Let's pretend that we are characters from TES games. >Be

>Months pass
>Constance is really nice
>I was told that the guy in Daedric armor was a dragonborn
>Suddenly he comes here again
>Starts talking to Constance
>I fear he will kill her like he killed Grelod
>I rush and eavesdrop on their conversation
>He wants to fucking adopt a child
>But awesome Constance tells him he needs a bigger house to have a child
>He leaves
>ThankyouTalos.jpeg
>About 2 weeks later he comes back and told Constance that he had built a house
>What the fuck
>He must really want a kid
>I know she will not allow a murderer to adopt us, so I think I'm safe.
>I was wrong, she fucking lets him
>he looks over us for about a minute, without saying a word and of course, picks me.
>For fuck's sake
>He fucking made me walk all the way to his house, Lakeview manor
cont

Let's pretend that we're characters from the Souls games

>be me, in Lordran
>die
>git gud
>die again

>I somehow reach the place alive, and guess what...
>He's not even there
>I met his wife - Aela the huntress, she's nice and actually talks unlike the dragonborn
>Turned out he also adopted another child, Braith, some hobo girl from Whiterun
>We get along fine, but don't speakto each other very often
>I decided to have a look around the house, trying not to fall over all the shit that's scattered around the floor
>Cheesewheels, weapons, plates, pots, sweetrolls are all just laying there
>I reach his armory
>Sweet Arkay, there is literally every armor set possible there
>Even weapons that belonged to fucking Daedric princes are there, just laying next to the weapon racks
>I get the fuck out of there and go into the tower. i reach a small room that looked like alchemy lab
>I look into some satchel and there are literally thousands of giant's toes inside it. wtf
>Look into another satchel and there;s nothing but wheat.
>looks like he has been making a lot of potions
>I leave and go to sleep, in one huge room i share with my sister and Aela
>Days pass as I play around outside, it's not that bad in here
>But then He finally arrives
cont

>be annoying child
>some fag is new in town
>call him a fag
>he rages
>he beats the shit out of me while murdering everyone else
>im still alive
>he installs mods
>he hits me
>i take damage
>am kill

>I try to break the ice and ask him if he can give me some money
>Simply gives me 1000 septims without saying a word and walks right passed Braith
>He walks up to Aela and she gives him 2800 septims
>She literally pays him 100 for every day he's not home
>He then continues to sell her tonnes of shit like diamonds and other gems
>Aela says she does not have any more money, so he just stands there for 2 fucking days without flinching or anything
>He comes up to Aela and continues to sell her the stuff
>She ran out of money again
>Guess what he did now
>He summoned a fucking dremora merchant and sells him more shit
>I suppose he also accidentaly sold his helmet, he then bought again for a higher price, along with some ring, a sword and gauntlets he also had
>He stood there for another 8 hours until it was dark, and we went to sleep
>He woke me up because he was trying to sneak around in his daedric armor again
>I pretended I'm asleep and watched him stand on top of Braith's bed
>Would not be that weird, if she was not sleeping there. She was.
>He continued to crouch and stand up a few times before waking up Braith
>He told her he has something for her, started to look through his inventory for a few seconds then stopped
>Continued to do the same with me, but I'm not a pussy and just told him to stop teasing me
>He left and still did not come back
>I'm scared for his next visit

>>563559614
this is just really bad, stop it.

your story is not good but it is not awful either. I am getting some laughs because I know the game and you are making good use of it's quirky things. But for the rest it just seems like you are wallowing on cocks while typing this. Make sure there is not semen leaking on your laptop

>be me
>Be imperial guard
>got a few carts of prisoners coming for the headsmen today
>business as usual
>Carts arrive
>full of faggot stormcloaks
>MUH SKRIM FOR DE NORDS
>anyway ticking people off the list
>guy who's name whos not on the list comes forward
>Who the fuck are you
>He says nothing
>He is a nord at first
>Argonian male
>Argonian female
>Khajjit female
>Orc female
>Breton female
>Breton male
>Redguard male
>Nord male
>His facial features start to change in front of me
>Is no one seeing this shit? Everyone is just standing there waiting for this guy
>His nose is changing shape
>Then his eye colour
>Captain, this guys not on the list
>"forget the list, he goes to the block"
>By your orders captain
>I've seen some shit man
>10 days later this faglord ends up joining the legion and destroys like 50 cities

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>>563559220
>>563559336
>>563559614
>>563559945

>>563559945
contuniue

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>>563561151
>>563560259
It took me like 30 minutes to write this story guys

>>563561543
I liked it

>>563561543
Next time you have 30 minutes of free time, please don't use it on writing boring stories.

