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Going to post some stories of a roommate...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 237
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Going to post some stories of a roommate I had in college, let me know if there's any interest in these stories.

Pic related, the kid wore a hate like this all the time (even indoors).

>Returning from winter break to spring semester
>Had two roommates last semester, one transferred to another college though so they stick us with new guy
>We'll call him Jay
>Jay seems normal but something is a bit off, whatever everyone's weird and he's just a roommate
>He spends the first few weeks following my other roommate around wherever he goes
>Jay imprinted on to my roommate like a baby bird
>Realize he's rather weird but still let it slide
>Every morning Jay wakes me up by using his blow dryer, get over it since shared living space
>Have girlfriend visit, she talks to me in the morning about Jay using his blow dryer for a half hour
>half hour
>Realize every time he uses it after that how long he uses it for
>Realize his shower routine went as follows:
>Jay gets in his closet
>Puts on his bathing suit
>Grabs towel
>Puts towel around his waist
>Walks to the shower
>Showers in bathing suit (He told me this at one point for some reason)
>Walks back to room without using towel since he didn't want to get it wet
>Gets back in closet
>Strips down naked
>Dries himself off with the blow dryer
>Get a phonecall
>It's Jay
>"Hey uhh, when we finish dining in Dining Hall B do we just leave our dishes or do we drop them off some where"
>I don't ever eat at hall B so honestly don't know
>Tell him you probably drop them off somewhere (cus why would anyone pick up after us??) and I don't know
>He starts panicking and talking about some shit
>Why does this kid have my number? Hang up
keep going OP
Im here
Forgot this detail

>Walk back into the dorm on the first day
>Jay moved in before I even knew he existed
>Notice room rearranged, closets surrounding old roommate's bed
>This kid made a masturbatorium with everyone's closets
Are you there Op?
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>Jay told us he smoked pot all the time back home
>Jay was addicted to pot, but clearly had not smoked much
>Both me and my other roommate smoked but agreed never to do it in the room (Next door to an RA, smoke detectors, etc)
>Tell this to Jay
>Third night he lives with us
>Woken up at 4AM
>Jay next to my bed(It was next to the window)
>Ask him what the fuck he's doing
>"Smoking pot, chill dude, chill"
>Tell him no and to fuck off
>Eventually he realizes I'm not going to let him
>He leaves and smokes in the stairwell
>He smokes in the stairwell for the rest of the semester at least 3 times a day every day
>He would take one hit and then play league of legends
>Would always ask me to watch him play league of legends
>No, Jay
>Jay meets an acquaintance of mine
>Acquaintance is someone I'd trust but if you saw him on the street you'd think he was going to mug or rape you
>I leave
>Find out hours later that Jay decided to take a drug from this kid without even knowing what it was
>He took horse tranquilizer
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>No, Jay
My best friend is a little weird like that.
Is there still any interest? Need help keepin the thread alive or I'll let it die if you guys don't care
go on
That's about as interesting as that one got, he ended up hanging out with some girls that "totally wanted his dick" and throwing his phone at their wall. They basically babysat him to make sure he didn't die.
Better keep going, keep this stories coming,
MORE JAY, I require it.
Keep going op
>Jay realizes my other roommate doesn't like him
>Decides to start chilling with a frat
>He would buy weed and they would smoke it before he got any
>Tells me this one day, asks me if I think they're using him or if they really like him
>Tell him nah it's probably just a shitty coincidence, convince him to keep buying frat bros weed
>He spends at least 300$ on weed for them that he never got to smoke and they let him join the frat
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Im still here
holy shit I just got quads...did I break it?
>Drunk as fuck
>Stumble into room
>Jay is sitting on his laptop (Jay was always on his laptop) which is right next to the door
>He asks me if maybe next time I'm with people he could tag along
>I'm a happy drunk and am usually extra nice and friendly
>Laugh in his face and go to bed
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nice get fag
Actually we're both weird.
>Bestfriend and I hang out erryday.
>Sleep in his apartment livingroom for weeks
>Teaching him how to meet girls and socialize everyday.
>One day try to get him to make the first approach to a woman.
>He refuses rationalizing, "why make friends when others can do it for you?"

