>While browsing /b/…
>You come across a door, hidden behind the shit and porn.
>It is a large stone slab, with several cracks in it, set in a wooden frame.
>Mushrooms and moss are growing out of the crevices of the door’s wooden frame.
>A breeze can be felt coming through the cracks of the slab.
>With all your strength you kick at he slab.
>You kick again and again. You hear the sound of movement. One more kick should do it!
>You kick one last time and in doing so, the slab crumbles in thick cloud of dust.
>Rubble piles on the floor as you wait for the dust to settle, you cover your eyes.
>You look through the door, but all you can see is darkness stretching onward.
What is this?
>You ask to yourself as you venture forth.
>You walk over the rubble and enter a small dark, damp room.
>The stench of farts, soaked urine and dried shit wafts into your nostrils, making you gag and your eyes water.
>After a brief coughing fit, you wipe the tears from your eyes and gaze upon the room.
>The room is made of stone and brick, the walls have a strange brown, dried mud like growth growing up the walls and dangling off of the ceilings. Bottles of two litre cola have been emptied and clearly filled with urine and discarded around the room.
>There are posters and toys of horses lining the walls and shelves of the room. They’re unsettling, but you cant quite put your finger on why. As you move around the room you feel their eyes following you.
>There is a computer in the corner of the room and strange drawings of horses on the floor.
>Next to the computer is another stone door, much like the one you came in from, there’s some small cracks in it. It looks heavy.
>Upon closer inspection, the drawings are of horse porn.
>You wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into.
“ HEY, BRO! “
>You turn to find a creature lurking in the corner of the room, somehow you didn’t notice him as you entered. But there he stands before you, a large sweaty creature, panting frantically, he seems to be struggling to stand on his own two legs and his clothes are heavily stained.
“ Saw you admiring my artwork. Oh yeah. I’ll let you take a closer look. “
>You back away as the creature plods over to the papers on the floor, rummaging through them.
“This one’s my favourite, see? Its rainbow dash getting pounded by ME! Huhu! You can spend some time with it if you like, just don’t get it dirty. HU! “
Wat, uh no. No thanks.
>The creature pauses for a second, then regaining his composure.
“Ah, not in the mood right now aye? No problem, us bronies to stick together, right? “
>You pause, stunned...how should you reply to the creature?
Whats a ‘bronie’?
>You look at it in disgust, the stains on its clothes are crusty and peel off with every movement the creature makes.
>The creature drops the pages back onto the floor.
“What, you don’t know? You’re not a bronie? “
Uh, no.... is that something to do with fucking horses?
“ HUHU! No! Well…. It’s a TV show, its target audience is little girls but its got a big fan base of guys and we all hang out together and dress up and stuff. Our moto is Friendship is magic and –“
Sounds kind of gay to me.
“ Its not gay! Whats gay about loving a TV show? Lots of guys like it, we roleplay and stuff, sometimes people get sexual with the character from the show, its just what were into! ITS NORMAL!”
That’s all really gay. But all that shit aside, you fantasise about fucking horses? What the fuck is wrong with you man?
>The creature bursts into a fit of rage!
“ IM NOT GAY! ITS NOT GAY! FUCK YOU, FAGGOT!“
>The creature attacks you!
“YOURE NO BRO, YOURE JUST HERE FOR THE TREASURE! ARNT YOU?! YOU NO FRIEND OF MINE!“
Dude! What the fuck?! Are you retarded?!
>You look for something to arm yourself with and think about how to go about fighting the blob.
>You look around the room for something to arm yourself with.
>But you find nothing sizeable.
>You swipe the toy horses near by you and fling them at the creature!
Keep away from me you retarded shit!
“ ILL FUCKING KILL YOU! RAINBOWW DASSSSHHH! “
>You seem to have angered him further.
>He’s still coming at you, panting and sweating profusely.
AH, FUCK OFF!
>You smack him square in the face! He stumbles violently back across the room.
>He crashes into the stone door which is reduced to rubble around him.
>The creature is out cold and bleeding. He wont be getting up.
>You relax seeing the creature bleeding in the corner and decide to inspect the room.
>The dust clears around the creature and silence grows in the room.
>Glancing around the room, you see little out of place. However during the struggle one of the desk drawers has popped open and various toys have fallen out of place.
>The computer in the corner is flashing.
>You decide to inspect the computer.
>A window is open and a chat box.
>It would appear you are on webcam to his cult. You read some of the messages. They’re all just shit posing and saying how much they will “ FUK U UP “ and so on.
>You laugh and swear at them through the camera. Then turn off the computer.
>You pause for a moment. The creature mentioned something about treasure, maybe its further on. Will there be more like him? What could the treasure be? Only one way to find out, you think.
>You wonder if there is anything left to do here….
Hmm. Lets take a look at something...
>You think about what could be interesting in this room....
>You pick up one of the toys on the desk.
>Its your favourite one, Sunlight Sprinkle, or something.
This may come in handy. It’s a little sticky, weird.
Im sure there's something else in here.. but what?
>You pause to think for a moment..
>You decide to continue on.. Theres more to your adventure than this room, you think to yourself and walk towards the door.
>As you walk along, you snagged your trousers on the desk drawer that poped open during the struggle.
Huh, what do we have here?
>Inside is a small screw driver. You take it.
