What's up /b? I slept with this girl that I met at the bar

Jesus christ OP, you're a better man than me for replying to that shit. Or you're fucking retarded.

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>>571244160
op are you me ?

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>>571244945
Just wait. This crazy bitch gets worse

>>571245098
>you are the retarddds of them all

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>>571245010
That hit the nail on the head. After we fucked she confessed to being sexually assaulted when she was 4 and needing meth to get pleasure from sex.

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>>571245098
And you're saying there's more of this shit? Hot damn, anon

>>571245401
What kinda shithole bar were you hanging out in dude

>>571245010
>be me
>hook up with girl from bar
>goes good
>fast foward next week
>been texting all week
>end up going to a party and doing cocain all night
> and drinking copious amounts of liquor
>decide to invite here over to so called party
>be cuddling on the couch
>see 3 of my closets friends
>try to introduce them
>she freaks out and starts yelling at them for talking to me
>i told her to calm down
>tries to throw an empty glass bottle at one of said friends
>looks at me and says
>WHATS IT GONNA BE ME OR YOUR FRIENDS
>tell her obvs my friends over some random broad
>gets even madder
>looks at me and says ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
> I laugh with my friends we go and do some more drugs and drink
>she leaves in tears
>nevver text her again
>tells all her friends im the asshole

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>>571245447

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Just once, can you ask for someone to have proper grammar, just once? IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE?

>>571245621

And this, /b/ros, is why you don't stick it in the crazy

>>571245660
It's okay, she's probable just retarde.

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>>571245540
This dive bar up the street from my house. Was a regular there around this time last year and never met anyone there like this. Turns out she lives 2 blocks from my house.

>>571245871
>2 blocks from house

OP is kill soon

>>571245871
OP, what were you thinking when you decided to have a one-night stand so close to your house, did you not consider having backup places and etc? Are you a newfag in sex?

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Last text, but I have another pic or two of screen capped missed calls.

>>571245660
I guess this would apply if they were writing letters to each other.

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>>571245871
Jesus Christ, I am so entertained

>>571246036

OP confirmed retarded gay virgin

>>571245987
why are we all even here? 4chan is kill.

>>571245871
OP, do two things.
Never reply to her again.
Change your number or block hers if you must.
And fuck her right in the pussy.

>>571246076
When did you get all of these?

I dont get it

at first she said she doesnt want to see you again. then when you agree she flips?

is this correct?

>>571244160
Also, im surprised nobody thought to call this chick. Perhaps this is what OP wants us to do.

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>>571246036
This is definitely not the first time that I have brought a girl home from that bar. Sometimes I would bring the same girl home from that bar on multiple occasions. Again, never met anyone like this.

>>571246076
OP im going to give her a call. Whats her name?

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>>571246094
Hmm, no. At least a minimal amount of decency could make you write like you should, english, not engrish. ERMAHHGERDD. OP is kill, girl is tardis, pic is unrelated.

OP, what's your first name?
>ITT: We all text crazy and pretend to be OP texting her from a new number
Doing so will confuse crazy so she won't know who the real OP is, and OP can then quit replying forever and change his number. It's cooler this way.

>>571246371
Once again. I guess your advice would make some sense if we were all writing letters to each other. Also, stop it with the autism please. Its hurting my eyes.

>>571246437
roll for this

>>571244160
>ended up being completely crazy

never woulda saw that coming

>>571246437
Im in on it...going to call her now...greentext the conversation. I cant text because i dont live in the US.

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>>571246197
Yes
>>571246147
Yesterday
>>571246264
Not my personal army

The other two numbers were ones she used after I blocked the first one.

>>571246496
i concur

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>>571246437
second.

>>571246590
vocoroo nigguh

>>571246367
Nichole

>>571246607
Kek, i want to be your personal army. Im happy you didnt ask for it though...She has a nice voice btw OP. Is she a fat chick? All fat chicks have nive phone voices.

OP, GIVE YOUR FIRST NAME SO WE CAN PRETEND TO BE YOU

>>571246607
Why don't you tell this bitch to fall the fuck back and leave u alone?

>>571246437
Jake

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>>571246694
>Nichole
>SPAM CALLING THIS FAT BITCH

>>571246789
We are Jake, anons. Leggo.

>>571246701
Actually, she was very pretty. I don't have a pic though. They are all on her phone.

>>571246665
She no answer. What time is it over there in the states?

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Now lurking for epic results

>>571246789
>Straight to voicemail.
>message that I'm "Jake" and I was sorry for not calling her sooner
>tell her I'll meet her at bar in 10

>>571246838
ayy lmao im in

>>571246917
vovoroooooooo

Thread has potential

Arnold soundboard for the lulz?

