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ITT: Greentext stories of our retarded childhood...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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ITT: Greentext stories of our retarded childhood friends.

Let me spin for you the tale of two autists I befriended in my in elementary school, Sammy and Trevin.

>be me
>be in like 3 grade
>Trevin and I go to Sam's house for his birthday party
>the three of us were pretty big nerds
>however, my best friend was a girl and she was friends with other girls
>therefore, i was the group's contact with girls
>depressing, i know
>anyway, Trevin and I trek on over to Sam's for this party
>girl's going to show up later, i suppose
>we get to his house, first ones to arrive
>always jealous of the toys that this retard fucker has
>fucking every Transformer in existence
>I am become jealous
>we start playing with those
>Sammy says "It's my birthday and I get to make the rules! We aren't playing with these, we are playing with guns!"
>Pulls out three toy guns he got
>the one he takes is a rifle actually made out of wood, the rest are plastic
>we go out and start pretending to kill each other
>while we are doing so, the girls show up
>Sammy was never good with girls
>he starts playing extra rough to try to impress them
>Trevin "shoots" him
>Sammy claims he didn't get him and literally starts fucking clubbing Trevin with his wooden gun
>fucking what
>Trevin starts bawling
>girls look on in shock
>I go get Sam's parents
>they pull him off Trevin and take him inside
>surrounded by birthday stuff at a birthday party for someone who isn't even here anymore
>I go inside and try to see what happened
>Sam is crying his fucking eyes out
>his mom takes me aside and tells me to have everyone go home
>Sam overhears and screams "NO! DON'T LET THEM GO!"
>His dad slaps him
>awkwardly go out and tell everyone the party is over

I have more stories to share of these two autists
Story of Trevin

>Sometime in like second grade
>Trevin is obsessed with Transformers
>like cannot get enough of them
>always tries to get me to play Transformers with him during recess
>One day, actually begs me to play
>I tell him that I will play if he gives me one of his best Pokemon cards
>Cannot remember which card
>He agrees and gives me the card
>"Okay anon lets play"
>"Nah not today. We can tomorrow"
>Tell him that every single day for probably 2 weeks
>one day he doesnt buy it and gets pissed
>I think he is about to hit me so I say okay, we will play Transformers
>Go out to recess
>Trevin starts fucking "transforming" with sound effects
>Now, the boys at my school played this rapey game where we would chase the girl we liked around the playground
>We didnt know what to do if we caught them
>but it scared them so the teachers always made us stop
>Trevin had a HUGE crush on my friend Mary
>So, I say to Trevin as he is transforming
>"Wouldn't you rather chase Mary?"
>He gets a fucking terrifying rape smile
>proceeds to chase her
>teacher sees him and screams at him
>he gets detention
>looks at me as they take him away
>some douche tells mary that it was my idea
>she says "No, anon is my friend. he wouldn't do that"
>never played Transformers
Any more?
don't know why but I find these funny. continue
Another Trevin story

>in classroom
>free time to play
>probably recess on a day too cold for poor kids to play outside because they didnt have jackets
>trevin is trying to act badass
>Mary is nearby so he tries to impress her by seeming manly
>he looks like fucking brainiac but eithout being smart
>i tell trevin that he should do something really tough to impress her
>"like what?"
>i tell him i bet he cant break his pencil box with a headbutt
>he tells me he totally can
>i tell him to do it
>mary starts watching
>trevin fucking headbutts his hard plastic pencil box as hard as he can
>he headbutts it again
>he sighs and fucking rams that shit
>pencil box cracks into a million pieces
>pencils pens and erasers go everywhere
>trevor now realizes what he has done
>teacher yells at him "why would you do something like that?!"
>he tells her that i bet him he couldn't do it
>"so you do anything that anon bets you that you cant do?!"
>i am fucking losing it
>so is mary
>trevin cries and gets detention for being a dumbass
i got a few more
oh lawd, moar
Trevin, yet again. Beautiful autist.

>Trevin and I are staying after school for some reason
>5th grade probably
>teacher really liked me, thought Trevin was retarded
>Trevin starts bragging to teacher about "injuries " he has had
>teacher is skeptical of most
>starts claiming that he has a metal rod stuck in his body because he ate one off of a toy and it is now stuck inside him
>both teacher and i call bullshit on this story
>he sticks to it
>tells us how it happened
>forget the details
>teacher tells him to prove it if it is so true
>he tells us he went to the doctor and everything
>she says that isnt proof
>my face when the next fucking day he came in with x rays they gave him
>he actually fucking ate something off a toy and now he has a metal rod stuck inside him
Bump pls, i want an orange id
Whattafuck XD More pls
Bump, that's great.
Let's examine Sam again

>cant remember when this was
>3rd grade i think
>one day, go down to the bathroom
>overhear sam crying
>stop and listen
>teacher is berating him for something
>nothing new, same is a fuck up
>hear "we can't keep doing this. it happens every single day"
>listen harder
>sam is fucking sobbing and it makes it difficult to hear
>"i am going to call your mom but this is the last time i am going to. from here on you will just have to deal with it!"
>holy fuck what is this??
>casually walk around the corner to go to the bathroom, act like i hadn't heard
>sam was fucking standing there, piss all over himself
>he apparently pissed himself every single day and always ran to the same teacher
>he screams when he sees me
>teacher groans
>sams bolts away
>teacher asks me not to tell anyone
>i tell everyone
>sam never mentions it to me
Dude, that's mean.
More stories with Mary and Trevin
Wow OP you're an asshole.
Anyone can post Terry the Tard story? Saw it yesterday and want to read it again plus it is relevent. Please tell me someone capped it.
actually laughing at this
Back to Trevin