>You walk over the rubble, avoiding the creature and walk through the door.
>There’s nothing else to do here.
>Upon entering the next room you are greeted by the smell of stale arse sweat and gone off milk.
>Flaming torches burn brightly on the walls, they illuminate various motivational posters and nutrition advice.
>Looking around the room you see various exercise equipment. At one side of the room there are various tubs of tablets and powders A few small bottles of clear liquid and syringes can be spotted about the room.
>Empty cartons of whole milk pile in one corner of the room.
“UGH! UGGH! URGH!”
>In front of you on the other side of the room there is a creature doing pull-ups on the door frame. The creature is nothing but gains, making loud and strange noises with each movement. He is completely blocking the door way to the next room.
>You take several steps forward.
>A small creature jumps out from behind the punching bag in the corner, ambushing you.
“ WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! “
>The goblin screeches at you. He appears thin and weedy, his pot belly is pretty impressive for someone who visits a gym.
Ah, Im Anon…I’d like to get through here.
>The goblin looks angry, his face beams red.
“ YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST FUCKING WALK THROUGH OUR GYM WITHOUT DOING ANY WORK?! YOU FAT SHIT! I BET YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A ROUTINE! PUSSY!“
>He keeps shouting words at you but you tune out. You don't take him seriously.
Yeah, okay, Im just going to get through here.
>You try to walk around him.
>You take out the screw driver and turn to the cock goblin.
So tell me about fit Jesus...
>You point the screw driver at him.
“ ARGARHGAHRGH! “
>It looks like you’ve offended him. He’s gone full retard.
“ U WOT MATE! IM A BLACK BELT YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU BETA BITCH! YOU NEED A WEAPON IN A FIGHT! ILL FUCKING TAKE YOU ON YOU SHIT“
What’s your problem? I just want to know about Fit Jesus.
>He starts swinging at you!
>It doesn’t look like you can ignore him, he's obviously looking for a fight. This guy has some serious anger problems.
>He gets a few decent hits in, to be fair, you’re just as out of shape as he is, admit it.
>He continues to taunt you as he tries his best to attack you. You’re fast on your feet though, you highly doubt he’s a black belt in anything.
>In-between his high pitched squeals, you land a punch! An jab him with your tiny screw driver. His defence his completely down! You just keep hitting him! He’s too stunned to hit back!
>The sounds of your fists tenderising his skull floods the room!
Ha ha! Who's the bitch now!
Anon Travels through a great many lands to reach his goal.
>With one final punch, the scrawny cock goblin staggers backwards and falls into the pile of whole milk cartons.
>He coughs and splutters.
>He passes out.
>During the conflict the creature at the doorway continued to do pull ups on the door frame, making loud noises.
"EEEAGGHH! HOOOWAH! URRRAGH! "
>You walk up to him, your blood still racing with adrenaline from your previous battles.
Move out of the way! I’m walking through here!
>You shout over the flesh-door's noises, making sure he can hear you.
>The creature stops mid-rep, pauses.
>He then falls to the floor with a loud thud. You feel the ground shake a little. Comparing his size to you , you regret being so bold, but stand your ground.
“HA HA! Who do you think you’re mouthing off to you little BITCH?! “
>The creatures voice is unnaturally deep. He looms over you in the door way with his biceps on display.
Let me through.
>You say to the creature looking him straight in the eyes.
“ NAH! I still gots a hundred reps to go, BRAH. So, FUCK YOU, BREW! “
>It doesn’t look like this guy is going to move. Talking to him isn’t getting you anywhere. Fighting might have to be an option, but he’s obviously stronger than anything you’ve faced so far. What should you do?
>You look around you...
>You challenge him!
Pull ups are for pussies! I bet you cant do a shit ton of barbel curls!
" UARGH! WHATT. PULL UPS ARE GREAT FOR MY UPPER BODY! WHAT DO YOU KNOW, BREH! YOU DONT EVEN BELONG HERE LOOK HOW WEAK AND SCRAWNY YOU AREEE! "
>Your attempts at moving him have failed.
>The creature explodes into a fit of rage! Not any rage, ROID RAGE!
>With every devastating blow the creature spews bizarre noises.
“ UARGH! UARHG! URAGH! ERRGH! UARGH! EEEEAUGH! ”
>The fists just keep coming, each one more powerful than the last!
AGH! AGGGH! SHIT!
>You duck and dive out of the way of some blows. Each time the creature misses several punches, instead causes collateral damage to the nearby gym equipment. Rendering them useless!
“ARUUUGGGGGGHHHHH! YOU BROKE MY SHIT BURH ARUGHHH!”
>His punches gain speed and accuracy; you dive out of the way at the last second.
You broke your own shit you dumb ass!
“ ARUGH ERRGHH! UGHHH! “
>He hits you with a surprise left hook.
>You see stars on a black background.
>You’re on the floor.
>Your thoughts are scrambled. Where are you? What happened?
>You look up to see a lumbering silhouette of a giant looming over you.
“ ARUGH YOU PUSSY FUCKING STAY DOWN BRUH! NO BODY CHALLENGES ME! “
>The creature shouts and flexes his muscles in triumph.
>You activate your almonds!
>You dont have any almonds, but the desire to have almonds pulls you through and gives you the strength to carry on!
>The room slowly pulls itself together. You recollect where you are. You’re in a fight! Its not over yet, you can still win!
