Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps. The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact. You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random
I wet my pants in a house with too girls who were friends of mine. I was peeing myself and i needed to use a bathroom fast, so i asked an they point me where to go, as i was ready to release my penis I notice the place is dark as fuck and i need some light to know where the hell i was, i stretch my arm to turn on the light but the swithc wasn't inside the bathroom, i was confused as fuck, and i ask from inside where the switch was, while i peed into the darkness. when they turned up the light, it was too late, i peed all over myself and the whole bathroom. I managed to clean the bathroom with a lot of toilet paper.
I'm not sure if they notice, cause they didn't say a thing to me, of course i tried as best as i could to avoid being noticed, maybe they were as embaraced as me and decided not telling me, I escaped from the house saying that i had some stomach pain or some shit like that.
After that day i never spoke with them ever again.
>>597372144 > from ages 17-21 > have best friend who I visit like 2 nights a week > he has a cute sister three years younger than us > talk with sister on facebook all the time > gradually get her to like me > FF chilling at friends house > we play halo 3 and watch whose line is it anyway until 3am > crash in his spareroom > wake up next day, house is empty > friends mom at work, friend at a personal trainers course > but what about qt 14 yr old? > we proceed to fuck on every single padded surface in the house > still fuckbuddies to this day > shes 18 now > wants srs relationship with me > lolno
Friend lives in grandma's house. Has no say in house. Me and friends regularly got blackout drunk and would rip apart basement ceiling. Shoot evwrything with bb guns. There is 3 smashed pool tables in the back yard. Light tiny things on fire. Smash his childhood toys. we're terrible people. Fuck green text. I don't know why we did it.
>be 12 >go to friend's house to hang out >eat tacos >play basketball >suddenly leak some serious diarrhea in underwear >awkwardly power walk to inside bathroom >unload massive shits and clog the toilet >try and clean up with toilet paper and hand towels >hide shit stained underwear and and towels under friend's bed >tell no one >leave
I can only imagine what his parents were thinking when they had to unclog the toilet and found crusty shit rags under their sons bed..
so oncei just arrived at my niggas place and soon as i got in his room he showed me some new porn mag so i just got on the bed and started jacking off real good, not 10 seconds pass his mother comes in and instantly sees what i was doing. i swear she fuckin caught me masturbating in her home not 2 minutes after i entered the house
friend 1. go to his house, sniff his sisters panties (she wanted the dick anyway so it's okay) friend 1 again, go to his house to play vid games, sniff his sisters butthole, get walked in on by sis's friend. friend 2. getting ready to leave, kinda horny for some reason, decide to have his dog lick my dick and bust on its face, then wipe it off and leave, pray I got it all off.
I was 15 we had a water drinkinh competition since i claimed to be able to drink a gallon. I drank a gallon he drank a quart. Go to sleep on his couch. Pissed whole gallon on sofa completely soaks the cushion. Wake up. Flip cushion. Leave. 3 weeks later it smells so bad they think the dog started making his territory. He becomes an outside dog and is never let back in. Couch thrown out.