>Trevin moved away from my town when we went into middle school so i didnt really have contact with him after that
>but every year he would come down for this festival we have
>one year, my senior year of high school he comes down and sees me
>i am walking with my qt 3.14 gf and one of my friends
>we lock eyes and i say "trevin?"
>he goes "Well if it isn't anon!!!" and vigorously shakes my hand
>i am a little creeped out but whatever
>gf is cringing because i told her many things this kid has done
>i introduce my friend and then i say "this is my girlfriend"
>and i shit you not
>he bows and says "m'lady you are very beautiful"
>holy fucking shit
>as i am writing this i still cant fucking believe he did that shit
>gf says "thanks... but we are in a hurry"
>trevin says "I'll just walk with you then!"
>oh no.
>he tries to talk with me about stuff he is into now
>no mlp but basically same shit as in 3rd grade (Transformers)
>finds out i play guitar and asks me to play for him
>not i am not that good
>finally, we tell him we are leaving the festival and he says
>"It has been good seeing you, old friend! And nice meeting you....(huge fucking pause before he says) m'lady"
>one last cringe

last time i saw him
I don't even...
If you insist

>mary was very pretty and still is
>any guy in his right mind liked her but trevin was unfortunately outspoken about it
>imagine screech and lisa from saved by the bell. exactly that shit, but mary isnt a niggress
>anyway, school dance time
>trevin is depressed all night because mary has been dancing with other guys and he doesnt have the nerve to ask her
>not that he hasnt before. he has MANY times but she always turned him down because he is a fucking creep
>i try to cheer him up because his pissy mood is bringing me down with him
>decide to go dance with other people and leave him by himself at the refreshment table
>dance for a while and then see him get up
>he goes over to mary and taps on her shoulder
>presumably asks her to dance
>she says "sorry, no." in a polite way
>he breaks down
>starts crying
>runs into the bathroom
>i sigh and go after him
>he is bawling his eyes out in a stall
>"trevin...? you in there?"
>replies with "She hates me!"
>try to tell him otherwise, wont accept it
>as i am laving he says "she is the love of my life!!!!"
>immediately leave
>this was in fucking elementary school
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>be age 7
>be at shitty strict Catholic school
>storytime, everyone sitting in a circle on the floor
>girl opposite me and my friend has glazed look on her face
>shes masturbating right there in the fucking class
>just sitting there staring into space and touching with one hand
>lol wat because 7
>friend freaks out because of the eyecontact and confusion
>tells teacher
>teacher goes ape because Catholic ect

Not a great story but it stuck in my mind all these years because it was so surreal, inb4 b&
this is my favorite fucking picture of the internet just FYI

good shit anon
i have a response story. not trevin or sam but shit.

>be me
>chilling out with friend
>tells me that he tried to jerk off in the back of history class
>he actually managed to get off and came in his hand
>fuck what now
>goes up to the teacher's desk, no tissues
>asks to go to the bathroom
>teacher was in a pissy mood so tells him no
>skulks back to his seat
>wipes cum on his sock
>qt 3.14 gf
hahahaha god tier anon greentext
i have one or two more stories of the Autist Duo if anyone is interested
>be me year 8
>Math class, front row
>bored face.jpeg
>what hoe, ass be getting itchy
>go James Bond on my ass with a pen
>slowly scratchy scratchy
>fat bitch behind me catches me In the act
>throw shithole pen at her
>hits her in the eye
>suspended for giving her pink eye
>so much winning
Post then
Post then faggot
Do eet.
I only come to /b/ for greentext threads
I chilli cooked a frog alive once, I guess that was cool.

but please cont with the stories
i kekd hard
Please do
i can't believe i didnt post this one already

>be a watching a movie with Trevin and Sam at Trevin's house
>all alone
>prolly 1st grade
>watching ernest scared stupid
>holy shit that movie
>trevin and i were being little bitches and getting scared at trolls that are killed by milk
>cover myself in blanket so i don't have to watch
>hear strange sound
>blanket is caving in
>throw off blanket
>liquid splatters all over the walls, on Trevin, on the table
>look at sam
>that bastard had his fucking cock out and was pissing on the blanket and thought it was hilarious
>look at Trevin and see his horrified expression
>jump off the couch
>turn around, Sam is still pissing on the blanket
>mfw i was still friends with him after he pissed on me
You're Trevin aren't you, you autist.
>be hanging out at sam's house in like 4th grade
>sam says "lemme show you something awesome"
>goes into little toy chest
>pulls out a fedora
>"doesn't it look cool?" puts it on and tilts it slightly
>being in elementary school, i thought it looked pretty fucking cool
>took pictures of sam wearing a fedora and trying to look badass with the wooden gun he clubbed Trevin with
That one wasn't as bad whenever it happened but looking back it is kind of embarrassing.
thankfully, no. i have no clue what he is doing now
Anyone remember Roemerbro?
Quiet Trevin, you little bitch.
So what's Sam doing then?
Sam and I went to the same hs but i stopped talking to him in middle school. I am pretty sure he is on prescription pills and same hard drugs now. He graduated at least but I am almost positive he didn't go to college. He was put in the retard tier classes throughout highschool
That's fucking metal
His mom works at the shoe dept in my hometown so i am obliged to have an awkward conversation about him every time i buy shoes

She told him he still doesn't have a driver's license and i don't think he went to college
Someone screencap for future threads. I'm too much of a lazy fuck to do it.
He probably posts regularly on /r9k/
Someone screencap this shit
He was the most autistic person i have ever met in my life and there was a kid that was in my graduating class that was at least 9.3/10 on the autism scale
Yeah basically what that board consists of
You know what, lets have a story about Mr. 9.3/10 Autist

Let's call him Matt

>Matt somehow got into the regular people classes
>dont ask me how kid was fucking stupid and autist
>he was in my spanish class, and the teacher was fucking insane
>the combination of the two was just horrible
>one day, come into class and matt has this dumbass smile on his face
>teacher asks what it is for
>he says "I watched Sling Blade last night! You want some french fried pataters?"
>Teacher gives light chuckle and says no
>Matt was aggravated by this
>he says again "You want some french fried pataters??" louder this time
>teacher says "matt calm down we arent going to do this today"
>"i am gonna serve us up some french fried pataters!"
>teacher screams "MATT! No more Sling Blade quotes!"
>matt keeps screaming about pataters and teacher gives him detention
>Autist got detention because of Sling Blade
>be me with a new classroom guy
>he sell cuters to anothers classmates
>we're sitting in ours places
>read bullshits
>everything in the classroom start scream
>proffesor go out with one classmate
>I stop read and see my friend
>his shirt is spoter of blood
>I asked to another friend wat's happen┬┐
>he say me thet two classmates start in a figth
>later they put out his cuters and start to say bullshits
>one of they stab the other guy
>he block him with his hand

that's pass me when I was in 3rd year of elemtary school
And why the hell did my ID change
Does it switch if you connect to a new cell tower? I'm in a car atm so that would be why if that's the case
What the fuck are you trying to say
Spanish ghetto anon that's incompatible with english?
Sounds like someone was dealing razor blades in class lol
I tray to say: Fuck you faggot
I am so hurt

Someone's clearly mad.
wait what
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You sound like an asshole OP.
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2 bad 4 u.
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I would like to implant a sledge hammer into your skull, you low, ugly, mother fucker.