“ URGH! BITCH! YEAAHHH! “
>While the creature is gloating his premature victory, you skilfully kick in the dick! It was a small area to hit, but you kicked him with enough speed and precision to cause him to instantly crumble!
>The creature falls to his knees and writhes in pain, water fills his eyes and his face looks like he's been sucking on a lemon instead of the dicks, the veins on his forehead pulsate.
>The creature kneels in front of you paralyzed in pain.
>At that moment you stand up and kick him as hard as you can across the face, knocking him backwards. A spray of blood coats the walls as the creature slumps into the corner of the room with a loud thud.
>Every creature has a week spot, his weakness was his micropenis. You cringe at the thought of having your balls kicked in, but victory is victory! The treasure, whatever it is, will be yours!
>You pant, followed by a sigh or relief. The fight is over. For now at least.
Shit. That was a close one.
>The room falls silent.
>The flickering torches along the walls cause the shadows of the fallen creatures to dance on the walls. For a second you think you see one of the creatures twitch, but it was just the light playing tricks.
Heh heh ha!
>With a relived chuckle you look around the room.
>There’s not much else to do here.
>You look towards the door and walk on through.
>A chill runs up your spine as you enter the next room.
>The first thing you notice is the sound of your footfall on the metal floors.
>Its eerily quiet, other than the sound of your footsteps, there is a faint smell of oil and a cold breeze coming through the hall way.
>The walls have metal plates screwed onto bare brick, a few panels have fallen off and show signs of rust.
>The LED lights which hang from the ceiling stain the room with a sterile green tint.
>A large sign on one side of the wall states: AREA.C. .
>A small CCTV camera sits in the corner of the room next to an emergency fire light.
>Sandbags are piled by the turn in the L shaped room and behind them is a door leading on deeper into the dungeon.
>You take a few steps forward.
Conk! Conk! Conk!
>A figure flashes from behind the wall in the room and ducks behind the sandbags!
>A flash of metal and wood.
>The sound of a chamber popping into place.
>You’ve been ambushed!
“ FUCKIN NIGGER! “
>The creature wildly opens fire!
>You need to think fast! How are you going to get out of this?!
>Maybe there's something near by that can save you!
>Your eyes dart around the room as the the sound of gun fire sends your heart racing!
>You spot a metal sheet in the corner of the room and run to pick it up to defend yourself.
>You take a hit in the arm!
>The bullet hit the horse toy you took with you, taking most of the damage from the hit. Its useless.
Sunlight springface noo.
>You weren't overly attached to it anyway.
>The shots keep coming as you raise the sheet in defence.
>A shot., then another. The sound of ricochet!
“ GUH!! “
>The gunfire stops.
>As if a work of God, the metal sheet deflected one of the oncoming bullets and was sent straight back to the creature. Ending its life then and there.
>With a thud the creature falls behind the sandbags, blood pours from his head wound.
>You didnt have time to get the metal pipe, but you feel you made the right choice with the metal sheet.
Lets take a look around..
>You breathe a sigh of relief. The gunfire was a pain on your ears and the ringing finally quietens to silence.
>You put the metal sheet back, its been riddled with dents from the gun fire.
That gun would be alot more usefull than that pipe as a weapon though, who knows what evil lurks ahead in this vile dungeon...
>You walk over to the other side of the room, stepping through the pool of blood being soaked into the sandbags.
>You inspect the rifle; it would appear it is broken. You wonder if you killed the creature, or this weapon backfired and killed him. You don’t think it’s safe enough to use. You kick it across the room, the creature is dead, but you can’t trust a cock goblin corpse.
>You look around the room, something feels a little out of place, but you cant put your finger on it.
>Oblivious, you charge on ahead!
>You step foot into the room, leaving Area.C. behind.
>The cold smell of damp embodies the stone brick room.
>The floor is bare dirt, with moist moss growing wildly. Small dark brown ,black and white mushrooms are scatted across the floor.
>You see several bricks and what looks like an old harpoon lying on the floor to one side of the room.
>On the other side of the room, sits an old wooden well, with iron rings lining it, small mushrooms are growing out of its wood work.
>You look at the ceiling and notice chains dangling. The same mushrooms are growing overhead and a strange slime is melting down the walls.
>Above is what looks like a wooden trap door. You don’t think you can reach it.
>Directly in front of you is an old wooden door set in a stone frame. It has metal hinges and an iron ring handle.
>The air is tense in spite of somewhat feeling wet. You feel like you are being watched….
>You're at a loss.
What to do...
>You pase around the room, looking at the walls and the mushroooms.
>You eye up the harpoon by the bricks.
Well, that should come in handy...
>You pick up the iron harpoon, it’s a little old and rusty, but its still good! It also has a cool hemp rope attached to one end of it.
go find a whale and fuck its day up, you jangus
>You try to destroy the door with the harpoon.
>No luck, the harpoon just sticks in the old wooden planks. You pry out the harpoon and try again.
>That's one strong door...
>You're on edge. The feeling of being watched hasn't subsided for a second since you entered the room.
>You think you hear breathing, but you cant pinpoint where its coming from.
>Glancing around the room you spot the well.
>You walk up to the old well.
>As you walk closer you feel even more out of place with every step.
>You look down into the well.