>best mate >parents recently divorced >18 y/o sister hawtie >middle of the night >go to loo >sister appears out of nowhere >Iwannaknowwhtloveis.png >take her virginity on the stairs >she bleeds down her ass crack onto the wall >had to fake falling down the stairs early in the morning and cutting my head on the wall. >still fuck her regularly >bloodstain on the wall to this day >everytime I walk past it, i say to myself "simmmba"
>I threw my friends grandmas yappy dog out of the window. It landed on the bin dead. >Next day she found it dead. >she heart attacked >died >went to her funeral >friend devastated >attended burial >threw a toy dog on her coffin >couldn't not smile >friend realized I was in the room above the bins when the dog died. >at the fucking graveside >no more friend >feelsbadman
>>597372144 >be me >teenager >immature so trick-or-treating >see friend's younger brother with a giant sack on his shoulder >shoulder tackle this 10-year-old child, screaming "TRICK OR TREAT" with the rage of 3 ogres >steal candy >return candy >continue process in between looting homes for candy of my own >friend says his cul-de-sac has a chili potluck >yell "CHILI" with the power of 7.5 ogres, booming voice and all >violent tire screech >go to friend's house >fuckin casual chilis aren't texas red master race >inhabit friend's couch >turn on tv >shrek is on >younger brother is upstairs doing homework, starts shouting "shrek shrek shrek" down the stairs >his mom is not amused >"COLLIN YOU'RE GROUNDED" >2.5 ogre >notbad.jpg >i realized, the influence i have imparted upon my friend and his family is straining their parents' marriage, their relationships with each other, and might have led to the amputation of one of their cats' legs >I am a god
>>597372144 >Be me >7 or 8 years old or something >Have this friend down the street I sometimes hang out with >He has GTA on his PS1, shit was cash back in the day >Wasn't allowed to play violent games at that age because they were "bad for me" >Come over there as often as I could, would always play with him >One day, I try and see if he's home >ring doorbell, no answer >check backyard, no one >check backdoor, unlocked >Shitnigga.jpg >Break into his house, no one home >go upstairs to his room, play GTA on his PS1 >After like 30 minutes I hear a car pull up and hear voices outside >People coming home >Panic.exe >He lives upstairs, like 1 flight of stairs up >Jumping out of the window can't be a bad idea, right? >jump out, bruise leg pretty bad >Next day he talks about how someone came into his house but nothing was taken or anything, only things mentionable were open window and door, and his PS1 was on >never got caught >mfw
I stayed over his house for 3 days with severe depression.
I was there so he could keep an eye on me to ensure I didn't try to kill myself. I essentially did nothing but stare at the monitor of him playing games or watching something, not even absorbing anything. Just being void and taking up space.
I was leaving best friends house and I saw a stack of cash on a table and feel compulsion to take it. No one in room with me so I do. Get home and it's 200. His parents ask friend about it, tell him they think I might have done it. I deny it and friend believes. His sister gets caught stealing a month later and takes the blame. I had to keep it stashed as my friend was the only friend I had and we were usually together and I was always poor. I still don't know what I stole it, I just did.
>drunk as shit at house party at my friends >want to smoke >notmyhouse.png > blow through a pack in his parents room while getting real with these stonerbros > fuck in his parents bed >shit tons of sperm and sweat harden on the sheets
this has happened more than a few times at this dudes house. god bless him for being so cool about it
>>597372144 >3 years ago >freshman year, virginfag >go visit some friend >wild woman suddenly appears(at the time i tought she was his sister) >"congratz anon" >"huh, thanks, where is anonfriend?" >"at the mall, he will come back in 20, wait here in the couch" >started to watch some news >she jumps off in my lap and start to kiss me >bonerkicks >10 mins of makeout, about to cum >she suddenly take my cock out of my pants and blow it for less than a minute >put dick off and cum in the couch >she laughs >i leave >never get back again >mfw she was actually his girlfriend >no regrats
>be me >actively adverse to pissing in toilets >sinks, showers, floor drains. anything but the can >at buddies house >see potted plant in corner >openthefloodgates.jpg >mfw i drown the plant >mfw very expensive japanese fern thingy
>get apartment with friend >friend is a dick, steals my shit >make plans to move out >before I do get his PC laden with viruses from bad pr0n >Let his yowling fat cat outside to get pregnant >empty frozen seafood into the hollow curtain rail in his bedroom >calls me months later asking if I want to buy a cat, he needs the money for a new laptop
Years later >move in with fat chink friend >his mom bought him an apartment with goldfarming money or something >I have to pay rent to him, he spends it on rice and pirate movies, whatever >his hot gook sister spends a week with us while looking for work >these slants can not be related. >cum all over her chopstick toothbrush twice a day >night before she frys home >root around in her stuff while they're out practicing karate or some shit >go to town on her slanty panties >come buckets all over a pair she'd worn the day before >ridiculously fucking drenched >realise this isn't very fucking subtle. She might see in widescreen, but she can't miss this. >Keep them
Her visits made living with that fish head tolerable.
