How to make friends?

>>18652473
>Maybe I come off as intimidating? I've had strangers ask me why I never smile or say I looked scary, it's really not a good feeling. Between that and not being able to relate to people when it comes to experiences, goals, aspirations, or popular things, I've been in a bit of a pickle.

I can relate. I'm not in uni, but people are pretty clearly intimidated by me and I don't make friends often, but I also don't feel the need to. Why do you feel like you intimidate people? How do you behave and hold yourself? I have my reasons, and if they're comparable maybe I can offer some advice. Though I should mention I'm don't really share the desire for friends that you do. They either come around or they don't. I've never made friends with someone I had to try with, so that's gonna be my first piece of advice; don't make friends with someone you can't be yourself around in SOME capacity. I know you'll need to hold back on a lot of things but you have to find some common, genuine ground

Same, but I'm a freshman. Don't know why I come off as intimidating or hard to approach

>>18652473
Are you in any clubs? Even as a 3rd year it's not weird to join one. Sometimes the best way to begin a friendship is shared interests. They work as social lubricant and help people open up to one another.

(If you're a weeb, the anime club is actually probably a great place for you. At least from my experience, anyone can fit in there.)

>ask me why I never smile
when is it the right time to smile anyway?

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>>18652494
I guess it might be the way I walk and that I rarely if ever talk? I tend to have a blank, lifeless stare, I feel like, and I always walk with my hands in my pockets. I'm pretty tall and have a large frame, so I can see how a large, silent man with dead eyes might strike fear into some people. I'm usually very polite, though, at least if I'm talking to anyone who needs something from me or if I need something. Good advice, though. If they don't come around, they don't come around, then? To be fair, I can't exactly say that I've put myself out there at all.

>>18652513
It might be what I mentioned. Do you talk much, or do you look physically intimidating?

>>18652528

I'm not in any clubs, no. Well, technically, there is one, but it never meets except for once a month or so. It has annual trips to D.C., which I've partaken in both times. Traveling somewhere with strangers can be pretty awkward, especially when you get assigned groups randomly. I really do dislike random group assignment in all cases, though. It's extremely painful. Not quite as painful as when a professor says to split off into groups and you're the only one alone, mind you, but still painful. I do watch Cantonese Cartoons sometimes, never gave joining the Anime Club much of a thought. Some people who are into that sort of thing can be a bit weird, to say the least. Not that I'm any better or in any position to judge others for what they do on their own time.

>>18652536
>If they don't come around, they don't come around
No, that's simply my viewpoint on it. If you want friends you probably shouldn't follow that.

It can boil down to 'at the right place/time' but generally, you're gonna want to make friends with someone you see fairly often, not someone you have to plan trips to meet up with. Generally speaking friendships do just kinda happen regardless, it isn't something you plot out.

Schedule something besides class. Make a weekly to a cafe or a daily routine where you'll be around some social setting; like you said, put yourself out there into the potential of running into a stranger you find common ground with. Some people you can just tell you'll get along with, like some people you hate from a single glance. If nothing pans out, try a new place, a new routine. If something does, keep it casual at first, ask some general questions and talk less. People love running their mouths about themselves, and you can use that to gauge your interest in them as well

be a good listener

have fun

say simple, kind things (never be a bother to hang out with, they're not your family who you can pester, you want them to like you... at least until they know you well enough to talk heavily about all sorts of things)

use your personality that you have to be likeable by being yourself and find those who enjoy being around you

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Take it from me. I'm gonna start the masters program and have 0 friends that I met in my university courses.

>>18652473
>say I looked scary, it's really not a good feeling.
Are you kidding? Similar situation here, I love it when people get scared of me for no reason.

Best moment was when some teenager got in my way as I was walking (he was just standing around talking to some of his mates). I just stared him down, until he stuttered "sorry". As I walked away, I heard him saying "jesus christ i thought he was going to stab me".

That made me chuckle for days.

>>18652473
Obviously you're not watching enough anime.

>>18652473
I'll be your friend, anon. Give me a throwaway email and we can chat.

bump (OP here, I'll respond to all the posts properly as soon as I get to my PC. Give me a few hours.)

>>18652473
same here too, going to 3rd year in uni, dont have that much close friends

>>18653464
I know that feel, anon.

>>18653289
But anon, I don't know you!

>>18652992
I'll start dedicating all of my free time to anime, surely that will get me friends, right?

>>18652980
I've only intentionally did it once, when some high school students were touring and a few were running by and one bumped into me. I didn't say anything and just glared at them, and I'm pretty sure I gave off enough of an intimidating aura to make them fearful. I guess this whole looking scary thing can be useful when I need it to be?

>>18652882
Nice gif, anon. Good luck with your studies!

>>18652834
Simple, kind things, huh? I'll try being myself, then.

>>18652608
I guess I misinterpreted that. I think you're right about the place/time things and about seeing them often. I have classes throughout the week, but I don't exatly know anyone in them. It doesn't help that I usually either sit in the front and never see most of the class, or mind my own business and never talk unless someone needs something from me. Aside from class... I don't do too much. I go to the cafeteria to eat (I saw a fight there yesterday, but it was a bit disappointing), I go to the library once a week, but there aren't too many clubs, activities, or other things.

I have a few friends when i was in uni but from where I'm working now I don't.cause I have this thing called a bitch face that's why they won't talk to me.it sucks desu

>>18652473
I am in the same boat, kinda. The exception here is that pretty much every girl thinks I am a rapist or something.

