Can I get any advice on if I am being harsh, rude. tactless in my email to my project partner who isn't keeping up on the work level necessary? She's nice, but she seems busy outside of work and she hasn't done much and the work she has done is pretty bad... We have 6 days until finals and she's sent me a total of two and a half paragraphs for a whole research paper. I am well equipped, and probably more prone to being harsh and almost mean when i am irritated and I just don't want to come off like that. Here's the text...
"If I am being honest this isn't doesn't look to be going in a good direction. The observations in these are pretty face value and don't go into any of the films we were going to research (except for The Fly) and aren't what I would say are strong. I get the feeling that you may have been preoccupied the last few weeks, which is totally understandable and I can't blame you for whatever happens outside of school, but as a project partner this is disappointing. We have about 5 days left and I feel like you've only watched one of the movies we talked about and you've had a concrete layout of what we had to research for three weeks and even some of the paper itself for almost two weeks. And last week you still thought we were doing horror movies and I had to ask you if you understood what we were doing for you to tell me that you didn't. I plan to have the paper written in the next couple of days and the Power Point done as well, but from what you've shown me so far I just don't feel comfortable putting your name on either. "
"I don't plan to be in class today, I've got something else I will be doing and then I'm going to work on the paper. This is a rough conversation to have this late into the quarter and I wish I didn't feel like it was necessary, but I just don't feel like you've been able to put in the work necessary. I feel bad having to do this but if I don't receive anything more substantial from you by the end of today I don't think we can continue as project partners. "
Oh just suck it up
In college I had some crap like this my dad said just suck it up. As long as YOU get the grade. So- if she isnt jeopardizing your grade then just suck it up.
Welcome to the world
If you want to be professional about it, instead of just butthurt, then it's too late for this kind of thing.
If you made it obvious at the start of the project what would happen if such and such didn't happen by such and such date, then yeah you could do this.
But 6 days before it's due? That's just being a dick, you managed your team badly and now you're paying the price for it. This is actually your fault.
Also lecturers already know who's done the work, it's obvious, and they will give you better marks than her, but acting like a douchebag now won't win you any favours.
To add to this, use this as a lesson in setting expectation early and the power of signed agreements, and yes you can even write one up at uni, it's never too early to learn the proper way to do things.
How would you say I am being a douche bag?
I've also been working with her for a month now, checking in to see if she had progress done or if she would be able to. I asked her specifically if she would be able to follow through with her work so it's not like this is my first mentioning of this sort of thing.
You're not wrong about setting expectations early, I guess I should have done this but shouldn't it also be expected to do work and ask questions if you're unsure about the project?
I don't think you were rude because I can see myself doing the same thing.
And I wouldn't want to suck it up, especially in a community college where that person is not going to offer you anything more.
Look, if she doesn't step up, leave her name out and let her know "I said I would leave it out if you didn't improve"
You're not even hher friend, why put up with it? Why be a pushover?
I support your decision, op.
Fuck shit up and call it a great day, is what I say.
OP, two points here:
It's a community college intro class. Of course she doesn't give a shit. You shouldn't give this much of a shit either. I bet 90% of the class, with 6 days to go, is just now getting started on this, because that's how college kids with intro classes are.
Second, an email with your tone wouldn't fly in a professional setting and would cause more trouble than it's worth. Be more diplomatic about it, and don't send a huge letter to your partner bitching, because you'll probably just get an eye roll. If you're concerned about the final product, maybe now is the time to engage the professor and say "hi, I am working with X to solve this issue, but I am reasonably concerned that her effort has not matched the work up to this point in time on our project. We will solve this on our own but I wanted to make you aware of our challenges before the deadline."
I informed the professor as well.
and students not giving a shit is not an excuse, nor is fear of an eyeroll any sort of argument. I like class, I respect the work I put into it.
I do agree that the professor should be aware, but do you really think that other student's work ethic really matters in these situations?
And I don't think this is bitching, and I'm very truly curious why you think it is bitching. All of these complaints feel founded in my mind, but do you see that they are not deserved? Not trying to be argumentative but I am curious why you think so.
I don't get people like you.
Sounds like you pretty much had the work done anyway.
So essentially it's affecting you ZERO other than getting your panties in a bunch.
I could see if this was somehow affecting you negatively, getting you a bad grade or something, but it's not. So what are you or anyone else gaining by bitching to the professor or trying to somehow fuck this other person over by refusing to put their name on the work? I say just do your shit and move on. c'est la vie.
Because I'd rather work as collaborators or just do it how I'd like to do it without having to hand hold someone through it or explain.
She'll writhe up there on her own and look bad, or she will step up and provide some work so she can look better or she won't have a project at all. Either way it's her responsibility, I'd just rather do a presentation on my own and not have to drag her along.
Why would you want to piggy back someone like this? I'm not even the kind of person who is usually harsh about these things and would let something slide if it wasn't negatively affecting me and this is an insulting experience to an extent.
