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I bang retarded chicks at the retard center where I work. I'm a night janitor, lonely, horny, and they are all perfectly willing. Biology is a wondrous thing, it makes them want to fuck like dogs in heat. They fuck one another often enough. Abortions all the time. Nobody even asks the tard chicks who the father is, because they don't usually know, or have any concept of pregnancy.
And lemme tell you.. "Retard strong" bitches giving you a handy.. you can't get away. You'll cum in about 3 minutes.. not out of excitement, but out of self defense.
There's one potato here that is fucking HOT. But she has this dent in the back of her head, right. Like, you could lose a roll of quarters in there. So she has little to no memory, but if she's on her back, god DAMN.
>>598755311 Not much else to it. Be moppin an shit.. a door cracks open, and there's Jennifer. She's a sweet girl, but you have to do her doggy and shove her face into her pillow. Her ass is amazing, but her mouth hangs open and she drools. Kinda a turn off. But you shove her face into her pillow because when she's cumming she sounds like a wookiee with bronchitis.
Kelly, the only redhead, is a midget with early onset Alzheimers. She's not very hot, but she forgets that she's fucking you, and will get up and walk off. It's kinda fun to chase her down, catch her by the door, then fuck her on my knees while she is standing up.
But there is danger. One night, I got drunk at work, and was going to try to fuck this milf nurse chick. I had caught her having a threeway with two tardboys. I figured I could get her into a little threeway with me and some tatergirl. Well, it turns out that the one she had in mind that night was the resident "I'm a girl" tard. His cock was not only bigger than mine, it was shaped like a goddamn toadstool. GIANT bulbous head. I assumed he would cum in seconds and it would like, dribble..
I was wrong, he outlasted me by about fifteen minutes, then fucking sprayed me and the nurse like a goddamn sprinkler.. the "tshtshtshtshtsh" kind... Then the fucker starts beating off, immediately. I'm sitting there covered in Jizz, so I thought I would get him back. I mounted up on the nurse and started pounding away, paying him no mind... until I sensed what felt like a sticky clown nose in my asscrack. He didn't get in, but it made him cum again... "tshtshtshtshtsh" all over me.
From then on, he always follows me around if he sees me..
>>598756529 YES. The cleanup if horrible. One night, they all got together to watch Finding Nemo, and this one guy, Freddie, whips it out and starts beating off. To FINDING NEMO. Like, he was jerking it while singing to the damn fish.
Anyway, the other taterlads see this and start doing the same, minus the singing. The girls get into it. Now, we only know that part, because we watched the tapes back after the new nurse on nights freaked out. What we saw when we went in there to break it up.. was a full on, random hole, pansexual tard orgy.
Now, you have to remember, some of these people have /b/ level fetishes, with zero inhibitions. One guy liked to puke on his own dick for fappin lube. So he assumed everybody did. He was barfing on random tards. LOTS of shit fetish in a tardbarn, So, yeah.. it cmelled fucking lovely.
Highlight of the night? Freakout nurse got pinned down by one of the big taterlads, and he yanked her legs open, and started slapping her cunt through her scrub pants. and I mean fucking HARD.
We caught her in his room two weeks later, making him do it again.
The first week I was there, I would follow this chick around.. dragging my mop.. (Like Michael Richards in UHF, only not so handsome.) And one of the other custodial engineers comes up and says, all sly like.. "Bro, she has no memory. Her hippopotamus is like, gone. You can fuck her, pin her down, just don't leave obvious marks, and she'll never remember." But in this Peruvian accent. And I get the idea that he is messing with me. He says "Watch, bro"
He straight up walks up behind her, grabs her ass, and she turns to slap him. He pushes her against the wall, yanks down her pants, and starts fingering away.. right there in the hall. She gets into it, orders him to fuck her, so he does.. again, right there, on the spot.
He blows load, tells her to go take a shower. Five minutes late,r he walks up and asks her how her night is, and she just stares, and asks him who he is.She has no fucking clue.
A couple days later, I figure I'll give it a shot. I walk into her room while she is brushing her teeth before bed, and say I need to empty the trash. I watch her brush her teeth, her tits just jiggling. Then I find out that she isn't fucking retarded. She just has no short term memory. So she can't make NEW memories. But she ltalks and acts like a 16 year old, even though she's like, 23. So she notices me staring at her jiggling tits. She tells me to leave, calls me a perv. I walk out, turn around, walk right back in. She looks up, smiles, spits out her toothpaste.