>amoungst those days I decide to make awesome thick pancakes.
>We eat them and he says, "I like the cream filling."
>it wasn't creme filling.
>Jay liked to be in the dark
>I'd come back from classes and at 4PM he wouldn't have opened the shade or turned lights on
>Just on his computer like always
>Get up and go to the bathroom once
>Come back and the lights were off
>Notice he would turn the lights off if I left, no matter for how long
>He never spoke a word about this and I never asked, I'd just turn them back on
>Jay asks me what shirt he should wear
>Tell him I don't give a shit
>Tells me "this is where I wish you were gay so you could help me"
>Wish you were gay
Yeah. Definitely lurking OP. Keep going.
I feel you brother

>Jay had a comb on his desk
>Never used it
>One day notice he uses my other roommate's comb
>Tell other roommate
>Other roommate hides his comb
>Jay stops combing his hair
Jay is on a whole new level...OP cant even handle
>sitting in the dark
>on a laptop
I am Jay
keep it coming
lol what is wrong with this asshole please tell me this ends with a professional diagnosis
jesus fucking christ, jay
Yeah. I know this word gets thrown around a lot, but this reeks of autism...
>Jay is crying
>Feel bad (this is before I knew he was weird)
>Tells me about how he was a paramedic in training which is why he wasn't in school first semester
>Tells me during training a girl died in his arms and it gets to him all the time
>Can't call him on it
>Talk to RA about getting rid of Jay one day and RA mentions the dying girl which is why he was lenient with him
>He fucking told everyone a girl died in his arms apparently
>Sit down with other roommate and RA to talk about Jay
>Both me and other roommate want him gone
>RA wants him gone because he's really weird and RA noticed
>Can't tell RA all the stories without laughing, RA laughs along with us
I love the smell of Autism in the morning
Test post

No professional diagnosis, never got to kick him out, housing just told us to deal
>Jay would watch teen wolf on his laptop until 2AM every day, even when he had 8AM classes
>Be a light sleeper
>Keeps me awake
>Ask him to go into the common area to watch it so I can sleep
>No I'll just sit in the closet
>He sits in the closet
>Doesn't even help but don't know how to react
>Jay would rather sit in the closet than sit in the common area
>wtf Jay
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Keep going...
>Test post
newfag or fresh off the b&wagon
>it wasn't creme filling
a lot of my pancakes turn out like that, didn't cook em through m8
Neither, actually. Also, test.
>First time ever talking to Jay (back to the day I met him obviously)
>Tells me he never kissed a girl
>Uhh, okay sure
>Tells me he parties a lot and has since he was 14
>Goes to a party with other roommate
>Other roommate told me he just stood in the corner and drank alone
>Jay tells me he was a socialite and was talking to everyone and getting hit on by mad chicks
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Testing again
>Come back from long weekend away
>Jay brags that he hasn't showered all weekend
>Tell him to go shower
>He listens
fucking Jay
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Test asdf 123
Needs moar Jay
>Have a big fan near the window to bring cool air in
>Every night Jay faces it towards his masturbatorium making the room hotter for me and other roommate
>Tell him to stop
>He doesn't
>Wake up one morning as he's moving it
>Tell him to stop touching my shit
>Yell at him to stop moving it
>He doesn't touch it again
>Tells other roommate he thinks I don't like him anymore
>Going back to room
>Check if door is locked
>It isn't, walk in
>Can't see Jay's bed cus the closets
>He was using the masturbatorium and left the door unlocked
>His excuse he was changing cus he just showered
>Know better, know that Jay only changes in the closet
>Also it was 7PM and he was dry
>Realize that the masturbatorium is my lord and savior since it was the sole reason I didn't see Jay beating it
Someone screen cap these
Jay needs to be remembered
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op keep posting
>Other roommate has a friend up for the weekend
>Other roommate wants to set her up with a friend of his
>They avoid Jay like the plague and never go into the room, instead they stay at someone else's room
>Jay complains to him that he needs to bring girls to see him when he has them visit
>Jay complained that my other roommate didn't set her up with Jay
>Jay expects us to get him laid
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>Know better, know that Jay only changes in the closet
>Break up with girlfriend
>Jay finds out
>Tells me he wanted to fuck her
>I think at this point he may have realized what he said was weird
>So he tacks on "but only when she was wearing her glasses"
>Thanks Jay
I'd kek so hard if jay was reading this right next to you as you where posting tearing up and shit el oh el
Jay isn't the kind of person who would go on 4chan but I hope some day these stories reach him and he realizes how much weird shit he did
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>Thanks Jay
>Watching movie with friends
>Jay asks me to help him pick what skins he should use in left 4 dead
>Jay I don't give a shit we aren't friends
>Doesn't shutup
>Eventually just tell him from the list of choices
>Nah spiders are too scary
>Why was spiders an option then? What the fuck
>Jay settles on teletubbies since "it's epic"
>The night my ex had come to visit (who I was dating at the time)
>Was making out with her in the bed
>Jay comes in
>Sits down on laptop
>Starts watching anime

hey just wanted to thank you for these awesome entertaining stories and ask you real quick if you even like jay

i mean do you like him? sure i bet at the beginning its kind of weird and scary but at some point you had to realise that he did no harm and didnt do any of this shit on purpose and that you will have funny memories of him for your whole life right?

in b4: no im not jay... i just think he sounds like a odd but fun guy who probably had psychosis due to the drugs and/or autism
Oh I see these are hilarious really you should think of writing a novel on this guy and make profit keep em coming op lmaoo
you sound like jay
Won't happen, Jay sounds pathological.

