with him last day on the country
>play ps2 until 3:00 am or so
>go to sleep
>wake up in the middle of the night
>feel a weird tickle on my feet
>see friend licking all over my feet
>keep my eyes half closed to look asleep
>this goes on for 5 mins
>kid starts to jerk off
>he lasts 30 seconds lol
>cums on my feet
>im scared to death
>comes to my face
>he whispers: i love you anon
>comes back to my feet and licks his cum
>he goes to sleep
>stay awake for the rest of the night
>8:00 am he wakes up
>"did you sleep well anon~?"
>"ye.. yeah"
>tell him my mum called and i had to go
>gtf outta there
>start running
>delete and block him from any social media
>stay at my house for a week because of fear
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What the fuck?
Lol I knew I'd find you one of these days
good fedora story. it made me feel good to know chubsters like you exist
Thread is slowly dying.
>tfw my best 3 fedoras were being steam cleaned that day
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Don't let the flame die out anons, this is good bread
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bumping with greentexts- embarrassment factor is debatable
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>be 10 y/o
>it's photo day
>helping out photographer
>band photo has just been taken, photographer goes to take a piss
>i know the photographer personally and so me and a couple of other kids are helping him out
>have a crush on one of the helper's
>10 minutes pass and we're bored
>kid finds a ball and start throwing it between ourselves
>another kid picks up a clarinet and we start playing baseball
>i ask for a turn
>get the clarinet
>ball comes flying at me
>swing that fucking clarinet as hard as i could
>mouth piece flies off
>hits girl i have crush on in the face
>chips her tooth
>parents get sued for dentist bill
>r.i.p chances with crush
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I got a story. It's how i stopped going to church.

>be me
>at church with family
>get in line to receive bread and wine
>while getting bread from priest old lady taps my shoulder
>turn around and about to respond
>forget i still haven't swallowed bread
>respond with food in mouth
>accidentally spit bread at her face
>old lady makes disgusting face
>go full retard
>pick up bread remains from her face and eat them
>she's freaking out
>realize what i did
>everyone at my church saw
>to avoid everyone i leave immediately
>go walking home
>never stepped foot in that church again
explain aftermath and what the fuck made you think that choking mice and jerking off somehow correlate
Saved, that's fucking hysterical
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I could fucking see myself doing this as a kid Jesus christ
If I don't agree, there's only two possibilities: autism or fedora. Yeah, that'll show em.
I post that one regularly and you're the only person in months that has commented on it. It's actually my own story from college lol
I mean it's kinda funny but like the fact that you post it in every thread relentlessly despite nobody actually liking it makes you way more autistic than the weaboo
I personally dislike furries so this one hits home with me
>anxiety issues from shit like that
Me too. When you try to be nice, everyone is cruel.
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Hot fucking damn anon, this is great. Give more details on autismo.
dammit anon my sides
people liked it before, I post it in greentext threads because I don't see it elsewhere.
>be me in 7th grade
>found this dope ass gold pen on the ground
>Use the pen for awhile
>One day be in 8th grade math cause that was the one thing I tried in
>Need to take notes but sad cause my gold pen was nowhere to be found
>After class ask teacher if she had seen it, but sadly no gold pen
>Next day in the middle of class the fucking teacher goes on a lecture about kleptomaniac shit (Must have been a problem in da 8th grade)
>Using my pen as an example and saying we'll have double hw every day until someone turns it in
>Those 8th graders fucking hated me for the rest of the year (No one ever turn in the pen)
>Got beat up a few times
>I found it in a hole in my backpack after the year had finished
Have a few more from the middle school days, ask and i'll post
Who hasn't done that one before? Not with my family though, fortunately
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Please do.
you know what brand/kind of pen that was? Sounds amazing. amazon link?
I forget but it was full metal with twist at the top to make the pen come out.
Don't you 404 on me
RIP in piece thred