I figure I'll do what Captain Peru did. I walk up, drop my mop like Kanye drops the mic, and grab the bitch, spin her aorund and yank her nightshirt up. I don't bother with trying to get her warmed up, I just go to randomly trying to dry ram my cock into her.
Bitch spins around, says "too dry, dumbass" and starts slobbering my knob. Gets it all gooey with toothpaste spit, so it's kinda minty, kinda burny.
>>598761029 So, once it's good and wet, she turns around and offers up the ass, right. I plunge in, and go to grab her hair and yank on it, because she won't remember the pain later, and yanking a bitches hair makes me cum. Then I feel her divot.
DIVOT. IN HER SKULL.
Can't cum. There's a dent in her skull. It took me about six weeks to realize that I can just fuck her face to face. But while she's hot as fuck, the divot still bothers me.I only visit her sometimes, and she's usually like, crusty from the other guys, so it's kinda nasty.
>>598761793 Now, we move onto OCD Clean Girl. This girl is a psychotic witch when it comes to cleanliness. You wouldn't think so, since she masturbates with everything, and leaves hashmarks on every surface in her room. Like, her blankets? pussyprint. Curtains? pussyprint. Roommate? Pussyprint. She's OCD about clean, and masturbates so much she has to take in extra fluids daily. They tried the jacket, lockmittens, everything. But she just rubs off on anything handy. One time during outdoor hours, she was found gleefully rubbing her twat on a fallen tree. bare.
Anyway, I LOVE fucking this bitch. Her pussy is always wet, like, it's a velvety tube of K-Y. Nobody else messes with her because she's mean, and they're worried that she'll be too rough, because, you know.. she grated her clit on a fucking LOG to get off.
While she is OCD about clean, once she cums once, she wants to be dirty. I've pissed on her, spit in her eye, gone ass to mouth, ass to pussy, pussy/ass/mouth.. just anything, physically or mentally dirty. One time, I brought in the creepy old nurse, she's like 70 and a freak, and made OCD girl lick OldNurse's unshaven, undouched for 25 years grannycunt while I fucked her.
Of course, once she's done fucking, the cleanfreak comes back. having your cock wiped down with clorox wipes "Because there's dookie on it!" Is not fun.
>>598761029 Love your stories dude. Look up Trials of St Timmy's by the late Paul Ess. He worked at a Sr Citizen home. Just as much fun. Link: http://www.oocities.org/sunsetstrip/disco/3645/dakween/st_timmys/
>>598764054 >Also, not OP.. just storydude so u randomly and successfully highjacked this thread? Master level shit dude. Please hurry back, my sides could use a bit more of a workout before these pills make me fall asleep. if true, this is soo fuckin wrong but god damnit ill admit it, im really sick and find this hilarious and original as fuck.
>>598764809 I fucked a retarded girl in rehab. She got a DWI and was like 26, but had brain of a 12 year old. her mom was always trying to protect her and shit... but once checked in, she was fair game for like every piece of shit in rehab with us.
sex is forbidden in rehab - you get caught fucking, or even flirting too much they can boot you.
>>598765094 it was fucking weird.. she was like this hot fucking sorority girl, but with a 12 year old mind, it was scary, and I was all white knight about it. I HATED the mexican dirtbag who just got out of prison and was hitting on her so hard.
>>598765272 I saw him touch her butt one time, and reported it. Finishing the rehab program was like a condition of his parole. They pulled her aside, and asked her about it, and I guess she confirmed that mexi did touch her ass ( and more I guess he had grabbed her tits once before ).. they booted his ass back to prison lol
>>598765526 I spent the next 3 weeks, struggling with my own addiction problems, and also being uber white knight for this girl. Everyone was all like "you can trust anon, he's a good guy". And she told me all about her accident, and stuff, it was really sad. She was just a regular hot cali sorority girl you know? went to a school on the coast, and one night was drijnking, got into a car accident and her entire life was stolen from her. I felt bad, and protective, and watching over her helped me not focus on my own fucked up life.
>>598765847 I "graduated" from the 30 day program a few days before her. I came back the day she graduated and no shit , she had 2 other guys WAITING to "pick her up" and take her "home" or some shit. She was practically crying because I guess she had at one point or another told these guys she wanted to stay with them. I guess she had lied to her mother about when she would be done. ( she'ss like 12 right? but she knew she was legally an adult so she had "rights" ) ...
>>598766206 staff couldn't really do shit. they saw me there, and all trusted me so pressured her to go with me, and threatened the other guys that if they didn't get off the property they would call the police. a hollow threat, but cmon, with ex-junkies ( or current ) it works like a treat.