>>597381181 Assuming you're still in middle school, OD on some sleeping pills faggot. If you can't buy a gun, go run in front of a bunch of shooters in a firing range. Other than that, man the fuck up damn it. There's people with way worse problems and you have your little "depression"
>very rich friend and family were out of town >knew password to their garage door >stayed at his house for a few nights while telling my parents i'm sleeping over at another friends house >play all his vidyas >eat all brand name food >drink a few of his dad's beers >i wake up in the morning and hear voices >somehow escape without being caught >next day I call friend and find out he is grounded for drinking his dad's beer
>>597381717 I already did sleeping meds, and something medically strong that should've killed me on 2x the doze, yet 6x didn't. There's no shooting ranges here, I'm not American or else I would've got a gun already.
And if you suggest jumping off a building or running in front of a car what kind of fucking insensitive dickwhat are you? Apparently a huge one because you don't know my life circumstances and think that I just have the blues because I stubbed my toe.
You should consider killing yourself, you'd do the world quite a favor for the type of person you are.
posted full story in horrible sex thread... >bang friends mom >younger sister screaming "whore" for an hour >bang her again net morning >get friend to smell "funny" smelling finger >friend smells his moms asshole >continue to fuck her and my girlfriend everyday for about 6 months.
>>597374092 If you have to hold going to the bathroom until it is an emergency, you have a serious problem. Why did you wait until piss was basically trickling down your leg if you were in their house?
>>597382088 Pussying out on pills is all you did. Yeah, but faggots like you moping around aren't doing a positive thing either. >You don't know me You sound like a goddamn pussy. You leeched on your friend by taking up space. You are a fuckin sissy. Overdosing on little kids cough syrup won't do thr job obviously. Be a fuckin man for once and get an adult's medicine. Maybe that'll kill your sorry ass.
> have best friend year younger than me > get crush on his sister year older than me > over time find out she likes me > winrar > get talking to her > have younger sister who is best friends with her > never get to be alone > whatch movie with them all in her double bed > mfw i start to finger her with all 4 of us in there > mfw my sister askes her why she is breathing so hard
>>597381578 This doesn't fit the thread, but it was while I was living in the same apartment: >Go on date with redhead girl >5/10 but it's been a rough year >she gets super fucking drunk in the opening hour of the date >yammers on about how she cheated on her last bf with a girl >I'm supposed to think this is hot as shit, like a middling Bi firecrotch is a rarity >pay for everything while she calls a cab >figure I might as well get something for my trouble >we get to her place >"Shh, anon, my dad doesn't let me bring boys over" >Bitch, we are 25, whatever >she checks if the coast is clear upstairs >I help myself to chocolate milk from her fridge >head upstairs >things get hot and heavy >she reprises her cheating story from the restaurant >this is inexcusable >blast her in the ass hard, cum deep >after a few minutes of calm, she hobbles to the bathroom, trying to contain ass >fuck this date, fuck her cheating story, fuck her bisexual bullshit, her bad breath and hanging tits >Get up, get dressed >walk out into hall to judge if I can slip away >door at far end of the hall is the bathroom, she's quietly running a shower >closed door next to it is the only other in the hall >hammer a drum solo on it with full force for a steady 5 seconds >leap down the stairs >run out the back door >get back to the apartment and tell ching chong about it >swap the remaining chocolate milk for some curry he made
Not crazy but here's mine: >New year's eve >3 years ago >was at best friend's house, eating raclette >drink lot of vodka cause you know raclette is potato + French cheese + other fat and salty things so thirsty >smoke weed, lot of weed cause fuck it it's new year. >the smoking buddys are actually long time smoker so they put a lot of weed in it. >shit was almost only weed >higher than the clouds >go to other friend to finish the night >drinking even more cause fuck it it's new year >nasty kiss on another friend's gf >I was actually licking her lips and her tongue as hard as I could >Her bf was sitting there and saw it all >I kept going cause fuck it it's new year >she starts to pull back but I caught her head and go for it another round >I like it >after that drinking more cause fuck it it's new year >go out >smell weed >I want a hit >take a hit >feels bad >runs (I mean I walked as fast as I could) to somewhere where there's nobody >throw up everything I had >lost at least 1kg >I go back in and my mouth smells vomit so >take a glass, fill it with vodka and rinse my mouth with it >swallow it all >lay down on a couch where the girl I was kissing is >hand on her butt, the bf is mad >I stand up and leave >walk home
>>597372144 > be me > be in 7th grade > it's my birthday > surprised with plans by parents and parents of friends > go to see movie then sleep over at friends house with all of his mates > mom tells me before I go to not drink anything after 5 > be chronic bedwetter, didn't stop till 8th grade > drink lots of soda > lots of water > fall asleep on couch after watching star wars episode 3 > wake up > covered in piss > whole basement smells like piss > go to bathroom and shower > tell friends mum I got into shower with clothes on, need new ones > she knows, and is disgusted but doesn't want to embarrass me > gets me new clothes > me and friend never speak again > change schools next year I was a fucked up little kid, but I'm pretty normal now thank god. Last week me and my friends (different friends) were home from uni and we blunt cruised past old friends house in the middle of the night. > saw the couch on the curb > made them pull over > pissed on the couch again, after several years
Seriously though, why did it take them that long to get rid of that fucking couch?