it was fun while it lasted
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>Be me, 17, senior in small high school in CAL
>7/10 at best, total betafag
>Really starting to hate myself
>Mom dead
>Dad calls me a faggot for no reason
>23 year brother is trying to get me to do weed every time i see him.
>Shit grades so I'm not sure what i'm going to do when i leave high school.
>Final year so i say fuck it, i'm going to a dance for once.
>Rent tux, probs looked like faggot, but to me it looked pretty nice.
> Go to dance see a group of semi friends talking/chilling
>"Friends" surprised to see me there.
>Say i look "good"
>Say same shit to them
>Kinda just standing there thinking why the fuck did I come here while they had a conversation.
>Some funky ass song comes on and everybody be like "Dis my jam"
>*"Friends" run out onto dance floor
>Look like fucking retards, I'm not a dancing Fag but they were having fun and i got a little jelly.
>About to leave (Thinking about suicide)
>Slow song comes and i'm ready to pull a gun out right there and do it
>But then this girl Talia asks me to dance
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oh good another /fit/ story about how completely retarded one of them is
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Sure cont
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>be me, 24 working in brewery
>get into creeping, take pics of my gf's passed out and shanky friends all te time
>'hide' pictures on my comp but not really well
"Definitly not porn" sort of thing
>gf finds pics while i'm at work
Wtf annon?!?!?!!?
>feel blood leave my face and prick
>leave work early and speed home
>explain its for the rush and dob't find them attractive
>spend a few weeks in the dog house but shes mature and moves past it
My new prison is shame. My lifes full of it!
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Cont, please
Ohh fuck forgot about this one but it's quick
>Be me 7th grade again
>Be on basketball team and leave shoes in the gym cause I don't wanna carry them around.
>one day I see that someone had pullin out the laces and dumped some sugar water shit in them.
>Not to pissed cause I probably deserved it.
>But the coach sees it and it turns out that the only people in the gym for P.E. that day was the 8th graders.
>Four teachers and the coach sit me down in font of whole 8th grade class and talk about why someone would o that.
>Saying "Anon works so hard and you treat him like this"
>I was trying not to crack up because I sucked at basketball and didn't try.
>The teacher said if someone didn't fess up they will have to do a hour of community service each
>No one confessed, 8th grade fucking hated me even more after that
>Few weeks later two girls come up to me and I said they did cause they thought I was a douche bag
>Became good friends with both of them, but that didn't fix shit with the rest of the kids.
>This girl is ez 9/10 and i've fucking daydreamed about her sense 4th grade.
>I could barely get yes out before she had pulled me onto the dance floor.
>Be me, so beta i don't even know how to slow dance
>She has to put my arms on her hips
>Never knew dancing with a girl felt that good
>She put her head on my shoulder and said you looked lonely.
>I'm still not getting what the fuck is happening so i just say yeah.
>Talia says shes always liked me but was just to shy or some shit to talk to me.
>Tell her i liked her to
>She didn't say a word all she did was smile at me and put her head back on my shoulder.
>^That was so fucking hot to me idk why.
>Song ends and she asks if I can drive her home.
>Drive her home and walk her to the door. (This girl brought the gentleman out of me)
>Awkwardly I tell her goodnight
>All she does is kisses me on the lips and giggles. Then run inside.
>^So fucking hot to me
>Next day i get a text from her
>Thinking back on it, it was kinda weird cause i don't remember giving her my number, but i was to fucking happy a girl liked me to give a shit.
>It was crazy, i had a actual conversation with this girl. Nothing like the bullshit i experienced talking to the fags at my school.
>She starts hanging out with me.
>Kisses me often
>I'm happier with her then i've been with anybody in a long time.
>Really start to open up to her.
We talk like this for like two or three weeks
>Then one day she asks about my mom
>Mom got Rekt by cancer while back, don't talk about it at all.
>Trust her enough to tell her
>Normal cancer story, i was like 13 and it really fucking sucked.
>Dad became alcoholic and brother went fucking crazy
>After i tell her she starts to cry
>Tell her i shouldn't have told her the story.
>In tears she said there's something i have to tell you.
>I'm thinking her mom died to cancer or something but what she said next fucking destroyed me.
>She said this whole relationship was just a punishment to a bet she lost.
>I thought it was like a fucked up joke and asked her what she ment.
>She told me how she had lost some bet and she had to date some dweeb or someshit for a month.
>in denial tell her she's lieing
>Bitch shows me her phone and the texts are telling her things to say to me.
>I started to cry like a fucking pussy. (hadn't criend sense mum died)
>She tells me how she's so fucking sorry but i don't give a shit.
>I tell her to get the fuck out and never talk to me again.
>I could see how she was really sorry but i didn't give a shit.
>Tell her to never talk to me again and to this day she hasn't.
>After that i didn't go to school for like a week.
>Depressed as fuck but im to puss to an hero.
>So i just lived my fucking life as a turtle.
>Till this day i still feel hurt.
10/10 best read on /b so far.
Forgot to take out the part about live life like turtle and feel hurt anymore, I posted this in a thread awhile back and after a lil talking an anon convinced me to talk to her again. Turns out she got raped by a bunch of niggers and got aids. She's super fucking ugly now. Karmas a bitch
You had one hell of an eighth grade, didn't you anon?
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You must have serious trust issues now annon. Sorry about your mom. My gf's mom died when she was 17 and her dad was never really in the picture. Shes real mature now because she had to fend for herself since it happened, but shes pretty... Well emotionally closed off.
Anyway- i hope you learn to move past it and not hate everyone for it, even if people are pretty shitty in general.
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Sorry about that, anon.
fucking rip lmao
Fuck dude, here's one from the 8th
>Be me 8th grade
>Have a few friends but main one is a girl
>she convinces me to run for student body president for the lolz
>Never thought I would actual win because my speech was just a comedy act
>Turns out no one else ran for president and the only option was me
>I had to give serious speeches on the school coms system
>I had to run pep rally's and think of ideas for dances
>The pep rallys were just me getting hella fucking nervous while chanting lets got panthers
>Spent so much time doing that I didn't get a high enough gpa to get a spot on the speech list for graduation. Never got to do the cool speech of my life from k-8 :(
holy shit kek'd
): my feels
I'm so happy I started this thread
Just think anon, you could have been the pack of niggers
>Lol I knew I'd find you one of these days
Posted all of these mother fuckers, keep the thread alive boys. I'm trying to think of more embarrassing ones.
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ausfag or britfag?
>Be me, 8yro britfag
>school has some weird jungle themed yard
>raised wooden bridge thing, just there on the concrete. Fuckarchitecture.mov
>chilling there one day with friendos, chick that used to fancy me
>playing around, playful pushing occurs
>push that bitch a fraction too hard
>she does a backflip over the railing and hits her head on the concrete
>I am so boned
>teacher arrives
>I get put on the wall to think about what I've done
>my punishment for nearly cracking a skull open was to stand around for five minutes

I met her again near the end of high school. She had great boobies.
This is a slow thread but a good thread.
>be me in 8th grade again
>Talking to this girl next to me who I thought hated me about the two girls from last year
>They introduced me to weed and shit
>Out of nowhere she tells me we should go to do weed together in highschool
>Tell her about how I thought she hated me
>She tells me that she never hated me
>We start hanging out, when one day I was home alone with her at her house and she said her parents would be gone for at least 5 hours
>So I pull out some of the sick shit thinking shes already done it
>I light it puff it a few times and hand it to her
>She takes a long ass hit and then her eyes went all weird
>Next thing I know she's knocked the fuck out
>I Don't know what to do
>Then suddenly this bitches mom walks in with me trying to lay the girl flat on the bed cause she was in some weird ass twister from
>Yeah that took some explaining, turns out girl had never done any type of drug before and almost od'ed
I miss those days
Holy fuck. Best thing I've read in years.
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>I met her again near the end of high school. She had great boobies.
,Anon has no priorities
>work in Cinema. 7/10 free films ftw
>all staff brand new, cute transfer supervisor on shift with me
>small, sexy-cute kinda deal
>working as per
>she shows up as I'm cleaning with this spray bottle
>"oh anon you can go on your break early"
>turn around to address her and say thanks
>brain decides to pull trigger on squirty cleaner
>spray her breasts completely with this cleaning fluid stuff
>she looks at me like youhavingagigglem8
>initial reaction is to raise arms in celebration, shout "SUBTEXT!" Whilst laughing my ass off
>she was not pleased / didn't react to it

More if interested
Someone please tell me they're calling this thread

When we met again, she fancied me again. I then dated her best friend. It was a bizarre and friend-cestuous few months
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Fucking Christ anon, that sucks
Maybe you did him a favor. He must of not been cut out for that sort of work.
>Parents sued over a kids accident

Wow, fucking assholes.
I've got one.

