Worst thing you've done at a friends house?

I showed up.

>>597372240
/thread

>>597372144
what would that do tho

>>597372240
damn...
are you me?

>>597372507
Idk. All i know is that im not a robot.

> take shitloaf of dramamine
> piss all over kids face thinking its toilet

>>597372739
Retard

>>597372144
Fucked his bitch
Didn't call back

Also came all over her fur

jizzed in his cat

Fuck you Tommy

Had a wank on his mother's bed.

>>597373558
Wait what

I wet my pants in a house with too girls who were friends of mine. I was peeing myself and i needed to use a bathroom fast, so i asked an they point me where to go, as i was ready to release my penis I notice the place is dark as fuck and i need some light to know where the hell i was, i stretch my arm to turn on the light but the swithc wasn't inside the bathroom, i was confused as fuck, and i ask from inside where the switch was, while i peed into the darkness. when they turned up the light, it was too late, i peed all over myself and the whole bathroom. I managed to clean the bathroom with a lot of toilet paper.

I'm not sure if they notice, cause they didn't say a thing to me, of course i tried as best as i could to avoid being noticed, maybe they were as embaraced as me and decided not telling me, I escaped from the house saying that i had some stomach pain or some shit like that.

After that day i never spoke with them ever again.

>>597372144
> from ages 17-21
> have best friend who I visit like 2 nights a week
> he has a cute sister three years younger than us
> talk with sister on facebook all the time
> gradually get her to like me
> FF chilling at friends house
> we play halo 3 and watch whose line is it anyway until 3am
> crash in his spareroom
> wake up next day, house is empty
> friends mom at work, friend at a personal trainers course
> but what about qt 14 yr old?
> we proceed to fuck on every single padded surface in the house
> still fuckbuddies to this day
> shes 18 now
> wants srs relationship with me
> lolno

he drank too much and passed out.
rubbed my balls on his face
left a little pudding behind as a momento

>>597374092
beta as fuck

>be me
>cut hole in friends brand new punching bag with katana
>sand everywhere
>texts his friends
>friend admits he did it because he was playing with the katana when he was filming a dumb video
>mfw

1. Jerked off in the same room with him while he was sleeping

2.
>he was sleeping
>I was horny
>Pulled his boxer shorts down
>hands on his sick
>played around with it
>Jerked him off

>>597372144
smelled his sister's panties

Got completely fucked on like six litres or so of beer when I was like 16 and pissed the bed. The mattress was absolutely soaked, it was impressive.

>>597374635
>
he knows

Fingering his sister next door.

>>597375067
>Fingering his sister next door.
why didn't his sister live in the same house as him?

broken home?

Friend lives in grandma's house. Has no say in house. Me and friends regularly got blackout drunk and would rip apart basement ceiling. Shoot evwrything with bb guns. There is 3 smashed pool tables in the back yard. Light tiny things on fire. Smash his childhood toys. we're terrible people. Fuck green text.
I don't know why we did it.

>>597372144
Stole my friend's barbies dolls pretend it was my younger brother

>>597375235
>why didn't his sister live in the same house as him?

I was 16, he was 15, his sister 14.

>be 12
>go to friend's house to hang out
>eat tacos
>play basketball
>suddenly leak some serious diarrhea in underwear
>awkwardly power walk to inside bathroom
>unload massive shits and clog the toilet
>try and clean up with toilet paper and hand towels
>hide shit stained underwear and and towels under friend's bed
>tell no one
>leave

I can only imagine what his parents were thinking when they had to unclog the toilet and found crusty shit rags under their sons bed..

>be 35
>go to friend's bathroom to leak
>12 yo daughter's crusty panties on top of hamper
>into pocket for later fun

>>597375624
how does that explain anything?!

>>597372739
dramamine is fucking scary.

That shit had demons rushing at me in my peripheral vision that disappeared as soon as I looked towards them.

one dumbass shot my dads laptop screen and busted it, so I went to his house and shat in his school backpack.

>>597374149
Pics of her

drink straight from the carton

so oncei just arrived at my niggas place and soon as i got in his room he showed me some new porn mag so i just got on the bed and started jacking off real good, not 10 seconds pass his mother comes in and instantly sees what i was doing.
i swear she fuckin caught me masturbating in her home not 2 minutes after i entered the house

friend 1.
go to his house, sniff his sisters panties (she wanted the dick anyway so it's okay)
friend 1 again, go to his house to play vid games, sniff his sisters butthole, get walked in on by sis's friend.
friend 2. getting ready to leave, kinda horny for some reason, decide to have his dog lick my dick and bust on its face, then wipe it off and leave, pray I got it all off.

>>597372144
opened a bottle of soda without getting an ok.

Jerked off in his bathroom

>>597372144

Think this pic is my uncle.

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Took a good ass shit

>>597375479
>There is 3 smashed pool tables in the back yard
I told you guys, white people can be niggers, too

I was 15 we had a water drinkinh competition since i claimed to be able to drink a gallon. I drank a gallon he drank a quart. Go to sleep on his couch. Pissed whole gallon on sofa completely soaks the cushion. Wake up. Flip cushion. Leave. 3 weeks later it smells so bad they think the dog started making his territory. He becomes an outside dog and is never let back in. Couch thrown out.

>>597372144
Came on his keyboard while he wasn't in the room and didn't clean it. We're not friends anymore

Overwrote his final fantasy save

>>597376797
Worst itt

>best mate
>parents recently divorced
>18 y/o sister hawtie
>middle of the night
>go to loo
>sister appears out of nowhere
>Iwannaknowwhtloveis.png
>take her virginity on the stairs
>she bleeds down her ass crack onto the wall
>had to fake falling down the stairs early in the morning and cutting my head on the wall.
>still fuck her regularly
>bloodstain on the wall to this day
>everytime I walk past it, i say to myself "simmmba"

>>597374149
pics

>>597376797

you sick bastard

>>597376797
You cunt!

>>597377107
kek

Put one of my mates mums tampons up their cats asshole.

