/b/ raises a child
The Story of Opis Afag Part 2
>Raised by the loving hand of /b/
>Goes to prominent school for Mentally and Physically Disabled Youth
>Top of his class in African American Coercion and Jewish Intimidation Classes
>Had a crush on Eva B. But after a silly incident with ecstasy, drained all her blood and keeps her skin in a kite
Now our Opis got a new job! With his grades in African American Coercion, he impressed the people at the local zoo and was given a job handling the Wilds of Africa exhibit. He makes a good amount of money now, and is asking us what he should spend it on. He thinks he might want to pursue art, after how well Eva’s Kite turned out, but he isn’t sure.
0 or 5 picks his new hobby
And to make that clearer, he is purchasing the Obama family with his money
But how is that a hobby? He's just buying them
As a hobby, he starts becoming interested in politics and researching things on President Barak Obama. And he is starting to get up quit the collection. It could be worth some money someday too!
Now Opis is starting High School, but the school he goes to doesn't teach up that high.
0 or 5 decides what kind of High School Opis attends
3 winners in like 1 min.
You decide that he needs to become a man, and send him to one of the toughest schools around. Not many students come out alive.
In addition to a new school, he also needs to come up with some new club activities and classes!
0 or 5 picks his new club
First three people to roll 2 pick his classes
He joins the sausage club, learning all he can about how to make and eat all the different kinds of sausage in the world.
For his classes, he takes the History of Carlos, The History of Kendrick Lamar, and Ogre Cult Class. He particularly likes the last one, since it means he can be creative with the skeleton of his Kindergarten teacher! It was just hanging in the living room, but now he's turned it into a beautiful carved statue of the OgreLord
One day, he comes home covered in bruises and crying. It seems like some of the other kids are being bullies and beat him up pretty badly.
0 or 5 decides what we should do
Have him summon Lord Shrek to kill the bullies.
Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
You decide to take the high road, and invite the head of the bullies over to dinner. He's rough at first, but the bully, Ima Azhole, is just a normal kid like Opis with a rough life.
It seems like he was normal, but one day gangs burned down his house and lit him on fire. So, being a flaming skeleton, he had to transfer here.
It seems like we could take him under our wing, and he and Opis could become good friends.
0 or 5 decides what we do with Ima.
I guess you could say that they're about to...
You tell them that they need to work this out like really men, and throw them both in the basement with some alcohol and some Spanish Fly.
You pick up your pipe and newspaper and wait, the sound of rough skeleton sex echoing through the house. After a few hours, there is a bang and from the wreckage comes Opis in his evolved form.
Opis is now a flaming homo, absorbing Ima into his body and now holding the power of fire and two skeletons.
Well, this was unexpected.
0 or 5 decides what we do.
I guess you could say, The History of Carlos is a valuable lesson
>the sound of rough skeleton sex echoing through the house
You tell him that he looks like a faggot and wave him off to go shoot the city up.
He burns everything down in his path, razing buildings to the ground and destroying countless innocent lives. This gets him extra credit and Skeleton Hell High School.
Opis goes through school, and now is in his Senior year. But a check of the rankings show that a nerdy skeleton is the top of the class, blocking Opis's chance to be the best!
0 or 5 decide what we do.
Opis, feeling the pressure that he can never succeed, kills himself in shame. You, as his parents, feel saddened and full of anger as you drink yourself into a stupor.
But a gentle hand lovingly places itself on your shoulder. Ghost Hitler has come, and says that he can resurrect your boy at a price. Opis will return, but you must make a choice. He can either return as a non-white ethnicity, as a genderqueer pansexual, or as a euphoric autistic atheist. Even Ghost Hitler is not all powerful.
0 or 5 chooses.
Ghost Hitler smiles atyou. For not choosing your son to be a homosexual abomination, or an inferior race, you have saved his soul and passed the true test of fatherhood.
Opis is resurrected, with all the powers and gifts Hitler could grant him.
He is now on the rise as a prominent political figure, and Ghost Hitler gives you a single glimpse into his future.
And /b/ cries a single tear, and knows that they have raised their son well.
So Ends theStory of Opis
Oh no, that was still a dumb ass move. Seriously, what the fuck?
Next time, /b/ might just find a baby girl on their doorstep. Who knows what the future holds. And the world could always use more children raised by the gentle /b/