>be 16
>recently lost about 80 lbs to ask out the girl I like
>she accepts, we date for about 6 months.
>break up with her beacuse I feel like I like her too much, and we are too young
>start dating new girl about 3 months later
>lose my virginity to her
>3 months later she gets "raped" by a 35 year old hobo
>I'm a fucking wreck, parents friends who are cops tell me she was a whore and to move on
>her and her mom somehow convince me that she was "raped" and she was a virtuous girl who dindu nuffin
>keep seeing her for another 9 months
>day before Valentine's Day she takes off without a trace.
>she doesn't respond to my texts/calls, she's gone. Move on with my life
> a month later she calls me saying she's pregnant.
>decide the only thing I can do is man up and raise my child
>move in together and live happily for a time, we have a 2nd daughter
>she starts working, I'm a stay at home dad.
>after about a month she starts spending all of her money in cocaine (she was a meth addict when we met, but quit)
>debate with myself about leaving her and breaking up my family
>decide to stay
>live like normal for 3 more years
>put her through school and take care of the kids
>she's pregant again with our son
>finishes school, gives birth
>her personality does a complete 180
>she decided to leave me and the kids 3 weeks ago.

I left quite a bit of info out, but that's the bare bones of it. I am completely embarrassed by my own weakness.
Give em away fool

>work party
>decent meal, low quality banter
>not drinking alcohol because reasons
>end up in generic nightclub, completely sober
>sexycute is drinking, but doesn't appear drunk. Managers / supervisors staying to one side a bit
>everybody gets crunk drunk. Champagne and sparklers and shit
>everybody raving 'cept us two, because fuck clubs
>occasionally being eyed / eyeing up
>everybody mingles on the main dancefloor
>end up half assed dancing with her
>escape to the vip area because fuck dancing
>people doing shots
>she NOPEs and drags me behind a wall so we're crouching / hiding from alcoholics
>"this looks bad" she claims
>mild flirts occur
>people arrive and be suspicious
>we return to the dancefloor, witness bro from work pull some sick moves. Entire club applauds. "This isn't the first time this has happened" he says.
>sexycute asks me to bodyguard her if creepers hit on her
>"time to swap clubs"
>staff spend time trying to move passed out co-orker jim. Ambulance is called
>be bored and tired. Hugs and tings, sleep.
>spent all day today chatting. Sexycute added me this morning and spoke to me straight away.
>what a fucking weird few days

Will probably chat sexycute when the sun rises
It's fucking dark here
>be me, sophomore, 15
>be a water polofag
>team camping trip
>at the end, I don't know what to do with pillow
>friend's dad suggests I burn it
>stupid me thinks "what a great idea"
>burn pillow in the campfire
>everybody notices
>spaghetti spills out of my speedo everywhere
>to this day, I'm still lectured on what goes in campfires("no pillows anon!")
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bump for bedtime story
slow baked bread is best bread
Never, they deserve to be taken care of by someone who loves them.
how would you think thats a good idea at all
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>be 9 yo Germanfag
>parents take us to US of A, Las Vegas, buy Star Trek TNG uniform there (yellow -> engineering)
>was hardcore tng fan
>fast forward half a year
>in school, some holiday were you can disguise yourself
>like halloween but not scary
>fuck yeah star trek uniform time
>its also monday
>have this tradition in my class that we sit together 30mins on monday to talk about the weekend
>zone out for most of it until it's my turn
>talk about warp coils and plasma conductors and how I had to do maintenance
>class and teacher just stares at me
>after a while she says "yeah that's nice but what did YOU do on the weekend"
>think she asks about me as character
>repeat everything I said
>people start laughing
>I start to understand
>teacher moves to next kid

This was 16 years ago. I still wake up cringing some nights.
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Idk, even better, we happened to be on military base and there was fucking smoke everywhere
I was probably sleep deprived and unable to make a good judgement
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I've got one

> one day I was lurking in 4chan
> DUR HURRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!?!??!
> bank account gets stolen, credit cards do too, and someone robbed me of over $1000 worth of video games in a span of a month.
> fuck a tiger in the ass
> make nigger
> squeeze my gfs ass while she sleeps
Holy shit such a dumbass thing to do while everyone is watching a camp fire! Many zozzles were had. Now give me back my sides you side monster
I had a sensible chuckle.

But what if bread is dead?
>man door hand hook car door
Fuck that bitch. Im dissapointed you broke down instead of fucking shit up.
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That's fucking terrible.
Worst. Font. Ever.
I got a story for you.
I’m not good at writing so bear with me.

>A girl I knew in school was a total attention whore
>Never arrived to class on time and always made sure to make a huge fuss about it
>Didn’t talk to her all that much but I did have a few conversations with her
>Her wrists had cuts and burns all over them, she wore t shirts so she never hid them
>I asked her why she was hurting herself like that
>She said “No one loves me and my life is painful” etc etc
>”No one loves you? What about your parents or your boyfriend?”
>Answer she gave me was something like “They don’t really love me” or some shit
>Made a point not to interact with her too much after that, because she’s an attention whore
>End of the school year, she came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere with her that Sunday
>I’m not good with these situations so I couldn’t say no even though I didn’t like her
>Sunday came and we went to the top of one of those tower car parks
>Just as we got to the top she told me that she wanted me to be there as a witness to her suicide
>Oh shit, I thought she was going to jump and she was going to force me to watch
>Had I known she was going to do this shit I would’ve never said yes
>”Not watching unless you do a flip”, I said to try and shock her into realizing this was stupid
>Complete shock was written all over her face, she had thought I’d try to stop her
>”Ehh? A-aren’t you going to try to stop me?”
>Nah, go ahead, if you really wanted to live you’d stop yourself
>After a while she got off the edge

She walked up to me afterwards and tried to hug me with tears in her eyes but told her I loved someone else.