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>>597376797

>>597376797

kek, good on you FF is fucking shit

Friends always use to rave about FFVII, it was the most pathetic game i've ever played

>>597377107
simmmba

>I threw my friends grandmas yappy dog out of the window. It landed on the bin dead.
>Next day she found it dead.
>she heart attacked
>died
>went to her funeral
>friend devastated
>attended burial
>threw a toy dog on her coffin
>couldn't not smile
>friend realized I was in the room above the bins when the dog died.
>at the fucking graveside
>no more friend
>feelsbadman

>>597377877
>Friends always use to rave about FFVII, it was the most pathetic game i've ever played

Yeah like CoD is way better, hurr durr im a gamer now.

I cut the wires on my friend's PS2 controllers.

>>597372144
>be me
>teenager
>immature so trick-or-treating
>see friend's younger brother with a giant sack on his shoulder
>shoulder tackle this 10-year-old child, screaming "TRICK OR TREAT" with the rage of 3 ogres
>steal candy
>return candy
>continue process in between looting homes for candy of my own
>friend says his cul-de-sac has a chili potluck
>yell "CHILI" with the power of 7.5 ogres, booming voice and all
>violent tire screech
>go to friend's house
>fuckin casual chilis aren't texas red master race
>inhabit friend's couch
>turn on tv
>shrek is on
>younger brother is upstairs doing homework, starts shouting "shrek shrek shrek" down the stairs
>his mom is not amused
>"COLLIN YOU'RE GROUNDED"
>2.5 ogre
>notbad.jpg
>i realized, the influence i have imparted upon my friend and his family is straining their parents' marriage, their relationships with each other, and might have led to the amputation of one of their cats' legs
>I am a god

>>597377877
What can i say m8
Shitty comment, nice doubles

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>>597373175
>her

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>>597372144
>Be me
>7 or 8 years old or something
>Have this friend down the street I sometimes hang out with
>He has GTA on his PS1, shit was cash back in the day
>Wasn't allowed to play violent games at that age because they were "bad for me"
>Come over there as often as I could, would always play with him
>One day, I try and see if he's home
>ring doorbell, no answer
>check backyard, no one
>check backdoor, unlocked
>Shitnigga.jpg
>Break into his house, no one home
>go upstairs to his room, play GTA on his PS1
>After like 30 minutes I hear a car pull up and hear voices outside
>People coming home
>Panic.exe
>He lives upstairs, like 1 flight of stairs up
>Jumping out of the window can't be a bad idea, right?
>jump out, bruise leg pretty bad
>Next day he talks about how someone came into his house but nothing was taken or anything, only things mentionable were open window and door, and his PS1 was on
>never got caught
>mfw

I let all the pets loose into the streets whenever I go to my friends house.

Stole a DS copy of Mario Cart from my friends 7 year old sister.

>>597378153

Prefer decent RPGs

Everquest
Legend of Grimrock
Dragon Age: Origins
Witcher series

>>597378363
I didnt say you could save my pic prick

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I stayed over his house for 3 days with severe depression.

I was there so he could keep an eye on me to ensure I didn't try to kill myself.
I essentially did nothing but stare at the monitor of him playing games or watching something, not even absorbing anything. Just being void and taking up space.

I was leaving best friends house and I saw a stack of cash on a table and feel compulsion to take it. No one in room with me so I do. Get home and it's 200. His parents ask friend about it, tell him they think I might have done it. I deny it and friend believes. His sister gets caught stealing a month later and takes the blame. I had to keep it stashed as my friend was the only friend I had and we were usually together and I was always poor. I still don't know what I stole it, I just did.

Bummmp

>>597378546
>Everquest
>Legend of Grimrock
>Dragon Age: Origins
>Witcher series

All game released after the 90's.
young/newfag detected!

>>597376692
after football games i would drink upwards of 2 gallons, it's fine as long as you DO NOT SLEEP BEFORE PISSING

>>597372144
Got head off his mom

>>597378788
sauce on the gif?

>>597378788
Fucking ruined the threads vibes bruh
Im not a robot, but you might be.

>drunk as shit at house party at my friends
>want to smoke
>notmyhouse.png
> blow through a pack in his parents room while getting real with these stonerbros
> fuck in his parents bed
>shit tons of sperm and sweat harden on the sheets

this has happened more than a few times at this dudes house. god bless him for being so cool about it

>>597379521

27 so yeah

>>597379796
i think that's the guy from teen titans that tried to mess with the future

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>>597372144
>3 years ago
>freshman year, virginfag
>go visit some friend
>wild woman suddenly appears(at the time i tought she was his sister)
>"congratz anon"
>"huh, thanks, where is anonfriend?"
>"at the mall, he will come back in 20, wait here in the couch"
>started to watch some news
>she jumps off in my lap and start to kiss me
>bonerkicks
>10 mins of makeout, about to cum
>she suddenly take my cock out of my pants and blow it for less than a minute
>put dick off and cum in the couch
>she laughs
>i leave
>never get back again
>mfw she was actually his girlfriend
>no regrats

Threw up in his bedroom on his birthday. Tame, I know.

>>597374149
My nigga, ultimate guilty fetish.

>>597378405
+10 points in stealth.

>>597372144
Fucked his gf

>>597378788
>I was there so he could keep an eye on me to ensure I didn't try to kill myself.

Should have an hero.

>>597372144
Fucked some random girl I met that day on his bed while he was out.

>>597379986
>>597378788
Wait no, reverse search says wakfu

>>597372144
jacked off in his hot roommates shampoo

she was beautiful
and for weeks she had my jizz in her hair
that's a win

>be me
>actively adverse to pissing in toilets
>sinks, showers, floor drains. anything but the can
>at buddies house
>see potted plant in corner
>openthefloodgates.jpg
>mfw i drown the plant
>mfw very expensive japanese fern thingy

>>597379796
>>597379986
Yeah it's Wakfu.

>>597379850
He was the only friend I had, Anon.
And he died.

>>597372144
Got head off his mom whilst he was sleeping one floor above

>>597379986
>>597380259
thanks /b/rother!