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>>571246917
It's 1:02 am

newfags dont know about vocaroo. com

still no pics from crazy girl? c'mon op

>>571247010
You seem like a nice fellow OP. I had a gf who was like this crazy slut.

>>571244160
Dude that bitch is fckinggg psycho, had a conversation with her as you, guess we sound alike, and she bought it and told me all she needed was a call and that she doesnt need you in her life anymore holy shit op. Thank you top fuckin kek

>>571247140
>>571247140
no vocoroo fucking plebs

I know Conrad breezy lol

This bitch has selective answering or I'm just not getting through..

>Lurking for success

I CALLED HER AND SHE BELIEVED IT WAS YOU OP. I TOLD HER I LOVE HER OH MY GOD

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>>571246986
Im getting the same
>mfw she wakes up to hundreds of voicemails, all from jake, all in different voices.

>>571247064
Thanks buddy.

Record it or it didn't happen fags

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>>571247140
>>571247254
kekekekekekekekekke

>>571247105
Thanks man. Actually my ex of three years moved out just over a month ago. I met a new girl who works at a smoke shop and shit is going good. I haven't had sex since my ex and it's that time with smoke shop girl. I didn't want to suck in bed, so I wanted to fuck a random girl to get one nut out of the way and last longer for new chick.

>>571247140
Really?

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0sWOvtlJItc

>>571247254
OP this bitch was crazy laughing the whole time. And she kept saying how mean I was and I was like "Oh.. I mean I thought I was being nice to you"
>then she was like "So who keeps calling me?"
>"I don't know baby"
>"Well you won't even answer my question so i'm just gonna go because.. i'm busy
>"Alright... I love you"
>"I love you too"
>"Night"
OP dis bitch cray

Please post screenshots

>>571247715
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s0sWOvtlJItc
What number you using anon..non of them work for me

>>571247304
Shit no, thank you.

And thanks to all the other anons who made lulz out of yesterday's headache. 4chan is very much alive(although slowly dying).

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>>571247708

hahahahahahhahahha

>>571247763
The one from OP's pic

Op is a based anon.

>>571247715
>I love you
10/10

>>571247708
Fucking awesome. Made my night

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>>571244160
Top kek

Sanchez?

>>571248094
fucking vocaroo that shit

This fucking bitch should learn first how to use your/you're

>>571248094
Nice save with the charger. Keep it going anon. Much respect.

>>571247779
Kekekekekek.....
here you go OP

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Ievavuy2U5

I was only able to get half because i recroded too late

Fucking flawless victory m8s

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>>571248264
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Ievavuy2U5
>Made my fucking night!

I should call her as jake with my australian accent.

"Im jake.. Im in australia now"

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>>571248476
DOOO EEEETT

>>571248094
She wanted to know where i lived.. I told her to text me so i can screenshot most of it, and she said no so i told her that my finger was about to press the end button and she was like Ooooo and shit. Fucking hot but weird. Need to know what this cunt looks like

>>571248476
Yess this would be Top kek

>>571248476
Do it. I was Jake from state farm. Ironically my name really is Jake and that is what I'm commonly called. I also was going by Jacobo

epic thread still lurking

>>571248476
Only if you are aussie and dont put the accent on

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Why haven't I heard any of you vocaroo niggers introduce yourself as "jake from state farm" yet?

I promise I would if I had a mic.

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>>571248264
Nice. Fucking epic.
Good work anon

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>>571248643
Doing this one now.

One of you silver tongued anons need to talk her into sending you a pic

>>571248643
Can't do a vocaroo in my situation currently, but I can assure you I was Jake from state farm

>>571248476
Gawn den

>>571248094
Charge your shit nigger

>>571248541
>>571248546
>>571248594
>>571248623


ok, give me a minute while i fiddle with the phone and shit. And yes, im australian, but my accent isnt super thick, but i can make it super thick.

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This is the beat thread in a long fucking time.
Op, I would buy you dinner.
Vocaroo anons, you are golden. Keep it up.

>>571245871
>please tell me how you would dare allow me too have a break down
confirmed for tumblr.

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>>571248730
>Jake from Statefarm

>>571246607
I know that area code OP good luck with the girls there. They are truly shit

>>571248943
Thanks, but this thread is thanks enough. I am really enjoying this.

how about a girl calling or texting ill say I'm your ex and were in love and only I can stalk him or some shit and say we can battle to the death for him?

>>571249056
Forgot link

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1T6HcaB7SWR

>>571248846
For added points,
Head to the middle of your city, pref Melbourne, buy a packet of Winfield blues, go up to abos and ask them to say their names jake to the phone and give em' a durry. 41 in 1 jakes.