She asked me who and I told her to read the first letter of every line.

This isn't even OC
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>be 13 year old transgender
>anal masturbation after shower
>uses a hair brush, really gets in there
>forgets to lock the door
>doorknob rattles, someone investigated my moans
>gets up as quick as I can
>Very transphobic and homophobic dad comes in, seeing the hairbrush in my ass and shaven legs
>Gets grounded for months
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> Go on vacation
> Hit amusement part and bring credit card in pocket for buying food and stuff
> Get home and see charges to men's stores in other states
> MFW some neckbeard with a NFR ganked my stupid chip card info and bought FEDORAS.
> Now I keep every card in those stupid silver sleeves

Dear god... fedoras...
>Be me
>Be sophomore in high school
>Be crushing on major qt3.14
>Be too autistic to talk to her
>Standing in hallway at school
>Holding a piece of paper in my hands
>See her start walking down the same hallway
>Oh shit
>She smiles at me in the "crap I made eye contact so now I'm forced to acknowledge him" way
>Brain goes complete dipshit
>Synapses firing in all the wrong ways at all the wrong times
>Hands throw paper in her general direct
>Why the fuck you do that hands?
>She looks at me, then the paper
>Wave of Mom's spaghetti crashes down around me and the paper that is now inches from her feet
>She bends down without saying a word and grabs the paper, skillfully avoiding the pasta
>She looks up at my face, just as red as the pasta that is staining my shoes
>"Here ya go, anon."
>Blurt out something that is supposed to be thanks but sounds like "thrncks"
>Look down in defeat as she walks away
>Curl into fetal position in corner
>Cover myself in spaghetti
>Become the spaghetti
God Fucking dammit, I'm impressed though
Not much of a story but one of the first I recall when
comes up
>in elementary school
>girl sittin next to me smells my chair
>see this on my way back to sit
>girl; wtf_face.jpeg
>i pretend i dropped somethin
>kneel down
>sniff my chair
>smells like shit
>go to bathroom, wipe
>shit on tissue.
This... This is very entertaining
Da dadadaaaa
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Give this guy a TV show.

Do you still have the speech?
i had a space pen that my dad bought me for my tenth birthday. Some faggot tried to steal it from me. i broke his collar bone and got expelled from school. 12 years later and i still have it in my safe deposit box.
My nigga. I still got my space pen, about 10 years old now

>be me
>working in a crappy retail job
>have a good boss and some good coworkers
>sucks a little less but still shitty
>working one night with ex-army bro
>work is pretty boring
>just doing stupid shit like pulling sales signs
>getting ready to leave for the night
>driving out of the parking lot
>pass armybro and notice he is extending the bro fist
>autism engaged
>brakes scream in protest
>slam into reverse
>go back and take that brofist
>but it's not as it seems.jpg
>anon this is how you tell someone to stop in the army
>mfw how should I know this?
>slowly retract brofist
>I just wanted to tell you that the new family guy was on anon
>mfw when I did that all for a brofist
>I'm 27
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Got one
>Be me, 16
>Be on band trip
>drumlinefag so, mad vagoo all around
>get cozy with woodwind hoe
>we'll call her Z
>start messing around on bus to competition
>fuck around in hotel
>all goes well first day
>she fuckin tells everyone
>parents find out
>band director sits me down
>think I'm about to get charges
>never get consequences
>she has to miss band Disney trip
>I'm the reason the band now has to segregate boys and girls on buses.
>Spend the rest of my junior and senior year partying my ass of.
Was good
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>>I'm the reason the band now has to segregate boys and girls on buses.
Way to ruin the fun for everyone.
You can't OD from weed. It would take so much weed, you'd puke yourself unconscious way before it could happen. What she did was green out, which is something that happens to lightweights or people with a very low tolerance where they can get nauseous, dizzy, loss of motor skills, time can pass very quickly, etc. Its nothing dangerous, just uncomfortable as hell.
my lizard od'd from weed
>do weed
>almost od'ed

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weed is bad
I tried this on my cat and he also fucking died.
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here's a story from grade school
>foreign exchange student enrolled halfway into semester
>let's call him Pablo because mexifag
>Normal kid except he had the shits constantly
>teacher only gives us 3 passes a month to use restroom
>fast forward towards end of month
>Pablo ran out and he can't ask for an exception because borderhopper can't speak English well
>proceeds to cry to teacher about him about to shit self
>teacher ignores request and continues class
>kid cries out and runs out of classroom
>teacher asks me to go check up on him as she calls the office about what happened
>headed to nearest bathroom where terrible smell came from
>open to door to see a stall with el shit all over shoes and floor
>mfw when kid destroyed bathroom
>kid was sent back home with shitty shoes and socks in bag
after that day I couldn't unsmell him the same
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>be me
>new years party and I decide to pre-drink
>end up getting really drunk
>start getting real friendly with friend, gf is drunk as well and sees. Doesn't seem to mind. Friend sits on my lap.
>she laughs and just sits on me till no one noticed.
>the night goes on and everybody rages, drink a bunch of whiskey.
>eventually me and gf and friend set up bed downstairs and other friend says her little sister is going to bed downstairs so we have to be quiet.
>everybody crashes all over the house, I take my gf and friend to bed. Things get heated and we all start making out. stoked gf is letting this happen.
>they both start sucking me
>friend's head game is pretty bad but fuck it. We 69 and shit. Decide to fuck her. She says no but that she'll do anal.
>try to fuck her but whiskey dicke
>she's so drunk she starts falling asleep as I'm trying to fuck her. Start furiously jackin it like an autistic trying to get hard.
>bitch is snoring by now
>FINALLY get hard again but my chance is missed. Fuck gf but I could do that anyway.
>fucking her all over the place as friend is full on passed out.
>forget about other friend's little sister, she comes down the stairs and turns the light off, passes us to her room.
>im poppin veins everywhere about to bust, can't see anything.
>pull out and fucking cum buckets.
>in the light of the next morning I wake up first. Notice something, there is a bunch of stuffed animals close to us. notice I came all over friends back and hair.
>stuffies spoiled by large amount of jizz.
>realize that friend's sister slept in the spare room and we were in her room all along.
>be me, budding fetishist
>experimenting with diapers and bondage primarily.
>found way to make a makeshift striatjacket
>super ronery
>put on 2 diapers, and the makeshift straightjacket
>get stuck like that
>only wearing the diapers and makeshift jacket
stuck like that for a good few hours
>wet once willingly, had another couple of accidents, one messy
>had to ask a sibling to let me out of it, they teased me for about half an hour before letting me out, and only after having taken pictures.
>constantly teased me afterwards, blackmailed me with the pictures, might even still have them.
Top zozzle