Seems like you have some anger issues.

Wait..... Sam? Is that you?
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I have a story
Bump if your interested for more of Kelvin, I have lots of stories of him and his autism
>Be me, Britfag and 11
>Just started highschool
>in primary school I was bullied for playing frisbee 24/7
>we were called frisbee friends
>new people, new school, new start
>I went into a different school than everyone else, nobody came to my highschool
>really want to make good impressions
>first day arrives
>get to school at 8:30
>it doesn't start until 8:50
>Decide to find someone to talk to
>only older people here and teachers
>Apart from this one kid,
>this one fucking kid called kelvin
>He looked cool and popular, he had all the properties of a normal person
>decide to go over there and become friends with him
>He seems nice and normal, we become friends
>its time for form, so we go
>yes I've made a new friend
>all the lessons were tests to see how we were doing so I had nobody to socialise with
>didn't manage to make a friend during class, so find kelvin to go and sit with him at dinner
>wow I'm sat with a cool kid looking guy
>all of a sudden see someone who looked familiar
>there, eating lunch, was a girl that used to go to my school, the person who invented calling us frisbee friends
>when people called us frisbee friends, tehy did it the same way people said it on inbetweeners
>it really pissed me off
>so we are eating our dinner when kelvin starts explaining something to me
>"Anon, I've had an idea, you always see foodfights on highschool musical or whatever, so what if we start a foodfight?"
>before I could respond, he grabbed some beans off of his plate with his bare hands and threw them into a girls hair
>he stood on his chair and screamed foodfight
>picked up his plate and frisbeed it
>hit some girl in the head
>we got in shit
>girl who came to my school introduced my old nickname
>from then on, me and kelvin were known as frisbee friends
fuck yes more
moar pls
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keep the thread alive

hopefully someone screencapped my work
Underage b&
>First day of high school
>Inbetweener's reference
>high school

Yea ok
I think I'll start with preschool and move up from there.

>Playtime in classroom
>I'm playing with dinosaurs because they're the shit
>There's this girl named Megan
>Megan is in fact legitimately retarded
>Megan enjoyed playing with me because I was the most passive about hating her
>She grabs a dinosaur and we make them "fight" by smashing them together
>The foot of my dinosaur suddenly gets stuck in her dinosaur's mouth
>Everything stops
>Megan starts screaming her fucking lungs out
>She did this as a response to quite literally everything she didn't like
>I hated loud noises as a kid so I ran away and left her there with the vorophillic dinosaur
>vorophillic dinosaur

You paint with words
No, he writes with words
You use paint to paint
It's a saying you fucking idiot
>Now I was kind of stuck with kelvin
>I couldn't make friends with anyone else because we were frisbee friends
>so, this is why I was still hanging round with kelvin
>a couple of weeks after the first day frisbee incident, we notice that there is a kid in a wheelchair in school
>we had both never seen anyone in a wheelchair so we thought it was really cool
>kelvin always talks about how cool it would be to own a wheelchair
>I usually drop the subject when it comes up, but kelvin is talking about it a lot
>have no idea what is going to happen
>one day, just left my maths class and I see kelvin
>in a fucking wheelchair
>going very fast
>dragging along on the floor behind him a student
>not just any student, the wheelchair owner
>the wheelchair kid was red in the face and screaming angrily at kelvin
>his limp legs were dragged along the corridor behind him as kelvin zoomed past grabbing onto the kids shirt
>"Dont worry wheelchair anon" shouted kelvin
>"I wont drop you, you go slow in this thing anyway, I'll get you to class faster!"
>run up to stop kelvin
>he sees me running towards him at full speed to catch up
>he puts his hands on the wheels and stops the wheelchair dead on
>I come flying into them both at full speed
>I am lay on top of the wheelchairanon
>kelvin screams pile on and jumps on me
>nobody else piles on
>the kid moved schools after
>we both were in detention for at least a month
>this easy
You're the idiot here
moar pls this is gold

>arts and crafts time
>Everyone is at their desk
>I think we were doing something like dipping snails in paint and letting them crawl over sheets of paper
>My friend Jack is sitting across the room, quietly watching his snails
>I look down to my paper and suddenly I hear a noise
>Look back up
>Jack has thrown up chunky vomit all over his paper
>He starts crying as the teacher comes over to clean up
>Wails out that he ate hotdogs and cheese for breakfast
>Begs the teacher not to tell his mom he put cheese on his hotdog
>Jack was lactose intolerant, you see
>Those poor snails were still wriggling in a mess of Crayola paint, soggy paper bits, and cheesy hotdog vomit.
post it
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NIgger, please.
Short but sweet

> Do chores for money with a friend
> Work all fucking day
> Exhausted
> Make a shitload of money
>Distribute it equaly
> He wants more
> no.jpg
> I give him more
> He wants it all
> I refuse
> He uses his parents to get all the money
> Parents were gods back then
> He has all the money
> He throws it all in a lake
> I see the money sink
> Never spoke to him again
Your work isn't worth the abortion failled self you are.
>dipping snails in paint and letting them crawl over sheets of paper

NIGGER WHAT. Do people do that? That's fucking weird
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>abortion failled self
You might wanna mix those words up a bit so they make more sense
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sup amazinglife247
I meant all of it. But its a start.
>2 months later
>kelvin had been doing things but only small, nothing as big as this inbetween
>He had grown an enemy in highschool who both hated each other
>kelvins enemy was phil
>phil walks over to us at lunch
>"Kelvin you are a faggot you know that right"
>Kelvin tells him to go fuck himself or something, anyway, huge argument between phil and kelvin
>one day, kelvin tells me he has a plan
>it is lunch and we are following phil
>phil goes into the toilets whilst he is on his flip up phone
>at the time that was less common for people to be on phones but we didn't care
>kelvin revealed he had a bag of flower and balloons
>phil was in the stalls on the phone
>we were filling up the balloons with water and flour, well, kelvin was, whilst I was using the dryer to block out any sound
>we had filled up three, that was enough
>the door didn't have a lock on it so kelvin ripped it open and threw the balloons at him, which popped all over him
>he falls over and off the toilet with flour and water all over him
>he has the runs and was shitting all over the place
>we laugh
>realise there are tear marks coming down his eyes
>he was on the phone with his mum
>his grandma just died
>kelvin doesn't give a fuck and leaves
>I have to leave too
>look back at the flour-water-shit-tear covered mess we'd left behind
>this was the start of a war
>we ended up getting excluded for a few days over that, but it started a huge thing between everyone in the school and kelvin
>anon and kelvin vs everyone
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try putting them all into the same shot in paint or something
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Sorry bout that. Guy fucking sucks now. Bored as hell. Last resort.