>>563561543
I also enjoyed it

>>563559220
Go right ahead butty

>>563561870
>>563561702
He liked it

>>563561543
I like it
Congrats

>be me
>Be proud Nord shopkeeper
>fuckthethalmor.jpg
>Suddenly guy walks into my shop
>He's wearing armor that makes him look like a fucking demon, man
>Oh shit.jpg
>He run over to me
>I shit bricks
>Suddenly he looks at a basket and it starts fucking floating!
>So fucking scared I don't even wince when he places the basket over my head
>Wait 4 hours before i'm sure he's gone
>Take basket off head
>The fucker raided my stock and now I'm broke
>Shit

>>563561543
fuck these guys OP im dying over here. its not a quality story. but the game is amazing and its making me laugh so keep going

>>563561543
I enjoyed it.

>>563561543

a good story is not written in 30 minutes

let me show you a story I wrote in 30 minutes

>OP sits behind computer
>Starts up the computer
>Oh boy there sure is a total lack of dicks in this room
>Suddenly 3 huge black guys and the tiny midget that played bilbo baggings in the hobbit come into the room and start putting their dicks in all holes he has
>Op then writes this story while covered in cum

The end

Now that's art

>Be me
>Nilphas Omellian
>Enjoying life in the Imperial City even though the emperor recently was murdered
>Some guy comes up to me and says he now owns Battlehorn Castle because he killed some maurauders
>Wants to upgrade the place
>Show him the upgrades and how much they cost
>Total is about 20K
>But whatever he just took over a castle I'm sure he has enough to pay for it
>He litterally has less than 200 septims
>Fucking poorfag.jgp
>How the hell did he even afford that armor
>He leaves and goes to the other side of the room
>Not two seconds later he comes back with literally trillions of septims
>Fucking buys everything and just walks away
PC master race.

>>563562350
jesus christ dude idk why this shit is making me laugh so hard. have 500+ hours logged into skyrim. thats just the pc not to mention when i first played it on xbox

>captcha 1010 >10/10 keep posting m8's

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>>563559220
>Be me, living and working at the Bannered Mare
>serving booze and jiggling my sweaty cleavage in everyone's face for tips
>sweep all morning
>drink all evening
>piss all night
>life is good
>Everyone knows Dragonborn likes me better than Hulda with her jacked up cheekbones anyways

>>563559220
>>563559336
>>563559614
>>563559945
This is fucking gold.

>>563562895
Agreed.

Good work/pasting OP!

>>563562895
>>563563069
most certainly agree

>>563561543
I suppose if you don't play the game people wouldn't like it but I give it a 6/10

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>>563562350
I used this glitch every damn time

> be me, living in Sadrith Mora
> fucking mushrooms everywhere
> own a clothing shop near the siltstrider
> this bittergreen outlander walks in
> has weird armor, everything is glowing
> I wake up 5 miles in the air
> mfw I'm falling towards Seyda Neen

>>563561543
Well its not like wasting time is a bad thing to people who play skyrim.