>Only to see a creature, curled up in a ball, staring right back at you behind a nightmarish mask.
“ WEEEeeellll! “
>You jump back, stumbling a bit!
ARH! WHAT, WHO ARE YOU?!
>The creature rises from the well, dripping in insects and excrement.
“ Ohhh, pleased to see me? My friend! Hello! Once again. We have met before? Havnt…we? “
>The creature is completely naked, his hands flail wildly above his head and his eyes bulge at you from behind his mask.
“ OHH! Come now, come now! Your adventure is coming to an end…or…is it?“
Who are you?! Why are you wearing that mask? Take that shit off man! Whats the deal, you want to fight?!
“ OH HO HO HO!! My bro from ano’ mo’. You know a man’s identity is his everything. As I’ve said before, Im not a fighter, nooo… “
>He pauses, takes a deep breath and continues.
>” I know why you’re here, the treeaaaassurreee! Many like you have came here before, but you, I know youuuu. So let me help you! Theres more than one treasure you know. “
>You throw the remains of the toy down the well, as an offering.
>The creature looks at it and rubs it all over himself.
" MMM THANK YOOOUU! FRIEND! "
...No problem, the treasure?...
“Oh ho ho! YES! The treasure here is good, yes. But the treasure of the past is what you seek. In the room before you, you must go LEFT! GO LEFT! ALWAYS GO LEFT! “
>The creature coughs.
“Sorry, got ahead of myself. In the room ahead of you, you can travel back in time. To a previous adventure, where the reward…well… You have to go left to find it, friend….Agree to me to go LEFT LEFT LEEEEFFTTT, and I will unlock the door before you. However, there are secretes here still to be revealed….“
>You take a moment to think, what should you do. How can you trust someone behind a mask? What did he mean by there’s more to be revealed here?
why shouldn't trust a random creature from an old well in a dungeon? just go left^^
I trust you.
>You agree to the troll.
Very well, Im interested. I promise to go Left, whatever.
>You’re not quite committed to going left… Something seems a little odd about it all. But he speaks of greater treasure, it could be a great pay off. Hell you came here with nothing!
>He unlocks the door for you and you enter through.
“Good luck, friend. Remember, LEFT! This however will pro-long your adventure! Last chance to back out? NO?“
>You enter the room through the wooden door and disappointment fills your heart.
What the fuck is this?! This is just a microwave with a dildo attached to it.
>You turn around and try to open the door.
YOU LITTLE SHIT!
>Oh well. Looking around the room you see brick walls, with an iron grate. There are a few holes in the walls where bricks have come loose.
>On the table sits the…”Time machine”… its an old microwave with a dildo on the top attached is a keyboard and some kind of monitor…wait a minute..
>You look on the floor to see scattered pieces of paper. On them states “ The date of the last adventure! “ and “ Only one date will work! “ with a list of dates that have been crossed out.
>Could this really be a time travel device… There is no other way out of the room.
>But you don’t know the date of the last adventure do you? Maybe you should look around the room for some clues….
>You walk behind the “Time machine” and to the wall.
>Above there is a hole in the wall, where a brick has been pushed out of.
Lets take a look.
>Its pitch black on the other side. However in the darkness you can make out a number.
>And three letters.
O.C.T. The third of October? There was an adventure on the third of October? Well. No harm trying it out I guess.
>You walk back around to the microwave and look inside.
>Youre disappointed, theres no pizza inside.
God damn it all!
>You think about putting the dildo from the time machine into the glory hole in the wall.
>If this is a time machine...that dildo may be an important component....
>On second thought, it seems like a brilliant idea. You rip the dildo off the machine and place it in the hole.
>You smile broadly with accomplishment.
>You walk to around to the keyboard of the time machine and look closely at it.
>You highly doubt anything will come of this…
Well, fine. 3. OCT. 2014. Hope that dildo wasn't an important part of the machine.
>You enter the date you found behind the wall and press enter.
>A painful ringing in your ears!
>You feel the saliva boiling on your tongue.
>It feels like your gums are melting and your teeth are exploding in their sockets!
OH GODD AGGHHH!!!
>Every surface of the room appears to have been taken over with an electric fizz, the crackling and popping can be felt and heard.
>You can feel your heartbeat pounding at every inch of your body, causing excruciating pain with every pulse.
>Ringing fills all your senses.
Ohh, what.... the.
>The pain subsides and you waken to see posts in front of you.
Was I? Browsing /b/ all this time?
>Its all shit.
>Infront of you behind the posts you see a door.
...It was true! IT WAS A TIME MACHINE! I REMEMBER NOW!
>It all comes flooding back, the man in the wall, the adventure!
Wait... now I cant have the treasure in that dungeon....maybe Ill have to wait, if ive gone back in time atleast I can wait and try again.
>Infront of you stants the wooden door, set in a stone frame with an iron ring handle.
I cant believe this...
>You run your hands over your body. Its real! Your balls are still in position.
Looks like the adventure is only just beginning!
I like how this is a pre-made story but you respond to posts that don't divert away from the plot in any way to pretend like it's a CYOA.
Good stuff anyway, I like that art. Text is way tl;dr though.
>You push the posts aside and take a deep breath.
>You're feeling new and refreshed.
>Checking the door you see small plants growing around its base.
>You check the posts. Its true, you are in the 3rd of October.
