Posting this again... I just kinda need to talk right now.
My dad died when I was 15. Sure. Shit sucks. It happens, right? Mom marries a super fucking cool guy, life stabilizes, I'm happy again. They divorce when I'm 17. Shit sucks. It happens, right? I get kicked out of the house at 18 and have to live with my meth addicted aunt and uncle for a year, working a job I fucking hate for a year so I can try to go to college. Shit sucks. It happens, right? I make it to college, I lose a bunch of weight (80 lbs), and I make tons of friends. Life's good. I get a girlfriend at 20. Life's god. 2 years later. She breaks up with me and I'm no longer in contact with any of the friends I made. Shit sucks. It happens, right? I meet another girl. Fucking fantastic. Big, beautiful green eyes. A smile that could light up a room. Smart. Funny. Stunningly gorgeous. We hit it off, and we're having fun. Then BAM. Her fucking ex flies from fucking Greece to Germany to visit her out of fucking nowhere and say, 'OH MY GOD I MADE SUCH A FUCKING MISTAKE!11!!!'. We're no longer together.
Every fucking time something goo happens in my life, it's stripped away from me and I'm thrown to the ground. How many more fucking times can I take this before I just decide not to get back up? I'm fucking distraught right now.
Some old stuff but whatever I can't sleep anyway
Yeah I'm gonna post again since my thing will probably not get looked at in a dead thread.
I wrote this like short little poem thing. A friend of mine read it when we were drinking and she reckons its amazing can I have some opinions?
>"Faint smell of cigarettes and your perfume in my sheets. Will always be a memory that will engulf my thoughts. Sunny days and warm nights are never so nice when the presence that is oh so cold stays behind. It's crippling and exhausting all at once and as you become a stranger, I'll feel nothing more than regret and hate for someone that made my heart beat at a calm pace."
hey, its the one thread i can contribute to! ... damn.
Thats not Baw, thats good. Anyway, the dude is a faggot claiming she will never know, he fucking told her. If she was curious she would have found out the truth about that girl.
Bitch just really didnt like him anymore
I think something is seriously wrong with me
I stayed up till about 2AM last night crying, Because I had to go to work at 6AM
I don't understand why, but the thought of going to work at 6 made me sad
>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad found us and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
You're missing the part where I was 6. Also I don't know where my dad is.
It's funny. My sister became a manic depressive.... Meanwhile I murdered 2 hamsters and a dog, molested kids as a kid, zoophilia, pyromania, vandalism, attempted burglary, theft, voyeurism, ran away from home and had plots of mass murder...
My therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists diagnosis? COMPLETELY SANE
Isn't that just the funniest thing? As long as you say you recognize the "real world" and don't actively see demons, you're sane as fuck
Ehh, depends which way you're facing I suppose
>broke up with gf almost 2 years ago
>she still hasn't had sex which made me lel because she had a bf for almost a year in between those 2 years
>we started talking again, as 'friends'
>sends me pic of her looking 9/10 if she can go out like that
>asks if i would take her out like that
>she refuses that i hurt her too much
>she failed school now
i'm happy i didn't start that train again, what was i thinking
posting the story of Frank.
Dont worry anon we love you
Thank you. I've never really been the type to get needy and want attention but I've never really shown people what I write and I got panicie.
Definitely relatable, I like it, I would maybe change some of the wordings around, but then again I also don't really know shit. if you think its perfect then it is, I just always like to toy with phrasing
Absolutely, they only care about what others think of them and their accomplishments, still, I felt that feel
Finally got back to lurkin, been a brokefag with no internet for a year, i mean, i got this back so i cant complain, right?
Lucked out with a pretty cool step-dad, Worked on your own, got yourself through college, lost weight, made friends easily, had (At least) two qt3.14 girlfriends, currently supporting yourself through college.
No need to baww, just relax a bit, enjoy your life, All i see is a fucking upwards slope for you
Dont even remember how to comment link right >>552540493
No, that's the best time, well maybe with a severe fever, you can get some good shit with a 102 and a quilt
and god captcha is a nigger
Thank you for you kind words and advice and stuff. <3
Oh, you know me, just bein a faggot
shit dawg, why even throw that party?
why the fuck doesn't he use the one piece of property that's still his?
2 Years, 2 Months, and 21 Days
How long for you?
We broke up in January this year after a great relationship, it just ended. I can understand why it ended cause of her mental state but yeah. Long story and it hurts to think of it.
I can't use facebook on my PC just so I don't see her face on the chat box. I barely use any social media where I might see her. I was gonna see my favourite band later this year and I found out shes going and if I go it'll ruin the experience. We still have like a friendship but it's destroying me.