>>571249029
I lol'd

>>571249182
Im IN melbourne, AND in the CBD.. so i could just go downstairs :D

Im hiding my phone number, gotta wait till it goes through then ill call

>>571249071
Fuckin' word. Thanks /b/ro.

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>>571249161
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s1T6HcaB7SWR
Oh god my sides

>>571248094
Http://vocaroo.com/i/s0YaeJNEOb5w

>>571249274
Dude you're fucking set,
For easiest time and least stabbings get to the ones that are already paro drunk.
Sorry that you live in Melbourne bro

Much respect OP, but keeping in contact with girls you just met and already had sex with, bad idea.

>>571249161
This i lold so hard

>>571249148
This is golden

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>>571249359
>Http://vocaroo.com/i/s0YaeJNEOb5w
"wait your white but from mexico?"

Topkeks....Good work anon..
Fucking glorious...

>>571249359
>Http://vocaroo.com/i/s0YaeJNEOb5w
Fuckin LOL

>>571249359
>Alpha as fuck anon.. Mad props.

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>>571249359
kekkkkkk

>>571246590
You know you can text message phones in another country, right?

>>571249359
You deserve a medal.

>>571249660
How...im in korea

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1fODtdjhuoM


BEHOLD!!! AUSTRALIA!

I just wanted to love her!!

>>571249359
I love you anon

>>571249161
>The crazy hoe package

>>571246607
Ask her over to fuck her brain out then ignore her again

>>571249359
Lol she called me "Papi" in bed a fucking lot.

>>571249740
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s1fODtdjhuoM
and gone

>>571249740
Not a strong accent. Adelaide?

>>571249392
Noted

>>571249906
>>571249740
From Adelaide?*** I know you are in melb.

>>571249849
Shit that sounds disgusting

Also: 100% sure there's an anon out there listening to her and pretending to care about her and trying to get her in bed

I think she's hungry for pizza

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>>571249740
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s1fODtdjhuoM
Bwahahahahahahaha OMG this thread fucking delivers. Fucking amazing...

>>571249740
Fuckin' represent mate!

>>571250010
yeah, melbourne. Not strong because I had to dull it down for science

I think she liked my accent though. OP should fuck her again, or i will. Ill put my dick in crazy

>>571249359
Top kek
She is a fuckin loon

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>>571249161
Thank you based jake from state farm

>>571249740
I am laughing so damn hard. I know she is crazy, but is it bad that her voice is reminding me of banging her and that shit is kind of arousing?

>>571249740
Came to b for porn but I'm glad I got in here. Thank you based Australian man

>>571245621

Obvious drug addict

>>571250240
OP still wants to fuck her

>>571244160
top kek at this thread, gj anons

>>571250287


all good. Tempted to call her back and hit on her..

>>571249740
Internets for getting her to do the accent hahahaha

>>571250240
You should fuck her again. If you ever get the change after tonight. But honestly. Do you think she even has a clue as to what is going on?

>>571249730
Add the country code to the beginning of the number. +1 for the USA, substitute +61 for the first 0 in a mobile number for Australia, etc. Google it and it will tell you exactly how.

Unless you're in North Korea, in which case I don't think you're allowed to know the outside world exists.

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this is a goob thread

>>571246789
Jake master race reporting in

>Name, number, and address
>Jake
>Number?
>Whyy?
>says something about people calling and asks why i want to talk to her
>Because I'm bored
>You think you're cute but you aren't
>I think you're cute
>crazy girl giggle, "I know, but everyone's cute once in their lifetime..." suddenly sad crazy
>But you're really cute
>Hold on
>Okay
>she hang up :(

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>>571250240
You know how to pick them, OP!

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>>571249359
why was this not longer jesus fucking christ

10/10 thread

>>571250347
I wanna call her back and hit on her. See if it works.

but her accent is more english than australian

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This is best thread of the night, keep them coming hero anon's

>>571249359
Http://vocaroo.com/i/s1qHqe4sEIMc

More to come

>>571250314
Yup

>>571250347
Any more texts from her? Screeny em!

>>571250531
KEK

>>571247708

top kek

>>571250531
Jejejej

>>571248264
She sounds black to me.

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Thank you /b/ros. To OP, the anons that called her and all these funny comments....just so much kek tonight. I love you all.

This hold thread deserves the praise of being called TopKek

>>571249161
St8 gold, thank you for your service anon

>>571250531
>fuckin bitch

>>571250013
undoubtedly

honestly i'd really like to hear that conversation

>>571250531
hahahah THIS IS GREAT

OH SHIT OP
THE CRAZY IS COMING FOR ME NOW
HEEEELP

>>571250363
Honestly, no, but I think she is no longer my problem. Thanks again anons.

