Ok /b/, let's hear some of your absolute worst pickup lines

ey bb ill wood chuck yer chuck

I am going to rape you.

Hey baby you are fat as fuck... Wanna suck my dick?

>>564203275
Nice shoes, wana fuck

What has 44 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?

>my zipper

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

>>564203275
LMAO DRAGON MY NUTS
how bout are you from tennessee? cause you're the only tan i see

they call me the plummer
cause i'll stick my pipe in your drain

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Do you need an icebreaker, because I brought an ice pick

Get in the van

Ugly ass bitch niggah. Nvm, that was my best.

Lost my phonenumber, can I have yours?

>>564203873
Lol, as in kek ;^)

swiggity swoogity comin for that booty

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JUST BOUGHT TWO TICKETS TO THE GUNSHOW But I'm not giving them to you. Im going with your tickets.

>So you want to do it?
Works much better then you'd think it would

I just pooped and had no toilet paper to wipe. Could you possibly loan me your shirt?

Stop it dad!

If we were two homeless guys high on bath salts I would totally eat your face.

Is that a keg in your back pocket cause i would love to tap that ass

>>564203275
>>564202471

Damn girl, did you just fart? Cus you're blowing me away!

whats on the menu

me n u

There has been a bad accident and your parents said I could take you home.

Do you have a band-aid?
Because I just scraped my knee falling for you?

Surprisingly, this one has worked.

>>564204292
Wow. That. Just wow. This person is a god.

I have a dick and a knife and one of them is going inside you

>>564203275
I may not be fred flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.

hey girl what's your sine

it must be pi/2 because you are the 1

>>564203275
Hey babe want some fuk?

>>564203275
NOICE SHIRT

We both got buckets of chicken, wanna do it?

Hey bitch!
It aint gonna suck itself

>>564204982
U shuld want we make the fuk, no?

You get me harder than the water temple...

Hey baby, do you like discovery channel? No? Well how about my dick in your butt?

If i told you that you had a beautiful body will you hold it against me.

>>564203275
Hey, are you a virgin? I want to put my peen in u but only if ur virgin

>walk up to chubby drunky boo boo
>smile, say "I'm going to fuck you skinny."
>???
>profit

Do you wash your clothes in Windex?
Because I can see myself in your pants.

Are you a female? Because I'd sure like to fuck you.

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I'm gonna rape you, if you scream, I'll kill you!

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Do you get to the Cloud District often?

I love you
>she responds, "what"
oh, so wasn't love at first sight for you too?

Are you a dermatologist? Because I have this bump on my dick that I'd like you to take a look at.

I could smell your pussy from outside. Did you sit in garbage? I have a shower at my moms place.

i have a massive erection

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
> That's original.
Because your face is fucked up.

Wanna smoke and watch a movie?

>>564203275
poor puppy is lose help me. get in my van ples now.

>>564203275
hey girl you remind me of a bongo

>i wanna bang the shit out of you and not know what im doing

Your face. I like that shit.

>>564206104
those pants look real becoming on you

>i guess i'd be cumming if i were on you too

make a motion with one finger to make the girl head over to you and tell her " I made you cum with one finger, imagine what else I can do"

Girl I wish I was your derivative. So I could be tangent to your curves.

>>564206104
Kek

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It's like your a fossil sample and I'm a polite paleontologist. Know why?
> why
Because I'm asking to date you.
> mfw it worked.

This is the FBI. I need to do a full body cavity search. National security, you know.

hey girl are you from tennessee because you are the only 10 i see

your ass remindes me of an onion, it makes me want to cry

You must be Irish, cause my penis is Dublin

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>>564206354

That's a fuckin winner, mang

can i borrow your phone? i just told my ex i was gonna call her when i found someone better

can i tie your shoes? i just don't want you falling for anybody else

if i had a penny for everytime i think about you i'd have one penny because you never leave my mind

Have you ever seen a 2-incher?

>>564206851
This one makes me laugh everytime

>>564204981
You should feel bad...

>>564203873
I like this one
>lel

>>564203275
hey, does this cloth smell like chloroform to u?

Your parents must have been retarded cuz you're special

>>564203275
dont make this rape into a murder.

I fap thinking in you

Girl are you a vagina? Because I want to put my penis in you

my cock is thobbing to the thought you are making eye contact with me

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>>564203275
have you got the number for a vet... cos these swans are sick
then pose
>pic related

On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

Are you a car crash?
Because I just can't look away

> lick your finger
> touch her shoulder strap or anywhere that wouldn't be considered too intrusive
> "let's get you out of those wet clothes"

Wrkz evry tym

>>564203753
fitness dick

>>564203275
sorry, but you owe me a drink.
>why
because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

>>564208285
I'm conservative american cowboy open carry free

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>>564208285
>mfw i used this and worked

>>564203275
Ay bby u want sum peking duk

>>564203447
best one

Is your dad a baker?
Because you've got noice buns.

>actually accidentally said this once

"If I just map lost eyes- I'm leaving now."

Hey baby, were your parents retarded because you're special!

>>564203275
rub her top betwwen your finger and thumb and ask her what its made of when she answers say
"are you shure it feels like boyfriend material to me

My dick just died, can I bury it in your ass?

>>564203275
Get in the van

>>564203275
How much does a polar bear weigh?

Just enough to break the ice.

Hey baby, you wanna come back to my place and watch some porn on my 50" flat screen mirror?

>>564203275
i hear you like harry potter? mind if i slytherin?