>father works in a restaurant >his coworker has a son 1 year older >hang out with that kid several times at the restaurant >go to his house several times to play vidya and with his toys >pretty cool guy and house >one day playing sonic adventure 2 >fucker never let me play >when he dies he says it didn't count and all that bullshit >suddenly had to shit >too embaressed to ask >he has to leave a moment >finally i can play >shit myself pretty bad >father comes to pick me up >kid complaining about smell >never went there anymore >mfw he knew and told people what happened
>>597383289 You downloaded that picture directly off of facebook, you absolute faggot. This Joshua Harry Michael whose facebook you downloaded it from is also a huge faggot, I'm sure. Also kill yourself.
>Friend sets up a house party >Get drunk pass around liquor in forms of shots >His 15 year old sister is hammed >Flirts with me >Decided to get friend fucking wasted >3 am, literally pick him up and put him in the hall >Convince his sister to blow me. >Start having sex >move to his parents room >haven't wiped good enough last I took a sheet >big sheet stain on his mother's sheets >His parents come back and find it >Too awkward for his whole family to confront each other about how the sheet stains got there >But I know.. I know..
>Be me >16 years old >at BF's house >BF has qt younger sister and passable GF who lives with him. He is also 16 but his mom doesn't care. He's kind of spoiled and does whatever he wants (mommaspreciousbabby). >Sleeping over >Wake up around 5am horny as fuck >Go to bathroom in order to jerk it >Curiosity.wav >Look inside laundry bin >Filled with his sisters and GF's dirty panties >An idea forms >Picking through bin avoiding friends skivvies >Amass a respectable pile of soiled girl panties >Lay them out in front of me like the perverted lord of snailtrails that I am >Start fappin. >Feels awesome >Smelling dirty panties >Rubbing them on my face >Rubbing them on my cock >Panties on head >IDGAF >Hold fistful of dirty discharge laden panties to my face and inhale >Bustinmakesmefeelgood.mpeg >Pick toilet paper bits off the head of my dick >Pants up go outside bathroom in all my post fap glory. >AllhailtheLordofSnailtrails.org >Friends GF wakes up and goes to pee >Chuckle to myself. The perfect crime. >She goes back to their bedroom. >Post fap pee feeling hits me >Go to bathroom >Ohthehumanity.mp4 >Left a handful of panties on the sink counter >BF's GF had to have seen them >Put them back into the laundry bin and stir them up a bit so not all panties on top >Go back to couch and pray to god she never says anything. >She never does. >MFW
>>597383397 shit! I can't believe I forgot the best fucking part
>Open back door >Hear a door open upstairs >"Anon?!" >Immediately hear a door FIRE open >Crippled dad screaming at her hysterically to get dressed >hear what sounds like pots and pans falling down stairs >noise fades as I leap the tiny garden gate and cunt it down the street
Fuck. Overly-long story fucking ruined by my own bullshit haste.
>>597383166 Uwah! What a tough fuccboi, thinking he knows all the details without knowing anyone throwing faggot around like he's some sick gnarly dude who rolls in bitches. You don't know how clinical depression works, like I knew you didn't. Still thinking that it's just the mopey blues.