It's on it's way
of course moar
ah shit it'll work. you sure as hell did a better job than me anyways
I am paint noob.

You are a faget
The Ballad of Shane

>7th grade
>meet Shane
>Shane invites me over to his house after learning we have similar interests
>go to Shane's house and knock on the door
>a 5 yr old boy with cat whiskers drawn om his face with blue marker answers the door with a disgruntled look on his face
>"Is Shane home?"
>catboy closes the door.
>wait a few seconds and start to turn around and go home
>door slams back open "ANON! Come In Buddy!"
>Holy FUCK
>heart still racing i enter the premises
>with one glance i see the horror
>a MOUNTAIN of dirty laundry occupies the middle of the living room, toppled over miricle whip jar oozing with sickly blubber is dried on the kitchen counter giant big screen tv just playing static in the background while dirt and stains cover every square inch of the home
>mother of god
>shane says "hay wanna play nintendo?"
>maybe things will be alright
>hooks up his NES
>i open the cover and try to put the game in
>it wont fit
>i tilt the system over and half eaten crayons have been bitten and shoved into the bowels of the system
>peer over at Shane
>Shane smiles revealing his rainbow teeth
>im done
>i get up and start to leave not saying much else but "later"
>close door and hear Shane yell inarticulately
>leave this home of orphaned autists never to return
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Forgot pic. Don't worry, I collected the data.
Keep it real m8.
you sound like my hero OP
whiteknight lil bitch
You understand your newfound responsibility, I hope? It is now your duty, as a screencapper, to post this in any and all tard/cringe threads.

> OP?, not OP.

Not whiteknight. I beat up your familay last week.

Thank you m8, and may you bliss in the pussy.

>we get back in school
>kelvin meets up with me
>the whole school had turned against us and thought we were mean for doing that
>everyone planned to ignore us
>it worked
>I don't know how they did it but practically everyone in the entire school just always ignored us
>they wouldn't even acknowledge the fact that we were there no matter what the circumstances were
>I have no idea how they came to this agreement, but it was like me and kelvin were the only people in the school
>one day, we were nearing the christmas break and kelvin started to tell me about how its pissing him off and he may flip out soon
>tell him I know what he means
>last day before christmas holidays, people have been ignoring us for like 3 weeks, and kelvin has gotten sick of it
>we were sat on the back field where there were like no teachers and we were behind some trees so we were quite well hidden
>everyone is still ignoring us
>we are sat there, doing nothing
>Phil and a few others come down and sit where we were, we thought it was the end of the ignoring thing, but they start talking to each other, but not to us
>I can literally see kelvin thinking of what to do
>walks behind them (note, phil was sitting on a log)
>pulls his pants down, I'm the only one who is seeing this because the others are turning away
>he takes off his boxers, he may be like 12 but he has a huge dick, he must have hit puberty when he was 3
>It was like 5-6 inches and it was flaccid
>he stands up on top of the log, a bit behind Phil so he still doesn't know whats going on
>starts spinning his cock like a helicopter
>reaching speeds of +1000mph
>Kelvin jumps in front of phil and cockslaps him, phil falls onto the floor, me and kelvin run away
>unfortunately, after that kelvin was expelled and sent to a school somewhere else, and I moved schools because without kelvin I was friendless
found sam
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>>i tell him i bet he cant break his pencil box with a headbutt

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Found Trevin.
actually made me lol
holy shit that kid sounds unstable
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OP witness someone hit their retard child. Does nothing.
OP makes retard a harass chase a girl. Retard gets in trouble.
OP makes a retard hurt himself.
OP tells everyone that a retard pissed his pants.
Fuck me, OP. You're the biggest cunt I've seen around here in a long time.
Pic related, it's OP's hat.
I have a story

>be me
>be in kindergarten
>had anger management so i was bitchy alot
>it was really bad though
>had tantrums and shit
>anyways, teacher is arguing with me for some reason
>get super fuckin pissed
>she calls the principal (who was a saggy old fuck)
>she tries to calm me down
>i shit u not
>on the ground
>literally kicked her fucking shin
>got suspended for 3 days

I have more if anyone wants more
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what the fuck does that even mean

google gave me literally no answer
I am pretty sure they weren't actually retarded. I might feel a little bit of shame if they were. Trevin might have actually been autistic though
The fetish for being eaten by animals
someone that gets off on eating someone else
Y'know how snails leave a silvery trail behind when they move? Well paint instead of that so it makes some abstract bullshit.

Kindergarten time

>There's this kid named Neil
>Neil was also autistic, but not as autistic as Megan
>Possibly weirder though
>Neil sat in the back of the classroom
>One class session the teacher starts screaming at Neil
>Look back and there's a pile of white-blonde hair all over the desk and Neil is nearly bald
>He stole a pair of safety scissors and cut his hair off
>Neil starts coughing
>White-blonde wisps erupt from his mouth with every cough
>He was eating his hair

>Our kindergarten classrooms were set up in pairs at my elementary school, with bathrooms in between each pair
>Each bathroom had two stalls with their own doors, and then a separate door into the classroom that was always open
>Neil was using the bathroom
>We're having story time on the rug next to the door to the bathrooms
>Flush, Neil opens the bathroom stall door
>A couple kids look over and immediately start giggling
>Neil's pants and underwear were around his ankles and he was crying
>Calls for the teacher and turns around
>Shit is caked all over his ass cheeks for the whole class to see
>Neil has no shame but is only upset that the teacher won't wipe his ass for him
>Gets taken home early by his mom

