God here for another Ask Anything thread. Try not to be

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>>568108251
when will i die and how?

Why are you such a boring piece of shit?

>>568108732
At the latest, thirty four years from now when struck by a drunk driver.

>>568109257
Ah, downies. Perhaps my finest invention.

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>>568108251

Why are Batman fanboys so awful?

Pic related.

>>568108251
Will "he" be a problem and how should I deal with him if he will be?

What should I do to make a million dollars by the end of the week?

Protip: Give me the lottery numbers

>>568109857
That guy's clearly trolling.
They feel like they have a trump card over every other superhero fanbase with the whole 'Because he's Batman' thing. Everyone knows power corrupts.

>>568110134
Remove his kneecaps with a claw hammer. If nothing else, it'll be fun for me to watch.

Hi God, big fan here, so with all the black flags army and world war 3 talks, is the Messiah coming any time soon?

>>568110350
Rob a bank. I won't let you get caught. I help those who help themselves. Or some bullshit like that.

>>568110835
There is no Messiah. That shit got made up by the Jews. Jesus wasn't my son, he was a nephilim, the spawn of an angel and a human. I have no intention of sparking the apocalypse any time soon.

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>>568111185
Could you please just deposit 5 million dollars into my bank account. It would save me time and effort from robbing a bank. Also, I am sure you don't need the info for it, you're god.

>>568110538

Second question: Was Ron Paul right and are there lizard people among us?

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>>568108251
Yee.

>>568111470
If I just did shit for people who asked for it, your lives would be way too easy.

>>568108251
Is perception the only thing that exists?

Ha how can a god that has no control over anything possibly do shit to anyone
Besides appear in some opium smokin fucks mind who happens to know how to write very well when fucked up

>>568111802
Ah now I'm 19, 17 when in Junior year with early admittance.

>>568111802
Gib moneh pls

>>568108251
Should I stick with Biotech or should I go with Math and Stats? Will Statistics even be relevant in the future?

When will I get laid next and who will it be with
?

Why did you fuck up so badly when making women?

>>568108251
Can you help me get DMT?

>>568111613
No, on both counts. That's dumb.

>>568111802
Well my first piece of advice would be not to mention that you are under 18 on /b/.

My second piece of advice would be stop being such an edgy little bitch.

>>568111942
No. That's just pseudo-philosophical rubbish. Objective reality may be impossible to observe, but of course it exists.

>>568112004
I don't think you understand how godhood works.

>>568112153
Biotech

>>568112234
To make men's lives hard.

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>>568112691
faggot I'll do what I want, Biotech is for transhumanist jewish cunts who think about money

>inb4 god is a jew

>>568113004
Actually, all major religions are wildly inaccurate. The ones that are actually inspired by me all have tidbits of truth, but most of it is bullshit invented by mortal men.

>>568108251
Why is my dick so short?

Oh, and when is time travel going to be invented? I'd like to fuck with a few people from the church.

>>568108251
What's my first name?

>>568113236
Ok at least there's that

Tell me, will filling my head with abstract mathematical concepts get me on your level [spoiler]and eventually find my waifu[/spoiler]?

Have I ever licked balls?

>>568108251
Why isn't your ID heaven or heaven related? Go to fucking hell, mortal

Oh and what kind of liquor is that in your beautiful flask?

>>568113394
Your genetics suck.
Time travel as you're thinking of it is not possible under this universe's laws of physics.

>>568113439
Nathan

>>568113505
No, and if you want a girl to fuck, put some actual effort into it.

>>568113505
>math
>waifu
Srs question, do u hav autism?

>>568113657
American Honey. Only good bourbon there is, it and Jack Daniels. Rest of it is swill.

Is the girl I'm currently seeing the one for me ?

>why the fuck am I asking a fat neck beard

>>568113858
What if it really was god though?
You'd never know.

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>>568113760
maybe

>>568112691
>No. That's just pseudo-philosophical rubbish. Objective reality may be impossible to observe, but of course it exists.
I didn't say objective reality doesn't exist. Simply that perception is the totality of said reality.

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>>568108251
What happens if Pinocchio says his nose is gonna grow?

Why is my mom acting so crazy lately. Will I ever be happy? Also if you could make this loose skim disappear that would be great.

>>568113858
It is possible, even likely for you to live out a happy relationship with her. I try not to look to specifically at the future, to allow for free will to actually exist.

>>568114093
He dies.

>>568114265

Because you touch yourself at night. That's the answer to all 3.

>>568114265
Because she's just hit menopause, you've got your whole life ahead of you, don't be a little bitch, and no, you deserve it for being fat in the first place.

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Why did you make me not girl?

Is nobody is perfect, why does Michael Fassbender exist?

Can I have a brownie?

>>568108251

every time I see a screenshot of a Family Guy episode, I think to myself "is that shit still on? jesus, that show sucked." and forget about it right away

>>568115746
To make everyone else jealous.

>>568115724
Because the male sperm reached the egg first.

>>568108251
Are you a loving god?

Are you all powerful?

Why do you let bad things happen to good people?

>>568115953

Can yous go back and change it pls

>>568116230
I'm an apathetic God. I ascribe little value to the lives of mortals in general. I created you to amuse me, and sometimes, you amuse me with your suffering.

Yes, I am all powerful.

>>568116519
Speaking of suffering when will my mom die?
A little hope would be appreciated

Are we responsible for things we have no control over or have no knowledge of?

Are we supposed to be so awesome that we account for everything?

>>568116331
I could if I could be bothered. Not going to though, it changes a fuckton of events, it's a hassle to deal with.