Because at the end of the day, you are going to accomplish nothing by being a dick about it other than to fulfill your weird need to chastise someone else for something that bothers you.
I work with all kinds of people like you. When I come into work and there's a bowl on the desk from the night before, I pick it up and take it to the sink. When some of the others come to work and there's a bowl on the desk, they write multiple shitty emails to the boss calling people out and generally trying to get other people into trouble cause they've been inconvenienced for two seconds of their precious day of doing their nails and facebooking. Those types of people are shit people and I don't understand it. Obviously this situation is different but at this point you gain absolutely nothing by being a prick. You are probably totally justified in your situation, but again you gain zero.
So basically you're a doormat and advice people to do the same because "c'est la vie". Okay. I love people like you, though, you make it easy for the rest of us. I'd leave my dirty dishes too, knowing you'll wash them like the bitch you are.
OP, if you wanna be a doormat, luzsten to this guy.
You're projecting something onto me, I wouldn't do any of what you say I would in that second part of your post but I will definitely be annoyed at a "partner" who does not try and help themselves or help their partner in any real way.
She will not take any criticism well for several reasons. One, everyone think they're perfect and their shit doesn't stink. Two, she will attack your character "UGH, why is HE saying this to ME. Doesn't he understand?" Three, it's just laziness. She knows the rules. She knows what's at stake. She knows you're depending on her... and she doesn't give a shit. Obviously selfish.
I understand you getting irritated. This woman is jeopardizing something important to you because she can't be fucking bothered/thinks something else in her life is more important (selfish).
SO! What I would do is go to your teacher, explain the situation, and ask if you can do the project entirely by yourself. This will actually be more work you, but explain that you want to do this because you cannot abide the idea of the "freeloader problem"
>the freeloader problem
>In economics, the free rider problem occurs when those who benefit from resources, goods, or services do not pay for them, which results in an under-provision of those goods or services.
This isn't the best way to make friends. Your groupmate will (legitimately) complain that "you didn't talk to me, you're pulling the rug out from underneath me, I was gonna do it (yeah right), etc." Who gives a shit though? What's more important - your grades, which determine your income, or this idiot's opinion, which determines nothing?
You're on a tight time schedule. Cut her loose and get it done. You think businesses fuck around when it comes to their money? No. Be cut throat.
BTW this is coming from someone who had to take his "team" from a C average to an A+ and won an award.
Our first project was completely dysfunctional. Not one of them (there were five besides me) turned in their portions on time or even did them. I stayed up all night finishing the project myself and ripped them new assholes afterward.
Then I had to deal with their asshurt feelings telling me stupid bullshit like, "Well we were gonna do it~" When fucktards? Because I was up all night and had not one contact from any of you.
When possible, I went to my teachers and they let me do projects alone. When not possible, I busted my ass from day one, kept detailed records about what I was doing, and made sure every one of those lazy fools knew I was busting my ass. They saw me busting my ass and put in a bit more effort - I'd say from a D effort to a B - but I still had to take them from a B to an A+.
I was recognized in front of the entire class of students and faculty. I used the experience in every job interview since then, and all of the little idiot "freeloader" middle managers saw it and thought, "Oh great, a workhorse who will make me look good!" and hired me.
Then I took their jobs. You have one goal - win. Get it done however you can with the least amount of effort.
Look, of course it would be great if everybody put an equal amount of work in a project. But this is not reality.
You are just in your complain, but you dwell on details and that is not a good idea when it comes to giving critique.
Tell her you are dissappointed that you had to do most of the project yourself and would appreciate it if she could put in more effort.
You are waaay too late to start setting deadlines or making demands. Like removing her name. You are the bitch in this case and that sort of stuff comes back to bite you. People talk and this can seriously harm your social life.
This isn't that kind of situation, this won't affect any bit of my social life. The details matter, and the details demonstrate how much time and chances I offered for her to explain that she didn't understand/couldn't do the work. I have given her until the end of today (or really tomorrow as I don't really care as long as it's before the weekend) for her to step it up so I have done exactly what you are telling me I should be doing.
This is a bit more intense than I am but I agree with your sentiments. You deserve credit for the work you do and not the work you don't.
There's a difference between "not putting in an equal amount of work" and "doing zero work and hoping your partner is enough of a pushover that he'll just let you take the credit for his work"
Seriously, fuck your whole attitude. This kind of thinking ruins classrooms, businesses, governments. You have to realize that sometimes there are more important things than trying to make everyone like you all the time. You can't be too soft on freeloaders. She knows exactly what she's doing. She knows what needs to be done for the project, and when it's due. She just placed a bet that OP wouldn't actually stand up for himself, it appears to be backfiring, and that makes me smile
Thank you for everyone's comments. I appreciate all perspectives!
Have a good day :)