I saw Neil once after elementary school in the first month of 6th grade. Still short, skinny, pale as fuck with a giant and oddly shaped head. He said something like
>Oh, hello Anon! I haven't seen you in so long! I remember we used to be the best of friends

To the best of my memory I don't think I hung out with him even once.
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What kind of elementary school has fucking dances
They were seasonal dances. Like 5 dollar admission for extracurriculars
>still in kindergarten or around there
>even though i did some beta shit when i was young, i still had a decent amount of friends
>anyways, it's lunchtime
>my friends and i would always do stupid shit around lunchtime
>especially this one kid
>lets call him frank
>so we're eating lunch one day and frank says
>"hey, look under the table"
>his bare white shining ass surprised the hell out of me under that table
> he tells me to do the same to be funny
>i fuck you not
>i stood on top of the table
>pulled my pants down just to the point where u can see my skinny ass
>and i spread my asscheeks to everyone in the fucking lunchroom
>til this day i don't know why i did that
>got suspended for 3 days

i still have more
you showed your asshole to your entire school?

well to everyone in the lunchroom, yes
>starts spinning his cock like a helicopter
>reaching speeds of +1000 mph
i kekld
That's some funny shit there, anon.
bro i can barely stand to look at my own butthole let alone show a room full of people

What kind of faggot name is Trevin?
Fucking roody-poo

>gtfo my /b/
you can see your own butthole?
I have a tale, sit down as I share with you, my family. "The Tale of Joshua".
>be me
>be in grade four
> its lunch time
>with my friends kicking the shit
>Joshua comes and sits with us
>no one likes him, but we power through
>one friend has extra gummies
> "whoever catches these gets them"
>ive always been tall
>pretty confident
>I catch them no problem
>standing in pure content when autism fucking tackles me
>tell him to get off me
>everyone walks up
> he starts dry humping me
>throw him off me
>get people to call him a rapist
>he gets mad
>tells the principal
>mfw I didnt get in trouble
>Joshua is still as autistic as ever
another story

>second grade this time
>we're in the library
>let me remind u that my best friend did a lot of shit to me that caused me to be so pissed off a lot in elementary school
>lookin at some books
>frank is standing right next to me
>for no fucking reason at all
>he power kicks me in the tip of my goddam dick
>shit stings like a motherfucker
>i was screaming at the top of my lungs cause that really hurt
>knocking books over and shit
>neither of us got in trouble
>i did kinda deserve it for being a little shit in school
>but i remember that powerful kick in my dick hurt more than anything in life
They might have called him that before inbetweener was out. Also, inbetweeners came out in 2008. You start secondary school in Britain when you are 12. 2014-2008=6. 12+6=18. So it's still possible he's not underage.
My sides
>Everything in the classroom start scream
I've got a few.
>be me 12, scotfag
>go on school trip to paris for 4 days
>I get the pleasure of being in a room with a raging autist. Let's call him Andy
>fuck me, right?
>after 8:00 we all have to go up to our rooms
>walking up the stairs with roommates
>get to our floor and we're greeted by some Spanish girls (there was loads of different schools of different nationalities staying at the same place)
>Andy tells us that he thinks one of the girls is pretty
>we jokingly tell him to kiss her
>he fucking does it
>he violently grabs her on our way past and precedes to give her the most awkward kiss ever
>the rest of us are fucking speechless
>she pushes him off of her and slaps him hard across the face
>Andy punches her in the nose, giving her a nose bleed
>everyone is still just standing there speechless
>Andy panics and runs away
>we don't see him again until the next morning
I have a story

>Be me
>Be in either 7th or 8th grade
>Be completely unable to sit still/follow directions, wasn't taking any medication at the time
>Be in science class with landwhale teacher, we'll call her Mrs. M
>Doing some lesson about tectonic plates or something, I don't remember
>Getting fidgety
>Leave my seat
>Hide behind an empty lab table
>Mrs. M asks where I am
>Classmates point behind table
>I emerge, smiling like an idiot
>Mrs. M asks me what I'm doing
>Say that I teleported there
>She tells me to go back to my seat
>Start fake crying
>Run up to her
>Hug her waist
>She starts screaming
>Begin singing the Shirley Temple song Animal Crackers in my Soup
>Classmates are confused and terrified
>One boy gets up
>I run over and smack him on the ass with a book about Pluto
>He yelps
>Classroom is in chaos
>I get down on all fours and start crawling around the classroom, meowing like a cat
>Teacher orders me into the hallway
>I start singing "Slow Ride, take it easy"

>Teacher calls my mom for a meeting after school
>After school mom arrives and Mrs. M bitches about my behavior
>Mom is understandably disturbed
>I begin quietly humming
>A look of fear comes over Mrs. M's face
>The volume escalates
>Soon I'm full-on chanting
>Mom starts laughing
>Mrs. M stomps off angrily
>Keep singing all the way home
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>have friend
>lets call him J
>J is my best friend when I moved and entered 5th grade
>he is slower than all the other kids and I lose the ability to make new friends because I am unpopular by association
>hang out with J for years, till the freshman year of high school
>good friends with his mom, dad, sister, etc
>we grow up on pokemon, digimon, playstation, N64.. Great times
>one day they move to california when we were entering 10th grade.. I remember him telling me that they will move when we were in 6th grade.
>didn't realize time would go so fast
>Have only made friends with a few other people up to this point.
>He moves and we drift apart
>he tries to email me and I respond up until I reach college
>no time to contact him via AOL or anything else.
>He tries to find what games i like so we can play. I tell him but we never really talk.
>family offers to fly me to cali to hang out with them.. No time.. Doing stupid shit that doesn't matter..
>Get arrested when I am 20
>Stay over night
>come home next day and hear the news that J died from leaving his car on and the garage door closed
>I don't believe it
>I should have visited him
>I can't see him ever again and I am a douche and there is no way to fix it.
>almost 24 now.. I don't think I will ever forget him.

Oh wait.. This isn't a baww thread. Oh well, he was mentally challenged though.
wow autistic yet oddly charming, good on you
I guess I'm in the small percentage of human beings who haven't angled a mirror to see inside my ass then.
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what the fucks wrong with you? are you telling me you never once have been curious to what that part of your body looks like?
you've had that literally your entire life...how old are you
I've got a few stories about a guy named Robert.

Robert wasn't mental or anything. Just def, and extremely weird.

