Ask the Jarl of Whiterun anything.

>>581246296
what the fuck kind of Hold are you running where bandits and monsters are all over the fucking ill-maintained roads?

how do you account for this shit?

>>581246296

Your kids are dicks. What kind of a father are you?

>>581246296
how do I get that sword you got hidden in your base, I cant find the quest for it and I already killed the main nigga dragon, I havent joined the stomrcloaks or imperials yet doe.

how do i get buff like u lol ur arms look like vainey dickz

>>581246503
I had the misfortune of inheriting the throne during a dark and complicated age. We do not have the resources neccessary mitigate these threats entirely. However, brave men and women put their lives on the line every day to protect the Whiterun.

>>581246296
Why on Earth did you let the Dragonborn lure a dragon into your castle? I mean, you even talked to him just like three times overall.

>>581247106
It is an unfortunate side affect of having multiple wives.
>>581247324
It wouldn't be very well hidden if I told you.
>>581247334
Alternate when you pleasure yourself.

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>>581247345
Balgruuf, I'm hearing excuses and I don't want to bust your balls but I know you can do better

>>581246296
Why. for fuck sake, does the leader of one of the holds of Skyrim only have iron/steel weaponry? The town smiths sell better than the shit you call an axe.

Where can I go to learn magic?

timestamp please

why is your town a shit?
no, belay that. why is your town as small as the tiniest of dingleberries?

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>>581247481
You have no idea how often this is asked of me.
Let me explain...

It was just a normal day in Dragonsreach, until some random guy in shit tier iron armor shows up saying a dragon is burning down a city. I don't know why the guards let him in, but I figure I can throw another body at my court wizard so I shuffle him over to Farengar. Farengar sends him on a perilous mission to retrieve the dragonstone, we think we got rid of him. This guy comes back with arrows sticking out of his body and holding the tablet out for my court wizard like its nothing. What the fuck?
I then hear reports someone killed literally every bandit, rat, wolf, and rabbit between here and the spot he was sent. Oh Talos, I now need to get this pain immune lunatic murderer out of my city. Irileth then tells me a dragon has shown up. Oh thank the gods! I proceed to send the guy out on a suicide mission to kill a dragon. Finally, the end of my worries.
Nope.
He comes back, apparently having killed the dragon and eaten its soul. According to reports, he just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself. He is now standing in front of me, eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef while everyone looks on in horror and disgust. That's it! I need to get him away from my children as fast as possible, so I tell him he needs to climb the tallest mountain in Skyrim and stay with the Graybeards. He leaves without a word, and hopefully that's the last I'll see of him.

Sire,

Have YOU seen the soldiers from hamerfell? My god, they have curved swords. CURVED....SWORDS!!!!

>>581249270
I'd love to read more.

>>581248115
The ineptitude in my kingdom runs deep. Much of this can be traced to a lack of genetic diversity due to inbreeding. Yet how can a man resist his sister, especially one as fair as my own. Her rose has given me great strength.

>>581248720
They lack ambition. They will all die of herpes.

>>581248859
Visit the local mage.
>>581248895
What is this timestamp you speak of?
>>581249068
I beg your pardon? I don't speak plebian.

>>581249353
Yes...modelled after their Jarl's curved penis no less.

>>581246296
What's your problem with ulfric? If the nords are as strong as they seem, you shouldve sided with him and then kicked the thalmor's teeth in. The hell, balgruuf?

>>581250646
I'm not good at playing with others.

>>581250731
>>581250785
Plot twist

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Yo jarl? Would you view my YouTube videos and subscribe? Also what's it like letting dovakiin do what ever he wants in your city

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qkdiC-G1-JY

>>581250731
fucking draugr, your rattling corpse whistles are lies

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>>581246296

Ya you like when I yell you off the balcony dont ya bitch???

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>>581250785
YOU HAVE DISCOVERED MY LITTLE SECRET...

Jarl, why did you decide to trust the dragonborn? He seems to be too much of a risk to affiliate with.
Also, how do you plan to deal with you neutrality in the civil war? No doubt imperials and storm cloaks want your hold for its strategic possition

>>581251202
I would rather bathe in a pit of excrement.
>>581251306
Watch your back peasent.
>>581252383
I have already explained my dealings with that vile person.
Also, the storm cloaks are not well organized. They think their unorganized tactics can win a war..HA..I look forward to delivering death to their wives and children.

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>>581246296
do you get to the cloud district very often? oh what am i saying of course you don't.

What are you going to do about town guards killing unarmed Redguard teenagers?

>>581253296
Take it easy Nazeem. Do you so easily forget what became of you the last time you rustled my feathers?

>>581253696
Our town guards are honourable men. They would do no such thing. Stop spreading lies, or I will send you into hard labour.