You seem to also be clinically retarded since you over looked the part where I mentioned how I took something that should've killed me at 2x, yet didn't at 6x. There isn't any cough syrups here but is that what you use to think of yourself to get high and mighty? Thinking you're some cool dude because you're being a shitter on the internet while kicking back thinking "man what pussies surrounded by faggots everywhere damn I'm so cool I got no problems I'm perfect", get out of here Elliot Rodgers.
I used to go to my friends house to play video games and chill. He has a cute sister who's a couple years younger than me and she was a figure skater so she was athletic and flexible. She was kinda crazy so I never made a move on her. One night while I was over and she was gone, I told my friend that I had to pee. I quickly ran upstairs into her bedroom and started jacking off with her panties. She's in college now and she got pretty hot.
>get piss shit drunk with best friend >both of us pass out on the roll out sofa bed after watchin the matrix >i wake up in the middle of the night, get bored as fuck, can't sleep >get laptop and jack off to his fit as fuck younger sister's facebook photos >play unreal tournament for a bit after >friend wakes up like 3 minutes later, genuinely clueless >if he did know, it's been 5 years and he hasn't told me yet >master level ninja fapper
>>597372144 > friend in his room > me be in kitchen's friend > cook 2 eggs in microwave > eggs on table; pride: kiss the cook. > spoon, want break a egg. > BANG! BANG > new painting kitchen > friend arrive; thinking guns > stare me; stare kitchen > " You clean all this shit" True story
Story kind of related. . . >Be me >Be ~4 weeks ago >Go to club with girlfriend >Girlfriend is a bitch >Dance with other girls because she's being fucking crazy >She comes over >We fight >We break up at club >Tell her to get a cab home "Your shit will be on my lawn in the morning" >KWhateverlikeI.gifAfuck >Keep dancing >Meet 8/10 QT 3.14 >Grinding on her >GonnaTakeThisBitchHome.ohyeah "What's your name?" >Tell her its Dan >My name's not Dan >Say's hers is Jessica >Keep Dancing >things getting intense >Start kissing her neck >We make out in bathroom >We go to her house "Be quiet my parents are sleeping" >Parents? >Fuck it >Go to her room >Sexytimes ensue Cont
>>597385925 >Stomach Growls >Think nothing of it >Stomach growls more intensely >Oh shit >Where's your bathroom? "Right across the hall" >Bolt for door Buttnekked >Almost make it to toilet >Shit self as I sit down >shit on floor in front of toilet and on the seat >Door still open >Ohmygodthishurtssobad.wtf >Remember all I had today was Taco Bell >Pictures of Beefy Frito Burrito dance through my head >Immense pain >Still shitting everywhere >Asshole tears >Bleeding while shitting >Stings so bad >Start screaming >PleaseStaySeated.mp3 >Fall off toilet from pain >Hear a man yell from hallway >Jessica comes out into the hallway >Look of terror >Adreniline Rush >Stand up >Push past jessica >Grab pants >Run into hallway still bleeding and shitting >Man looks angry >Man looks disgusted "Who are you?" >Run to front door >Open it >Confused man is confused >Run outside Nekked >Finish shitting on lawn down the street >MFW I realized she must have been underage >MFW I am a pedophile >MFW I shit blood in her housse
>>597385364 You are being an alpha douche, you douche. As I keep saying but you seem to be clinically retarded, forcing me to have to repeat myself just so the point gets by. You don't know me or the facts behind the given scenario. I bet when you stopped sucking your mom's tit at age 20 you probably cried like a bitch but you're quick to bitch at everyone else for your own quick, bias conclusions.
Go break your arm right now, not only will it give you time away from the internet where you think you're some tough guy but it'll prove to you that even you cry like everyone else does. But because you aren't in a scenario where you have reason to, you think it's impossible.
>Used to be a burglar, opened windows, lockpick, ect. >Only steal food because poor as fuck >One of my friends knew my past. >invited over one day. >He was out when he said he'd be home. >Eh fuck it. >enter his house through the window >Sit in his computer chair with the chair turned around. >Now we play the waiting game >30 minutes later he comes home; my car is still outside. >confused he goes to his room >"Hello mister bond." >It was his mom. >she freaks out. >friend gets in trouble >They still have no idea how i got in >Still friends with both of them.