>You feel the breeze coming from the cracks in the door.
If this treasure is all its mocked up to be, there will be more creatures ahead, I have to be ready!
>You push open the door.
>Take a deep breath.
>You enter the dungeon. It seems familiar, like you've been here before, but it all seems new in a way.
>You are greeted by the smell of piss and farts accompanied by the usual piss bottles.
>Its a plane stone brick room, a torch burns brightly on one side.
>Looking around you see anime posters and toys standing on a shelf, you think you recognise some of them.
>A strong breeze wafts into the room from behind the book self, masked by the smell of shit.
Ugh! What is this.
>In the corner of the room it would appear someone's battle station is still warm. They're mid post.
...OP is a faggot... real original...
>he keyboard is being use as an ash tray.
" WHO DARES ENTER MY LAIR?! "
>A voice booms from behind you making you jump.
>From the shadow leaps a giant blob like creature!
" WHOO DARES FACE ME! "
>The creature stands before you in an action pose, he holds a knife in one hand and a sword in the other! The look sharp!
Uhh, Im Annon, Im here for the treasure.
>You think being honest will work.
>The creature looks at you from behind fogged glasses. He is sweating profusely and panting with every movement.
" THE TREASURE WILL NEVER BE YOURS, FOOL! BATTLE ME! FOR YOU SHAL NOT WIN! "
>He pushes up his glasses with two finger.
>You try to ignore him and look behind the shelf.
Well, how about we skip all that mess.
" ARUGH! ARUGHHHHH! "
>The creature spits at you in anger!
"STAY AWAY FROM MY COLLECTION FAGGOT! "
>You've over stepped your bounds.
" THIS IS MY LAIR! AND YOU WILL NOT GET ANY FURTHER! "
Kill la KILL YOURSELF! THAT SHOW IS SHIT! SHIIIIT!
>You've hit a nerve.
" WHAT ITS THE BEST WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?! "
>You quickly pick up a bottle of piss. Unscrew the cap and fling it at the goblins face, drenching him in urine.
>The stench of piss intensifies.
>The creature flails wildly, splashing the urine around the room.
" DONT LOOSE YOUR WAYYYY! "
>The cock goblin lunges at you with an attack!
>You avade his attacks. Hes fat and slow.
Dude just kill yourself, youre pathetic. Also, you call this a collection?
>Your words hit his heart like a hammer.
" Wh..WHAT FUCK YOU! ILL KILL YOU! "
>It looks like it had an effect. Hes becoming even more sluggish!
>You take this opportunity to smack in clean in the face.
>Blood sprays from his mouth over his weird anime pillow.
How'd you like that?!
>You laugh to yourself as the creature falls to the flood in a thud.
>The creature slumps to the ground. Blood pools under his face and the sound of gurgling as he struggles to breath.
Yeaahh, you're not getting up...
>You take the time to look around the room.
>You take a close look at his collection, which contains mostly pornographic dolls and strange Japanese magazines.
> You notice the cables from the goblin's computer lead behind the book shelf.
>You close the door behind the bookshelf and back away.
...what the fuck am I doing, Im here for the treasure!
>You march up to the bookshelf and throw it to the ground in rage.
>The bookshelf comes crashing down, breaking many of the toys.
>The door behind it is revealed and a fierce wind comes sweeping into the room. Another anime poster is presented on the door, it looks like there are stains on it. God knows what this guy gets up to.
>You pick up the sword.
>Its blunt, it looks like its for display purposes only. But you keep it with you just in case.
>You pull out the waifu pillow from under the shelf.
Dont worry, Miss. I'll protect you from this hell! Youre safe now... shh.. Youre my waifu.
>You have no idea what anime this character is from, but you take it with you anyway.
>Its covered in odd stains and blood, but shes still good.
>You charge head first into the next room, armed with a crappy sword and your waifu.
>You enter the next room prepared for what will come.
>The stench of shit and sweat fill the room.
>On inspection, it looks like a pair of cockgoblins have been having a rather sad LAN party or something...
>The room is lit by two flaming torches mounted on stone walls.
>Posters of video games are decorating various parts of the walls.
>In one courner there sits a bucket, filled to the brim with shit. It would appear who ever is using it, missed on several occasions and splattered the walls. Charming.
>You walk up to the computers, waifupillow in hand and set her down on the chair.
Youll be safe here, love. No worries.
>The desks are still hot, theyre in the middle of playing Leauge of Legends on one, and Call of duty on the other.
>You have a bad feeling about this...
>You sit down next to your waifupillow and show her how to play league of legends.
>You laugh together as you fuck up, your whole team is pissed off.
>Out from the shadows leers a creature!
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? GET THE FUCK OUT NIGGER!! WHO SAID YOU CAN PLAY MY GAME FUCKING BRONZIES YOULL JUST KNOCK ME DOWN FROM GOLD YOU NIGGER GET OFF! "
>You spin around, on guard with your sword pointed directly at the creature. Flinging the chair to the ground behind you.
>' YOU HAVE BEEN SLAIN' echoes across the room.
" NOOOGHGHHH FUCKING CUNT! YEAH U WOT! I FUCKED YOUR MOM YOU LITTLE BITCH! "
>The creature sequels in a high pitched noise.
>It would appear that this is the creature that fucked your mother...
You...you son of a bitch.