Even assuming he is mentally stable, or "normal" he still wouldn't understand what he did wrong if he heard these stories.
can we see jay
>"fun guy"
Dude. Jay sound uncomfortable. Stories about Jay here are funny, but they would not be "fun"
I hated him because he actually got in my way. It's hard to feel sorry for someone that keeps you tired 24/7 and makes life so goddamn difficult

I tried being nice for a very long time but he was an arrogant dick most of the time so I really don't have any sympathy.

I'm glad I have all these funny stories but I had to live all of these and some of them were just downright difficult to deal with.

He wasn't a fun person, trust me.
No sorry, as much as I hate him I respect his right to privacy. What does it matter anyways?
lets see what he looks like
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Go talk to your roommate nigger
This is where I stopped reading. Go back to facebook you like whore faggot
Just answer this, Rutgers?
I think some of us no where your coming from OP I've had that annoying type of person in my life not as bad as you had it but, that guy was pretty fucking annoying
It doesnt really i just wanted an idea i guess
>Notice I never see Jay in the dining hall but know he has unlimited meals
>One day he tells me he doesn't eat
>He's not even joking, start to take notice
>Is Jay even human?
>Wake up one night because I hear beeping
>It's Jay's microwave
>He was microwaving taco bell at 3AM
>Jay where did you get this and why are you reheating fast food?
>Ask him not to use the microwave at 3AM
>Uhh, alright...

hm yeah ok i get it he probably really was autistic and just didnt know any better dont blame him but the school system that didnt get him a own room

just view the things out of his view he had no clue what was going on didnt know any better... he was just an ill dude

did jay graduate? what did he study? and do you know what he does nowaydays/do you still have contact?

please keep up the great stories
Dont worry guys, im screening these.
No worries man
jesus christ jay cut it out
just to clarify op, what do you mean by closets, because the closets i'm thinking of aren't movable.

He's still in school (so am I)

About his major tho

>Chilling with other roommate since it's first day back and he invited me to chill at his frat
>He invited Jay too
>Some frat guy asks Jay what his major is
>Community Health Science
>Frat guy says "oh cool what's that"
>Jay tells him he doesn't know
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sheiiit nigggga jay gon kill op
I have a friend just like Jay. He does a lot of things that are slightly off. Turns out he's autistic.
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Since it's a dorm room they're standalone closets

They look like the pictures
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jay the fuck are you doing
This makes a lot more sense now. Also makes it hilarious that he walks into a tiny ass thing like that to change
that's what i was thinking, thanks for sharing op. moar, if you've got them.
>Can't be in the room with Jay without him talking to me
>I could have headphones in and be laying down on my bed and he would poke me and tell me about something "EPIC" that happened in dishonored or borderlands or whatever game he was playing
>Try to tell him I don't care
>He doesn't understand
>Can't even do homework in the room anymore
>Start to only use the room for sleeping
>He took over the room
>If I ever went back to grab something he'd ask what I was up to and if I know what my other roommate was up to
>Jay kept track of us
>Smoke with Jay once
>Worst decision ever
>5 Minute walk from where we smoked to our room
>He doesn't say a word the whole time
>Go lay down since I was going to go to bed
>Jay is watching me
>Doesn't say anything
>Ask him what's up
>No response, just a stare
>Jay was too high to talk
>Only laughed
>For a half hour I couldn't get him to talk
>Witness first possible marijuana overdose
>Jay kept track of us
one of the most frightening combinations of words I've ever read
So you guys share a room? That sucks
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Jay is in your thoughts
Jay is in your dreams
Jay is your one
Jay is your life
Yeah that's how college works here
Oh god he sounds just like someone I know at my university. What're his initials? I need to know
if anyone were to defy the laws of nature, it would be jay
Oh man, I lived with a Jay my freshman year.
I had to explain to him that exclaiming, "hoo-boy, that fart was a wet one," and then wiping his ass in the middle of the room with tissue was not an okay thing to do.
You probably don't know him if it is since he never left the room much but JH

>Jay asks me where the book store is
>Tell him
>He asks me to walk him there
>Calls his dad to complain
>"I can't get my books because the people who are supposed to know what they're doing don't even know what to do"
>Jay has no concept of personal responsibility apparently
>Wonder how fucked up his family must be for him to have turned out this way
>Meet his dad and brother at some point, they're normal nice people
>How did Jay become this?
>Never met his mom
>Can't imagine what that woman must be like