That was the best thing I've read in a very long time
>Freshman year of highschool
>new friends, think I'm so cool
>longboarding around town
>stop by friend's neighbor's house
>neighbor is 8.5/10
>don't know how to react
>we leave to go buy food
>I buy an apple pie
>return to neighbor's house and ring doorbell
>mom answers, just hand her the pie and leave
glad i saw this thread. happened years back

> be me 16 dont have many friends still dont i was home schooled
> chat with one girl one day lets call her Alice
> one day me and alice are chatting
> i ask her where she lives she says she lives near where i live
> i say cool wanna hang out sometime
> she says i have a awsome church i go too
> autisim engaged say umm yeah sure sounds awesome
> give my mom the address
> end up going too church with the girl
lets skip a little time its kinda usless telling what happened.
> its been a few times i hanged out with her got too know her church a little
> noone hanged out with me cause i have autism where i dont feel like searching for people
> i text her one day saying i like you your really cute and nice will you go out with me
> she says thats great you feel that way about me but i was only looking for friends from the academy
> like an autist spazz out
> i finally text back saying i lied a couple of my friends used my phone too text her i kicked them out
>girl smells my chair
What the fuck

Not to try to one-up you, but I had a similar kind of fucked up experience:

>After two months of dating this girl who I was really into, and she apparently into me, I was not told about her weird dual personalty.

>That is, she is herself, and when she's not she's this male alter personality. This is like two entirely different people.

>After summer break, the family breaks it to me, she went to the alternate male personality and remained there. For as long as I had contact with them (three more years). Hormone replacement therapy and everything. It was quite chilling to see her start to sport facial hair.

>After that, I broke contact to let this new self find a life for "himself". A shortly after that, he reverted back to a she and met someone else and got married.

>I find out about this by accident five years later.

>MFW: My GF develops an alternate personality, gender dysphoria, and undergoes hormone replacement, just to get rid of me.

>MFW: it's now 20 years after that and it still fucks with my head.
Space pen is best pen. I have a blue brass bullet with dark blue ink.
Fucking kek
Holy fuck. Thats dedication
None of that happened.
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Wtf dude I fuckin know that second blond girl her name is Cassie!!!
shes not blonde anymore since she smoked cannabis
Think what you want, I was in surgery for twelve hours. The shitting part is also true the only thing I lied about was location.
Because 85% of genetic mutation is de novo, would be pointless really. You should just prevent 38+ aged bitches to try to have kids cause age is a huge risk factor for mutations
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top kek
I literally tried shitting so hard that I got an intense migraine and passed out which caused me to seize.
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You're from Louisiana you have to be to know this bitch.
>Be me
>Like 4th grade or something don't remember
>Playing Xbox Live
>Meet some girl from far away online
>Talk a lot
>Talk for like a year
>One day she drops hints she likes me
>"Oh cool I like you too"
>Talk all day and flirt blah blah
>Feel good about having first girlfriend
>Wake up go to school usual
>Check Xbox Live to talk to my gf
>Sent me a mail
>Read it
>"Hey sorry about yesterday one of my friends dared me to do that i don't really love you lets stay friends okay?"
>Delete message
>Delete friend
>Change gamertag
>Never able to trust that a girl really likes me again, always assume its just a joke
>Try to add her again a few years later but I forgot the numbers of her name
In hind sight there are probably a bunch of explainations for the mail. She was older than me and didn't want ti get in trouble, she didn't want to jeapordize our friendship, ect. But still can't help thinking every girl who shows an interest is just trying to make fun of me.

Jess if you're out there message me at GStevens3054@gmail.com.
This one gets it
This is actually very believable, I've had a similar experience.
>be me
>be me 15
>start to anally masturbate
>have a cologne bottle that is cylindrical and decently sized for stimulation
>shove it in the bathroom while shower is running so parents don't hear me
>finish up
>accidentally leave it in the bathtub and it smells and has shit all over it
>mom went in to use the bathroom about an hour later
>mom comes into my room with a horrified look, carrying it. "A-anon..you left this in the bathroom"
>pure shock ran through me and I thought I was leaving reality
Shit man...
Who are you???
Man, I So woulda taken the pity sex instead
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Maybe you shouldn't act like a disgusting faggot.
I was browsing the webz when my mom came in too my room and the first thing she saw was an ad of gay porn site or some shit like that.