>>597378134
Christ thats harsh hahaha

>>597379521
>bait

>>597379997
almost dude, almost

>>597380515
You should've died with him you fuckin pussy. Gtfo this thread nigger

>>597378405
killed that shit

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>>597380950
Please tell me where I can buy a gun or cyanide.

>>597379981
Sure ...

So not Baldur's Gate but Dragon Age: Origins?

Not any old school first person dungeon crawler but Grimrock? (A game meant to be a throw back to those games.)

Everquest but not Ultima or Divinity or Warcraft or Might & Magic?

The Witcher a game that's getting a new installment this year and is talked about everywhere but not say Cyberpunk 2077 a game made by the same devs but with more of a legacy?

Thinks FF7 is shit.

Nah, you're a youngfag.

>get apartment with friend
>friend is a dick, steals my shit
>make plans to move out
>before I do get his PC laden with viruses from bad pr0n
>Let his yowling fat cat outside to get pregnant
>empty frozen seafood into the hollow curtain rail in his bedroom
>calls me months later asking if I want to buy a cat, he needs the money for a new laptop

Years later
>move in with fat chink friend
>his mom bought him an apartment with goldfarming money or something
>I have to pay rent to him, he spends it on rice and pirate movies, whatever
>his hot gook sister spends a week with us while looking for work
>these slants can not be related.
>cum all over her chopstick toothbrush twice a day
>night before she frys home
>root around in her stuff while they're out practicing karate or some shit
>go to town on her slanty panties
>come buckets all over a pair she'd worn the day before
>ridiculously fucking drenched
>realise this isn't very fucking subtle. She might see in widescreen, but she can't miss this.
>Keep them

Her visits made living with that fish head tolerable.

>be at friends house
>he is mega richfag
>see golden sun for GBA sitting on the side in the kitchen
>steal it when nobody is looking
>his dad takes me home later that day
>no fucks were given

>>597381181
Assuming you're still in middle school, OD on some sleeping pills faggot.
If you can't buy a gun, go run in front of a bunch of shooters in a firing range.
Other than that, man the fuck up damn it. There's people with way worse problems and you have your little "depression"

Stole Adderall.

Jerked off on his little sister's barbie dolls.
His parents blamed him.

>>597378405
had same thing happen basically

>very rich friend and family were out of town
>knew password to their garage door
>stayed at his house for a few nights while telling my parents i'm sleeping over at another friends house
>play all his vidyas
>eat all brand name food
>drink a few of his dad's beers
>i wake up in the morning and hear voices
>somehow escape without being caught
>next day I call friend and find out he is grounded for drinking his dad's beer

>>597380504
>>actively adverse to pissing in toilets

Your life from about 1 to 16 must have sucked what with being toilet trained and then being at school a lot of the time.

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I sniffed the freshly worn pantys of the girlfriend of my friend

Later i jerked Off in his kitchen
So i can Get it hard that i can Send a pic to a fuckbuddy of me because she really wanted to See my dick

>>597381406

not played every game faggot

>stop disliking what I like.

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>>597381717
I already did sleeping meds, and something medically strong that should've killed me on 2x the doze, yet 6x didn't.
There's no shooting ranges here, I'm not American or else I would've got a gun already.

And if you suggest jumping off a building or running in front of a car what kind of fucking insensitive dickwhat are you?
Apparently a huge one because you don't know my life circumstances and think that I just have the blues because I stubbed my toe.

You should consider killing yourself, you'd do the world quite a favor for the type of person you are.

I accidentally broke my friend's urn filled with some family members ashes.

It got blamed on his little brother

>>597374149
Alright, alright, alright
Are you me?

>>597381406
dragon age kicks baulders ass all tho theyre surprisingly different

>>597376205
you sick fuck

posted full story in horrible sex thread...
>bang friends mom
>younger sister screaming "whore" for an hour
>bang her again net morning
>get friend to smell "funny" smelling finger
>friend smells his moms asshole
>continue to fuck her and my girlfriend everyday for about 6 months.

>>597382088
what meds?

>>597372586
You're a lying FUCK, Chappie.

Wow

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My friend said that we could make Totino's Pizza Rolls, but we had to be quiet.
But I was not able to remain quiet...

>>597380515
Then fucking pick yourself up and quit feeling sorry for yourself. Thats life. Fucking live it. Before you do die.

>>597374092
If you have to hold going to the bathroom until it is an emergency, you have a serious problem. Why did you wait until piss was basically trickling down your leg if you were in their house?

>>597382088
Pussying out on pills is all you did.
Yeah, but faggots like you moping around aren't doing a positive thing either.
>You don't know me
You sound like a goddamn pussy. You leeched on your friend by taking up space. You are a fuckin sissy.
Overdosing on little kids cough syrup won't do thr job obviously. Be a fuckin man for once and get an adult's medicine. Maybe that'll kill your sorry ass.

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> have best friend year younger than me
> get crush on his sister year older than me
> over time find out she likes me
> winrar
> get talking to her
> have younger sister who is best friends with her
> never get to be alone
> whatch movie with them all in her double bed
> mfw i start to finger her with all 4 of us in there
> mfw my sister askes her why she is breathing so hard

>>597382021
>not played every game faggot

Ah so therefore there could be a good FF and you just don't know it.

You never played a decent RPG until you were at least 12? Pfft Play more games.

>>597375624
Ah, clarity.

>>597381578
This doesn't fit the thread, but it was while I was living in the same apartment:
>Go on date with redhead girl
>5/10 but it's been a rough year
>she gets super fucking drunk in the opening hour of the date
>yammers on about how she cheated on her last bf with a girl
>I'm supposed to think this is hot as shit, like a middling Bi firecrotch is a rarity
>pay for everything while she calls a cab
>figure I might as well get something for my trouble
>we get to her place
>"Shh, anon, my dad doesn't let me bring boys over"
>Bitch, we are 25, whatever
>she checks if the coast is clear upstairs
>I help myself to chocolate milk from her fridge
>head upstairs
>things get hot and heavy
>she reprises her cheating story from the restaurant
>this is inexcusable
>blast her in the ass hard, cum deep
>after a few minutes of calm, she hobbles to the bathroom, trying to contain ass
>fuck this date, fuck her cheating story, fuck her bisexual bullshit, her bad breath and hanging tits
>Get up, get dressed
>walk out into hall to judge if I can slip away
>door at far end of the hall is the bathroom, she's quietly running a shower
>closed door next to it is the only other in the hall
>hammer a drum solo on it with full force for a steady 5 seconds
>leap down the stairs
>run out the back door
>get back to the apartment and tell ching chong about it
>swap the remaining chocolate milk for some curry he made

>>597381578
My fucking sides
will be rice and egg rolls.