" FUCKING FAGGOT 1V1 ME BITCH "
>The creature wields two guns, they look real enough.
nice 8 get
PULL THE PLUG
IT'S COSTING TOO MUCH
> ' DEFEAT ' booms from the speakers.
"WAAUUUUGGHH GUGLALALAGH! "
Ha! Hah! Yeaah!
>You rip the cables from the wall.
Face it, League is shit.
>The creature explodes into a fit of rage!
" FUCKING NOOB! YOU FUCKING NOOB! MY FUCKING PROMO FUCKING DIIEEEEE!! "
>The creature opens fire!
>The gunfire comes raining at you.
" FUCKING RETARD FUCKING PEICE OF SHIT "
>You grab your waifu and dive behind the chairs.
>You've been hit!
" BITCH ASS FUCKING NIGGER! "
>You need to think quick!
>In this moment among the gunfire, it feels as if the world has stopped.
>You look down to your waifu.
>You hear her speak to you.
" I will protect you, my love."
NO! Waifupillow girl, you cant! I...I cant!
>The speaks again.
"You protected me...Now its time for me to return the favour. "
>You throw your waifupillow at the cock goblin. But in your mind, she, like the hero she is deep down, jumped into the gunfire to protect you, taking several hits as tears leave her eyes.
>NOWS YOUR CHANCE!
Thank you...waifupillow girl!
>The cockgoblin is stunned and attempts to throw the pillow out of the way.
>You run up and punch him in the face as hard as you can!
>A direct hit!
>The cockgoblin goes down.
>In your rage you pick him up over your head and throw him accross the room.
YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU!
>You've become rather attached to that wifupillow, inspite of having no idea what her name is
>You dont let up, you run over to him and continue to bash his face in.
>Once you cool down, you drag him over to the shit bucket in the corner of the room and place him face first into the bucket.
I hope you drown...
>You turn back to your waifupillow.
>You hold it in your arms.
Speak to me... Speak to me!
>The pillow is silent.
>Tears roll down your face.
op why would you do this...i cant handle this
>The pillow is silent.
>Tears roll down your face.
" HA HA HA! HOW PATHETIC! "
>Through watery eyes you look up.
>Looming over you is a balled creature.
" THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BRO? HUH?! "
>You're still shaken up from the whole ordeal.
" THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY COMPUTER?!!!! "
>It seems like you wont be able to grieve your waifupillow for the moment, as much as you want to hold her in your arms, her her laughter and remember the good times.
>You feel a fire growing in your heart.
" FUCKING COME ON YOU BITCH! "
>The creature shoves you to the ground, the pillow falls to the cold floor.
>You get up and back away from the creature.
>You look around the room for the pistols the smaller goblin was using. But they are no where in sight, they must have gotten lost somewhere during your fit of rage.
>The creatures fists come flying at you!
>He lands a punch and another!
>The punches keep coming!
YOU FOOL, THIS ISNT EVEN MY FINA-
>The creature punches you in the mouth.
>In between his blows you manage to shout out!
YOUR DAD WAS A JEW!
>This only enrages the creature further, the blows keep coming!
>Blood tuns down your face, you see stars.
>The room spins as you fall backward.
>You manage to stop yourself from falling down, but you're pretty worn down.
" HA HA HA! GETTIN' TIRED ALL READY EH? "
>The creature is gloating at you, spit jumps from in between his teeth with word, splashing onto your face, soaking you.
" YEA. GO! ON! YEA. ALRIGHT. ILL GIVE YOU ONE FREE HIT, BITCH. YOU GOT NOTHIN'. BRING IT. GO ON. HIT ME. EH. EH. "
>The goblin jumps around the room, gloating, he believes he has already won.
>You take this golden opportunity to go full out. You spend every ounce of energy and punch him as hard as you can. And again. And again! You work up a momentum so fast and strong he cant hit back.
>You notice he's been skipping leg day and kick him as hard as you can in the knees.
>That kick to the knees crippled the creature. And you deliver one final blow to his face.
" URGH "
>The creature falls on his chair, blood drips from his wounds onto the cold ground.
Youre the most beautiful thing, I have ever seen....
>Hes unconcious, it doesnt look like he got what you said, besides, youre still not over the death of your waifupillow.
>You choke up and pause for a moment, your fist clenched tightly to your chest.
...Your...Your sacrifice...wont be in vain....
>You take a moment to regain your senses, you took quite the beating this time but you pulled through.
>You wipe the blood and sweat from your brow and look around the room.
>You decide to try the door at the end of the hall.
>One of these two must have the key...
>You continue to beat the downed creature.
>You consider making him choke on the remains of your waifupillow, but you cant bring yourself to do it.
>You think they probably have a key for the door, but they'd likely hide it at the bottom of the shit bucket.
>You pull the drowning cockgoblin out of the bucket of shit and plunge your hand deep into the bucket.
HEY! Whats this?!
>You pull out a mummified turd.
Aww.. wait a minute..
>You feel like an idiot for putting your hand in the shit. Instead you just dump the bucket over the creature and look for the key.
>There is no key. Some impressive turds, but thats all.
>You decide to check the pockets of the creatures.
Now we're talking.
>You find: The door key. A expired condom. Two coins and a stick of spearmint chewing gum.
>You take all the loot.
>You notice your breath does smell, but thats not unusual.