She though i was gay for about a month until i got a Gf
If she ever doubts you again, force her to watch you jack off to str8 porn
> Go visit grandparents
> "anon, you shouldn't have to get a hotel. Stay in our basement for a few nights instead!"
> lovemygrammy,jpg
> Unpack my stuff. Week goes by, have fun.
> Brought a dildo wrapped in a shirt just in case I got lonely in the hotel. Didn't use it or the shirt.
> Grammy decides to help me pack my stuff.
> Picks up the shirt I didn't get around to wearing. SPARKLY SILVER DILDO FALLS OUT.
> Oh shit, I forgot it was in there!
> Grandma admires shiny silver sparkle dildo briefly "Is that yours?"
> Stammer. Blame the room mate.

jesus christ change your fucking font you faggot
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Did your kids turn out okay at least?
Or what? Free will faggot
dude weed is bad for lightweights including myself. You probably, can die from it if its a strong enough strain and high.
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>7 years old in primary school
>shit myself because 7 year old and already have anxiety issues
>everyone complains about smell
>teacher asks us who did it
>no reply
>mfw teacher lines us all up and smells each bum until she gets to me and sends me home
Fucking samefag.
Op here, this thread is gonna die so I'll say goodnight to all you cunts, great stories all around.
Fucking hell. You got me
Goonies never say die
Thanks for the thread! Happy dreams.
You too /b/ro
What the fuck.
Poor kid, ending up being a cuck raising another man's children.
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This makes me uncomfortable.
Wait I want a awnser I've never seen a picture of someone I knew on here who the hell are you Louisiana fag!!!! How do you know Cassie???
>doing the funky chicken
this is gold. screencapped, will post on best of 4chan threads. thanks for the story I can barely breathe. I know OP is asleep I'm just honored to have been part of this thread.
Gotta be fake. That's public shame and very creepy
Check paternity, odds are that at least 2 aren't yours
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>was 14-15 or so
>fappin to a picture of some fine broad on my mums laptop while she workin
>Someone busts in
>Shut laptop quickly and look nonchalant
>Go off and totally forget about it.
>Several hours later that night, mum opens laptop and turns it on
>Who the hell did this!?
>*Three brothers look at each other suspiciously
>No-one says a thing.

Another good one, but not about me fortunately:
>visited my parents un-announced one day
>Walk in and say hey to dad etc etc, hes the only one there.
>start going down the hallway to my old room to get a few things
>dad launches past me out of nowhere, running to get there first.
>Enter the room as hes picking a used condom off my old bed and quickly hides it.
>Dad: "we'll pretend we didn't see that"

Dunno what the fuck was going on considering he was the only one home....fuckin dad.
Guys got a point
im not even from usa XD but hook me up with her insta name
>be 14
>be birthday
>get home from church with family
>waiting for aunt to come over so we can do family lunch/cake/etc
>go upstairs to bedroom
>take off church clothes
>hanging them in closet
>hear loud laughing from outside
>see neighbor girl and friends sunbathing next door
>insta boner
>woke up late that morning so didnt get to fap before church
>decide to get quick one in
>pull desk chair over to window
>pull dick out of hole in boxers
>watch neighbor girls
>furiously fap
>cumming within few minutes
>lean back in chair
>splatter chest
>lay head back, eyes closed
>spend a minute massaging softening cock in after-fap bliss
>get up to get roll of paper towels out of closet
>notice door open
>forgotten to close the door
>standing there in doorway was little cousin
>she's staring at my half-boner poking out my boxers
>her eyes dart up to meet mine
>share surprised 'oh shit' look
>she darts down the hallway and back downstairs
>she avoids eye contact rest of day
Then how the fuck did you... That pic is of her like when she was heavier how did u get this pic wtf
This. Explain.
Thanks for the tip anon
Guess i have one..
>be me about 17-19
>have a cassette which has basically most of our family memories on it (were never ones to take pics etc)
> have stupid vhs/dvd player
>cassette is in vhs side
>porn dvd is on the other side
>no one home so decide to watch movie when on accident hit record
>think nothing of it and hit record to stop it
>continue with business when it hits me that a little tracking number was visible on screen
>oh no, wait it didnt..
>it did.
>look thru cassette and see my family than suddenly PORN!
>die a little inside since only filmed memories

I literally told my wife about this last night the cassette is in a box at home once in a while my family decides to put it on i have to break it to them soon i recorded about 30seconds of porn :(
he was jerkin off to your shit
I actually like this font.
>be 3rd of 4th grade
>really have to piss
>ask teacher if I can go
>bitch keeps telling me to wait
>can't hold it in any longer
>piss my pants and run to nurse
>fucking puddle of piss in my chair
>they give me a new change of clothes
>I come back, girl tells me it looks like i'm wearing womens pants
>same girl still goes to the same college as me
not going to make fun of you anon but when you said euthanize you meant sterilize. euthanization is the "humane" killing of something or someone. sterilization is the chopping of the nuts/ovaries so you can't reproduce (sterilization isn't castration, it is an umbrella term for any and all forms of making it not possible for someone to have kids through manipulation of the genitals. just so you know. faggot.
>be 15, in UK on vacation, to learn english
>7 years of my life i was practising karate
>theres this polish guy, really going on my nerves
>tells joke about jews, im no jew but i had it with his bad jokes
>tell him to fuck himself
>polish psycho pretty mad
>later he says something like faggot or asshole
>turn around, fucking yoko geri his back
>hit his spine with my seond toe
>me foot hurts, take off shoe
>black out, do the epilepy
>polish psycho helps me up
>get carried to the hospital
>nothing happened to my foot
>at least i skipped class
>seven or eight year old kid visiting at my cousin's house l
>liked heelies but was poor as fuck as a mexicunt
>parents felt bad for their autism child and got me cheepo depot knock off heelies with spider man on them
>super clunky. Like wearing cars on my feet
>uncle wants to get us pizza and I want to go with him and my cousin's
>at reaching the parking lot I decide to race my cousins
>trip on small feet-cars and gravity curb-stomps my head into the sidewalk
>touch my head for some reason
>bleeding like crazy and then start crying as my uncle carries me inside and the cashier grabs poor people napkins to hold on my head to stop the bleeding
>ambulance, six staples and a huge scar at the top of my head

we never got the pizza and I still feel bad and am paranoid that bad things happen whenever I get nice things for myself

Pic related as the shoes wheels threw sparks and shit when you actually tried them
looks like you still need to work on your english buddy
What did you erase forever?
a few stories here reminded me of something that happened when i was a kid