Weird personality + broken speech because def (he had one of those things that allowed def people to hear)

>4th grade
>me and a couple of friends are in bathroom
>Robert presents himself
>Heh. Loh. Guys.
>Robert begins to piss in the urinal next to my friend
>Decide to turn lights of because 4th grade pranks amirite?
>Robert freaks the fuck out
>Goes full retard
>Immediately steps back from urinal and spins
>Screaming bloody def murder
>Doesn't stop pissing
>Pisses all over friend
>Robert runs away with gusto
>Friend now covered in Robert's piss
>Friend gets to go home
>Teachers don't believe that Robert did it
must be underage b&
That's when you start secondary school in Britain, nobody gets kept back 1 year for no apparent reason.
Twenty two.
I dunno man, I'm just not into my own ass I guess.
I also haven't see behind my ears.
Well go look right now then
>gets detention for being a dumbass
Hahaha that should be an actual punishment for all schools. Detention for being a dumbass. Half of my old high school class would have been in detention everyday.
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It's not about being into your ass or not it's about knowing what your body is and shit.
Think of it this way, if you have ever had sex with anyone they've seen your asshole
If you've ever shat you've interacted with it. hell you interact with it on a daily basis.
You have had it since the day you were born and you've never at least once seen it what the hell?!
What kind of weird backwards sex do you do?
Or do you just take it up the shitter?
alright then, here's the tale of Matthew
>be a britfag
>be in secondary school/high school or whatever
>new class with new teacher
>teacher sits us all in a circle and has us introduce ourselves, as it was one of her first classes
>we have to share something interesting which happened to us recently or some shit like that
>going around circle until we reached a kid called matthew
>i had known him since we were little and matthew was pretty damn autistic
>i knew something was going to go down because this kid simply couldn't contain his autism
>he starts off confident, all is well
>he then begins to explain how his two older sisters made him sit down and play the scary maze game
>part way through explaining he has broken out into hysterics
>screaming about the scary face which popped up on the scream
>repeating "I WAS SO SCARED" over and over
>after a while he seemed to realise that literally everyone was watching him
>stops dead, like a deer in headlights
>then, still sobbing, he crawls under one of the desks and curls up into the fetal position
>rest of the lesson was spent with people offering him tissues and trying to pry him from under the desk

i have more if anyone is interested?
More Robert? Fuck it I don't care.

>Highschool now
>Grade 10 or 11
>Robert still up to the usual antics
>Hits puberty
>Starts to become obviously interested in women
>Tells other guys that some of the girls at school are "Hawt.Ehs"
>He points out girls that are not attractive
>Chooses one particular girl
>Lets calls her Claire
>Claire is very obviously autistic, but denies it
>Claire is tall, and has giant tits
>Tits too big for her autistic body
>She walks funny because of her tits
>Robert begins telling us that he has interest in Claire's giant moon balloons.
>"You. No. Claire? She-as. Big. TETS."
>Laugh at his comment
>He laughs back
>Ehuh. Heh. Ahehhuh. Aeheee.
>Makes us laugh more
>Must keep hilarity going
>Tell Robert he should try to hit on Claire
>How. I. Do?
>"Get creative, buddy."
>Robert sneaks up behind Claire, and begins to air-jerk toward her ass.
>Claire. Your. Ass. Ess. Sooprr. Big.
>Continues to air-jerk.
>Claire shouts at Robert to stop.
>He doesn't
>Chases her through the halls masturbating at her behind
>VP catches him in the act
>Stern talking to
>Doesn't come to school for a few days
Hahah op you sound like a dick but the good kind hahaha
blowjobs? or if your a girl fingering, or idk just being on your back as someone plays with your balls, 69?
Don't tell me you just missionary with the lights off you sick perv
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The tales of Kelvin.
You guys sound like the kind of fags who got picked on in HS. Lol
>close door and hear Shane yell inarticulately
What the fuck?
Just because you aren't a complete asshole doesn't mean people don't like you.
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You were probably one of the fags that got picked on like OP's stories hahahah
If you're a girl, fair enough. But when I have my dick in a bitches throat they're looking at my pubes or my balls. Doesn't exactly end up with me spreading my ass in their face.

So I repeat, what sort of weird backwards sex do you partake in?
Alright, I got a story about a friend.
>Name's Jack
>Long ass greasy blonde hair
>Tall lanky fuck
>Does not do great in school, low 50s and fails
>Talks like a crack addict
>Dresses like Tupac
>Obviously, This fucker is the most retarded cunt we've seen.
>Wake up one morning
>Go to school with a couple friends, beta as fuck
>Music class
>Our good old buddy Jack sitting near the wall
>Drinking out of weird ass plastic bottle
>Cant see through
>I walks over
>Thinks it's sprite or some subpar soda
>"Yo, Jack, Can I get some of that?"
>Jack looks at me and smiles with his cracker ass, broken teeth
>"I don't think you want any of this"
>Laughs and drinks
>"You want a whiff?"
>I lean in, Smelling it
>Smells like a combination of shit, ass, gasoline, sprite and rotten apples
>Leaves this crack fuck
>Music class starts
>Blasts it on the fucking trumpet
>Look over at our hero, Jack every now and again.
>Jack is frowning, but emits this weird sound that sounds like a laugh and drinking, spilling it everynow and then
>FFW to Math Class
>Jack comes up to us, Shaking and looking frail
>Explains in his weird ass voice that he was doing drugs all day and got ratted out
>Principal Facefucker called the cops on him
>End of day
>See him being escorted out
>Turns out was brought to childrens hospital
>tested and confirmed positive for drug use
>Can't get suspended for no proof that he did it in class
>comes in next day
>explains his drink was a mix of cough syrup and various other medicines
>Full on autist

I got a picture of this fucker and a couple more stories about him
So wait when you finish you dont present your asshole in her face
Shit, so that's where I've been going wrong all these years!
Actually i am a huge asshole. Most guys don't like me but bitches can't get enough of me even though im a huge douche to them too.
moar pls
I don't buy this one I don't know why but I smell bullshit anyway I'll tell you guys about this fucking autist that was the biggest retard in the school back when I was in highschool, this is the tale of Dougie