Was with her for just over a year, not too long. We broke up late Feb/early March - thought I was finally moving on now then a drunken night out with her and she calls me the night after saying how she misses me but how she can't be in a relationship with me.
what does it mean
But basically the same story here. Misses me and loves me but doesn't "love" me. Says we need to wait a bit till she sorts herself out a bit and I can trust her, I know shes not the type to sleep around and that and she knows if she did I'd hate her and lose all respect for her after what shes said.
It's natural to miss people dude and I think you just need to realize the way I had to is that it's all it is. Try and find someone else if you can, I'm actually going out for drinks with a girl I've had a crush on since highschool and just got a job. So I'm feeling happier.
If you wanna talk more.
Fuck that's hard. I, I knew it wasn't going to end well. She always had doubts that love wasn't real and that it can't last, etc.
So one day we were talking and up until this point, we were done the day she graduated, she was moving, and we were gonna call an end to what we had.
>she can't just do that
>needs me in her life because I can always calm her down when she has an episode
>She wants me to move with her
(EVERYTHING I have wanted to hear for the better part of a year)
>10 minutes later
>I can't go with her
>She can't risk the possibility that if we broke up I would have to take care of myself away from home & friends (Which I fully intended to do anyway)
>my fuckin head starts spinning
>Say "No, we can work this out"
>I know you've always believed true love doesn't exist, and even if it doesn't all I want is to send more time with you
>"I do believe in true love, it's just not with you"
and that was our last real conversation, after that it was nothing but fights and silences
I don't know, maybe she has selfdoubt shit, maybe it just hurts thinking about, I wish I knew
Well I know she has "slept" around cos she's told me. But I don't really care tbh I've done the same. I miss her a little but I'm not struggling with that - it's just how she's bought it all back like that that makes me struggle.
Yeah, the whole bring everything back into scope is really painful.
I don't know, I really hate that we just can't talk anymore, but thinking about the silence, the fucking glancing away whenever she saw me... I know I couldn't do it. I miss her more than anything but I'm so glad she's not around to remind me
Then why don't you grow some fucking balls and talk to her? Spill out everything. Tell her you're on the verge of suicide just because you know you'll never find someone like her again. Ugh. I hate people like you. She wants you to prove yourself to her.. she WANTED you to prove yourself to her -.-
What kind of retarded faggot logic is that.
Got dumped last october. Couldn't move on til this month when I saw her with her second boyfriend since she was with me (and a friend told me she's still with the one after me, dafuq).
At a music festival, she passed near me with her guy hand in hand and we stared each other for a short second. It was hard...
If that was a misquote directed at me, yeah, yeah it probably was. And you know what I did, Died inside, because I had been open with her, I had been the one who was open in the relationship. I told her everything about me, but she kept her distance because all it ever was to her was just a temporary thing, she did say it in the start
I dont really see how much more i could prove it to her, on the couple occasions weve tried talking and if im not the happiest person shes talked to in months, I'm being manipulative trying to "make" her get back with me. But whatever, I dont really care. dumb bitch is whorin herself out on cl because she couldnt make enough money for community college, but you know i was too much of a bum for her to assume the liability. If it wasn't, guess it shows how fuckin insecure i am about it
fuck, thats exactly what im scared of. and honestly, if we ever do see each other again, itll be at a festival. We have basically the same shitty tastes in indie bands that dont get too many venues
Yeah, I might risk seeing her again the next week at another music festival. I'm already terrified to see her even if I want to and I hate her.
I also can't listen anymore to some bands I used to listen while I was with her . What a shame.
Good luck my /b/rother.
You too man, Sorry you lost some good music
Dont question the feels
that's true...atleast for me...im so good at faking that everthing is ok not even my Family knows about my depressions.
They startet when i was 18 and lost my gf (she found a better guy, srsly thats what she told me) and since then i could not handle my life anymore...im just empty i don't care what happens to me...if i die now i would be glad...but im not strong enough to end it myself...and every fucking day i have to go out and pretend that am allright and "happy" i hate what the world has become...
I'm so glad I have loving parents that let me live with them.
They also would pay for my college but I don't want to go to college.
I just want to go on disability because I can.
It reminds me my grandfather's funerals.
He had a neighbor who was a really good friend of him. At the moment when whe had to go to the coffin to say him goodbye, he was the first to go and he patted the coffin like he was patting my grandfather on the back.
Although I was containing myself, I lost at this moment.
sometimes I wonder /b/. I wonder what it'd be like to have a friend. not just any friend. that type of friend you see everyone else have, the type you see on the internet or on tv or in movies. you know the type you read about. that friend who is always there no matter what. that friend who will just show up at your door. that friend who knows exactly what's going on with you before they even see you.
sometimes I sit outside my apartment door and watch people come and go from the parking lot. carrying on with their lives. they seem like they just radiate happiness as they walk into their apartment or someone else's. how they all seem to talk to one another and genuinely care for one another.