>be me
>12-13 or something, still in middle school
>acne everywhere, no sense of fashion, etc.
>ask this one girl out that i found really cute at a school dance
>"what? are you kidding me? no way"
>found out she told all of her friends, i'm embarrassed for months, random kids make fun of me for it
>then suddenly puberty hits like a brick
>last year of middle school, i'm pretty okay looking (as okay looking as a 13 year old can be), no social skills whatsoever though
>school talent show happens, i decide to sing because fuck it why not
>have a cold, so my voice was fucked and i couldn't sing in my normal range, so i sing lower
>girl who rejected me suddenly starts talking to me more and flirting
>end up not talking to her because of the prior incident (50% embarrassment and 50% not wanting anything to really do with her at that point)

i probably fucked up by not talking to her more afterwards, but honestly it was just too awkward.
Alright might as well
>be me
>be 16
>never had a gf before
>first day of junior year in my 4th period class I notice this really cute Chinese girl
>tell my friends I think she's cute
>friends fuck with me every day about it
>they try and make me talk to her and keep fucking with me
>we move seats 4 weeks into the year
>what luck I move right next to her
>she smiles at me when I sit down next to her
>my eyes widen I go into autismo spaghetti mode
>say hey how u doing like in an Italian accent like fonzi except it was super retarded and autistic
>she laughs and we start talking
>we never really talk other than about school and stuff and mostly were just silent
>friends still fuck with me and fuck with me even more now that sit next to her
>fucking bitches I swear.
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>at least one of your brothers was jerking to stuff on that laptop before you...
>And your dad was with someone other than your mum
>someone investigating my moans
Have you tried just not having seizures? Like when your brain starts being fucked maybe just choose not to?

cut out that section of tape and rejoin the tape with cello-tape
medical genius
I don't remember exactly what part, just a part of the vid that included us being small and being together. Any part of that video being recorded over with porn is bad i mean yea it sucks. But what haunts me is they watching with a big chunk of my family and than bam! Plus i don't live with them so i dont know when that a-bomb is dropping
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> the feels man, the feels.
>3 weeks later
>we didn't really talk much but for some reason she requested to add me on Instagram
>fuck yes I'm in
>friends still fuck with me about it
>one of my friends, let's call him trayvon because he's a nigger has 5 period with her and constantly talks about me saying I want to fuck her in the butt
>really annoyed and she talks to me about it
>I just apologize for my friends being assholes
>she says its okay and asks me if I want to hang out
> I say sure
>we go to this really shady Vietnamese place filled with gross chinks
>feel really out of place here
>this dude starts hitting on her when we're inside and shes like fuck off
>I step in and say fuck off too bc this guys an annoying cracker
>"what're you her boyfriend?"
>she says yes so he can fuck off
>after that we hang out a lot more
>we get really close and talk about shit
>always asking me sexual ass questions
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its all yours friend
pls bro
yah, write the whole fucking thing
im magic nigger now give me her insta
Probably the best thing to do since there is a part or two that fuck up maybe theyll think its the vid.. Or destroy every vhs player on earth idk
thanks nigger
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>be me
>be in mid 20s
>need part time job to pay rent
>local sperm bank hiring receptionists
>go in for interview
>bullshit my way through
>get the job
>make a comment about everyone that walks in
>make comment about random guy
>he flips out
>gets me fired
>mfw i got fired from the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy"

Found out later the guy was sterile, and thats why he flipped the fuck out on me
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>be le me which is a ginger
>Invite other ginger classmate over to hang out
>Le Ginger friend comes over
>We hang out for a couple of hours
>Doorbell rings
>Le redhead neighbour asks if she can borrow sugar
>I open the door with my buddy following me
>Says hi and everything
>CAlling my mom so she comes with the sugar
>Le mom comes home not thinking as usual
>Stares at us and the following words slip out of her mouth
>"Oh, What do we have here? A Ginger threesome!"
>Le us three looking confused
>Le mom waits a second then bursts into laughter
>Le us tells her to go away before she makes things worse
How long ago was this?
Damn that blows kinda funny tho
Just keep fucking going, don't ask
like some fucking autist every goddamn post. The thread is 404'ing soon, so cut the shit.
Hurry your ass up! LETS GO NIGGA!
That story had no soul or purpose, just like you.
Seriously though???
That happened to all of us at 14
People from LA really don't understand the internet, eh?
send me 10 bitcoins and ill tell you
or give me her home phone number
>be me
>be 15yo emogirlfag
>living across country from parents for school
>parents come to visit and want to meet my friends
>friends are mostly guys I have crushes on
>parents take us all bowling
>everything is going great
>everyone laughing and joking
>sitting waiting for my turn
>friend makes a super funny joke
>joke too funny
>laugh really hard peepants.jpeg
>jump up and run to bathroom mortified
>mom comes in to see what's up and dries my pants
>come out to see friend sitting in pee seat
>die inside
>still all friends almost 10 years later
But not all of us can get such glorious dubs
>that blows
>fast forward couple weeks
>spring break
>we text all the time
>friend urges me to ask her out over spring break or lose my chance
>never ever asked out a girl ever so freaking the fuck out even tho it's only over text
>I ask if I we can hang out over break she suggests hanging out at her house
>I go to her house at like 12 in the morning bc her parents are in China but her auntie is still there
>we hang out on her bed and just watch movies
>we watch fucking American psycho
>I love this bitch
>never touch her once or make eye contact even tho she's right next to me
>stay up all night and leave in the morning
>finally decide to ask her out
>autisticly tell her I like her in like 6 msgs I remember
>i told her I had a confession and that I liked her and wanted to go out
>she tells me she likes me too
>fuck yes
>heart fucking pounded
>friends cheering me on
>"but I'm not ready for a relationship right now"
>heart sinks thinks that was it
>I ask her how bout we take it really slow
>she's says "I like that"
>fuck fucking yess
>go over to her house again act like I never asked her out but now more comfortable with her
>we watch another movie
>good will hunting
>God bless her
>she gets tired
>I put her laptop down and she goes into fetal position
>cuddle up next to her and put my arm around her
>she whispers I don't know why but it was really fucking hot to me
>I start breathing down her neck my dick is propped against her ass
>make a joke about her to stop moving or she'll give me an eyerection
>realize i said eyerection instead of erection and cringe
>she laughs about it
>she turns around and gets on top of me
>she kisses my neck and is touching me
>put my hand on her lower back and she says you touched my butt
>fuck it and go for it and grab her ass
>no now I touched your butt
>hella autisticly say I feel like nemo bc j touched the butt
>have no idea why she liked me
> be me, age sixteen in mid 2000's
> grandparents, uncle and cousins helping us move
> they're moving my poorly packed shit
> a skin mag falls out
> nude Japanese woman on cover
> periodical name is "far east passion" or some other such nonsense
> entire family starts at me for a good thirty seconds
> grandmother trying to be supportive and make it less awkward says
"...So... you like slant eyes, huh?"
> put magazine back and finish packing