>be 10-12 >staying at friends house >We masturbate together a lot >San Andreas has strippers, we're internetless faggots >Stay up late until his mum goes to bed >Need a piss >sneak down to wank over the pixel titties >boner >Slowly piss myself with pleasure >He doesn't even care, asks why I didn't just go to the bathroom >I don't even know >wear somewhat dried piss covered jeans home the following day
stole a half ounce of weed from a friend of a friend
>hanging at friends house >kid with tourettes shows up >known him for a while, huge faggot >always acts like he knows everything but is so fucking stupid >guy pulls out a 3 ounces out of his bag >he decides we're gonna smoke a bunch >we end up smoking half an ounce >we all are about to go outside to smoke a cig >I go to the bathroom first >When I come out I am alone with all this weed >week earlier the faggot tried to steal a joint I had in my car >Revenge Time >I go into his bag and take about half and ounce at least >go hide it in the other room at my friends house >run out and smoke a cig >we all come back and smoke more weed >nothing is said about missing bud >he leaves after an hour >I show my friend the weed after >he doesn't care for the guy much either but is mainly his friend cus he smokes weed with him >we split the weed >no regrets
>>597372144 >be 15 >be at friends house for sleepover >be practising karate in his living room just as a joke >slip on rug trying to do a move >smash his cabinet with my foot >he comes in and asks what happened >slipped and fell into it >his mum woke up to find mess >left the house before she could ask what happened >swurved.jpg
I'm at a party, get too hammed. Blacked out. Pissed myself and the couch i was sleeping on. In my blackout state, I took my pants off and found some tupperware. Put my piss pants in the tupperware and back into pantry. Side note, born with no sense of smell. Wake up in wet boxers, go into kitchen, "who poured water on me when I was sleeping?" Get laughed out of the room.
His story reminds me of when I took the ACT, though. I took an adderall, which I didn't have much of a tolerance to at the time, and I'd drank like five bottles of water on my way to the testing place. I ended having to pee so bad that I literally couldn't hold it in and I pissed myself a little before I made it to the bathroom..
>>597376797 I would've cut your fucking hands off there and then, if you did that to me. I'm not even being edgy, that's inconsiderate as fuck and you deserved to get your house burglarized by niggers.
>at a mate's house >both 15 years old >recently got pretty shook because of asshole older kids >mate got mugged by them aswell >both pretty jumpy >he says "shit what if they know where i live" >we prang the fuck out >set up traps in the house and get his dads power tools, hoard them upstairs for weapons >all set up for our night alone fearing for our lives >"shit i left my psp downstairs" >i go down to get it, pitch black >hear something >fuck this shit >his cat jumps at me from out of the darkness >i fucking RKO his cat in self defense >huge fucking thud >"shit dude are you alright" >his cat is laid out on the floor >"yeah i'm good, missed a step on the stairs" >i throw his cat outside and grab my psp >his cat had a fucked up jaw afterwards >he thinks the older faggots beat the shit out of his cat during the night >it's been 6 years and i ain't telling him until i'm on my deathbed
>10 year old me >go to friends house >needed a piss so i headed to the toilet >can hear friend's mum shouting from bathroom >ignore it, open the door >mum is in the bath, screaming >didn't say anything for 5 seconds >'shut your mouth. or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you' >spit out toothpick and go home >order scorpion jacket that evening online
>be 17 >getting high at best friends house and playing halo 3 >got a qt 3.14 sister 16 years of age >always knows she's wanted the D >always giving me those 'fuck me' stares every time she's passing by to the kitchen. >try to ignore her because best friend is getting suspicious >bitch walked over in front of the couch, purposely dropped her bottle of ice tea and just bent down sticking dat juicy ass right in my sight. >bonerachieved.jpeg >decide to try and make a move on her when my douche friend goes to sleep >bro either greens out or is falling asleep and im just giggly as shit >qt 3.14 whispers to me from across the living room and ushers me upstairs >grabs my beta hands and places it on dat ass while we walk up and just smiles at me >at this point my pockets are started to overflow with spaghetti >ask her what her intention is while trying to scoop the spaghetti back into my pockets >she saves me the embarrassment and just fucking attacks my face >make out for good 5 minutes at her bedroom door >put hands down her pants panties soaked like crazy >finger her like a motherfucker pro shes moaning and shaking >push her onto bed, rip her pants off and go down town >she almost screaming at this point, pushing my head down like Im Jesus at the last supper >''I want you to fuck me hard anon" >fuckyeah >get her in doggy style position and pound that ass like my life depends on it >we forget how loud we are >here someone coming upstairs >both scared shirtless and discussing how to tell her bro it's not what it looks like >saying my last prayers >this nigger went in his room first looking for me >try and hide under the covers and accept my fate >bro opens the door >gets on the floor >everybody walk the dinosaur