I like to pretend that maybe they're here to visit me. like they're gonna walk up to my door and knock and yell "hey anon you here!?"
but then I go back inside. I sit on my couch. check my phone and see that the last text or call I have is from a few days ago and 90% of the time it's something I've sent or someone I called. then I realize how depressingly lonely I am
We understand you, anon. we feel the same.
I once thaught I had a friend like this one but I got dissapointed.
I don't think friends like these even exist.
But I lay in bed while watching boring documentaries because I can't sleep thinking about the same
Kinda old, but If you haven't seen it, this is well worth the read.
Sure why not. Basically I love her, my 'friend' knew and tries to set us up but now he's messaging her non stop. She knows that all he wants is sex and would never give him her number (which I have a strong suspicion she has), while I want to be more then friends but she says she's not looking for a relationship after she had a bad last relationship. She has told me numerous times that I'm a great guy, really nice, and that he's an absolute delirious dickhead, yet I feel like she's falling for his tricks. I'm scared that she's going to come all this way only to get mistreated again, while I have to stand on the side and pick up the pieces. She's a good friend, I don't want to see her hurt, and I don't want to have to pick up the pieces but I'm afraid that if I don't I'll lose her.
well, it is her decision. sadly you can't change her mind.
it is hard to see someone you love falling for a faggot. I know. just be there for her when she realizes he's a dick. maybe then she learned her lesson.
I'm fairly certain she know's he's a dick. She said she had learnt her lesson with her last bf and that's why she's not currently seeking out another relationship. Said she's over the whole bad boy phase and just wants to focus on herself. Even said guys like him are "easy targets". I'm not sure if she meant easy targets for sex or easy targets to manipulate into doing things for her. Any idea?
She is a friendly person so I'm hoping that she's just being friendly to him and not falling for him. I think the day I found out that pretty much everything she has said to me was a lie, and all that trust goes out the window, I'll probably quit my job and just leave. Just get in my car and disappear for a while. Maybe buy a plane ticket somewhere and just vanish for a couple weeks. I really hope it doesn't come to that but God knows what I'll do...
My tattoo I got a while back.
Say's Cor Ne Adito which is latin for Don't Rip Your Heart.
I feel like no matter how far away I go she will still be on my mind and in my heart. I guess all I can do now is keep on keeping on and see where this fuck up takes me.
Thanks for taking the time to listen. it did help
No joke guys. Hit me up if you ever want to talk. About whatever. I'd be glad to be a friend.
My dad has had a really hard life which has taught him a lot. One thing he's told me most of my life that I didn't really understand but is all to clear to me now is this: "If you reach the end of your life with just one good true friend, you can count yourself luckier than most."
>working at a shitty security guard company for 6 years
>$14 an hour
>county cuts its budget 1/4th of its usual spending habbits
>company gets hit hard
>see long time friends tearing up after losing their job
>Another company picks up my contract
>Work Longer hours for nearly half of my original pay.
>barely have any change after i pay the bills
>ramen every night
>unfiltered water is all i drink
doing what i like with a B.S.
Am I depressed or showing signs or just being an edgy little faggot?
I can't eat, haven't ate in 2 days. Can't sleep, 3rd night without any sleep. I feel tired, but at the same time I don't. I'm never happy, nothing pleases me and I feel bad about it, I feel like an ungrateful asshole. I use to be huge into vidya, and have completely lost all interest in it. I can't remember shit, someone tells me something and I completely forget. My emotions are stupid. Most times I don't feel anything and don't care, and other times I just break down and cry. Some times I don't even know why I'm crying. Help
You are most likely depressed bud. I am pretty much the same but I sleep a lot or don't sleep at all and I eat regularly. But otherwise I'm diagnosed with depression if that helps you?
doesn't sound edgy for me. go to an psychologist. it was fucking helpful for me and still is.
or first go to an normal doctor and check if everything else is alright: blood testing and stuff
>are psychologists expensive and are they covered by medicaid?
sorry man. I don't really know. here in germany it is paid by health insurance.
I really don't know how it is where you live, sorry...
maybe you could ask a doctor about it.
try to derealize, stop eating for 4 days, and try to say the sentence that you cannot say (because) not even because, you simply can't say that sentence. you will never say that sentence, and even if you do think you just said it it was something else. no, it doesn't have a meaning or words or whatever. just stop trying to explain why you can say it, and keep trying to actually say what you can't and won't ever say. that sentence.
it gets better. somehow. 6 months ago the only thought that was in my mind was suicide. but I waited, because I'm a coward. but hey. now it's better. it's not great. it'snot good. It's just meh. but I am glad I didn't kill myself.
Feels like you're going nowhere in life, huh?
That's how it feels for me. I get high a lot. Try to look for a job every now and then. 22 years old. Still live with my parents who love me.
Life is a daze at the moment.
They don't need them now.
Pic related is what i'm afraid might happen to me.