>Be me
>Be night mother
>Bored as fuck inside coffin
>This nigger keeps coming requesting more missions
>Send him to slay more noblemen

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>>563559220
>Be me, a guard at Whiterun
>Some faggot with gay ass armour occasionally comes sprinting through the city with some whore in steel armour behing him
>Try to be as patronizing as shit
>Say shit like "What's the matter? Someone stole your sweetroll" when he stands in my face
>On duty in Jarl's quarters in Dragonreach
>Best fucking post, just stand around doing nothing
>This faggot walks in (who's also a thane, so he's alowed do do this shit)
>fml.jpeg
>Just watch him
>He does some gay walking where he's close to the ground
>Don't know what happens, but I can't see him anymore
>wtf
>Walk into Jarl's kid's room
>Faggot takes his fucking sweetroll
>"Thief! Stop right there!"
>Faggot just looks at me an gives me a load of coins
>I assumed it was his bounty
>Take the sweetroll off him
>Also get a weird feeling that he has some other stolen shit on him
>Take an orcish bow, a gold ring and a glass sword because I somehow know they're stolen
>mfw

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>be me
>be wandering the streets outside of falkreath
>some guy walks up to me in full dragonscale armour
>gives me some meat
>explain to him my life story
>he questions why I talk so i mention cats and lizards
>tell him I can take him up a mountain to see my owner
>he's fine with that
>get to haemar's shame
>there's fucking people here!
>luckily the human kills all the hippies
>finally get to the statue of my owner
>he tells the human to use this axe to brutally murder me
>bruh.gif
>he doesn't
>owner expositions him on how he's not fun
>owner gives the human his most prized possesion
>get assraped for the rest of time by my owner
>tfw barbas

>>563562285
Continue the story

>>563561543
It was pretty good OP.

>walk around whiterun with my swagging clothes
>see that thane chosen one guy who casually murders dragons with his armor and huge sword made literally out of stones of dead dragons he sucked the soul out of
>ask him if he visits the cloud district often
>what am I thinking, of course he doesnt

>be me, living in Anvil
>it's the end of a warm summer night
>sitting on a hill overlooking the docks
>the last of the suns rays cast a golden glow over the ocean
>gentle ocean breeze on the skin
>the sound of the boats creaking in the docks
>towns folk happily going about the end of their day
>content.jpg

>>563564758
Bur'd

>>563559220
>Just outside whiterun, doing my duty as a guard
>see adventurer approaching
>spaghetti.jpeg
>"A-an armor made of d-dragon bones? What I wou-"
>Fucker crouches, straight up disappears
>I'm pretty baffled right now
>suddenly, all my clothes are gone
>the sword in my hand has exited existence
>Fucker pops right back up from the ground
>drops everything he took right in front of me
>I'm sweating so much
>palms slippier than an icerink
>try to break the silence before the nordic cold gets to my nips
>"I used to be a-"
>die

>be guard
>ever since I took an arrow in the knee all I do is ask where sweet rolls are while my cousin fights dragons

>>563564049
It's finished. I do this shit everytime I enter the house, so there was no point repeating the same stuff.

>>563564758
N-nazeem? Is that you?

>>563559945
>I suppose he also accidentaly sold his helmet
aha

>>563564758
He and belethor died rather quickly in my stealth playthrough.

THE DRAGONS ARE FUCKING WEEABOOS.

>>563562779
>piss all night
I don't remember this from the game, there aren't even any chamber pots.

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>>563565065

>>563561543
Love it!

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>>563559220
here, OP

>>563565867
She sweeps it after, duh

I liked your story OP. Gave me some good laughs and that's far more than what can be expected of this place anymore

>>563565867
What do you think mods are for?

>>563566538
10/10 VIP Quality Post

>Someone
>Stole
>My
>Sweetroll

>Me and the other bandits sitting in the fort as usual.
>This crazy fucking psycho wearing dragon bones screams fire out of his mouth at us, we try but fail to protect ourselves.
>WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?
>I'm outside cowering, he hasn't finished me off.
>He begins to rip the clothing off everyone around him.
>He rummages through everything we've acquired through years of looting.
>He begins to sprint towards me, suddenly a fucking dragon flies down as if shit couldn't get any worse.
>He begins to fight the dragon I decide to help him maybe he'll spare me.
>He jumps on top of the dragon like a boss, I start to run away because fuck this shit I'm half burn up.
>Oh by Talos it's the Dragonborn.
>Sprint all the way to whiterun to turn myself in.