>>597372144
Killed him

Not crazy but here's mine:
>New year's eve
>3 years ago
>was at best friend's house, eating raclette
>drink lot of vodka cause you know raclette is potato + French cheese + other fat and salty things so thirsty
>smoke weed, lot of weed cause fuck it it's new year.
>the smoking buddys are actually long time smoker so they put a lot of weed in it.
>shit was almost only weed
>higher than the clouds
>go to other friend to finish the night
>drinking even more cause fuck it it's new year
>nasty kiss on another friend's gf
>I was actually licking her lips and her tongue as hard as I could
>Her bf was sitting there and saw it all
>I kept going cause fuck it it's new year
>she starts to pull back but I caught her head and go for it another round
>I like it
>after that drinking more cause fuck it it's new year
>go out
>smell weed
>I want a hit
>take a hit
>feels bad
>runs (I mean I walked as fast as I could) to somewhere where there's nobody
>throw up everything I had
>lost at least 1kg
>I go back in and my mouth smells vomit so
>take a glass, fill it with vodka and rinse my mouth with it
>swallow it all
>lay down on a couch where the girl I was kissing is
>hand on her butt, the bf is mad
>I stand up and leave
>walk home

used to go over my girlfriends house and sniff her moms dirty panties. used to sniff my best friend's moms dirty panties,,,sniffed my step sisters panties

>>597383307

>do what I want you to

I'm happy being free to do what I want

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>>597377107
>simmmba

>>597372144
> be me
> be in 7th grade
> it's my birthday
> surprised with plans by parents and parents of friends
> go to see movie then sleep over at friends house with all of his mates
> mom tells me before I go to not drink anything after 5
> be chronic bedwetter, didn't stop till 8th grade
> drink lots of soda
> lots of water
> fall asleep on couch after watching star wars episode 3
> wake up
> covered in piss
> whole basement smells like piss
> go to bathroom and shower
> tell friends mum I got into shower with clothes on, need new ones
> she knows, and is disgusted but doesn't want to embarrass me
> gets me new clothes
> me and friend never speak again
> change schools next year
I was a fucked up little kid, but I'm pretty normal now thank god. Last week me and my friends (different friends) were home from uni and we blunt cruised past old friends house in the middle of the night.
> saw the couch on the curb
> made them pull over
> pissed on the couch again, after several years

> keked

Seriously though, why did it take them that long to get rid of that fucking couch?

>>597383604
Freedom?

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>father works in a restaurant
>his coworker has a son 1 year older
>hang out with that kid several times at the restaurant
>go to his house several times to play vidya and with his toys
>pretty cool guy and house
>one day playing sonic adventure 2
>fucker never let me play
>when he dies he says it didn't count and all that bullshit
>suddenly had to shit
>too embaressed to ask
>he has to leave a moment
>finally i can play
>shit myself pretty bad
>father comes to pick me up
>kid complaining about smell
>never went there anymore
>mfw he knew and told people what happened

>>597383526
>cause fuck it it's new year

>>597383397
please tell me you have more stories

>>597383289
You downloaded that picture directly off of facebook, you absolute faggot. This Joshua Harry Michael whose facebook you downloaded it from is also a huge faggot, I'm sure.
Also kill yourself.

>>597381578
You sound like a horrible person.

jack off with sisters bra / panties.
they're always in the bathroom

>Friend sets up a house party
>Get drunk pass around liquor in forms of shots
>His 15 year old sister is hammed
>Flirts with me
>Decided to get friend fucking wasted
>3 am, literally pick him up and put him in the hall
>Convince his sister to blow me.
>Start having sex
>move to his parents room
>haven't wiped good enough last I took a sheet
>big sheet stain on his mother's sheets
>His parents come back and find it
>Too awkward for his whole family to confront each other about how the sheet stains got there
>But I know.. I know..

>>597381578
Kek

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>Be me
>16 years old
>at BF's house
>BF has qt younger sister and passable GF who lives with him. He is also 16 but his mom doesn't care. He's kind of spoiled and does whatever he wants (mommaspreciousbabby).
>Sleeping over
>Wake up around 5am horny as fuck
>Go to bathroom in order to jerk it
>Curiosity.wav
>Look inside laundry bin
>Filled with his sisters and GF's dirty panties
>An idea forms
>Picking through bin avoiding friends skivvies
>Amass a respectable pile of soiled girl panties
>Lay them out in front of me like the perverted lord of snailtrails that I am
>Start fappin.
>Feels awesome
>Smelling dirty panties
>Rubbing them on my face
>Rubbing them on my cock
>Panties on head
>IDGAF
>Hold fistful of dirty discharge laden panties to my face and inhale
>Bustinmakesmefeelgood.mpeg
>Pick toilet paper bits off the head of my dick
>Pants up go outside bathroom in all my post fap glory.
>AllhailtheLordofSnailtrails.org
>Friends GF wakes up and goes to pee
>Chuckle to myself. The perfect crime.
>She goes back to their bedroom.
>Post fap pee feeling hits me
>Go to bathroom
>Ohthehumanity.mp4
>Left a handful of panties on the sink counter
>BF's GF had to have seen them
>Put them back into the laundry bin and stir them up a bit so not all panties on top
>Go back to couch and pray to god she never says anything.
>She never does.
>MFW

>>597383397
shit! I can't believe I forgot the best fucking part

>Open back door
>Hear a door open upstairs
>"Anon?!"
>Immediately hear a door FIRE open
>Crippled dad screaming at her hysterically to get dressed
>hear what sounds like pots and pans falling down stairs
>noise fades as I leap the tiny garden gate and cunt it down the street

Fuck. Overly-long story fucking ruined by my own bullshit haste.