For those speculating autism, I don't think so but I guess I can't know for sure.
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Jay has serious issues
he could legitimately have had a chick die on him
holy shit.
>I'm going to go smoke with some friends
>Leaving room Jay asks where I'm going
>To smoke
>Can I come I have no bud I'll pay you 10$ please
>Jay needs his fix
>Tell him I'll check
>Text him that he can come
>He asks who I'm with
>Name a girls name and Jay gets tunnel vision on this face
>"Ah good, a girl, a female presence always makes things better. Especially if she's not fat"
>Tell Jay we aren't smoking anymore

frick you ryan. you could have just talked to me. this isnt coolio at all.
I've given it some serious thought, but why would he be put in a situation like that while he was training? Maybe some paramedics could clarify.
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>Jay starts talking to me about teen wolf
>Ask him to stop
>He says he will after this story
>"Oh but one more"'s me after every story
>Tell him to stop "since I might watch it some day" (fuck no that's never happening)
>It works he stops talking to me
>Asks me all the time when I'm going to start watching it
>Wants me to catch up so we can watch it together
>Jay I'm not watching fucking teen wolf
>For those speculating autism, I don't think so but I guess I can't know for sure.
>Jay has no concept of personal responsibility apparently
>Never met his mom

she was probably too busy coddling him to notice he was a complete and utter douche bag. i have a friend similar to your roommate and he acts like just as big an autist, but the thing is he's smart. he just had his mommy feel sorry for him his entire life, makes up mental problems, never had a real job, never has had a sense of personal responsibility because mommy would always be there to pick up the pieces.
Sounds about right honestly.

if hes not autistic hes just psychotic from all the weed. I have a friend who has constant hallucinations because of it and hasnt recovered in 2 years
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lol what
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guess we're just ignoring these
>mfw this use to be enough to derail a thread
>Wake up to the microwave again
>Don't know the time, must be 2-5am
>Jay using it
>Microwave was under his bed
>He put a sheet down over it so that I couldn't see the microwave
>Jay just because I can't see the microwave doesn't mean the sound isn't going to wake me up
>He apologizes profusely again and tells me he hadn't eaten that night
>Think back to when Jay told me he doesn't eat
>Never going to know what he was heating up that night because he concealed himself with the microwave
Gets aren't as heavily on the mind since dubs were abolished.
woah u go to johns hopkins?
I'm thinking about wrapping this up soon, I have at least one more decent story (that I'm going to end with) but I'll try and think of some more
No, those were Jay's initials not my school.
yea just noticed after u posted
was guna say small world and id love to meet jay
i guess i could pick up from you OP ive got a few stories about my old roommates although they may not be on par with THE jay
food references keep making me think this is becoming creepypasta.

Didn't you say he went to the dining hall earlier though?
Fuck johns hopkins lacrosse
Please share
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Nobody's ever actually seen Jay eat. There was evidence of him reheating Taco Bell but never any witness to the consumption.
>source: I've been reading this thread.
someone please cap these, this can be the next Neal
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>He took horse tranquilizer
whys that m9?
No I said I hadn't. The whole semester I only saw him in the dining hall once. Which is exceptionally strange since it was in the building we lived in.

I did see him eat eventually.

>Other roommate snores when he sleeps (only deep asleep though, so at like 3/4am
>Jay can't sleep when other people make noise
>Fucker keeps me up and complains about being kept up and it wouldn't be an issue if he went to bed before 2AM and didn't watch teen wolf
>To remedy this Jay would throw water bottles at the wall above my other roommate to wake him up
>Every night Jay throws a water bottle at the wall
>He never once actually said anything and would pretend to be asleep throwing it
>Jay brags to me about how he's handling the snoring situation one day
>Jay why does this make sense to you
I'm unfamiliar with Neal, mind sharing
I thought you said he texted you while he was at the dining hall and asked where to put his plate
They probably fucked his bitch.
It's only natural

The second post you made, he asked what to do with his plates from dining hall b. That was what I was referencing.

As far as him not eating around other people, I can see that given his other very strange habits.
Maryland fan. I dont know just dont like them haha. No real reason
>Lived with someone, lets call him Brent, during my sophomore year of College
>First day, I was excited to meet roommate, saw various videogame/band posters on the wall
>Think to myself "This couldn't be so bad"
>Oh god I was wrong
>Brent watches game grumps daily
>no headphones
>Ask him if he can wear them when I'm in the room
>"But I figured you would want to hear the funny stuff too" he says
>No Brent

