[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Home]
4Archive logo
Let’s get a late night tard story thread going.
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 35
Thread images: 18
File: whatthefuck.png (534 KB, 1024x576) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
534 KB, 1024x576
Let’s get a late night tard story thread going.
>be in 4th grade
>be in Cub Scouts (like Boy Scouts, but for little kids)
>was really there for the camping trips, which did not happen often at all
>held in elementary school cafeteria
>I didn’t really like anyone there
>the scout master or whoever the fuck was a cunt
>she had three retarded kids like some witch cursed her vagina to spawn these monsters
>they were all complete fuckwits
>for storytelling purposes, let’s call them Moe, Curly, and Larry
>Moe is the tall, skinny one. He had glasses and an underbite. Could run like a motherfuck
>Curly, I think, had Down Syndrome. He had curly hair and a bulky build. Massive tard strength. Arguably the tank of the group
>Larry was a microcephalic pinhead, but he was somehow smarter than the others.
>be playing Monopoly one day with them
>Monopoly with retarded people is fun
>get Boardwalk
>Moe flips his shit and storms off
>other two tards go into fucking mental shutdown state
>seriously, it was like they needed Moe there to function properly
>decide to get pizza and do whatever
>go to the bathroom
>Moe is standing there
>scares the shit out of me
>he has his dick out
>”I’b gonna pee on you,” he says in his retarded voice
>turn around and leave
>think I’m in the clear
>see a yellow stream hit the wall where I had been
>hear footsteps
>run down hallway as a retarded kid is trying to hit me with piss
>this kid is fucking fast
>make it to the cafeteria
>moe has run out of piss
>he is not just running around with his dick out
>strains himself trying to pee on me more as he points his penis at me
>his mom tells him to stop
>no sort of punishment
>decide I’m done for that night
>step into hallway
>there’s a fucking line of piss all the way from the bathroom
File: FEW7Siw.jpg (126 KB, 600x767) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
126 KB, 600x767
Bumping just cause quality post
Interesting, go on.
More stories of the tard trio plz
never gave much of a shit about tard stories before OP- you are a wordsmith.
I hope this really happened.
Bump for more tard stories.
>a few months later
>finally going camping
>we go to campgrounds by a lake
>aw shit yes
>had a fucking awesome tent
>get there early, set up my tent at a great spot
>scout master and her retarded kids arrive after I set it up
>scout master says that the kids wanted that spot
>tell her I’m not moving my tent
>nothing she can really do
>I close the flaps as Moe, Larry, and Curly are audibly upset that I took their spot
>come out later and ask what’s going on
>Scout master tells me that they’re reading the bible
>go back in tent for the rest of the night
>this was the cause of many people thinking I was depressed early on in life
>I just had a cool tent, fuckers
>later on hear Curly near my tent
>”Ben, come out and listen to the bible” he says in a whiny voice
>”The bible’s not real, dummy,” I say. I guess I was kind of a cunt about it, but eh
>he’s pissed
>”come listen to it right now!”
>Suddenly hear Moe quickly approaching
>Unleashes a tard roar and says, “YOU HAVE TO COME”
>Tell him no
>hear fumbling
>suddenly a jet of piss hits the side of my tent
>I’m glad he doesn’t know to pee in the windows. I batten down the hatches and prepare for a storm
>by that, I mean I Velcro the windows shut
>Curly knows this tactic isn’t working
>lunges into the tent, breaking the supports and making the whole thing cave in
>Moe is still pissing
>I’m trapped under a broken tent and a tard
>eventually the scout master pulls him off
>”Ben, come out of there. Are you okay?”
>”Call my dad. I want to go home”
>”Ben, sweetie, just come out.”
>”No. I’m not coming out until my dad’d here.”
>they phone my dad and he’s there in half an hour
>leave cub scouts
my body is ready for copypasta
File: John 1.jpg (130 KB, 1300x448) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
John 1.jpg
130 KB, 1300x448
I have some about a stupid kid who wasn't retarded in the literal sense, but he still made poor life choices
Most epic fucking greentext thread in a long fucking time.

This is worthy of the archives. Someone make sure to take screens of this.
File: John 2.jpg (93 KB, 1086x413) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
John 2.jpg
93 KB, 1086x413
The horror wasn’t over yet. They were in a special ed class at my middle school since they got too much for their mother to handle.
>be in 6th grade
>things are great until I start seeing these fuckers
>they wave and I ignore them
>all contact from them is ignored
>one day, I am tasked with taking attendance to the office
>see tard wrangler on his way to the office
>he’s looking for three tards
>I should have known it was them
>the walk to the office from the 6th grade wing is long. I’m making my trip through the 7th grade wing when I hear someone whisper, “Now”
>I turn around to see Moe, Larry, and Curly with their dicks out
>Scream, “HOLY FUCKING FUCK” and run into the nearest classroom I can find
>the teacher inside is pissed and his class is laughing. I was louder than I’d thought
>see a piss puddle slowly grow under the door
>they’re trying to pee under it
>it was funny to everyone, ominous to me, like a T-1000 seeping under a door
>decide to fight back
>open door really hard
>breaks Moe’s nose
>Curly begins bashing door like the hulk
>lock door
>I can hear the screaming and pounding from outside
>this is siege warfare…
>eventually the teacher opens the door and tells them to stop
>they obey just like that
>we’re all suspended
>fucking former scout master tries to sue the school for not giving me more time
>the incident becomes known as the “Ben Incident” which begat the name “Bencident”
>became famous as the target of all tards
>guys thought it was funny
>girls thought I started it
File: 1401691593088.jpg (528 KB, 768x1024) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
528 KB, 768x1024