>Conduct our bi-weekly night ceremony with my priestesses
>these two drunk fucks kick the door in
>they start throwing around our fruitbowls and cups
>they molest the members of my church
>they say they came from the other fucking end of skyrim where they got drunk 3 minutes ago
>howthefuck.flac
>one of them mumbles something about some dark lord then leaves
>the one in the cursed black deamon armor with the flaming giant sword on his back is passed out next to our altar
>when he wakes up I tell him to clean his room

>>563567262
I had no idea what was going on in that quest, which was a pity; it was one of the better ones
>Sanguine Rose OP

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>>563559220
you good sir, have become a legend

>>563566428
thanks, if you want maybe try to include other stories from this thread?

>Be me
>Relaxing at the cloud district
>Suddenly the alarm goes off
>The Dragonborn is fast traveling to here
>Everyone rushes to their posts
>I start walking down the street
>He walks past me
>I turn around
>"Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh what am I saying, of course you do-
>How did this arrow get in my face

>be me
>work as a blacksmith in Whiterun
>have aspirations to become the best one in whole skyrim
>this dude in apparently scavenged armor shows up in town
>starts using my furnace and anvil like nobody's business
>fml another tourist
>I make sure at least that I tell him all about my father and the shop I am working in...at least a trillion times
>that sucker just ignores me
>proceeds to make shitty iron daggers
>I just frown on his lame skill with hammer and anvil
>in like 2 hours he sells me 1000000 daggers and crafts himself the finest armor ever made out of motherfucking dragon bones
>whatisthisidonteven.jpeg

>working on my farm as usual
>some guy walks in in a charred half assed uniform
>starts vanishing my cabbages
>the whole harvest has disappeared in less than a minute
>my family will starve to death this winter
>guy finally walks up to me and looks at me but doesnt say a word
>shows me he has a fuckton of cabbages for sale
>family_is_saved.mkv
>this guy is a fucking magician

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>>563568220

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>>563568826

There's some really dumb shit in TES when you see it put like this.

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>be me
>horse merchant outside of whiterun
>this guy in demon armor wants a horse
>I say it will cost 1000 septims
>he runs across the street to the khajiit merchants
>comes back with 1000 septims
>I give him the horse
>he stands there shooting it with fireballs and then waits in the same spot for an hour
>wtf.jpg
>he keeps this up for a week
>now I see him fighting dragons with lightning beams and fire storms
>mfw

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>>563561543
Nigger

>been a white run for many years now
>just a few more, and I can retire
>finally take my wife to see the imperial city
>wake up, usual day
>get to the barracks, and hear talk of dragons about
>dragons? that's ridiculous
>Torr is just full of shit like usual
>probably just some brats playing pranks
>peasant farmers will believe anything
>and Torr is the first to tell is about it
>enough lolligaggin
>Torr and I head to our post, a small guard tower outside of the settlement.
>take my place at the top of the tower
>proceed to sit, and spend my time reading the latest edition of the lusty argonian maid
>suddenly hear a roar
>I snap to attention, and jam my boner against my plate armor
>after a minute crouched over in pain, I climb to the top of the tower
>where is Torr?
>he should be here
>down below I see some fellow guardsmen pointing at the sky
>I look up, and only see the sun
>why are they pointing at the sun
>then I notice, the solid layer of clouds in the sky
>and realize that is no sun
>searing heat surrounds me
>it's so bright, I try to close my eyes but can't
>I gasp, and my lungs fill with fire
>the last thing I hear is my name, just faintly audible over the sound of my bubbling flesh
>Hroki
>everything goes black