Moar? Got a lot of stuff
it was a large collection of stories from this one guy who had to deal with this retarded kid until like middle school, shit is so cash
>first year of college
>roomates name is matt, chill guy seems nice and all
>suitemates (other roommates in the connecting room)
>names are billy and taco
>yea you read that right, fucking taco
>lemme tell u some shit about taco
>first off billy is black and taco is hispanic
>day 2 taco moves in late and decides that its necessary to bring his entire mexican hoard of a family with him
>shit you not 15 people easy in his room spilling into mine
>still nice and all but damn i knew this year was guna be good
i mean im at loyola so i guess im the real winner here
Damn son this sounds exactly like my ex-roommate, except Jay is on that next level of weird
Hahaha you like lacrosse?
OP's id says Op
I hate this look. Okay, so you have a nutsack hanging off the back of our head. Congratulations, you are literally a dickhead.
>Brent tells me about girl problems
>Says in the past he always got friendzoned but he claims he met a girl on campus and she said she would text him to get coffee one day
>Know said girl, ask if claimed is true
>Girl states that Brent is disgusting and would never have a chance with her
>Tell Brent to try harder for her
>toppest of the keks incoming
>Girl maces Brent when he tries to make a move on her after class
>Brent has no idea what he did wrong
He wore the thing 24/7. To complete his look he also had an earring. One of his favorite bands was breaking benjammin and he didn't understand how I could listen to Tool when I was sober since it's "totally stoner music dude"
>couple weeks in everyone has friends and shit but still trying to be nice and meet people
>billy as all black males do gravitate towards eachother
>pregame with taco (wanabe nigger/spic/idontfuckingknow) before they go out together
>fucking hyenas
>why do all niggers need to scream like their mother got stabbed in front of them to express their comedic interest in something
>matt and i just look at eachother with that look of "fucking niggers"
>we have amirror in our room
>meanwhile our bathroom which connects the two rooms has a giant mirror in it
>our mirror apparently is better
>taco comes barging into our room
>"sup niggas yall mind if i use your mirror and shit?"
>taco theres a bigger mirror in the bathroom
>"yea but i cant tell if i look good with all those bitches yellin and shit"
>taco why does noise impair your visuals
We need more soldiers, join us now, you fucking faggots
http://tinychat com/le9gagsoldiers
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http://tinychat com/le9gagsoldiers
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nope its a sport where if all the players on every team in the world got killed the world would be a better place
just know my team was #1 in the nation last year
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Brilliant, I wish I had more opportunities to fuck with Jay.

>Jay asks roommate to find him a dealer to buy weed
>Roomate says sure, leaves room and doesn't do that because fuck Jay
>Jay texts him two hours later, all caps.
>Roommate shows me the texts next time he sees me
>After I read to there he starts swiping on his phone
>And swiping
>And swiping
>This text was probably longer than any essay Jay had ever written
>This text was Jay yelling at someone over weed
>The length of it
>Jay was definitely addicted to weed

It's time I go to bed, one more story after this one
someone find this shit
whatever then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-FCYtxfDMw reminded me of this, only Data's cool as fuck
fuck you jacob
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you're in luck i have it
thankyou basedgod
>Jay tells me he used to get in a lot of fights
>Tells me I'm lucky he'll never fight me
>Jay is a scrawny kid
>He says he's really strong
>He often wouldn't wear a shirt to try and show off
>He doesn't lift, bros
>Not strong at all
>Tries to convince me after the last kid he fought he swore he'd never fight again
>Says when the fight started he punched him once and put the kid into a coma
>One punch into a coma
>Okay, Jay
fuck you jack
sorry bro
played for 5 years and only started because i could legally beat the shit out of the kids who played
ended up actually being good and playing on state A team
quit anyways because 90% of players are total dicks
Thanks, will read tomorrow
jay pls stahp
Yes that is one thing i hate. Its full of arrogant asshole. I know exactly what you mean but i've learned to ignore the players. Did you play box or something to fight?

Jay is a part of everything.
Jay is in the sky and sea.
Jay is in the dreams of children at night.
Jay is all that there is, forever.
I think we all have a form of Jay in our lives

>Be at high school a few years ago, walking to class
>Guy named Gordon approaches, really weird, everyones either mean to him or ignores him
>He starts talking to me about his problem with a girl, lets call her A
>"A's trying to break me and my girlfriend up, shes telling her I'm not right for her" etc
>Gordon constantly flirts with other girls poorly, but he tries
>I say try talking to her blah blah etc
>"Nah I'm just gonna put a stink bomb in her locker"
>Before I can talk him out of it he walks away
>A week passes
>Before school starts I see Gordon walking away from A's locker
>Huge grin on his face
>Try to find A, no avail, hear screams
>She opened her locker, smells like shit took a shit
>She's flipping shit, yelling
>Gordon appears behind me
>"That'll teach her to mess with me"
Wow fuck this thread.

I feel like I do some of the stuff Jay does even if I don't. And I just reassessed my life and realized I have no friends. Not a single one, just a wife.

I hate my life, I hate you OP, fuck all of you.

I'm tired of being alone.
Sometimes I would wonder if I'm too similar to Jay and it frightens me.
What similarities do you have?

I don't even know, I'm just a paranoid person
Only thing I can think of is I can't handle weed for shit
There should be a Jay test to assess the similarities between a person and Jay. Score of 0% means completely normal, 100% means you're Jay
U nigger i knew this behaviour sounded familiar

You can't just measure someone from 0-Jay, that kind of crazy has to unfold over time.
>check catalog
>see this

thank you for the laugh.
longpole D
Nigga I go 0 to jay real quick
you have a wife? just have kids and force them to be your friends
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Good, good. You're waking up. Soon you will visit /fit and make some fucking changes.