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Toasting in Epic Bread

>>571250531
>Outcall

LOL i lost it.

>>571250531
Which number is getting through to her? I'm gonna join the party.

This thread needs to be stickied. Absolute gold.

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>>571250531
>Http://vocaroo.com/i/s1qHqe4sEIMc
>AJ berimoo in orange country san francisco

This bread is bretty good

>>571250363
not a chance in hell. she's totally fucking clueless

>>571249849
That's only awesome if she's a Mexican.

Since she speaks English it should be 'daddy'.

Fuck this, im gonna call her again and hit on her (and record as well, of course)

ineqinn judge

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>>571250531
>vocaroo.com/i/s1qHqe4sEIMc
Thank you anon

>>571249359
fucking anon lold my asscrack off into nicholes addiction made my night thank you

>>571250641

You now have 4chan pranking a method head who lives near you...this is going to end oddly.

>>571244160
Which 760 are you from OP?

DEAR GOD ANONS FLOOD HER PHONE SO SHE CAN'T FIND MY NUMBER. SHE IS SUDDENLY IN LOVE WITH ME NOW AND KNOWS IT ISN'T OP. HELP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

>>571250740
*whole thread

>>571250531
>Http://vocaroo.com/i/s1qHqe4sEIMc
ahahahahahaha

>>571250654
Nothing but silence on my end. Thanks to /b I can sleep tonight.

OP was dis bitch even good in the sack? Was it even worth it?

am I crazy or does she sound like gianna michaels?

>>571250962
You fucked up

>>571250962
what did you do you moron

>>571250962
Do you live near her?

captcha fish limizin

>>571251025
The new Jakes have risen. Noe you can just listen to her get trolled and have fun.

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>>571250962
hook anon up with MethHeadBetty.gif for the orbital kek

another anon is talking to her

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Best bread 2014

>>571251028
The crazy ones fuck like tigers meng.

>>571251075
I told her I'm a hard working man, young, doing computer stuff. To which she said "I'm tech salvy", and she kept moaning and shit, and was saying how she doesn't even know if I'm cute, and kept calling me baby and asking if I was single and saying she loved me.
But the crazy is luring me in... I want to reply...
Kalima...

>>571250923
Oddly... I'm ok with that.

>>571251025
We are happy to provide for you jake.

Op I a ugly ass retardd kid

bah! shes just hanging up on me now.

>>571251217
No voc = no keks

I dated a girl that has the exact same speaking mannerisms as this girl. Needless to say, I ended up getting her pregnant while she lied to me. Thank god she miscarried.

>>571251217
Doo eet /b/ro! Say whatever she wants to hear and record for our pleasure.

>>571251028
Hell yeah. She showed me her c section scar and it was on and crackin'

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>>571251217
why don't you then, post results

>>571249359
>that wasn't cute at all
>ok you got that? You write that shit down?
>no
>ok you fuckin should

I'm a hard lurker. Never post. But holy shit. Golden thread. And this is the winner. Sides are non existent.

>>571251217
moaning in text?
or did you call the hoe?
if so where is da vocaroo mai nigga?

>>571251360
>>571251348
>>571251306
I can't currently use voc, niggers

>>571251148
Jake is legion

>>571250992
>no please don't hang up on me I'm lonely

>>571250531
kek

>>571251352
does she look like gianna michaels? she sounds like her

>>571249359
Hahahahaha, this is so funny

>>571251440
the best part of that is at the end when he can't hold a straight face anymore


also it would be the toppest of the topkek to have a female call her saying its Jake

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO VOCAROO YOUR CALL JUST DONT BOTHER BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING WASTING THE LULZ POTENTIAL FUCKHEADS

No one of you Jackes was able to get any pictures out of her?

>>571251213
I can confirm this. Was banging a crazy for two years and phenomenal is the only was to describe it. OP had some of the best sex of his life that night.

>>571251570
THIS

>>571249359

Lol don't ever do that shit again.

She does have a Sexy ass voice though

>>571251484
Na, not really

And so it was, the night of Nichole was a success, and all over the globe anons kekked hard and Jake was safe.

Your name isn't actually Jake though is it OP

>>571251571
^this

>>571244160
I'm from 760 San Marcos lol

>>571251630
Crazy pussy = crazy problems though. That shit comes with a price.

>>571251641
i would take the ring to mordor but i am not female

Best thread yet tonight.

>>571251303
keep trying aussie friend. Some guy was just taking up the convo without vocaroo-ing.

Someone save this Thread. Gud one!