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>Sitting outside whiterun trying to help my kin sell goods so we can survive.
>Nords ain't making it easy.
>Nord shows up in iron armor and weapons
>He looks poor
>He immediately pays my sister thousands of septims to teach how how to sneak
>setforlife.png
>He buys my brother's shit too.
>looking good for us, maybe we can get out of skyrim now tward a tower
>He heads inside the city for a bit
>Him, a dark elf, and a squad of gaurds come rushing out
>Suddenly a dragon shows up
>Mothercathavemercy
>He sprints back twards us covered in wounds and the dragon hot on his tail
>He buy's my brother's potions
>Drinks them all at one time
>We are trying to gather our things but the dragon passes over us, using it's flames to raze our belongings
>The nord is sitting behind the city baracades waiting for us to finish the fight
>The dragon is defeated
>My sister is wounded and our tents are ash
>It took us weeks to hunt enough animals for those
>The Nord suddenly runs his sword though my brother, and murder's my sister
>Ohno.webm
>As I try to attack I am blinded by the burning body of the dragon
>I can hear the nord rummaging though my siblings gold purses
>When I regain my sight, my family is dead, I have no gold, no shelter, and the nords still wont let me in thier walls
>mfw

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>Be me
>Working in the sawmill at riverwood
>All I do is haul big fucking trunks into the saw
>I never run out of trunks
>Never
>All I will do in my fucking life is haul trunks
>One day a naked asshole appears in town
>walks up to me
>"You're naked!" I say
>He shouts some fucking weird shit to my face
>I'm flying
>die
>Mfw I will not have to haul more trunks

>>563570620
Get Notepad++

>>563568220
> >Suddenly the alarm goes off
> >The Dragonborn is fast traveling to here

my fucking sides

>be chilling on the porch thinking about how much I like chickens just like everyone in skyrim
>our village has a favourite chicken, old grudy
>he looks just like every other chicken so we like them all the same
>some filty argonian peasant comes into our village
>with a slice of his sword he decapitates old grudy in slow motion
>entire town starts linching him
>stormcloack guards run in to bring order
>without question they start slashing the filty argonian to death
>racist bastards

>>563569250
any more pics like that?

>>563569930

God damn mobile phone

Revised edition
>been a white run guard for many years now
>just a few more, and I can retire
>I can finally take my wife to see the imperial city
>wake up, usual day
>get to the barracks, and hear talk of dragons about
>dragons? that's ridiculous
>Torr is just full of shit like usual
>probably just some brats playing pranks
>peasant farmers will believe anything
>and Torr is the first to tell us about it
>enough lolligaggin
>Torr and I head to our post, a small guard tower outside of the settlement.
>take my post inside of the tower
>proceed to sit, and spend my time reading the latest edition of the lusty argonian maid
>suddenly hear a roar
>I snap to attention, and jam my boner against my plate armor
>after a moment crouched over in pain, I climb to the top of the tower
>what in oblivion was that?
>wait
>where is Torr?
>he should be here
>down below I see some fellow guardsmen pointing at the sky
>I look up, and only see the sun
>why are they pointing at the sun
>then I notice, the solid layer of clouds in the sky
>and realize that is no sun
>searing heat surrounds me
>it's so bright, I try to close my eyes but can't
>I gasp, and my lungs fill with fire
>the last thing I hear is my name, just faintly audible over the sound of my bubbling flesh
>Hroki
>everything goes black

> Be me
> Going to places and doing stuff
> From day to night horses get pimp, new weapons to make etc

> Look to the ground, see this black thing and words
> Player.additem f 100000000
> Get rich as fuck for no reason

>>563559220
>>563559336
>>563559614
>>563559945
top kek

>>563559220
>be me
>living a nice life in winterhold
>in the guard
>suddenly I'm called by the jarl
>ohsitohshit.jpeg
>meet some strange looking orc fucker
>Jarl says i must be his housecarl
>fuck
>he's also the thane, i can't do anything bad to him
Don't you hate your life sometimes /b/?