>Be me
>Grade 10
>Have Dougie in English class
>Fucker was disgusting as fuck
>Long ass nails, really dirty
>Could smell him a mile a way
>Everywhere he went he had to have a T.A
>Kids in class always looked for him when he came into class, because the retard always entered in a different way
>Some times he crawled, some times he stomped
>Dougie tip toes his way into class, T.A behind him
>everyone laughing at him
>I'm just going through my notes before class starts
>Dougie comes up to me
>Screams that i'm in his seat
>Tell him to fucking find another one
>starts to make the sound of a raptor
>T.A tells Dougie to calm down
>By this point all of the class is staring at us
>Dougie watched a lot of day time T.V apparently
>Teacher tries to escort him out
>One student laughs and says ''Here use my phone to call judge judy''
>Dougie starts screaming even louder
>Autist goes full dino ''RRRARRRRGGHHHH''
>Crawls on the floor and starts to spasm while holding his book bag
>Teacher tells class to leave room
>We stand outside in hall for twenty minutes
>See them drag Dougies fat disgusting ass into the hall
>See T..A mouth the words ''I'm sorry'' to me
Theres more if you guys want
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Not OP. Just wanting to share some High School shit.

>Be me
>Be in special ED class
>Autist, let's call him Crisp
>Sub-teacher for the day
>Crip is mad about something
>Sub is assigning him extra work because he's being an idiot
>Crisp doesn't do it
>Sub gives him an F
>Crisp gets upset and lays in the floor like a little kid
>Keep in mind this is HIGHSCHOOL
>Does this for the rest of class
>I'm just looking at him like "wtf"
>Leave, thinking "thank god he's not coming with me

I stories where I clocked him on separate occasions if you want.
don't ask just post
Please more i love these autist stories
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High School

>Real Teacher is here
>Crisp in on Comp
>Teacher tells him to get off
>Crisp is like "Hold on trying to do something
>We were going to watch a movie or do something because special ED does this. feelsgoodman
>Classmates surround him telling him to get off
>I push the power button
>Walk away
>Get hit in the back by a fist of rage
>180 punch him in the cheek
>Backs the fuck off
>Walking down the hall
>Middle School
>Crisp is taunting me
>Ignore him
>Gets in front of me
>Gives me a light "bitch u want dis" shove
>Walk around him
>Keeps doing
>I had huge anger issues during these years
>Turn around, and clock him in the jaw
>He staggers and falls to the ground
>"OHHHHH", said the other students
>Walk off

That's all I got of him
>be me
>in middle school band
>kid named Joel in percussion sitting in back
>nigga puts his hands in his pants and even though everyone saw it he denies it by screaming that he didn't do it
>charges out of the room and director had go call security on him
I have a ton of random short stories.

>Be me
>I liked this kid named Seth
>he liked me back
>we kissed at the end of class for like a week
>he would hold the door open and I would be at the end of the line to kiss him so no one would see
>super stormy
>school ends
>kiss him as usual
>fucking bitch Shelby Smith the niggress sees
>everyone looks
>I just start crying
>storm too violent, so we have to wait until it calms down
>teacher tells stories
>I sit under a desk and cry
>teacher asks me to sit with them
>she makes Shelby apologize
>I accept it begrudgingly
>Shelby moved in 2nd grade
>he grew up to be a weird nerdy kid, the other nerdy kids wouldn't even make much contact with him
>that regret

A really short one
>Same Kindergarten class
>AJ is easily the size of a 4th grader
>I think he seriously was autistic
>we had fuck ton of retards in out class, I think all of them in my grade actually
>Danny (he's blind but I think he had mental issues too, he was rad though)
>then fucking AJ
>One day, AJ gets mad for whatever reason
>teacher gets pissed, she yells at him
>he throws a fucking chair at her
>he gets escorted out of the class
>never saw AJ again

I have more, some involving the kids above, some are just my stupid moments
OP here. Just got back. I assure you that everything I posted in the autist duo memoirs was 100% true. That was actually one of my favorites too haha
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>>slowly scratchy scratchy
please tell me you're joking
Trevin must be a negro
So then there's that weird bitch Molly. her last name was Smart, but she was anything except smart.

>Motherfucking Molly
>always absolutely reeked of maple syrup
>bitch must have BATHED in it
>fucking autist covered in maple syrup, it's worse than it sounds
>I've hated the smell of maple syrup since then

Then there's Andy. I have no personal stories with him but I do have a weird one.
>Andy was crippled and had a weird shaped head, couldn't speak right and all that
>Just screeched all the time
>Some kid grabbed a crayon out of the box Andy had next to him (class set)
>since he had really thin bones, he was literally clinging on him for a crayon
>biting the kids arm, just going apeshit
>tard wrangler took forever to get him off the kid
>the kid was crying and beating Andy off of him
>he beat a retard
>that kid, man
I got one
>be me
>english class
>retard friend named John
>John hates the teacher
>the teacher hates John
>Anyway back to the story
>John makes a clicking sound all the time in english
>teacher would give out
>john would me the biggest retard ever and say it wasnt me
>one day john decides he has enough
>does his usual shit teacher gives out
>john says
Fuck off will ya m8
>autist then walks out of class
>Got suspended from that class for a week

Got plenty of stories of him if you want more
Yes, try to bring the thread back
I have some stupid ones, but they get better as I got older.

>Kid I liked saw me pick my nose and eat it in 1st grade
>Screamed it in Art class
>luckily no one was paying attention, I denied it out my ass anyway
>He grew up to be popular among the the wanna be popular girls

>2nd grade
>new Indian kid
>had really bad anger issues in middle school (we were locker neighbors in middle school, getting there)
>I learned the previous night what an X-Rated movie was
>I was bragging to him
>He asked what it meant
>I whispered that it was a movie with sex
>Eyes grew wide
>Told the teacher I said the S word
>She listed off all the S words in the book
>I finally settled on the fact that I said "stupid"
>Shanil said I was lying and I saw sex
>She was more angry that I lied than the fact that I was talking about sex
>I saw that teacher at a festival that next summer drinking a margarita
>she said not to tell the other students
>I did anyway, I hated that bitch
>She's one of my best friends' neighbors. Still drinks like a fish

>be me
>for some reason me and john are best friends but whatever
>in german
>teacher is a bitch
>john comes in late
>niggertard just walks in
Where were you john says german bitch

Miss i was mitchin class
>fuckin autist just admited to skippin class
>sits next to me
>i say hi
>he says as loud as possible
>and i shit you not