Stop drinking alcohol first.
Probably was Ketamine, pretty good stuff... especially IV.
It was ketamine. I thought it would be funnier if I referred to it as horse tranq
Is jay's name actually Josh? Does he eat only chicken strips and oatmeal?
the only similarity I can think of between me and Jay is eating food in the middle of the night. I think we all know at least one person who has a lot of Jay's characteristics though.
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So op ur saying u roomed with double d?
i have a lot of Gordon stories I'm assuming that no one will read these but fuck it

>Gordon constantly fought with this kid named Marcus
>Gordon was one of those kids who went out of his way to look smarter than everyone else without knowing shit and Marcus would always call him out
>One day Gordon had had enough of Marcus, attempts to get him expelled for harassment
>He brings a shitty old tape recorder and jams it in his pocket
>I see it and ask what the fuck he's doing with a tape recorder
>Whispers hes going to get Marcaus on tape harassing him and get him expelled
>Cut to: Bio Lab
>Gordon goes out of his way to get into Marcus's lab group
>They go about their lab, Marcus is doing all the work while Gordon attempts to provoke him
>Other lab partners ask Gordon to help out
>Keeps on harassing everyone
>Marcus snaps, asks him why hes being such an incompetent tool
>"Are you calling me incompetent?"
>Marcus repeats himself
>Gordon inches his leg closer to Marcus so the tape recorder was closer to him
>"Are you calling me incompetent"
>"Yes I fucking was"
>Inch intensifies
>"Are you calling me incompetent?"
>Marcus just goes back to the lab, Gordon runs out of the room
>Doesn't come back to class
>Texts me at like 2am that he had to leave to make sure the footage he recorded was damning enough
>Next day
>Gordon goes to the principal, he gets in trouble for harassing everyone else

Gordon was a real problem solver
hahahahahah shit man
i'll read them, keep them coming
Yeah something tells me that if OP had been a bit more of a dick, Jay would've commited suicide. You want that on your hands OP?

Who am I kidding, OP is too ignorant to even imagine a possibility like that. Give him a break OP, you don't have to be friends with him, just lay down the law in a way that works for both of you, instead of shitting on him the entire time.
>what is a king hit
I got a couple more, saving the best for last

>Gordon gets really into magic
>Not real magic, like criss angel shit
>Obsessed with David Blaine
>Gordon comes to class after an all night David Blaine marathon, keeps telling me about all these "EPIC" tricks
>I don't care Gordon
>Gordon grabs a stapler, I assume hes going to use it correctly
>I thought wrong
>Gordon just smacks the stapler against his arm
>Looks at the staple for a bit, then does it again
>and again
>After like the fifth time I ask him what hes doing
>"I could be David Blaine"

He kept attempting to do David Blaine magic which just involved him hurting himself and claiming he didn't feel anything
That was the best fucking thing I've ever read.
Ride alongs. After you get your actual EMT certification and you get your job you're out doing it for real, but you're not really allowed to do anything unless the head guy on the truck tells you to.
No, sometimes people need to be pushed in an extreme way. Sometimes people need to be broken down completely before they're built up.
Jay is in a little part of us all.
short Gordon story

>Me and my friends play counter strike online and skype each other
>One friends internet is awful, so he goes over to his neighbor Gordon's to play
>We tried to include Gordon but he just gives up on whatever game we're playing
>So we're playing and Gordons in the backround, completely silent
>Hear faintly british yelling
>What the fuck is that?
>More britbonging followed by lasers and shit
>"David (other friend), what the fuck is going on?"
>Gordon's watching Dr. Who
>Can he put in headphones?
>Gordon responds "No I like talking to you guys"
>Has never said anything
>"Can you at least turn it down?"
>"I can't hear if I turn it down"
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moar taco and billy plz
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>sitting in Dining Hall waiting for a friend
>he comes with his roommate, a tall fucker that I've seen around campus
>Wears a trenchcoat and homestuck shirts all the time
>Oh well, he might be a nice guy
>sits down and begins eating
>this whole time he's sitting really weird, but I can't really put my finger on why
>we finish eating after he spends the whole time talking about homestuck and Gearbox (since I go to school in Dallas)
>I finally notice why he was sitting the way he was
>This fucker has 3 Magical 8-balls hanging from his waist
>what the fuck
>"Hey dude, what's with the 8 balls?"
>"Huh?" He says as he turns around
>in one hand he has a knife, and in the other a 4th 8ball
Apparently, this guy opens up magical 8balls and keeps the juice in gatorade bottles
I don't even know what to say
>Freshmen year, before I knew Gordon, who started in 10th grade
>Got dropped down somehow because of the dumb, so now hes in my class
>Decides to invite everyone over to his house, I don't know hes weird but I know hes rich so i go
>Hanging out playin vidya, Gordon runs off and brings back Gatorade bottles filled with vodka
>"My parents aren't home lets drink this"
>Never had a drink before so whatever
>We all pass the bottles around, Gordon drinks way too much and pukes all over his floor
>The rest of the night is drunken chaos
>I think everyone puked somewhere in the house
>Next day
>Feeling shitty but in the clear
>Text from Gordon: "I was asleep"
"If anyone asks what happened last night I was asleep before anyone did anything"
>literally 30 seconds later his mom calls me
>blah blah blah I know what you did you had the devil in you (they were very christian) but be honest with me did Gordon drink?
>hear Gordon in the background saying that I didn't know what I was talking about and that I puked on the floor
>He denied involvement for the rest of highschool
Shut up, chuckles!!
The last and worst Gordon story. This is the story that put Gordon on a whole new level and everyone knew it, teachers made fun of him for it.