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>Be me
>Be khajiit
>My granddad was the hero of the oblivion crisis
>Decide to adventure like granddad
>Pass skyrims borders
>Immediately get arrested
>"Khajiit are never up to any good"
>How4chanfeelstwardsblacks.png
>I'm scheduled for execution
>Whatthefuck
>My head's on the block not one day into my adventure
>offtoagreatstart.jpeg
>Suddenly dragon
>I escape and run to the people who didn't try to cut my head off
>A few weeks later, turns out all of skyrim is fucked unless I stop a army of dragons
>Heading back home to elswer as we speek
>Fuck those racist nords

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>Be mammoth
>Appear 6 foot in the air
>Fall
>Die
>Mfw

>its the end of the road for me
>all those days wasted all those kisses missed
>think back on my life, overall I had a good run
>everything ends, its in Talnos's hand now
>look up to see the prized gilloutine of Solitude gleam above my head
>sayhellotothesunrise4me.bmp
>suddenly some guy in a waistcloth runs in and reads up some random shit from a scroll
>everyone goes apeshit and start killing each other
>30 people are dead including the butcher
>my life is saved by this stranger but at what cost
>dozens of innocent fathers and mothers are now dead
>imperial guard runs up to the guy and fines the guy for 40 coins
>how the fuck did I get death sentence?

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>>563571851
Something Similar happened to me.
>Be a housecarl
>Suddenly a housecarl to the dragonborn of legend
>Expect to be cleaning his house
>Instead fighting dragons and carrying bones and skin covered in mort flesh of said dragon
>What is my life

>>563569791
use shadowmere you dumb nigger

>>563559220
>Be me, living in Whiterun
>Be guard
>See someone new in Whiterun
>Decide to be polite and start up conversation
>Talk about current events
>Tell them I used to be an adventurer too
>Starts randomly killing people
>Ask them to stop politely and pay a fine
>Crazy fucker shouts me into a wall
>Wake up 5 min later it's like nothing happened
>mfw

>Be housecarl of mighty dragonborn
>Be sneaking on some giants
>He shoots the filthy creature with a bow
>I must defend my thane
>Run towards the monster
>The giant rises the mace in the air
>Ohshit.jpeg
>I fly
>Over the rainbow
>So high

Saw a mudcrab walking along the other day...

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>>563560973
Kek

>>563572148
pure gold
kek'd so hard

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>Be me, a blacksmith
>Making armor and weapons for soldiers.
>suddenly the most beautiful man appears
>secretly gay
>can't think of any good pic up lines
>"Come to see Balimud preform miracles with steel eh?"
>he says nothing
>starts making iron daggers like a motherfucker
>sells them all to me
>i buy them because I'm nervous
>mfw I have 349 iron daggers and no bf

>>563559663
what mods? WHAT MODS?!

>bark
>bark
>bark bark bark
>bark bark
>bark bark, bark bark!
>bark
>bark bark bark
>bark, bark bark bark bark. bark bark
>bark bark chicken chaser bark

>Be regular random wanderer
>Riding my horse down a regular trail
Suddenly I see a strange man clad in different types of armor
>Some kind of demonic looking helmet
>Elvish body armor
>Iron looking gauntlets
>Boots that look like their made of bones
>He looks like a fucking idiot
>Thought I've seen everything
>Well I bet he's never seen this shit
>I stand up on my horse
>whatnowbitch.png
>He doesn't look impressed
>Let's kick it up a notch
>Horse starts running and I run on top of it
>He has to be impressed now
>Still nothing
>See bear up ahead
>This is my chance
>Use full body spin attack on top of horse to kill bear
>Oh spaghet the bear isn't dying
>Traveler kills bear
>Still unimpressed, he walks away
>Wonder why I haven't transcended to god status yet

>>563574669
http://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/774/?

>>563574167
hahaha

>>563575176
kek

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>Be me, chilling with my Companion bros
>9/10 Dragonborn bitch comes up, says she needs my help
>She's an imperial but she's hot and she gets things done, so I follow her
>We go around a corner of Jorvaskarr
>She suddenly grabs me, puts her blade to my neck, and shoves me on the ground
>Allofmywhat
>Puts on a dildo, strips both of us naked, and starts raping me
>None of the other companions hear my screams
>She finishes up and gets up
>I stand up, preparing to run like hell
>She knocks me on the ground again
>Ties me up this time
>Somehow shapeshifts into a huge orc male
>Rapes me in the ass this time
>Slits my throat when finished
>Fuck this world
For those that are interested, (This is what i do in my free time), you need to have Sexlab installed, along with Sexlab defeat. Also you need a custom skeleton I believe, and a body replacer (CCBE is the best)