No one ever talked about it again.
Pizza hut isn't for poor people, poor people get frozen pizzas at the store
Just fucking do it already jeez attention whoring fuck!
The actual me recording it.. Well im 26 now hahaha. Ok thing is before i did my shit and since the video was recorded sometime in 1996-8 iv only seen em pop it in maybe 5 times? So from 96 thru 2007-8 5times played that iv seen they probably cant find it atm
fucking hell, just type it all out you faggot
I'm tryna get a good dick beating sesh here. Keep going.
Poor people get Little Caesar's like me
Bump since this thread is getting slower
>so you like slant eyes
Fuckin dead
crazy nigger killa
That deep dish good af thooo
To clarify, I meant we were poor as shit so getting pizza was like a miracle not that we were getting terrible pizza
One time a barbershop sextet showed up at a Pizza Hut when I was with my friend Lola, shit was cash
What the fuck
What I like is at little Caesars they apparently have like 2 year olds cutting the pizza so you get these big ass pieces, a few medium pieces, and like 2 or 3 tiny pieces, so if you're quick enough you can get a quarter of the pizza in 2 pieces, its a dick move, but the pieces taste like sweet victory
What a fuckin cunt, right?
For the hot and readies I mean
He meant euthanize, "faggot"
I do the same shit, anon. I love it. And for $5 you can't go wrong.
My friend works at Little Caesar's. He says it's really fast paced so they just grab dough and basically eyeball it and chuck it on the scale to make sure it's close to the weight they have to have for each pizza
In my town its like 6.50 tho for some reason, and while I'm not in a big town I'm not exactly in B.F.E. either. Still tho its a pretty good deal
Yeah, well, one would assume so.
>still acting super retarded never kissed a girl before so I never go in for it
>it takes a little while but eventually she ends up kissing me
>we make out for what seemed like a few minutes but was like an hour
>harder than diamonds
>think it's cool now so I go in and try to rub her cunt real smooth
>she blocks my hand
After a while we're just laying on eachother
>mouths dry as fuck
>sun is rising realize I have to go
>she tells me in a real sweet voice "I don't want you to go"
>she leads me out the back kisses my cheek as I leave
>happiest motherfucker alive as I walk back to my house
>go into it in full detail with my friends as soon as I get home
>autistic as fuck of course now I realize you should never tell your friends about that shit bc they'll just nigger around with that shit
>realize she might want to fuck
>I've never shaved my pubes before and I have the hairiest ballsack ever
>cut off long strands with scissors and try to shave the rest off
>by the time I'm done it looks like Osama bin ladens beard on the toilet seat
>go over to her house again as soon as I get in she reaches up to kiss me and it was so amazing
>she's kinda short which makes it even better
>we go on her bed and start making out again
>go for that pussy again and this time she doesn't block my hand
>start rubbing her pussy thru her leggings while making out with her
>she puts her tiny ass yellow hand on my dick
>beyond harder than diamonds
>we make out for a good 30 mins and she reaches her hand down my pants
>I was hella surprised and stopped her
>she was really surprised too when I did that
>proceed to let her stick her hand down my pants and jerk me off
>Diamond fucking city
>she does this for like 3 minutes before she gets tired of it
>she starts making out with me again and she puts her hand on my face
>god dammit you just jerked me off
> we laugh and start cuddling
>we do this for a while later
It's great for when you're poor as shit and want to keep the thread alive.
>be me 17
>accidentally cut thigh pretty deep and need stitches
>after I get stitches I'm sitting there watching TV on the hospital bed with a hospital 1 peice shirt/shorts thing
>hot as fuck nurse comes to check on me
>asks me to stand up
>pull up the 1 peice thing so she can check my cut which is on upper thigh
>shift my leg so she can get a better look
>my nut sack falls out
>so fucking awkward
Yeah I work at a mom and pop pizza joint and sometimes I like to do that shit for keks, but often times its cause we're busy af
> be moving to Detroit
> hood as fuck friend who grew up here tells me I have to go to white castle
> move here, go to white castle
> immediately stop shitting
> worried, but brush it off
> fat forward a few days:
> end up at penthouse party on the riverfront
> be with the sexiest, richest girls imaginable
> the type of girl you'd impregnate and call it a career move
> surprisingly, they all love me, except random Chad
> laugh too hard at a joke by random sports bro
> proceed to shit pants
> go do my best to clean up
> takes good ten minutes
> even have to use the sink
> ass is clean, but not my soul
> time to go
> add all the girls and cool sports bro on Facebook
> leave with roommate

Later, I had to un friend one because she was so hot that seeing her on my feed made me for real angry that she wasn't sitting on my face
My friend Kenny had his dick fall out of his shorts at the gym once, I let someone else tell him.
Kill yourself, degenerate.
constipation nation
>Be 5
>with family on a trip to the theme park
>walking across a small bridge with some railings
>decide to stick my head between the railings for some fucking reason
>try to pull my head back out
>my sister starts laughing at me as my parents try to free my head
>small crowd gathers
>start crying
>park staff arrives
>after about an hour i manage to escape
>go home early

I'm still mocked about it to this day
Yeah it is I want to hear the end of this story but I gotta get up for school soon, shit
This one time when I was like six or seven, my friend (fucking around) told me to show him my dick. I didn't know why I just kinda assumed he needed to see it and plus he was my only friend pretty much. I did and he told my parents. Fucker
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He will live on
kek nice going r-tard
niggers gonna nig
me heart will go on
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