>David, Gordon's neighbor, was tired of his shit and decided to mess with him
>Not even bad really, in 1st period (we were still in highschool at the time) David wrote Gordon a fake detention slip
>The reason for the detention was "for being a massive tool" and the teacher signature was Mahotma Gahndi (that was the spelling on the slip)
>Gordon believes it because illiteracy or something
>Gordon depressed throughout the day from getting a detention
>After school, Gordon goes to serve his detention
>Sits in a room for 30 minutes leaves
>Texts David asks if he can come over to David's
>David says whatever
>Gordon gets there, Davids playing counter strike with me
>Gordon sits in David's bed, we forget hes there
>Big mistake
>Maybe 15 minutes pass, Gordon says he has to go for some reason
>ok bye
>Keep playing
>hour passes
>David goes to get something from his desk
>"Holy shit"
>Sees his pillow coated with something
>Its cum
>Gordon's cum
>Gordon jerked it on david's pillow
>David confronts Gordon the next day
>"Thats what you get for giving me a fake detention"
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>Jay asks roommate to find him a dealer to buy weed
>>Roomate says sure, leaves room and doesn't do that because fuck Jay
I am Jay, ask me anything
you faggot
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Compiled Jay's stories
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Hey fellas, let me tell you a story about Fats McGee and his Retard Three...

Persevere with the read, it's fucking worth it.
Chill dude. You've got /b/.
Nice. Fuckin' saved.
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post a picture of him you fucking pussy.

in return heres a picture of my ex bitch, and her tits. fuck privacy
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Thanks, anon!
>Captcha: 980 trandsx
Did you maple syrup her pussy?
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sorry bro, your story sucks compared to jay and neil
i swear to fucking god this is what happened to me. I have never felt the same since i tried smoking weed and i feel like its had a permanent effect on my brain but no one else gets it.
Care to elaborate? What are you experiencing?
I had a couple a really weird roomate lets call him bear

>first week
>meet everyone
>we all go out to get beer and wings
>we all order beer
>he asks the waitress about the kinds of water they have
>ends up asking normal water
>thats okay i guess he doesnt drink
>our beers arrive before his water
>he starts complaining and somehow he starts a ran about how beer is bad for our health
>i only know him for like 2 hours and i already want to punch him
>stfu bear drink your tap water

>bear would always get in everyones room and ask what we were doing
>bear theres a calculator and a bunch of paper sheets im doing hw
>he stands there breathing out loud
>he would seriously stand there for an hour just looking at me do hw
>gets to the point were we develop the bear alert
>whoever spotted him coming in the suite had to play an specific song out loud so everyone could lock their doors on time.

>2nd month living together
>bear starts smelling really bad
>we never ever see him taking showers
>one of my roomates mentions he came in at 4 am one day really drunk and saw him taking a shower
>he would shower at 4 am so nobody could see him
>then why the fuck does bear smells so bad
>we are all in the kitchen
>i notice he has been wearing the same shirt for a week
>and the same pants as well
>bear why have you been wearing the same shirt for a week? if you ran out of detergent you can ask us
>"oh no i dont wash colors"
>what the fuck bear thats why you stink.
>2 fucking months without doing laundry
>that night we taught him how to wash colors

>bear always keeps his door closed
>we get curious about his room
>knock his door (the 9 of us)
>he opens and instantly feels threatened
>we come in anyways
>his room is full of shit, the floor the desk the bed things all over the place
>he just stares at the floor without saying a thing
>we are there hanging out in his room for the first time
>he just stares at the floor in silence the whole time
>notice the floor
>theres a lot of dirty q-tips
>this is fucking disgusting
>the trash can is empty he could just throw them in there
>nope, all over the floor.
>q-tip problem became annoying
>they started showing up in the comon areas
>listen bear we don't care about your room but get your nasty ass q-tips out of here
>one of my roomates proceeds to beat the crap out of him to make sure he understands
>we never saw a q-tip again.