People won't become your friends later if they don't in the beginning.

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>>18654021
tfw

>>18654047
Why do you think they think that?

>>18652473
this is me to the smallest detail. sorry you have to fo through this too

>>18652473

Im a 2nd year and know the feel

I joined a society in my first year and made friends and it reminded me of who i was when happy rather than holding a neutral deathstare nihilistic view on everyone when i once went 2 years without friends to hang out with

Join socities or one society you find a common interest in and talk about it with those involved.

Have you tried sitting next to people (s) on your course to chat with in lectures or seminars? If you can get a friend by doing this you usually are introduced to their larger grouo of friends if they have one, if not the two of you can hang out.

I made ""friends"" by being a top student in class so i had social interactions which keeps me somewhat sane, although not worth the headache of text and people wanting help, unless you somehow land a friend this way

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>>18654625
:-(

>>18654645
There were a few societies here, none I have interest in, though. I did get put it a group with about 7 others for a class, but unfortunately group projects don't tend to be the best place to make friends. I usually don't talk about the courses; I'll go into class half an hour early since I have nothing better to do, talk to no one, take notes, and then leave. I used to make """friends""" like that in high school, to an extent. Now I just hide my powerlevel if I can. I don't really like interacting with others, as much as I desire it. None of them ever texted me, though...

>>18652529
When you're happy

i haven't made a single friend in college.

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>>18655271
But what if he's never happy?

also doesn't really help when 80% of your class are visa holders who you'll never see again in your life.

Bump (I am very lonely and the fact that I get three day weekends every week this semester only exacerbates this.)

OP here. I have a job interview for a hall monitor position tomorrow. It's at least some money, but the only shifts open were at odd hours, so I doubt I'd meet that many people. Either way, money's money, and I can't exactly be picky about this sort of thing.

>>18654545
Because every time I am close to or decide to talk with any of them they get visibly uncomfortable and try their best to keep distance. I just have to say hi and I get the same reaction.

At this point I am wondering if I should drop of college just so I won't end up in prison on the basis of false rape accusations.

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I went to uni then realized real life is not like anime, clubs do not exist and you don't simply make friends by talking to people. I think you should
>grow up
>realize you aren't going to get friends
>realize you don't need social connections to live your life
>play vidya
But that's just my 2 cents

>>18655815
:-(

>>18655996
Way ahead of you. I only really think about friendship once every few weeks, and at this point I've pretty much accepted the state of things. I play vidya almost constantly, but I still feel like I'm missing something, you know?

>>18652473
I just stopped wanting the attention. I learned to absorb that social connectedness feeling from everyone around me, regardless of whether or nor they're actively approving of me or paying attention to me. I have my own oddball friends and the internet, for real friendship and discussion purposes. If I ever feel extremely needy, it's usually because I'm seeking something like affection, reassurance, or sex.

>>18656363
Maybe that's what I could be seeking? I've never had any of those.

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bump

OP that's what I did basically the entire time I was in uni.

I used to avoid eating in the common rooms (cafeterias, etc) since most tables were filled with 5-6 friends having a great time and only a few people eating alone and I was one of them.

You can do only one of two things at this point:

1) Like others have said, join a club or something and grind it out the best you can. Even if you feel you make other people uncomfortable and social interactions are like pulling teeth, push the envelope till you get a "hard no". A hard no would be like someone or a group of people walking away from you during a conversation or inviting everyone to a future meetup gathering except you.

2) You said you're in your 3rd year so just grind it out and graduate next year. You said you had no friends for 3 years, another year shouldn't make that much of a difference.

I personally suggest the 1st option but do what makes you happy.

>>18652473
Cracking a big smile and idle chat gets you on the best possible track. But the most important thing is reading social cues - that's something you absolutely need to learn and the only way to learn it is by experience. Your uni has activities, doesn't it? Join up. It's not going to be instant, but as you accumulate social experience, you'll start knowing what to do and say at the right moment. And that's going to make you popular.

The scouts fucking saved me. You don't stay with ya boys for two weeks in the forest and not learn how to act among people. It's experience you're starved for and it's experience you'll have to accumulate, as discouraging as that may be initially (in the sense of you coming off as weird or maladjusted).

>>18656684
Also, learn to read a conversation. Always keep your eyes on your conversation partners. If you pick up on them getting bored, don't insist on the subject. Ask them a question or two. If you notice them mocking you or being generally annoyed by your appearance, don't insist. Just say goodbye.

>>18656693
I'll try to, even if me being in any sort of conversation is something like a once every several months kind of event.

>>18656632
At this point, option 2 would probably be a lot easier than option 1.

>>18652473
make it your goal to approach one person a day to talk to and one girl a week to ask out.

your problem is probably that you aren't even trying.

>>18657226
H-how did you know?

bump (Interview went well, I think. I'll hear back early next week if I got the job.)

>>18657226
Where the fuck do I find so many girls to ask out?

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>>18652473
I can relate. I have no friends. Everyday is just a day I don't kill myself basically.

>>18652473
You literally identified the problem. Stop going back to your dorm room directly after class. You kill any possible interaction you could have with people because you shut yourself off from the world. The only time they can interact with you is basically in classes or when you are walking to and from classes. You're fucked in both those cases.

>>18661692

Not OP but my case is similar. What do you suggest doing instead?