Hi.
Im not sure where else to talk because all of the online therapy services are PAID and i have NO MONEY.. So I'm Just gonna leave this here
I'm in a relationship with a man who's 15 years older than me. It's my first relationship and he was my first sexual experience. He is abusive and controlling and he's done all of the textbook shit.
But he promised me he'd change for me yadda yadda. And I'm a little bit of a strong person so I don't let the abuse slide. But I think now he's changing in a way that he doesn't want me anymore. I don't feel like he loves me. He won't give me the satisfaction of hitting me again because that automatically makes him the bad guy and lose the argument . But it seems to be his only moment of clarity as to when he realises he loves me?
But now when we fight he's stopped physically abusing me but I'm a bitch and we Fight really bad on both sides and it's a breakdown of communication. Whenever we fight he's straight down to my house to make it right. And I've gotten used to it that way. But now he's distancing himself from me and he's happier. And I'm hurting so so so bad becauss I love him and I sacrificed and cut off my friends telling me to leave him because I believed in our relationship. And everytime I cry or try tell him my feelings it's like I'm an inconvenience. I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and I don't even see this as an abusive relationship anymore just a shit one where we both fight but I'm trying to work with it. And he's going to therapy but he didn't go today and I flipped because.. To be told oh ye I didn't go had no time.. When he's given me a black eye and sat on the floor with me crying and promised he'd do all he could to change... And now he's not bothering with it.. Everytime I complain or do ANYTHING he brushes me away and it used to be so different I feel like it's karma. In my head I am with him forever because he's told me he wants to marry me etc and I believe it. But I'm scared of the the inevitable hurt. There's a lot more but I'm just throwing out my feelings.
Thanks.
>>18528445
>But he promised me he'd change for me yadda yadda
This is part of "abusive and controlling and he's done all of the textbook shit". He does not truly love you, he never did, and he never will. If you're serious, you need to get away from him, do not let him know where you are going, and probably go to the cops about him beating you. If he tries to come back, you get a restraining order.