>You put on the condom.
I sure hope I didnt waste this! ..No, this was a good choice.
>You feel pride.
>You walk up to the door at the end of the room and try the key in the lock.
>The door is unlocked.
>A cold wind sweeps into the room and a chill runs down your spine.
>As you step up to the door a sound is heard behind you.
" D-dont listen to him....the man....dont do what he says... "
>The larger cockgoblin passes out again.
Uh okay, whatever.
>You take a deep breath and step through to the next room.
>You enter the next room.
>Its a small room, lit by two torches, the stone walls ooze a strange slime which also drips from the ceiling.
>You decide to chew the stick of gum.
>Its a little stale but its still got some mint in it.
>In the corner of the room sits skulls and bones.
>On the otherside there is a small vile containing a golden liquid.
>Directly in front of you there is a large barred iron door. It looks a little rusty in places.
>In the centre of the room is a large stone pit.
>You pick up the vile and drink it all in gulp.
>It was urine.
Oh, God, Im an idiot! Blech.
>You spit but the taste spearmint and urine festers in your mouth leaving a strange salty after taste.
>You pick up the vile and read what it says on the tag.
'Anon's fermented Urine. 1981.'. Vintage piss....
>You run up to the pit!
>But stop when you get to the rim and look down.
>The floor of the pit is bare dirt, there are several small stones that are out of place which can be used as a ladder.
>There is a old wooden barrel at the bottom of the pit, it looks like it is filled with water.
>You freeze and see a man on all fours at the bottom of the pit, it looks like he is spreading his shit across the floor.
>He looks up to you.
>The creature jumps out of the pit and lands in front of you.
" HELLLOOOO! Welcome, adventurer! Ohhh how splendid, hello! "
>You're taken back. You've seen this creature before...he called you his friend.
" Again? What do you mean! Haha! OHhhh, youu. You're here for the treasure yes? Ohh I know you. I know you. "
Uhh, yes, I'm here for the treasure, I've travelled..back..
>Telling the creature you've travelled back in time sounds kind of stupid.
Im here for the treasure!
>The creature wriggles and writhes in front of you.
" Time....travel....HA HA! Ohhh you, I KNEW IT! Many have come and many have perished. But you see there is only one way through the door ahead of you and I hold the key. For you must help MEEEEE before I can help youuu. "
>You squint at the creature, he stands facing away from you, with knees bent and a key lodged in his arse. Somehow the key is spinning.
Ooohh.. kay... How do you need help.
" WEEELLLL, I have a key in my arse, if you could...pull it out, i could help you...yesss? Friend? My bro. "
>You think its an odd request. The sight of a key rotating in a guys anus is pretty impressive. You think what you should do.
>You decide to pull out the key. You think its the only way forward after all.
" OH HO HO!! Splendid, splendid. Go on. Go on. Come on now, it wont bite. "
>You wonder how you got into this situation in the first place.
>You sigh and reach for the key. The anticipation on the creature rises.
>You touch the key, it stops turning.
" OH! "
>The creature jumps.
"Sorry..go on.. "
>You look around to make sure no ones watching, this feels really weird. You sigh and pull out the key.
" AHHHHHH splendid... Well done! "
>You just want to put this behind you.
>You have the rusty iron key!
>T.h.e Fap.pe.nni.n.g Full Colle.ct.i.o.n
xurl*es/fappenning (use . instead of * )
>The key and your hands are covered in shit. At least no one saw.
>You decide to clean them up, you climb down the well and wash yourself and the key up in the water barrel.
>You try to kick him in the balls, but he jumps away.
" Oh ho ho! Nooo, Im too fast for youuuuuu. "
>You try to take his mask, but he's too fast for you.
>Its strange, he seemed so much slower when he was in the well before you travelled back to this dungeon. You think you could have taken it back there. But for now hes just too quick on his feat.
>You climb out of the well and unlock the door, it swings open with a loud clang that echoes throughout the dungeon.
"Well, now friend, since you helped me, its time for me to help you. Yess. Thank you, Good luck. OH in the next room, you will come to a fork in the road. You can go LEFT, or you can go RIGHT. You should, go lefft, my friend... Yess, you should go left. "
>The creature lowers its self into the well, slowly.
>You take a moment to think and stand at the threshold of the door, take a deep breath and step on through.
>You come to a fork in the dungeon.
Well he was right about coming to a fork in the dungeon, maybe I can trust him after all.
>The room is small and narrow, the only items of interest are the empty bucket on the right and a small drain in the wall towards the end of the hallway.
>A flaming torch is burning brightly on the wall at the end of the hall.
>Its time to make a important decision.
>You think to yourself.
>Can I trust the man from the pit. He sent me back in time, to go left. He called me his friend.
Oh man... I wish waifupillow was still here...shed know what to do...
>You pause, but you've come this far. You need to keep going, for her... for the treasure.
well if we take the path to the left and is it the right pather then it doesn't matter but if we that the left path and it is wrong then the path to the right is the only path left
but if we take the path to the right and it is the wrong path then the left path is left and clearly must be right
... who do we trust more, someone who has in the future told us that going left would take us back in time, and it did, or someone we pissed off then beat the crap out of. im changing mine to left
>You pause in the hallway.
Right! I should go right! But wait!
>You quickly snag that sweet empty bucket.