>>571251692
Of course not. Jake was her ex that she had a kid with. They couldn't take care of it so they gave it up for adoption. He is still madly in love with her. She called him after we fucked, put him on speaker, and told him about us.

>>571251792
That's kinda the hot thing though, the element of danger mixed in.

>>571251860
Ill give it one last shot

>>571251792
You can say that again.

She turned her phone off, goes straight to voicemail.

>>571251997
Rekted lol

>>571251997
why? worthless fucking anon. Good thing bitch is too stupid to work a computer and too busy with the swarm of texts and phone calls.

>>571251997
faggot whiteknight

>>571251989
Oh I am well aware of the nature of my addiction.

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>>571251997
The fuck is wrong with you cunt.

>>571252017
Crazy pussy = crazy problems though. That shit comes with a price.

>>571251997
pleb
>>571252034
bc this

>>571251997
lmfaooo

>>571251953
You got your dick in all sorts /b/ro
>You're my hero.

>>571251997
top kek
also, fuck you, guy.

>>571251997
Way to be a fag, you gay fag ass fat homo.

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>>571251997

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>>571251953
OOOOHHH

>>571251953
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA

>>571251997
kek

>>571252131
you aren't gonna get any pussy out of that anon. Sorry you get to keep your virginity for another 40 years you whiteknight neckbeard faggot.

By the time she opens that this thread will have 404'd anyway.

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>>571251997
>>571251997
>>571251997
Ban this faggot

>>571251997
And there always has to be one of you in every thread. "Hrhr i'mma get OP rekt now!"

Operation ruin white knights fag life commence

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>>571251997
Fucking whitekights

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>>571252147
Fuck, I know. This bitch wasn't my first train wreck headache.

Not Nichole, but another crazy

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:D

>>571251953
You are such a smart gentleman.

Obviously she will think that this is Jake's doing.

inb4 it is revealed that he works at State Farm

>>571252228
Why don't we 404 it ourselves and make a new one

>>571252247
>>571252178
>>571252182
>>571252170
>>571252172
everyone send her a bunch of texts with links to random 4chan threads. She will open up one or two and be like wtf? this is completely random bullshit and she won't open that one.

>>571251997
WHITE NIGHT BETA V2.0

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>Thread immediately plummets

>>571251997
thread will be dead in 20mins anyway, white knight fail

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>>571251997
,

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>>571251997
AND HERE IS ANON! Faggot-born

>>571252357
#1 anon award goes to

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Best thread ever

Four oh four

Lol what s everyones name and address?i wannt to orvanize a meetup

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>>571252357
The hero 4chan diserves

>>571252357
^This

Plus if it is true that she turned her phone off, the thread will be gone by the time she turns it back on.

>>571252357
/b/ is on fire tonight with gentlefolk of incredible esteem and high breeding.

Well done, sir.

>>571252357
Trap threads finally have a use anon! Good thinking.

Meh threads about dead neways faggot

0/10 thread

Those recordings are so boring. Glad that some anons reported this cancer.

someone call pretending to be detective Jim Rustle

>>571252581
Yeah which awesome voicemail was yours?

That's right, faggot.

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>>571252581

>>571252581
cry more bitch

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>>571252598
the thread is kill

although this would be pretty damn lolzy

>>571250531
>Http://vocaroo.com/i/s1qHqe4sEIMc
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

>>571252581
white knight faggot detected

>>571252581
go kill yourself faggot

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>>571252598
>JIM RUSTLE
Fuck i have no life this made me laugh so hard.

Archive please. Must show and tell later. :^)

>>571249740
Omg are you as hot as your voice? I would fuck your brains out

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>>571251953
you sly dog you.


OP is certainly not a faggot today.

has anyone capped this thread yet? this is awesome

>>571249359
>Http://vocaroo.com/i/s1qHqe4sEIMc
God damnit anon, I love you.

>>571252813
if this is a female do this >>571251570

>>571252770
I love this thread but for OP's sake, the thread needs to die and go into nonexistence. It will still exists in the lulz it brought us all though.

>>571252813
thanks anon. voice is interchangeable for work reasons.

I sometimes do impersonations and shit too.

>>571252598
If someone does this they need to make some mention of being tipped off about meth and that ol Jim can make these "little problems" go away for a nominal fee

>>571252682

I'll end this tradegy by calling and telling her about this cruelty.

>>571252895
I have been with my phone. Not sure how good that is and I know their are duplicate images.

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>>571251997
really man...

>>571253026
Her phone is off due to the faggots that called without recording.

Lulz shit got real, quick

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>>571253026
Bit late white knight faggot

>>571253026
Stop being such a little bitch mate