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>>597383166
Uwah! What a tough fuccboi, thinking he knows all the details without knowing anyone throwing faggot around like he's some sick gnarly dude who rolls in bitches.
You don't know how clinical depression works, like I knew you didn't. Still thinking that it's just the mopey blues.

You seem to also be clinically retarded since you over looked the part where I mentioned how I took something that should've killed me at 2x, yet didn't at 6x. There isn't any cough syrups here but is that what you use to think of yourself to get high and mighty? Thinking you're some cool dude because you're being a shitter on the internet while kicking back thinking "man what pussies surrounded by faggots everywhere damn I'm so cool I got no problems I'm perfect", get out of here Elliot Rodgers.

>>597383526
Kek
The boyfriend is a pussy

I used to go to my friends house to play video games and chill. He has a cute sister who's a couple years younger than me and she was a figure skater so she was athletic and flexible. She was kinda crazy so I never made a move on her. One night while I was over and she was gone, I told my friend that I had to pee. I quickly ran upstairs into her bedroom and started jacking off with her panties. She's in college now and she got pretty hot.

>>597384354
>This is what 4chan has become, little faggots who hate stories written by assholes about dick moves they pulled in a thread about dick moves pulled by assholes

Tan it back to Reddit, you spastic wrangler.

>get piss shit drunk with best friend
>both of us pass out on the roll out sofa bed after watchin the matrix
>i wake up in the middle of the night, get bored as fuck, can't sleep
>get laptop and jack off to his fit as fuck younger sister's facebook photos
>play unreal tournament for a bit after
>friend wakes up like 3 minutes later, genuinely clueless
>if he did know, it's been 5 years and he hasn't told me yet
>master level ninja fapper

>>597384810
I wasn't being an alpha douche, but being a mopey bitch won't get you too far. At this point, kill yourself you little beta fag

>>597375624
thanks detective
I understand all

>>597372144
> friend in his room
> me be in kitchen's friend
> cook 2 eggs in microwave
> eggs on table; pride: kiss the cook.
> spoon, want break a egg.
> BANG! BANG
> new painting kitchen
> friend arrive; thinking guns
> stare me; stare kitchen
> " You clean all this shit"
True story

>>597384677
Maybe these weren't her panties, and your BF is just a crossdresser and they were actually his?


Or:
Maybe she fapped to the thought of you faping to her panties?

>>597385127
>spastic wrangler
>new TF2 item

Stole a PSP from his big brother.
Scratched the screen with nails, colored the triggers with sharpie, said I got it at pawn shoo.
Never found out.

>>597385364
Aw come on fuck off and let this thread commence.

>>597375677
they were crusty because your friend always wanked into them

Story kind of related. . .
>Be me
>Be ~4 weeks ago
>Go to club with girlfriend
>Girlfriend is a bitch
>Dance with other girls because she's being fucking crazy
>She comes over
>We fight
>We break up at club
>Tell her to get a cab home
"Your shit will be on my lawn in the morning"
>KWhateverlikeI.gifAfuck
>Keep dancing
>Meet 8/10 QT 3.14
>Grinding on her
>GonnaTakeThisBitchHome.ohyeah
"What's your name?"
>Tell her its Dan
>My name's not Dan
>Say's hers is Jessica
>Keep Dancing
>things getting intense
>Start kissing her neck
>We make out in bathroom
>We go to her house
"Be quiet my parents are sleeping"
>Parents?
>Fuck it
>Go to her room
>Sexytimes ensue
Cont

>>597384223
Afraid not friend. At least, none that fit the subject of this thread.

>>597385925
>Stomach Growls
>Think nothing of it
>Stomach growls more intensely
>Oh shit
>Where's your bathroom?
"Right across the hall"
>Bolt for door Buttnekked
>Almost make it to toilet
>Shit self as I sit down
>shit on floor in front of toilet and on the seat
>Door still open
>Ohmygodthishurtssobad.wtf
>Remember all I had today was Taco Bell
>Pictures of Beefy Frito Burrito dance through my head
>Immense pain
>Still shitting everywhere
>Asshole tears
>Bleeding while shitting
>Stings so bad
>Start screaming
>PleaseStaySeated.mp3
>Fall off toilet from pain
>Hear a man yell from hallway
>Jessica comes out into the hallway
>Look of terror
>Adreniline Rush
>Stand up
>Push past jessica
>Grab pants
>Run into hallway still bleeding and shitting
>Man looks angry
>Man looks disgusted
"Who are you?"
>Run to front door
>Open it
>Confused man is confused
>Run outside Nekked
>Finish shitting on lawn down the street
>MFW I realized she must have been underage
>MFW I am a pedophile
>MFW I shit blood in her housse

Still love me some Frito Burrito

>>597385636
topkek

>>597376797
You monster...

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>>597385636
> friend arrive; thinking guns
> stare me; stare kitchen
> " You clean all this shit"

>>597385999
trips dont lie

>>597381406
>Cyberpunk 2077
>not even out yet
Gr8 b8 m8

>>597385127
> Tan it back to reddit you spastic wrangler
> spastic wrangler
My sides r kill

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>>597385364
You are being an alpha douche, you douche.
As I keep saying but you seem to be clinically retarded, forcing me to have to repeat myself just so the point gets by. You don't know me or the facts behind the given scenario. I bet when you stopped sucking your mom's tit at age 20 you probably cried like a bitch but you're quick to bitch at everyone else for your own quick, bias conclusions.

Go break your arm right now, not only will it give you time away from the internet where you think you're some tough guy but it'll prove to you that even you cry like everyone else does. But because you aren't in a scenario where you have reason to, you think it's impossible.

I bet you're a religious too.

>>597383496
Bad bait, but just in case...Story?

>>597385962
As long as theyre racist, OP approves any of your stories

>>597385999
That was.... pretty fucking good

>>597374997
>impressive.