>You take the right path and walk down the small hallway. It leads to a room with an unlocked door and you enter. You feel like you have taken the correct path.
>The door swings open and you're greeted by a waft of stale cum making to gag.
>You look around the room to view solid white walls covered in posters.
>The door slams shut behind you and you hear a latch click into place.
>Those aren't posters... They are memes, old outdated, worn out memes, not even good ones.
>A laptop sits by the plug sockets in the room. The laptop displays a website called reddit, some kind of message bored. Near the laptop are an assortment of ..toys....lubricants and crusty socks.
>Blow your feet is a welcome mat , with a picture of a penguin on it stating: "Welcome. Or not. "
>You sigh and take several steps into the room.
>A buzzing sound can be heard coming from behind you, its getting closer!
>Out from the shadows wheels some bizarre half machine half cockgoblin creature.
>Youre not sure of its gender. It wares a large tent of a shirt with a crude drawing on it with 'Y U N O' written under it. Maybe this creature is named yuno, you just dont know.
>The creature appears to have soiled its adult diaper and flies buzz over head.
>The creature wheel in front of you without saying a word and positions its self in front ofthe door.
>In a loud booming voice the creature screams
" YOOOOOOUUU SHALLL NOOOOOOT PAAAAAASSSSS! "
Yeaahh, I, just want to get through here so.
>The creature interrupts you.
"YOOOOOOOUUU SHALL NOOOOOOT PASSSSSS! "
>Each time shouting a spray of spit washes over the room.
>How should you handle this?
>You hit the cripple with your bucket!
Let me through you, shit!
"OW. AHHH. YOU SHALL NOOOT PASSS "
>You hit it again.
" Augh! "
>You disconnect the batteries from his chair.
" He-hey stop! I WONT LET YOU THROUGH ONLY I HAVE THE KEY! "
Give me the key!
>You hit the creature with the bucket again.
>You whip out your flesh sword.
IM GOING TO FUCKING RAPE YOU IF YOU DONT GIVE ME THE KEY!
>It seems like you struck a nerve. Or a trigger. Or whatever.
>The creature errupts into a flood of tears.
" WAAAHHH. NOOOO. AAGGHHH, STOP. GO AWAY. "
GIVE ME THE KEY!
>You shout in his face.
" AHHHH! OKAY! OKAY! ILL GIVE YOU THE KEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! AGGHHHH MOOOMMM AWWUUGHHH! "
>The creature reaches into its diaper and drops the key on the floor.
" THERE JUST GO AWAY WAHHH! "
>You pick up the key.
That wasn't so difficult now was it.
>You push the creature away from the door, clearing your path.
"STOP! STOOOOOOP! "
>His crying is getting on your nerves now.
>You decide to stab him with your sword several times.
>The sword breaks off in his fat and blood sprays from his wounds.
>The creature tries to escape the chair to which it is bound and falls over onto the floor. Its blubbering cries slowly fade into silence.
>You walk over to the door and unlock it.
>You take one last look around the room.
I guess there isn't much else for me to do here. Onward!
>You march through the door.
>You enter a long corridor.
>Something feels off about this room.
>The smell of ammonia is strong. As you look up you notice shower heads, and blow a small circular drain.
>The walls and floor are bare stone bricks and the room is lit by four burning torches.
>In the centre of the room you see a red carpet, it looks worn and also very out of place.
>At the end of the hall stands a wooden door, with a metal ring handle, set in the stone work of the walls.
>Some of the stones on the floor look slightly raised and their shadows stretch across the floor.
Something doesnt feel right...
>You stand motionless in the hallway.....
>You decide to check under the rug.
>You walk very lightly and slowly across the room. You dont trust the shower heads above you.
Okay, lets take a look here.
>You pull the carpet towards you, revealing a small pit.
>The pit is lined with a few small wooden spikes and brown murky water.
Well, Im glad I looked first before I walked over it.
>You throw the carpet over your back and tie it together as a cape.
>You feel a a little stronger! Maybe its the power of the cape!
>You take a torch and try to burn the door.
>It catches fire!!!
>And then it dies down.
Fucking, come on!!! Give me a break!
Piece of shit!
>You tug at the door handle.
>The door opens.
>It was unlocked the whole time. You let go of the handle and the door slowly creeks open.
Huh, well, okay then.
>With your sweet new cape you dont feel disappointed, as much as you wanted to burn that door to the ground and decide to continue on your adventure!
>You take all the torches.
Treasure, here I come!
>You walk on through the door in high spirits!
eat a fat bag of fat dicks this is the best thread i have seen in a long time
This is seriously the best thread I've encountered in a very long time
>You come to a large well lit room.
>You look around in amazement.
>The floor is chequered in black and white marble, with circular decorations embedded into the floor. A brilliant sheen gleams across the floor, as you look down, you can see yourself looking back at you. That cape looks fucking great on you, damn.
>You look up to see the arched ceiling. It stands high above you supported by large marble columns.
>You mouth agape you stare on in wonder. The ceiling is hand painted with pictures of loli girls with angel wings and instruments, floating on clouds.
>Infront of you sits a grand red silk and solid gold throne on a large marble pedestal, detailed with gold leaf details.
>From behind the throne a warm, sweet scene wafts into the room. So far this is the nicest, best smelling room you've came to in the dungeon so far.
Holy shit, what is this place...