Let's get a classic greentext thread going.

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Enjoy this tard story

>>561789637
>the ending
>my sides

Jesus fuck these are awesome

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On phone. So, let's see what I have saved.

>>561790691
>mammoth hoof
>my sides again

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Who's lurkin?

Bawwww alert.

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>>561791747
Whats the Source material on the scifi stuff? Sounds familiar.

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>>561789459
im just uploading but i dont know what it is

I don't have any greentextx's saved, but I can tell you something from my work today

>be me,18
>have summer job at McDonalds's so I can have some extra cash for college
>old, ratchety smelly lady walks in
>I try to walk away and let someone else take the order
"HELLO YOU THERE ANON! DONT WALK AWAY FROM ME YOU LITTLE FUCKER, I SEE YOU."
>lol
>I turn around and come up with some lame excuse about why I walked away
>"can i have two hamburgers with nothing on them?"
>er, alright i guess
>put in the order, walk back to manager's office and inform him we have a potential problem
>it's store policy that we tell the manager whenever a customer may be a threat/or be insane
>he says alright, he'll watch h..
>"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING BURGERS?"
>oh jesus
>i walk back out, put her burgers in the bag and hand them to her
>she takes them out and looks at them
>"I WANTED KETCHUP ON THEM!"
>she slides the burgers back at me, so I walk back to the service station and put ketchup on them
>"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME BURGERS?!"
>"ma'am, i'm putting ketchup on them as you requested..?"
>this is where it gets good
>"NO, YOU'RE PUTTING VOODOO ON THEM!"
>she proceeds to start screeching Voodoo, then proceeds to attempt to leap the counter
>out of nowhere she gets tackled by a random ass police officer that I didn't know was in the store
>she get's hauled off to wherever crazies go

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here's a classic

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>>561794059
Ok i'll just Save it and google something.
I'll Share some i have too

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>>561793896
That....that wasn't what I wanted to post. Whoops. I hope it was this one.

Anyway. It was from an OC Humanity Fuck Yeah thread a while back.

>>561789459
>that's my story of how I got cockblocked by motherfucking al qaeda
Should I feel like a dick for laughing?

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>>561794764
Ah ok sounded bretty gud

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>>561795730

>>561794346
that shit happened today? man, I fucking hate people. Have anything funny/ not necessarily annoying happen to you recently?

>>561795026

Idk mang, I laughed

>>561796174
Every day memorable shit happens. Probably the best was the time I walked in on a gay orgy in the bathroom.

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This is the last one i have shaved hope you liked some

>>561796476
story time muthafucka

>>561796476
> Probably the best was the time I walked in on a gay orgy in the bathroom.
Probably? Man, a lot of stuff seem to happen to you. Story, please.

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>>561796591
Shot wrong pic

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here's my story a few months ago

>Me and ex gf at her stepdads because mom brought over her younger siblings to see dad
>stepdad and mom leave to pick up food
>ex gets horny
>we start fucking on his bed
>she wanted me on top so why not
>fuckyes.jpeg
>autistic 3 year old brother walks in
>dont care cuz he doesnt know
>gets on the bed next to us
>squats down and starts staring at my dick going in her pussy
>reaches for it and I push him away
>"Dont worrry about him anon keep going"
>still going and the fucker reaches for it again
>push him off bed behind me and kick him away
>walks back up to us again
>godfuckingdammit
>keeps staring
>tries grabbing it again
>FUCKNO.JPEG
>pull out to grab both his arms and put him in other room but i end up cock slapping him with my hard on
>stares at me
> exgf and i both look at each other
>brother walks out and doesnt come back in
>mfw all it needed was a cock slap to get him away

>>561796880
still lol'd anyway

>>561796880
Alf-Life
Defend Melmac from evil alien invaders using awesome science stuff.

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>>561789637
Mfw

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I lol'd so hard when I read this the first time.

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.

>>561793865
are you fucking serious

i read that whole damn thing expecting it to be funny at the end and now i'm just fucking sad

>>561796614
>>561796868


It's not that great

>Get told to go clean the bathroon
>ok
>walk in, see four guys sucking and fucking each other
>all of my wats
>leave the bathroom and run to manager
>see the guys running out

>>561795730
That's always been my favorite.

>>561796880
Allout: New Vegas
Vegas has run out of alcohol, and you have to organize deliveries to them

>>561798120
Super Smash Bro.:
Punch and kick yourself in the face all the time.

>>561798447
Counter-Trike 1.6 : You have to deliver bombs to several spots using a trike with a 1.6 engine.

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>>561791747
These stories are the bomb. post moar

>>561798849
Biosock:
Fight with a biologically enhanced sock.

>>561799170
tar Wars: Battlefront : armed with loads of hot and liquid tar, you have to fight against high-tech killer clones

>>561790691
Sides, where are you going?
>"Sorry man I'm going to space"

>>561799667
Assassin's Reed: Sneak up on people and whack them with a bamboo swish, before scrambling away giggling girlishly and uncontrollably.

>>561797240
>>561798120
>>561798447
>>561799170
>>561798849
Haha awesome, good thread going to Sign off cheers!

>>561799983
>before scrambling away giggling girlishly and uncontrolably
fucking lol'd

>>561800346
kek

>>561793579
topkek m8

>>561789747
That fucking filename. Topest of keks

>>561799983
Call Of Duty : hosts : your task is to host a lan party with 100k people and you have to organize all the network shit and deal with the problems

>>561799170
Biohock

You are a radiation mutated person with the ability to spit acid loogies

>>561793865
no no no no no no

>>561793896
That faggot, you gotta own it! It's only awkward if you let it be awkward. Tell her you'll give her the ole lickaroo and if she blinks start going on about crimbly brimbly sixteen bong crikey mate cor blimey how'z yer mum we get on like bangerz n mash ya take me for a pooftah lick it like me doberman pincha innit!

It'll short circuit her brain and you'll get out unscathed.

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>>561795730
glorious

>>561801986
Dead pace 3 : be an old, fat guy who has to fix his broken pace maker before he dies

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>>561793896
>>561794764
You want some Humanity Fuck yeah? I got plenty of it, all of it God Teir.

COMMENCING DUMP

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>>561803132
ANOTHA

>>561797965
that was still enough to make my drunk ass laugh.

>>561793865
It's a lie anyway, that panel is from the last C&H strip, which means it would be in "It's a Magical World", the LAST collection, released October of 1986.

Good story, but a obviously a fabrication.

>>561799983
Tomb Rider : being a large-breasted female and equipped with a BMX bike, you have to drive through tombs without dying from agressive bats with Aids

>>561803132
Fuck yeah, you're awesome guy.

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>>561803685
More Dumping

Well - this is - odd
I went through hysterics and fascination, to a dark place I'm afraid of, and popped out the other end feeling slightly abused, but in a good way.
I dunno if I need to cry in the shower for a while, or perhaps join a holy order and never speak again.
So - thanks OP.

>>561797536
This is brilliant.
I want to see a movie of exactly this.

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>>561804313

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>>561803276
>margaret thatcher the cum catcher

>>561804710
This made me extremely happy. Is there more out there like this?

>>561804028
It's still nice to read anyways, we all wish we could have something like that happen to us.

Does anyone have a series of greentext stories about a stoner who worked at McDonalds? I don't remember much about it other than the fact that it involved a lot of weed and that there was a huge community bong that the workers used in the back storage.

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bump.

>>561804331
Right? Every time he said he downloaded adobe reader i fucking lost it

>>561807841
GTA face is older than I thought

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Boner every time

>>561789637
7/10 keks