>>598763943 Paul Ess. (may he RIP) Haven't heard that name since the mid 90's! He was one of the original alt.tasteless denizens. Wrote some of the funniest pre-4chan early social network real-life stories and accounts. One of the old hats long gone but not forgotten.
>>598766374 I got fucking looks of death from those two guys, but fuck em. Girl doesn't have a place to stay - she confides in me her mom got her a plane ticket like a week from now. I Tell her not to worry, she can trust me, and I'll take care of it.
we leave, and go get some fast food. after being stuck with rehab food, its pretty awesome to get "outside world" stuff again.
we start talking, and she is dumping stuff on me. her old life, her old friends, her old bf ( who dumped her ). She has her memories, just not the means to process them correctly, or make intelligent decisions - its like she has no uhm.. like concept of long term responsibility or effects.
>>598764864 There's a really fucked up part I'll get to shortly. >>598763427 Moving on. Every tardfarm has a big guy we call "Mongo" In honor of Matt Dillon in "There's Something About Mary" Mongo in our place is this 450lbs behemoth, looks like Master Blaster, but without the midget pilot on his back. He plays along when the doctors aren't around, and prefers that everybody but the whitecoats call him Mongo. It's awesome.
So, Mongo is this giant, right, but like any fat dude, his gunt is trying to swallow his dick from the inside out. All that is left visible is the head. He has to piss in one of those special squat urinals with the little cup thing on the front, because he's so fat and his dick is so short, he can't reach it to aim.
Old nurse has been there just as long as Mongo. She told us that he has this king kong dick trapped in there. And Mongo lets her demonstrate. She goes in and shoves his fat aside, and starts rubbing it. and you can see this rock hard shaft outlined by skin when she pulls his jelly rolls aside. It's freaky and creepy.. but it makes you wonder how it feels to be masturbated with your own fat. Anyway, Mongo loves the attention, and the crowd watching gets him really turned on, and he blows this GIANT load. OldNurse had never gotten him to cum before, so she didn't know his signs, and couldn't move. She took that Mongoload right in the fucking eye. And it hit with some force. And what made it really bad, was the thcikness. It was like fucking tapioca. It got under her eyelid and shit, so she had to go to the ER to get it looked at. His load bruised her fucking eyeball. it was blood red for about a week.
Mongo likes to be jerked off in front of everybody now. And will fucking beg and whine until a nurse gives him a "through the subcutaneous handy"
alt.tasteless - Back when the Internet and usenet was young and all you needed was a 56k modem, a Pentium-1 and screen capture program for Newsgroups. (Smartphones would not even exist for another 10 years)How things have changed.
>>598767167 There are also times when we will walk in on things like the Tard Orgy. But smaller.Like dude posted about, it is NOT pretty. I mean, if you're horny, a hole is a hole. But these are not people you want to walk in on. If you're gonna be fucking them, it has to be from the beginning, on. Left to their own devices, they will create a level of WHAT THE FUCK you have never known.
Ok, most of the girls have no vaginal upkeep at all. Not on their own, anyway. As a courtesy, we usually wash them off, but if you think about it too hard, the amount of day to week old tard jizz mingling with janitor jizz inside these girls is disturbing. But hey, as long as it isn't crusty or crawling, I'm down. (Especially OCD Chick, because her cunt always smells like peaches and seawater.)
But nastyness? We got a black chick named Twakendra. She is full own downs. Like, mouth agape all the time, blank stare, laughing like a hyena at wallpaper, full blown downy. She has no concept of cleanliness, and nobody fucks her. Except other tards. Especially Romero, he's this borderline tard, almost normal, but he has a tiny, tiny dick. Like, Bailey Jay while soft tiny. And he fucks Twakendra because nobody else does, so he never feels inadequate. Pretty smart, really. Thing is, he has no concept of cleanliness. Claims his smell is manly. These two went at it in a garden shed last August.
>>598769313 So, we notice the two of them are missing after the picnic lunch. We got busy dealing with a fistfight over colored godfish crackers. (Fucking newbie orderly) Now, I normally work nights, but this week, I was on days because I had vacation time the following week. So, once we get the fistfight dealt with, we notice Twakendra and Romero are gone. I hear shit falling down in the shed, and start limping over. (I took a tardpunch in the thigh. MAJOR charlie horse.) So me and Peruvian's nephew, whome I call "Nepotism" go over to get them. When we open the door, it smelled how a Rob Zombie movie looks.