>>597383526 New years.. heh.. This is unrelated, but.. >New year's eve >two months ago >be hanging out with ex coworker >get a half gram of coke, some klonopin, and a half-gallon of vodka >proceed to get totally shitfaced >decide to go to Walmart to get beef jerky >friend drives 70mph down country roads >ramps and gets airborne twice on the same hill >somehow we make it to Walmart >it was 3am >apparently I almost bumped into some guy's baby (fucked if I know why he had his baby at Walmart at 3 am) >dude follows us out of Walmart >dude follows us almost all the way back to my house >we pull over to see what he wants >he said we were talking shit to his baby >I hear the news that he has a baby >I come up with a great plan >I look my friend dead in the eyes >"He's got a baby?....... Let's KILL him!" >my friend stares at me blankly for a second >"Yeah!!" >dude hears us decide to kill him >dude pulls out a magnum >we run the fuck home >he doesn't kill us
That story was told to me by a third person who was there who was relatively sober.. I don't know how we didn't die that night
>>597375923 during my final exams i was doing a fuck ton of dexredine, and would use DPH to sleep, fucking last night I used it was so fucking scary, heard people saying they would fucking kill me, people walking around my room with axes falling into shadows, scary as fuck.
>perved like fuuuck on my best bros lil sister >i'm 15 she's 12 >watched her in the bathroom through the keyhole, pissing, shower >was always thinking up new ways to spy on her >climb the tree outside her bedroom and spy her changing, incredible >exposed myself to her all the time, fapped right next to her on her bed once, she never told >snuck into her room while she was sleeping and used her hand to jerk me off >came all in her hair and on her face >always feeling up her ass and little tits pretending i'm just reaching for a cup or whatever >steal her panties, suck them, wear them, tie them round my dick >damn she used to give me diamond dick >still fap to the memories
>>597372144 >Go to friends house >He's not home yet >Mom says I can wait for him >Mom comments on how much I've grown up >Fuck friends mom on couch >Friend comes home >pokerface.jpg >We play video games in living room >Mom makes us snacks >Friend jumps up smelling hand >"Eww... why's the couch all wet?"
I got a couple stories but this is one that sticks out the most.
>be 11 >live in apartment complex >me and friend go to his friend's house >friend has a kinda chubby 9 yo sister >we're heavy into WWE >We fake wrestle because we're too innocent to realize how faggoty that is >9 yo sister gets pissy and butthurt because she wants to wrestle but we don't want her to get hurt >She whines and threatens to tell her mom that we're being mean to her. >okyouaskedforit.gif >She rushes me from behind and gets me in a decent chokehold >"OP you're a bitch, you're gonna get choked out by a girl?" >nope.jpg >I reverse it and RKO the everloving shit out of her. >She hits the floor with the force of a Trayvon >Everyone checks to see if she's cool >Turns out she's having an asthma attack cont.
>be 17 >getting drunk for the first time with some mates >we begin drinking at a friends' house >after a few beers some guy challenges me to drink a half of liter of beer in one go >herewego.jpg > do it four times in one hour >later on head to a bar >at that moment I'm already wasted as fuck >more booze, friends make me take shots every ten minutes
>we head home at around 04:30 AM >I'm sleeping at a friend >friend tells me I have to sleep in his mom's workplace >his mom is a physiotherapist or whatever who works at home >go to bed >can't sleep >decide to try and find the light switch because I need to go to the bathroom to puke >scour the whole room without succes >puke in every corner of the room >puke over a skeleton display >puke over some cushions >puke over the bed >puke fucking everywhere >finally find the bathroom which was in the hall >empty two rolls of toiletpaper trying to clean up the mess for like an hour >I finally finish and go to sleep
>next morning I wake up >ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg >there is still puke everywhere >the whole room smells like alcohol and kebab >gtfo >stumble into the living room where his dad is sitting >hands me my cellphone which fell out of my pocket next to the toilet >there is still some puke on it >I then hear a scream coming from the other room >my friends' mom discovered the mess I made >I mumble 'sorry' and leave
Never hear from it ever again, my friend thought it was hilarious.