>>597385999
>mfw shit on the lawn foreshadowing

>>597385999
I have never laughed harder before at something on this website

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>Used to be a burglar, opened windows, lockpick, ect.
>Only steal food because poor as fuck
>One of my friends knew my past.
>invited over one day.
>He was out when he said he'd be home.
>Eh fuck it.
>enter his house through the window
>Sit in his computer chair with the chair turned around.
>Now we play the waiting game
>30 minutes later he comes home; my car is still outside.
>confused he goes to his room
>"Hello mister bond."
>It was his mom.
>she freaks out.
>friend gets in trouble
>They still have no idea how i got in
>Still friends with both of them.

>be 10-12
>staying at friends house
>We masturbate together a lot
>San Andreas has strippers, we're internetless faggots
>Stay up late until his mum goes to bed
>Need a piss
>sneak down to wank over the pixel titties
>boner
>Slowly piss myself with pleasure
>He doesn't even care, asks why I didn't just go to the bathroom
>I don't even know
>wear somewhat dried piss covered jeans home the following day

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>>597378405
kek

stole a half ounce of weed from a friend of a friend

>hanging at friends house
>kid with tourettes shows up
>known him for a while, huge faggot
>always acts like he knows everything but is so fucking stupid
>guy pulls out a 3 ounces out of his bag
>he decides we're gonna smoke a bunch
>we end up smoking half an ounce
>we all are about to go outside to smoke a cig
>I go to the bathroom first
>When I come out I am alone with all this weed
>week earlier the faggot tried to steal a joint I had in my car
>Revenge Time
>I go into his bag and take about half and ounce at least
>go hide it in the other room at my friends house
>run out and smoke a cig
>we all come back and smoke more weed
>nothing is said about missing bud
>he leaves after an hour
>I show my friend the weed after
>he doesn't care for the guy much either but is mainly his friend cus he smokes weed with him
>we split the weed
>no regrets

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>>597372144
>be 15
>be at friends house for sleepover
>be practising karate in his living room just as a joke
>slip on rug trying to do a move
>smash his cabinet with my foot
>he comes in and asks what happened
>slipped and fell into it
>his mum woke up to find mess
>left the house before she could ask what happened
>swurved.jpg

I'm at a party, get too hammed. Blacked out. Pissed myself and the couch i was sleeping on. In my blackout state, I took my pants off and found some tupperware. Put my piss pants in the tupperware and back into pantry. Side note, born with no sense of smell. Wake up in wet boxers, go into kitchen, "who poured water on me when I was sleeping?" Get laughed out of the room.

>>597383151
Maybe he'd just shown up.

His story reminds me of when I took the ACT, though. I took an adderall, which I didn't have much of a tolerance to at the time, and I'd drank like five bottles of water on my way to the testing place. I ended having to pee so bad that I literally couldn't hold it in and I pissed myself a little before I made it to the bathroom..

>>597378248
Autism

>>597386583
wtf happened to my thumbnail, turned into some anime shit

threw a bag of crackers into his fan and let it rain cracker bits all over his room

>>597376797
I would've cut your fucking hands off there and then, if you did that to me. I'm not even being edgy, that's inconsiderate as fuck and you deserved to get your house burglarized by niggers.

I had missonary sex with her.

>>597376797
Which FF game?

>at a mate's house
>both 15 years old
>recently got pretty shook because of asshole older kids
>mate got mugged by them aswell
>both pretty jumpy
>he says "shit what if they know where i live"
>we prang the fuck out
>set up traps in the house and get his dads power tools, hoard them upstairs for weapons
>all set up for our night alone fearing for our lives
>"shit i left my psp downstairs"
>i go down to get it, pitch black
>hear something
>fuck this shit
>his cat jumps at me from out of the darkness
>i fucking RKO his cat in self defense
>huge fucking thud
>"shit dude are you alright"
>his cat is laid out on the floor
>"yeah i'm good, missed a step on the stairs"
>i throw his cat outside and grab my psp
>his cat had a fucked up jaw afterwards
>he thinks the older faggots beat the shit out of his cat during the night
>it's been 6 years and i ain't telling him until i'm on my deathbed

>>597383397
>>597384687
kek

>>597376577
We call it grandma's dump

>10 year old me
>go to friends house
>needed a piss so i headed to the toilet
>can hear friend's mum shouting from bathroom
>ignore it, open the door
>mum is in the bath, screaming
>didn't say anything for 5 seconds
>'shut your mouth. or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you'
>spit out toothpick and go home
>order scorpion jacket that evening online

Masturbate in his bathroom while fingering my asshole with a pair of his mums pantys in my face

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>>597379997

>>597375624
oh, thanks. I have Yes clue!

>>597376797
Dude not cool

>>597372144
Lost a best friend because of this..

>be 17
>getting high at best friends house and playing halo 3
>got a qt 3.14 sister 16 years of age
>always knows she's wanted the D
>always giving me those 'fuck me' stares every time she's passing by to the kitchen.
>try to ignore her because best friend is getting suspicious
>bitch walked over in front of the couch, purposely dropped her bottle of ice tea and just bent down sticking dat juicy ass right in my sight.
>bonerachieved.jpeg
>decide to try and make a move on her when my douche friend goes to sleep
>bro either greens out or is falling asleep and im just giggly as shit
>qt 3.14 whispers to me from across the living room and ushers me upstairs
>grabs my beta hands and places it on dat ass while we walk up and just smiles at me
>at this point my pockets are started to overflow with spaghetti
>ask her what her intention is while trying to scoop the spaghetti back into my pockets
>she saves me the embarrassment and just fucking attacks my face
>make out for good 5 minutes at her bedroom door
>put hands down her pants panties soaked like crazy
>finger her like a motherfucker pro shes moaning and shaking
>push her onto bed, rip her pants off and go down town
>she almost screaming at this point, pushing my head down like Im Jesus at the last supper
>''I want you to fuck me hard anon"
>fuckyeah
>get her in doggy style position and pound that ass like my life depends on it
>we forget how loud we are
>here someone coming upstairs
>both scared shirtless and discussing how to tell her bro it's not what it looks like
>saying my last prayers
>this nigger went in his room first looking for me
>try and hide under the covers and accept my fate
>bro opens the door
>gets on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>>597374149
So whos line was it?