First off, there is fucking jizz everywhere. Jizzrags everywhere. a mattress, blankets, booze, pill bottles.. turns out, the gardener was banging tards in here. We had no clue, because that motherfucker teaches sunday school. Anyway, it's like this unholy hump shack. And it smells like week old sex. And of course we have our two filthiest guests, just humping away in the middle of it. August, no A/C, years of man shellac on every surface. And Twakendra, like most fuckin tards is loving the attention. I mean, you wouldn't know by her face, because she has little to no control over it. So it looks like a gaping mouthed dollhead on a chubby black chicks body, riding away on poor Romero's tiny cock. Romero doesnt like the attention, and tries to get up, but you know retards, the dumbest ones are always the strongest. So at this point, Romero loses his mind and starts screaming. He loses wood, and Twakendra is now bouncing and grinding away on his flaccid, floppycock.. we imagine she was dissapointed, but we will never know.. because her facial expression was that of a sea bass on ice at whole foods.
We made the Gardener pressure wash the shed, inside and out, kept his videos, and told him to quit. Nasty motherfucker. That shed STILL smells like niggersweat, old pussy, and spunkstained sheets.
>>598772197 Sorry, I didn't expect to be writing anything tonight. So it wasn't prepared.
So, the fucked up part. I'm just storydude. I've never been a janitor. I have never worked at a tardfarm. In real life, I am a professional fucking writer. But I get things in my head that I cannot get out until I share them, somehow.
Things like this enter my head all the fucking time. And this one was pretty damned innocent, really. I saw the OP image, and started writing about a janitor fucking retards.
This.. this is not pro work. This is rough, word vomit, right out of my head, into the keyboard. I'm not even using word, or correcting my mistakes.
Now, I am going to save everything I wrote tonight. I am going to refine it, rewrite it, clean it up, and then... I am going to rewrite it again, into a love story. It will be about a girl who isn't really retarded or some shit, who falls in love with a bad boy janitor. The tard sex will still be in there, but I'll find a way to make it noble.
It'll be up on Amazon in about 3 months. In the eBook sextion for Romance/ChickSmut.
You guys reactions and encouragement show me that this story type can work.. if cleaned a bit..
In about 6 months, this thread will be paying my rent for the next year or so.
>>598773526 Yeah, it will. Well, partially, it goes in the bin of .99$ smut books I have written, so it will contribute.
All I have to do is get it done, send to the editor, get a cover drawn up, then publish. That'll take 10-12 weeks, then three months later the royalty checks come in. The other titles I have written under that pen name sell 5-10 copies a day.
>>598773556 It's 2am here, I have to sleep. I test out most of my fucked up story ideas here, or like this one tonight, they are born of /b/, and I used the reactions of the readers to decide what stays and what goes before rewriting.
>>598774852 It's on Amazon. I would give titles or pen name.. but, you know.. it's fucking /b/ If you sign up for boobkbub, I have a title going up for freebie on kindle in about a week. chicksmut, it's about a strong female private eye. That's about as specific as I will go.
I use a pen name so my mom won't be able to read this shit.
>>598774949 I'm not sure yet. I'm thinking it will actually be a clean place.. a safe, private, intimate sorta place for the main characters to sneak off too so I can write dialog that doesn't involve "dookie" or "Ching chong potato"
>>598775725 My mother doesn't read eBooks, she likes paper. But she WOULD if she knew I wrote and published there. As far as she knows, I only write for the local newspaper, and the NRA's Ad department as a freelancer.
Fucking amazing thread, storydude, I wish you the best of luck with that stuff of yours, not even mad that you aren't actually fucking tards. That's kinda fucked up anyways so in fact it's better that way. I'm an artist, yet not a professional one by no means (not because of skill but because I don't feel like trying it yet). But let me tell you, I would not only happily do book covers if you were the writer (as long as it doesn't involve drawing tards fucking) but I would keep reading your shit as well. Pretty entertaining. Godspeed anon.
>>598776417 >>598776704 Oh, reminds me, I have one I wrote about Wayne LaPierre banging Feinstein and Shannon Watts in a hotel room at SHOT Show.. I want to refine it more before I throw that shit up on /k/, so keep your eyes open.
>>598776736 Artbro, Put together a portfolio and set up at eLance.com Check out other peoples book covers and learn the design themes. If you can, get into school for graphic design, and turn that into a career. eLance is a freelancing site where you bid on jobs. You walk in there and bid like a fucking boss, and you will get PAID for your skill.
>>598777413 >eLance.com Thanks a lot, I'll put that link in my markers. One day it might be useful. Not going to school though, specially not the graphic design ones. Pros already told me it's basically a waste of money and I know how to learn on my own, nothing against those who need it and want to go to it though.
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