>>568116650
Kill her yourself. Honestly, murder isn't that hard to get away with if you're clever about it.

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>>568108251
If you are god you must be in heaven,if your in heaven you must be faggot, since I heaven am a makw

>>568116893
And if I wait since I don't wish to entertain you with my guilt and murder trial?

Ah, so you are God's "greatest" creation.

>>568116893

I'll give you 30 bucks

>>568108251
god why u give niggers more length and width than everyone else also why did you allow the F4 anf F5 buttons to switch functions in the first computers, what difference it make also if fucking pre-pubescents in anytime wrong according to your word, I think not cuz ur a pedo u say dog loves all his children, sick fock

>>568116849
No

>>568116969
I'm not fussed, I'll bang anything. You'd be surprised how 14 billion years will broaden your sexual tastes.

>>568117134
Depends. As I said, to preserve free will, I try not to look too deep into the future. She could live as long as 40 years more.

>>568116519
If our suffering entertains you why are you allowing us to completely destroy ourselves? If we are not here we cannot amuse you

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>>568108251

Answer me this:

25 students are allowed to take $40 spending money on a trip to Iceland. The lecturer collected all of the money and exchanged it for Icelandic Krona.

The exchange rate was $1 = 141.50 Krona. The commission charge was 1%.

How many Krona did each student receive after the commission was deduced?

> Answer to nearest Krona plz

>>568116849
>>568117463

Thanks, God!

>>568117148
That assumes I created myself. I did not, I simply predate time and thus always was.

>>568117237
I have no need for money.

>>568117493
Even if you managed to extinct yourselves, there's trillions of intelligent forms of life in the universe, one species wiping itself out doesn't matter very much when it comes down to it.

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>>568117826

>>568117826
2000 krona, because the lecturer stole the rest.

>>568108251
Dear Based God,

I am humbly requesting a B average in all my college courses, and a little bit of weed before the end of next week.

Thank you, Based God.

>>568118224
Put the effort in and buy your own weed. That's how the real world works, buddy.

>>568108251
fagget why dont you kill the muslims and niggers yet?

Are you all knowing

>>568118468
Because they're like the greatest source of human misery I have available to me right now.

>>568118586
Sort of. I know anything that I want to know. I could be all knowing, but that would be boring as shit, and I created the universe in the first place to escape boredom.

>>568116893

>Honestly, murder isn't that hard to get away with if you're clever about it.

this interested me, so I did some research.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT:
>detection rate for murder in the UK (2013): 8,7%
>detection rate for homicide in the US (2010): 8% (estimated, because you don't need to know about that stuff - what are you, a terrorist?!)
>detection rate for murder in Germany (2013): 96,3%

What is going on? I always thought murder was one of the easiest crimes to solve (many chances to make mistakes, high interest in solving the crime, etc.), but obviously I was wrong. What's wrong Britbongs and Ameritards? Yes, you have more murders/homicides over all (the US has a shit-ton of murders even compared to the UK), is that the reason? Am I missing something? Fuck, what's going on over there?

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>>568118870

>detection rate for murder in South Africa (2010): 10%

you are more likely to get away with murder in the US or the UK than you are in South Fucking Africa - fuck guys, what's your excuse? niggers again? because they got those in South Africa last time I was over there.

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>>568118870
>>568120136

great, all that work and and nobody is going to read it
what was the point? I learnd something. fuck, I hate that.

>>568118870
Well, unless you're a serial killer, it's generally an isolated incident, and taking half a second to think through your strategy makes it fairly easy to avoid leaving evidence that points at you in particular. Despite what CSI would have you believe, you don't leave half of your coat behind in loose threads every time you bump into somebody, and you don't leave tread marks every step you take. Wrap a knife in sticky tape, stab them in a fashion that minimises contact between yourself and the victim. Avoid guns, they're an evidence-producing mess. Generally I'd advise not touching the person at all once you've done the deed. Clean the knife, ditch it somewhere that it makes sense for a knife to be far away from the crime scene, carry on your day like nothing happened. And for god's sake be mindful of your alibi. Nothing complex, and nowhere that they could possibly have a record of events to check.

>>568108251
hey god, are you an atheist too?

>>568120684
acting like reading will do you any harm
acting like anon posted real facts anyways
the point was to b8 amerifats and eurofags so they'd get mad and bump this silly thread

>>568121086
I do not believe that anything created me, no.

>>568120750

Don't they usually get you because of your motive?
revenge --> it was the husband/wife
theft --> that's not your credit card, sir
hate --> he is only stabbing gay people? so no hurry then

>>568121167

>acting like reading will do you any harm
I read that shit, because it interested me

>acting like anon posted real facts anyways
I can't vouch for the acuracy of online crime statistics, but I got all of them from ministerial sites

>the point was to b8 amerifats and eurofags so they'd get mad and bump this silly thread
dude, I don't even know what this thread is about. something about god and shit, I guess

>>568121440
They usually get you because you fuck up in some fashion or another. Remember, it's not enough for them to suspect you. They need solid evidence. Plus, it helps that CSI has convinced most of the idiots who get pulled for jury duty that the only solid proof is DNA evidence. Lot of murderers walk free because their lawyers were able to sell the jury on the idea that no DNA evidence equals reasonable doubt.

>>568121778

I don't watch those CSI shows. all I know from some parody is that ridiculous "zooming into the photo bullshit"

DNA evidence isn't that fool proof either, is it? wrong readings and shit like that?

>>568122082
If a sample is contaminated, it is useless as evidence. If it's not, it's pretty much always accurate. Sometimes if siblings are extremely genetically similar, it can give an inaccurate result, and obviously it doesn't work for twins.