>>597392499 cont. >Brother is flipping the fuck out looking all over the place for her inhaler. >He eventually finds it and she's fine >He looks at me with the rage of a thousand niggers getting their EBT cut >He yells at me to get out of his house 3 times >Meanwhile, I'm insisting it was an accident but he's too angry. >mfw that nigger grabbed a knife and threatened to carve me up >He fucking chases me around the appt. complex with the knife. >I get to my appt unscaved and scared as hell. >Building security comes knocking on my door and tells my parents that me and said friend were running around the halls being disruptive >I didn't tell my mom what actually happened because I don't want her to flip shit >I got a whipping but it was better than getting stabbed by a 11 yo cont.
>be summer going into 8th grade >meet this hot red head at public pool a year older than me > we hit it off and try to figure out a way we can fuck eachother >not my house, not her house >buddy who goes to the pool with me total beta >one day go to his house to grab "towels" >leave a window slightly cracked >his family goes on vacation for the weekend >window still not locked >fuck her in my buddies house while they're gone >put my boxers and her panties under his bed to mess with him >he finds out and hates me now >no regrats
Well I was at my boyfriends house Roommates are fucking horrific Couple that's always screaming and throwing shit, she's always screaming and making herself puke after eating half the groceries Boyfriend and I have sex He cums inside me I go to the bathroom and use their bath towel to wipe my sex-hole clean Also wipe my ass on it for safe measure because FUCK them both Bitch accused me of stealing her package that never came in the mail I hope she wipes her face with my cunt juices
I was 16 at the time. My friend had given birth to her daughter and I was invited to her house. She left me in the room alone with the baby while she grabbed something from the other room. Before she got back, I french kissed her baby.
That was a long time ago. Her daughter must be 20 by now and she has no idea I was her first kiss.
>be at 16yr gf house >sneaking around through side gate >see her through the back patio glass door >decide to sneak up on her through other room >no one is home around this time except her >go through guest room >mom comes home >!!! >hide in closet >youngest daughter runs into the house >she is 10. yelling for her sister to help find her karate uniform >the karate uniform is next to me in the closet >i slide to the other side >she comes into the room and opens the closet >grabs karate stuff >doesn't see me and closes bedroom door >continue?
>>597394441 >>597394441 >next day at school, knifeanon told everybody he was going to beat my ass. >me being a scrawny little nig, I couldn't take him on >we catch the same bus to and from school, he missed the bus to school, thank god >Ruhroh school's out. >There's a shitload of school staff on the bus anyway so I'm safe for now. >My heart is beating out of my chest as our stop is coming up, because he's going to fucking cream me. >Everybody that gets off on my stop knows whats coming to me. >As soon as we get off, I run with the force of a thousand sanics >He's fucking catching up >I panic and throw my bookbag behind me and he trips on it >His face is completely fucked >He has to get stitches and shit >I use this to my advantage >I tell the whole school about how I fukkin rekt that skrub. >Word gets to the principal that I fucked his shit up. >I end up getting suspended for 2 weeks >I come back to school, I didn't see knifeanon at all >intheclear.jpg >I go to the pisser >Suddenly a shadow appears behind me >I wake up in a stretcher >mfw knifeanon punched me so hard I seized out and almost died. >mfw knifeanon was sentenced to 4 years in Juvie. >mfw all this because I RKO'ed his fat sister.
>go to new years party at my friends house >get drunk as fuck >apparently, i threw up all over the floor >fell in it >slept there for a little bit >woke up the next morning on his couch in my friends shorts (mine were covered in vomit) >mfw when I've soaked the couch and his shorts with piss
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at email@example.com with the post's information.