>>563561543
Please do more OP, I was crying with laughter at this

>>563575176
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93W6mB0ZqCM

>>563560973
Hahahahaha epic

>Be me
>Wife of dragonborn
>He returns home for the first day in decades
>Stuffs hundreds of steel daggers in a closet
>Walks towards me
>He seems mad
>He cuts my head off
>I'm still alive
>wat.jpg

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>>563574167

>Be me, Sir Assburn
>On quest to find dad
>Months into journey stumble upon a group of river trolls
>They're hosting tryouts for Troll Factor
>I sign up and nervously await my time to perform to the judges
>*duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh*
>my song starts to play, "time to shine Assburn" I say to myself
>I erupt onto the stage with the power of a volcano with blueballs
>"IM GONNA GO OUT"
>"IM GONNA LET MYSELF GET"
>a voice echoes from across the stage in complete sync and harmony with mine
>"ABSOLUTELY SOAKING WET!!"
>I start to cry, it is dad

fin

>>563575265
i love you

>>563561543
This was amazing. Thank you OP

> Be Frodnar in Riverwood
> Dragonborn comes to kill my parents
> I go to the Orphanage, dragonborn already waiting there to adopt me
> Please no, not him
> Im now adopted, pretend to be happy
> Before I even leave the orphanage dragonborn has used console command to remove my clothes
> Everytime he returns from his long adventures he leers at me for a bit
> Forever a'cold

>>563559945

lel

I like this OP

>>563576420
kill Braith for me

>>563569797
BUSTED!

>chillin with my bandits under our bridge
>see this big guy coming
>decide to mug him
>he's being a tough guy and all
>pull my sword on him
>me and my gang cut him 20 times
>he's almost dead from bloodloss
>he suddenly gets out 120 kg of bread and eats it in a split second
>his wounds heal instantly
>he burps at us or something and my friend falls into the chasm
>he's still skinnier than me

>>563574167
topkek

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> Be Frodnar in Riverwood, the only reasonably good looking kid in skyrim
> Dragonborn comes to kill my parents
> I go to the Orphanage, dragonborn already waiting there to adopt me
> Please no, not him
> Im now adopted, pretend to be happy
> Before I even leave the orphanage dragonborn has used console command to remove my clothes
> Everytime he returns from his long adventures he leers at me for a bit
> Forever a'cold

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>>563560973

>>563575510
We all know about Sexlab and Defeat, this isn't Facebook.

>>563571350
>the latest edition of the lusty argoian maid
>jam my boner against my plate armor
Fucking made the story for me. I wish they had more that just the two books.

>>563565065

8/10

>>563577640
i didn't. now i have to google that shit. thank you, you asshole!

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>>563577501

>>563577501
HAH! Love it.

>>563578357
Right, but you're too stupid to even read the comment I replied to, so you can fuck right off.

>be dragonborn
>havenudemod.esm
>get naked in dragonsreach
>fus at the table throwing shit everywhere and knocking down maid
>guard comes up
>your under arrest.wav!
>fuck you bitch nigga im a thane.mp3

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>be me
>guard in Whiterun
>it's a good job, feeds my family
>pretty good gig
>mostly brigands and drunken brawls
>been awhile since we had a good bandit raid
>stand around for 8 hours and make sure no one lollygags too long
>see Dragonborn
bytalos.parchment
>don't break formation, captain would have my ass
>DB walks past me
>I try to sound badass
"I know wh-who you are, h-hail sithis"
>feel the mead start dripping from my trousers
>DB doesn't notice
>turn around
"N-no lollygaggin', ya hear?"
>DB looks at me
>big ass nord staring me down
>I dun goof'd
>the mead is flowing from my trousers
>completely soaked in it now
>reeking of honey and alcohol
>looks like I pissed myself
>go back to guard barracks
>cry

>>563576935

Ahahahahaha

Brilliant.