Are you really this new?
File: long greentext.png (509 KB, 1952x4068) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
long greentext.png
509 KB, 1952x4068
im sorry but where is that mans wank. . .
File: shitstorm army.png (83 KB, 927x926) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
shitstorm army.png
83 KB, 927x926
File: 1399199267035.jpg (2 KB, 85x96) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2 KB, 85x96
>T-1000 seeping under a door
my fucking sides.
File: THAT KID.jpg (126 KB, 930x483) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
126 KB, 930x483
anyone have the story with the guy in a cast and the velociraptor tard seeking him out? I have it somewhere not labeled like as asshole.
thank you OP.
I havent laughed this hard in a long time.
File: 1414164132651.jpg (24 KB, 314x246) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
24 KB, 314x246
>be 15, sophomore year in HS
>cut through office from tech ed
>see two girls crouching down
>one is groaning loudly
>get closer to see the madness
>tard girl using tard strength to cling to qt's hair
>2 tard wranglers trying to calm down crazy tard
>tard wranglers are mad at qt
>she punched tard girl because she wouldn't let go of her hair for 20+ minutes
>I would've done the same thing

Calm your tits faggot.

I'm just happy to see a quality post.
There were minor incidents in the 6th and 7th grade. Sometimes they would try to tackle me. Moe ran fast but had shitty aim. Curly was just slow. Never really got into it with Larry, though he called me a cunt once, which was funny. They moved to New Hampshire during 8th grade, making my early high school years great and stress-free.

They came back in the 10th grade…
>be around Christmas time
>have a girlfriend
>still kinda known for my tard wars, but whatever
>gf and I are at Christmas dance
>this lanky fucker is getting down on the dance floor
>trying to breakdance, but he can’t. He’s one big blur.
>realize that it’s fucking Moe
>hopefully he’s forgotten me
>see Curly hanging out nearby
>Curly has this huge mop of hair full of grease and extra chromosomes
>guy with Christmas hat who’s been sitting near us talking with someone else mentions dancing guy as his brother
>that’s Larry. Didn’t recognize him with his head point covered up
>Turn to leave
>Larry recognizes me and says, “BEN!”
>expect piss
>he hugs me
>this is a change
>gf is chuckling
>Curly comes over and loudly says, “Whoa! Your girlfriend is hot! I’d like to fuck her.”
>Heads turn to look at him
>we’re laughing our asses off
>Moe turns and sees us
>He looked tall from afar, but he’s really tall up close
>He’s actually somewhat well-adjusted
>okay then
>tell them it’s been great, but I have to leave
>go to car, make sure I’m not followed
>decide to fuck gf in back seat
>things are going well until we hear a moan outside
>curly is standing right outside the car jerking off
>I guess we should have expected it
>jump to front of car as quickly as I can and drive off
So now that curly is a massive pervert, Larry likes to hug me, and Moe is no longer peeing on me, I have new obstacles. Luckily, they aren’t as bad as they had been. The worst is Curly saying wildly inappropriate things until 12th grade.
>Be at mall with gf
>walking out of Barnes and Noble
>curly is right there, standing in line for Cinnabon
>the other tards are off doing whatever
>their mother sees me and says hi
>we talk for a little bit
>It’s pretty awkward because I still remember her as a cunt and she knows two of her kids hate me
>curly sees us and immediately locks onto my girlfriend
>moe approaches and asks to walk with us
>gf thinks funny shit could go down
>we let them hang around with us, waiting for lols
>we eventually hit gamestop
>curly has a gigantic boner right now
>moe and girlfriend are talking about some sims game
>since my gf likes the sims, they immediately decide that they love her
>some time later, we’re talking and they get her to turn around
>they both pull her fucking shirt down so they can see her boobs
>have to pull her away from them so she doesn’t murder curly and moe
>we’re done with the mall
>later on, hear they both ended up getting kicked out of the mall for fighting
>turns out curly eventually punched moe out in the mall after a dispute over who touched my girlfriend’s tits more
File: 1415075451549.jpg (49 KB, 960x914) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
49 KB, 960x914
Probably should've listened to "The Bible" readings...
I am really cpnfused

Moe peed on him for winning at Monopoly.

There was nothing he could have done to avoid the hilarity.
fucking 10/10 lost it at 'I was farting so hard I shook the projector'

Any more? :D
File: some-image-name.gif (1 MB, 500x275) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1 MB, 500x275
Last one, guys
>last month of my senior year
>realize that I never ever got back at those fuckers
>they’ve done a lot of shit
>decide to hatch a plan
>gf is 100% on board with this
>we scheme and scheme like fucking supervillains
>buy some LSD tabs and a tent
>ask Larry if he wants to go camping with me
>he says yes very happily, but he wants to bring the tards with him
>before the trip, I make sandwiches and put the acid in them
>doing an excited dance as I put together these sandwiches
>day of the trip (pun unintended), I drive them to the old camping grounds
>they have no clue something is up
>set tent up for them
>give them the sandwiches
>eventually they start tripping balls
>drive away, leaving three mentally handicapped people, all high on LSD, alone in the woods
>I don’t hear much from them again
>I do know that they were found naked in someone’s backyard the next day

They tried telling them that I was involved, but I covered my bases good. Nobody was able to prove anything. As I graduated from high school, I looked forward to a future without these twats.

Thus ends the tale of the Tard Triumvirate.
fucking brilliant. thank you for sharing this
File: qKPQS7J.gif (473 KB, 500x281) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
473 KB, 500x281
File: gnomewut.jpg (2 KB, 125x97) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2 KB, 125x97
>buy some LSD
I burst out laughing right there
Who gives a shit if it's been posted before if it's funny you sad excuse of a cunt
Thread replies: 35
Thread images: 18
Thread DB ID: 21657

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at wtabusse@gmail.com with the post's information.