>go out to get some dinner with bear and other 2 roomates
>i was texting a female friend from my hometown
>one of my roomates takes my phone and tells her one of my roomates want to have sex with her
>shes open to the idea
>lol wat we all get surprised
>she asks for a photo
>we decide to send her bear's pic
>"Tell him that thanks but no thanks".
>she changes the subject
>poor bear we almost got him laid.
>on our way back we stop on the store
>buy some snacks and beer
>he comes out with 2 lt of chocolate milk
>err thats ok i guess hes out of milk
>he fucking opens it and starts drinking it from the carton
>he finishes the 2 lt of chocolate milk in like 4 minutes
>we are just incredibly surprised
>he brags about how he drinks all he can while we are there because his mom doesn't let him drink chocolate milk
>hes fucking 19 years old and has chocolate milk forbidden

>His mom and grandmom come visit him mid semester
>they bought him 2 3ds games just because fuck you.
>he brags about his new videogames like a little child
>dude you are 19 yold brag about getting ass not your moms videogame gifts.
>he doesnt give a shit expends the last half of the semester playing on his pikachu 3ds.

>eventho his mom visit was a little weird its ok they miss each other i guess
>lol nah nothing is normal with bear
>they stay for like a month
>he would stay in the hotel with them
>the whole month
>his mom would walk him to class, hang around campus and then go to grab lunch with him for a whole month
>we expected him to complain
>we were so naive
As am I.
>bear wants to switch major to medicine
>he needs to pass a physical test
>haha hes fat
>one of my roomates advices him thata whole lap running around campus would be enough
>hes gonna try
>leaves and comes back sweating in 15 minutes
>well how did it go
>i ran like 300 metters and couldnt go any further so i took a break
>i swear to god this is no joke
>then he went to the store bought another 2lt carton of chocolate milk, drank it and came back to our suite
>goddfucking damn it bear fuck your shit

>beear sings up for fencing classes
>he always comes back sweating and tired since its a sport
>attends for a week
>he quits on his 2nd week because "his legs get sore"
>you srsly paid for 6 months of fencing and quit because you get sore
>he just quit a sport because he got sore
>bear why
>i thought it would be like cool sword fighting
>he didnt even got pass the "position" classes
>he takes a shower and wears his star wars pjs
>we all make the relation and just quit on bear

>we realize bear starts hating on one of the roomates
>it gets really bad
>we asked him whats up
>hes mad becaus ehes dating his crush
>but this wasnt just a college crush
>turns out this girl was from his hometown and high school
>he followed all the way here (12 hours away) to the same college in hopes of getting a chance
>and my roomate started fucking her
>his lifetime crush is getting boned 1 door away from him
>the girl doesn't even know himt hat much she just knew he was on her highschool
>my god this is sad

In the end bear changed to another suite even tho we were really patient to him, hes going to get his ass kicked.

If theres anyone interested i can try and remember more stories
I remember one time I walked ino a room and i saw him but he didnt look at me and then he went into the bathroom and took his hat off and then came out sat right there. i mean ?????? :3
Keep going
i remebered a couple, ill just write them just for the sake of contributing future lurkers.

>One of my roomates its majoring in architecture
>he teams up with a girl
>they are on our suite all the time since they have a lot of work
>we all like her and becomes a good friend of everyone
>bear develops a crush on her
>she and i had like a little something going on but nothing really happened just good vibes.
>at this point the bear hate on the roomate fucking his crush had already happened
>my roomate wants revange
>im bored so i agree
>whenever bear is around i flirt with his new crush and she flirts back
>after a month he never mentions his crush on her again
>hahaha fucking with bear is fun.

>random weekend
>most of us leave to visit hometowns
>only him, hated roomate and other roomate stay
>hated roommate and normal roomate go out
>bear as always stays locked up in his room god knows what
>whenever the suite is lonely he goes out to common areas
>the other 2 roommates get lost at night and text on the group we have
>they find their way back but pretend they are still lost
>they arrive to the suite and find bear off guard
>they prepared some ways to scare him
>move doors, make noises turn off lights from far kind of stuff
>they make videos for the lols
>let the scaring begin
>they make a chair fall and he stands up to check out
>he asks a hundred times if someone is there
>they turn off the lights
>bear proceeds to run as fast as he can to get his laptop and get back to his room
>lt me remind you bear is fat so he trips with the laptop cable
>he went straight to the floor
>the laughs of my roomates oh god
>they help him get up
>he broke his glasses omfg
>good thing bear had a replacement
>his mom thought of everything.

this one is probably the weirdest thing that happened
>one of the roommates send a pic of bear with blood on his head
>wtf happened
>no reply
>at night we all ask wtf happened to the roommate that send the photo
>we thought somebody hit him
best one
>he didn't tell my roommate what happened
>everyone asks him what happened
>if he needs help with some bully we could help
>he wouldnt say
>he never said why one day he showed up with blood on his head
>wow bear

I think thats all i got from bear, time for bed now.
>>/s4s/ faggot
oh god wat
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