>mfw detention for a week
Femanon you say? Tots or gtfo
get rkt teacher
summer plz go
Do yall niggers want more tard tales from john and friends? Or nah?
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I can do it too maggot gtfo
Sorry, I have a shit ton of stories

>3rd grade
>I've had the same "best friend" since kindergarten named Emma, she's fucking weird
>New girl
>Emma's mom makes her be friends with Amber
>Amber is over at Emma's a lot
>my mom makes me hang out with Emma
>Fucking bitches were both dumb
>Amber cried a lot and had homework because she's dumb
>Amber was ugly
>always talked about boys
>always had crushes on the popular guys
>she would talk to them all the time
>she had a phone and took photos of them when they weren't looking
>showed them to Emma and I
>she took a picture of one of them bending over for a pencil
>she always got in trouble for having her phone out in class
>she was touching herself a lot
>to the photo of the kids buttcrack mainly
>so fucking weird

Then there's Emma. I will give you specific stories as they come along, but here's the gyst of her.
>Hardcore wanna be popular
>I was kind of popular
>Clung to me
>She literally tried to be like me in all ways
>Changed her favorite color from pink to black because black was my favorite color
>listened to stupid edgy music because I listened to stupid edgy music
>stole my mp3 player
>stole my clothes
>always made fun of her brother
>he was a year older
>I kind of liked Noah, but he was a baby
>cried about everything
>he had a speech impediment that made him sound foreign
>I asked where he was from one time
>he cried and told on me
summer plz go
Is anyone still lurking in this thread?
But have to go now.
Can u summarize all the stories in one picture or save the thread later?
I am indeed
>be in elementary school
>fire drill
>not as cool as it sounds
>behind this one stupid girl as we walk out of the school
>we and the rest of the line get to the playground
>we all turn around and face the school like we're supposed to
>girl calls for teacher
>"Anon butted in front of me"
>she didn't understand how perspective works
>teacher: "Yeah, whatever"
yesh. any stories would be appreciated
uhh iv got one, is anyone still here?

>be 9th grade
>retard well call jake
>jake loved his weed
>had about a gram on him every day
>one day decided to show off his nigger gold in lunch
>"sheit man thats dank"
>old ass lunch lady kathy come up
>"o hai boys whats up?"
>jake freaks out and put the weed in his war head candy container
>kathy is no fool
>"whats that you got jake?
>she says "can i have a piece?" and proceeds to grab the container
>jake reacts
>"kathy what a nice necklace!"
>full on grabs this 70 year old womans tits
>kathy cant react, turns 360 degrees and walk away
>jake gives us all a shit eating grin
>"man i handle that sooo smooth"
>"you handled something alright"
>we call him the prehistoric pervert for the rest of high school
Alright. I am going through my memory to see if I can remember any other worthy Sam/Trevin stories
>prehistoric pervert
I thought of another Trevin/Mary story that is postable

>in 2th grade or so
>for some reason the boys were obsessed with how fast we could run
>trevin wasn't very quick and sam was even slower
>one day, trevin challenges me to a race in front of mary
>i am not incredibly fast but i sure as shit can bet trevin
>line up in a little alley where we normally ran
>both start sprinting as fast as we could to the other end
>trevin trips
>smacks his face down on the concrete
>he had chronic nosebleeds and this only started what was inevitable
>gets up with a fountain of blood leaking from his face
>sprays it everywhere by frantically turning every which way
>mary screams and runs away
>call trevin's mom
>still would have won the race though
just realized i put 2th

fuck me.
U havin a giggle m8?
im starting to remember all the autists of high school

>nate loved feet about as much as jake loved weed
>nate had a crush on a qt russian girl
>qt russian girl was cool, and knew nate loved her commie feet
>near the end of 8th grade we all decied to fuck with nate
>russian girl wore sandals to school almost every day
>in history class she sat next to nate
>she would take off her sandals and rub her feet in front of him
>"ugh nate my feet hurt soo much"
>"i-i could rub them"
>"hehe kay"
>she put her foot on him for about 2 seconds
>nate bolted to the bathroom
the next day
>nate thought he was so cool cause he came in his pants
>would brag about cumming from her feet touching him
>she no longer messed with nate
I just woke my flat mate up laughing, fuck.
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I am now hue
lel so hard
Keep your chode in your pants.
Appreciate c:
kek. It's ok, heaven. next time. There's always next time.

>4th grade
>I read a ton, didn't have a book mark
>the popular girl who sat near me had one
>she's stupid so she didn't read anyway
>I stole it
>She saw me with it
>I said I bought it
>She eventually gave up

>5th grade
>really hating Emma now
>constantly on my nerves
>mom is still making me be friends with her
>need new friends quick, sanic
>gotta go fast
>popular girl in my class, Taylor
>become acquaintances
>hang out with her at recess
>she's in the gifted kids class, friends with all the other gifted kids
>I was tested for that class, I literally missed it by one point and they still wouldn't let me in
>"rules are rules"
>needed a new way to get it in good with Taylor
>some ginger kid named Josh wanted her so bad
> her mom made her go to a Hannah Montana concert or some shit that he invited her to
>she hates him and wants him to leave her alone but she's too nice to say anything
>was tom boy, chased boys around and beat the shit out of them
>literally best girl kickball player, the glory of when the boys backed up when I came up to kick
>sent a kid to the ER in 2nd grade (I shoved his face into the corner of a picnic table on accident while playing tag, no one believed me when I said it was an accident. He had a crush on me so he was eager to tell everyone it really was an accident)
>anyway, Josh bothers Taylor one day
>I tell him he needs to screw off or I'm going to beat him up
>call him a stalker and laugh
>chase him
>he cries and tells teacher
>I got a referral but never had to talk to the principal (it was the end of the day and my class had a sub)
>I didn't realize he was autistic
>I bullied an autistic kid
>my mom never knew until I told her when I was in high school
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lol @ ur ultra Hue
i have screencapped all the stories in this thread worth screencapping, will upload when the thread dies
2 were?
this thred is /thread anytime now.
sent to space to make contact with ET lifeforms

that or a new thread
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ain't uploaded yet, i am hoping for one last trickle of stories, i will probs upload it to imgur after i finish my shift
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Wouldn't it be "beito" or something?
Thread replies: 226
Thread images: 34
Thread DB ID: 3067

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