>>564203275
i wish u were my little toe.
>why
cos i'de love to bang you on my coffee table

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>>564203275
cmon baby light my fart

>>564206356
Dont think most girls would get this one

>>564209480
Dude that really fucking hurts.. You could break that toe.. Not even worth it..

get in the fucking van bitch i know were you live

Can i use your phones map/gpa?

cuz i got lost in your eyes(tits)

>>564209708
Cis scum

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I likes ya. And I wants ya. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. The choice is yours.

do you have wings under your shirt? cause girl you are fly as hell.

have your drains been snaked lately?

and my personal favorite, really gets the canadian bitches goin

>lemme glaze dem timbits gurl

>>564203275
You know, the Japanese government actively segregates their Korean-ancestry citizens, creating explicit second class citizenship and allowing North Korea to gain an ideological foothold by lending monetary aid to the Korean-only schools that population is forced to go to. What's say you and me make some racial purists angry and have a 2 hour fuck fest in the bathroom?


Works literally every time. Helps if you're a mutt like me, then any sex is bound to be multiracial, even if it is just shades of white

>>564209708
You would have to be pretty fucking retarded not to
>femanon here

>>564210443
There's some people in this country who can't read numbers.

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>>564203275
I call my dick "your money"
so, baby, put it where your mouth is.

is it raining? it will be when you cum?

>>564210224
>timbits
I lol'd

You remind me of fast food cause I want to take you out.

And eat you in my car.

are you Medusas daughter? you turn my dick to stone every time our eyes meet

>>564210797
Gonna use this right now.

>>564210615
great form, solid execution, and tight landing. 9/10

Do you like chicken? Then suck my cock, i'ts fowl.

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>>564205461

are you a gymnast? cause i feel like chalking up my hands and putting my balance beam between your parallel bars

don't h8 that was a freestyle

>>564211047
Lemme know how it goes

Do you like tapes and CD's?

Cause I wanna tape my dick to your forehead so you can see deez nuts

>>564210589
Those people should all die
Uneducated, worthless pieces of shit

>>564211381
do you like dragons? cause i'ma be dragon my balls across your face tonight

"Oh my God, I'm reading my copy of the "Book of numbers" and yours is missing!"

Ask, "Can I smell your crotch?"
When she says no, reply with...
"Must be your feet then..."

A friend of mine who plays lacrosse uses this one : "Hey girl do you like lacrosse? Cuz id like to drag my balls all-lacrosse your face!"

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

>>564212124
Baby I'll chuck your wood all ni- Oh shit a trap.

This thread is fucking gold

>>564211326
She didn't get it.

>Asian FOBs
fml

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Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam ya.

I'm not a stranger, I have candy.

>>564212256
mhmm

Wanna do some math? Well add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

Is that a mirror in your pocket, cause I can see myself in your pants.

hey girl i just shit my pants
>can i get in yours

>>564212256
I dont think this'll work pretty well

"i swear to god its not fuckin chloroform"

>>564206053

>Still Original.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Now get in the van.

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>>564210615
rerell

>>564204981
FUCKING RETARD pi/2 IS THE ARCSIN OF 1 NOT THE SIN
DIE FAGGOT
Although arcsine sounds way nerdier

>>564203275
hallo ist da noch platz in deiner hose

>>564208285
North Korea

>>564214105
ZING

please have sex with me

>"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?"
"No."
>"You're right, i forgot u r a q t"
"That's only 25 letters"
>"You'll get the D later"

Happy opposite day you ugly dumbass whore

You just need to walk up to a girl and say, "I just wanted to tell you that cheesy pick up lines don't work on me."
When she says ok or whatever, just say "That's the worst pick up line I've ever heard."
She'll probably chuckle and say "whatever."
That's when you say, "lucky for you I think you're hot and don't need a better pick up line."

>>564212485
Asian? You'll be hungry again in a half hour.

>>564205175
kek
>>564206356
fucking math plebs on 4chinz these days
a derivative is tangent to a single curve, moron, just one!
>>564206851
oh jesus
>>564206992
>yfw you guys are making me laugh more than any ylyl
>>564214105
god dammit i was gonna say this

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>>564203275
Excuse me ma'am, hi, I believe there is something on your hand there.

>Where exactly? There's nothing on my hand!

Its sorta hard to spot. If I may? *offer hand politely*

>Well I guess.

*fake examine the hand*

Oh, there it is! I see!

>What? What is it?

It's me. Hi, my name is anon!

mfw I have actually gotten numbers with this opener.

>>564212256
It's archive-worthy.

>>564214626
This one got me
well played

>>564214028
no you dumb nigger. sin(pi/2)= 1

LRN2CALCFAGGIT

>>564215151
http://4archive.org/b/thread/564203275

>>564203275

I could see you from a mile away and you really caught my eye. I didn't want to talk to you though but your gravity really pulled me in.

inb4 not useful
>Black men meeting white hambeasts.

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>>564208657

Daaayyuuuummmmm nigga smooooooooooootthhhhhh really though im using that

If you were my homework i would do you on the table

>>564203275
You're a fucking ugly bitch

I'm going to stab you to death and play around with your blood

ey bb have sex fuck with me

You're hotter than the bottomside of my laptop

my line to an ex was: hey sexy you want i should lick your pussy

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>>564203275

I don't draw, but I put the D in raw.

I take the "the" out of psychotherapist.

"H-hey, you like stuff. I like stuff t-too. Maybe we could do some a-activities together?"

You wanna go halfers on a bastard?

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Hi Kendra, I'm David. You may not know me, but I know you; probably better than your own mother. I've been admiring you from afar for months now, looking at your hobbies and interests and seeing what we have in common, and what we both dislike. According to the E-Harmony profile I set up for you, we're very compatible.

So, Kendra, I'd like to ask you just one question, you beautiful angel you:

Sharpie in pooper?