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>>597383526

>cause fuck it it's new year
kek'd

>>597375802
>>597383340
>>597385606
>>597388544
you fools, he meant next door as in next room over, not the next house.

>>597388599
kek

>>597388599
Fuck you and your dubs

>>597383526
New years.. heh.. This is unrelated, but..
>New year's eve
>two months ago
>be hanging out with ex coworker
>get a half gram of coke, some klonopin, and a half-gallon of vodka
>proceed to get totally shitfaced
>decide to go to Walmart to get beef jerky
>friend drives 70mph down country roads
>ramps and gets airborne twice on the same hill
>somehow we make it to Walmart
>it was 3am
>apparently I almost bumped into some guy's baby (fucked if I know why he had his baby at Walmart at 3 am)
>dude follows us out of Walmart
>dude follows us almost all the way back to my house
>we pull over to see what he wants
>he said we were talking shit to his baby
>I hear the news that he has a baby
>I come up with a great plan
>I look my friend dead in the eyes
>"He's got a baby?....... Let's KILL him!"
>my friend stares at me blankly for a second
>"Yeah!!"
>dude hears us decide to kill him
>dude pulls out a magnum
>we run the fuck home
>he doesn't kill us

That story was told to me by a third person who was there who was relatively sober.. I don't know how we didn't die that night

>>597375923
during my final exams i was doing a fuck ton of dexredine, and would use DPH to sleep, fucking last night I used it was so fucking scary, heard people saying they would fucking kill me, people walking around my room with axes falling into shadows, scary as fuck.

>>597374326
you think?

Did all his coke and slept with his mom

>>597375677
literally one of the saddest things i've heard

>>597389060
>implying we didn't actually know
fag't

>>597376205
/thread

>>597389060
oh, thanks! Finally got it!

>>597372144
fapped in the bathroom

>perved like fuuuck on my best bros lil sister
>i'm 15 she's 12
>watched her in the bathroom through the keyhole, pissing, shower
>was always thinking up new ways to spy on her
>climb the tree outside her bedroom and spy her changing, incredible
>exposed myself to her all the time, fapped right next to her on her bed once, she never told
>snuck into her room while she was sleeping and used her hand to jerk me off
>came all in her hair and on her face
>always feeling up her ass and little tits pretending i'm just reaching for a cup or whatever
>steal her panties, suck them, wear them, tie them round my dick
>damn she used to give me diamond dick
>still fap to the memories

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>>597385999
Saved

>>597388599
top kek

>>597376797
I hope this is b8

>>597391030
Where is she now?

>>597391169
I've posted that story like 5 or 6 times now, first time someone saved and posted a shot of it.

Glad you enjoyed it anon.

>>597388599
saw it coming miles off, next time try and tell an even slightly believable story please.

>>597372144
My buddy's mom.

>>597381406
Shut the fuck up with >muh nostalgia and even if it isn't, i don't give a fuck about "games are shit now ahhh" fuck off to /v/, faggot.

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I had an instance where I pissed my pants while sitting on my friend's couch when I was in 3rd or 4th grade.

>>597391377
she's around i just stopped doing that shit one day and i don't see the bro so much anymore anyway.
when i think about it i am so fucking glad i never got caught

>>597372144
>Go to friends house
>He's not home yet
>Mom says I can wait for him
>Mom comments on how much I've grown up
>Fuck friends mom on couch
>Friend comes home
>pokerface.jpg
>We play video games in living room
>Mom makes us snacks
>Friend jumps up smelling hand
>"Eww... why's the couch all wet?"

I got a couple stories but this is one that sticks out the most.

>be 11
>live in apartment complex
>me and friend go to his friend's house
>friend has a kinda chubby 9 yo sister
>we're heavy into WWE
>We fake wrestle because we're too innocent to realize how faggoty that is
>9 yo sister gets pissy and butthurt because she wants to wrestle but we don't want her to get hurt
>She whines and threatens to tell her mom that we're being mean to her.
>okyouaskedforit.gif
>She rushes me from behind and gets me in a decent chokehold
>"OP you're a bitch, you're gonna get choked out by a girl?"
>nope.jpg
>I reverse it and RKO the everloving shit out of her.
>She hits the floor with the force of a Trayvon
>Everyone checks to see if she's cool
>Turns out she's having an asthma attack
cont.

>>597391169
Oh fuck this is disgusting.
Glad I'm no amerifat eating fucking taco bell and other shit-tier food

>>597378248
this isn't a cringe thread

>>597392499
HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAHAHA
those last 4 lines

>>597391169
For fucks sake anon, is that your very first screenshot or something?

>>597373175
Why did you have sex with his dog bro. That's fucked

>>597392499
bumping for this anon

>>597374149
'> lolno'
Ayyyyy

>>597392499
MOAR

>>597383526
Rate my story?

>be 17
>getting drunk for the first time with some mates
>we begin drinking at a friends' house
>after a few beers some guy challenges me to drink a half of liter of beer in one go
>herewego.jpg
> do it four times in one hour
>later on head to a bar
>at that moment I'm already wasted as fuck
>more booze, friends make me take shots every ten minutes

>we head home at around 04:30 AM
>I'm sleeping at a friend
>friend tells me I have to sleep in his mom's workplace
>his mom is a physiotherapist or whatever who works at home
>go to bed
>can't sleep
>decide to try and find the light switch because I need to go to the bathroom to puke
>scour the whole room without succes
>puke in every corner of the room
>puke over a skeleton display
>puke over some cushions
>puke over the bed
>puke fucking everywhere
>finally find the bathroom which was in the hall
>empty two rolls of toiletpaper trying to clean up the mess for like an hour
>I finally finish and go to sleep

>next morning I wake up
>ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg
>there is still puke everywhere
>the whole room smells like alcohol and kebab
>gtfo
>stumble into the living room where his dad is sitting
>hands me my cellphone which fell out of my pocket next to the toilet
>there is still some puke on it
>I then hear a scream coming from the other room
>my friends' mom discovered the mess I made
>I mumble 'sorry' and leave

Never hear from it ever again, my friend thought it was hilarious.

>>597393485
eh/10

>>597375049
this guy knows what's going on

>>597376797
kek i did something like this,deleted his memory card,resident evil,ff,gran turismo,all gone

>>597393824
pun

>>597385999
10/10 best thing i ever read screenshoted that gold

>wen

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>>597392499
cont.
>Brother is flipping the fuck out looking all over the place for her inhaler.
>He eventually finds it and she's fine
>He looks at me with the rage of a thousand niggers getting their EBT cut
>He yells at me to get out of his house 3 times
>Meanwhile, I'm insisting it was an accident but he's too angry.
>mfw that nigger grabbed a knife and threatened to carve me up
>He fucking chases me around the appt. complex with the knife.
>I get to my appt unscaved and scared as hell.
>Building security comes knocking on my door and tells my parents that me and said friend were running around the halls being disruptive
>I didn't tell my mom what actually happened because I don't want her to flip shit
>I got a whipping but it was better than getting stabbed by a 11 yo
cont.

>>597392499
>2015
>Not having story typed out beforehand

Fucking post the second part already.

>>597394441
11 yr olds are always edgy knife cunts.

>>597372537
Samefaging

>>597394888
checked

>>597394513
you best delete this, son

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>>597384235

File: delicious lemonade.webm (3MB, 640x480px)

3MB, 640x480px

Something like this.

>>597394441
Nigga this thread about to 404, git ur shit typed

>>597376205
u fuckin savage

>>597388207
Britfag confirmed
>shook

>>597377107
fuck i laughed

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>>597372240
I'm sorry

>>597395964
People say that where I live.

>>597381578

Are you Walt from Gran Torino?

>>597372144
fingerbanged his cousin while she was in the same bed as his sister

>>597378248
underrated post

>be summer going into 8th grade
>meet this hot red head at public pool a year older than me
> we hit it off and try to figure out a way we can fuck eachother
>not my house, not her house
>buddy who goes to the pool with me total beta
>one day go to his house to grab "towels"
>leave a window slightly cracked
>his family goes on vacation for the weekend
>window still not locked
>fuck her in my buddies house while they're gone
>put my boxers and her panties under his bed to mess with him
>he finds out and hates me now
>no regrats

>>597396136
Same here

>>597394441
Bump for slowfag

>>597394441
finish the story bruh

>>597375624
pro tip
he's fucking lying
on an anonymous image board
praise the fuckin lord I am not him

>>597388599
>jesus at the last supper
kekd hard you faggot

Implying I have friends

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>>597388599

Well I was at my boyfriends house
Roommates are fucking horrific
Couple that's always screaming and throwing shit, she's always screaming and making herself puke after eating half the groceries
Boyfriend and I have sex
He cums inside me
I go to the bathroom and use their bath towel to wipe my sex-hole clean
Also wipe my ass on it for safe measure because FUCK them both
Bitch accused me of stealing her package that never came in the mail
I hope she wipes her face with my cunt juices

>>597397163
Bump

>>597397986
top kek

Lets see how many lurkers are here.

I was 16 at the time. My friend had given birth to her daughter and I was invited to her house. She left me in the room alone with the baby while she grabbed something from the other room. Before she got back, I french kissed her baby.

That was a long time ago. Her daughter must be 20 by now and she has no idea I was her first kiss.

>be at 16yr gf house
>sneaking around through side gate
>see her through the back patio glass door
>decide to sneak up on her through other room
>no one is home around this time except her
>go through guest room
>mom comes home
>!!!
>hide in closet
>youngest daughter runs into the house
>she is 10. yelling for her sister to help find her karate uniform
>the karate uniform is next to me in the closet
>i slide to the other side
>she comes into the room and opens the closet
>grabs karate stuff
>doesn't see me and closes bedroom door
>continue?

>>597388599
dub dinosaur faggot

>>597398242
Reporting

Once I peed in my friend's closet when he left the room

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>>597394441
>>597394441
>next day at school, knifeanon told everybody he was going to beat my ass.
>me being a scrawny little nig, I couldn't take him on
>we catch the same bus to and from school, he missed the bus to school, thank god
>Ruhroh school's out.
>There's a shitload of school staff on the bus anyway so I'm safe for now.
>My heart is beating out of my chest as our stop is coming up, because he's going to fucking cream me.
>Everybody that gets off on my stop knows whats coming to me.
>As soon as we get off, I run with the force of a thousand sanics
>He's fucking catching up
>I panic and throw my bookbag behind me and he trips on it
>His face is completely fucked
>He has to get stitches and shit
>I use this to my advantage
>I tell the whole school about how I fukkin rekt that skrub.
>Word gets to the principal that I fucked his shit up.
>I end up getting suspended for 2 weeks
>I come back to school, I didn't see knifeanon at all
>intheclear.jpg
>I go to the pisser
>Suddenly a shadow appears behind me
>I wake up in a stretcher
>mfw knifeanon punched me so hard I seized out and almost died.
>mfw knifeanon was sentenced to 4 years in Juvie.
>mfw all this because I RKO'ed his fat sister.

>>597398349
not where i thought that was going, but still no better.

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>go to new years party at my friends house
>get drunk as fuck
>apparently, i threw up all over the floor
>fell in it
>slept there for a little bit
>woke up the next morning on his couch in my friends shorts (mine were covered in vomit)
>mfw when I've soaked the couch and his shorts with piss

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>>597381578

>>597398242
just waiting for the fag who RKO'd the 8 year old girl to continue his story

>>597398617
My bad yall, my internet sperged out on me and I had to retype half of this.

>>597388599
>juicy ass
Did she have diarrhea or something?

>>597398379
go ahead

>>597398834
>>597398617

>>597398834
I finished it.
>>597398617

I always pee on the sink, wash muh dick there then dry it out on the face towel

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>>597380348
kek

Fucking A

>>597375624
Fuck you, Derek.

>>597398617
tbh the first third was funniest

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>>597399051
, tombstone that bitch next time you see her anon,